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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23084284">Where Have All The Children Gone?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/seemeeimbeebee/pseuds/seemeeimbeebee'>seemeeimbeebee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Swansong Trilogy [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Once Upon a Time (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Fluff and Angst, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Multi, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence, it would be a shame if something happened to them, such a nice cast of characters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:21:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>83,488</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23084284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/seemeeimbeebee/pseuds/seemeeimbeebee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"The creaking silence of age echoes through the streets. Sounds like old wooden floors under heavy feet All of the children once running around have evacuated. Or maybe they just disappeared. Where have all the children gone?"</p><p>Emma Swan and Killian Jones won the 74th Hunger Games. They won, and it was over, right? Now Emma just has to learn how to navigate each other, their newfound fame, and the horrors they left behind. </p><p>And let's not forget...the Quarter Quell is looming on the horizon.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan, Prince Charming | David Nolan/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Swansong Trilogy [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/633293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome back! If you're just joining us, I might recommend reading The Hanging Tree! If you've been waiting, welcome back! I missed you! I hope this is worth the wait! The title for this fic is taken from the spoken word poem, "Where Have All The Children Gone" by Joseph Kerschbaum. </p><p>Trigger warnings: Flashbacks, Animal Death</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
<p></p></div><p>
  <em>“Emma!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The forest seemed all wrong, but Imani’s voice was clearer than ever as it rang through the trees.  No matter how fast Emma tried to run, Imani’s cries for help seemed to get farther and farther away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The branches on the tree were long and spindly, and it seemed as if they tried to reach out and grab her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Imani?” she called out frantically. “Imani, can you hear me? Where are you?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A cruel laugh seemed to ring through the arena as the trees she seemed to pass now had empty nooses hanging from them, each containing a severed head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, no, no,” Emma whispered, trying to pushing herself further and further. It was then that Imani’s screams stopped all together and she stumbled. She had stopped paying attention to what was happening, and it caused her to lose her footing. When she tried to push herself up, she saw Imani hanging limply from the tree by her neck. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A winged monkey—Walsh—flapped its wings and landed in front of her. On its back, was Felix. The boy’s smile was bright red with blood as he leered down at her. “Hello, Emma,” he said. “I knew I’d find you.”</em>
</p><p>Emma woke up with a hoarse shout, feeling her nightshirt all but sticking to her back with sweat. She could practically feel her heart slamming itself against her chest and every gasp she took seemed to fill the empty room.</p><p>“It’s over,” she tried to whisper. “It’s over…”</p><p>After all…that wasn’t how Imani had died.</p><p>And Walsh had already been dead by the time she’d faced off with Felix.</p><p>And Felix hadn’t killed her. Or Killian.</p><p>They’d been the first dual winners of any Hunger Games in the last 74 years. If nothing else, it meant that what she saw had been a dream and nothing more. She and Killian had come home, both entitled to fancy new houses in the Victors only section of District 7. There were some days when the lavish stylings of her new room were more disorienting than comforting, though she was glad today didn’t seem to be one of those days.</p><p>But it was isolating sometimes.</p><p>Her two neighbors were Whale, her former mentor, who she did not are to talk to at the minute. He had nothing good to say, given that he’d taken up drinking quite ferociously since their win.</p><p>Not that she blamed him. She never did ask her mentor what Gold and Pan wanted to talk to him about. But she was sure whatever it was, it couldn’t have been good. Especially if her mentor was still this spooked.</p><p>
  <em>“Victor?” Snow stood at the door to Emma’s room. “I…they sent Charming and I for you. Pan and Gold want to meet with you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Emma froze, when she heard that those two men had specifically call her mentor in. “No, no you can’t go,” she begged, clinging to her mentor’s hand, not caring that Snow and David were watching her. “Please, Whale, don’t go.”</em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s okay,” David said gently. “We’ve got you the best of the best to go in with you. Regina said she’s more than willing to be your second.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whale untangled himself from Emma’s embrace despite her best attempts to keep him there. He went over and clapped David’s shoulder before turning to Emma. “You’re a Victor now, Emma. So is Killian. And Victors?” he tilted his head to Snow and David. “We look out for each our own. Do you understand me?” He dipped his head to look her right in the eye. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Emma nodded, meeting her own mentor’s gaze, finally understanding what exactly it was he was trying to tell her. “Yeah,” she whispered, rubbing her eyes. “I…I’ll be okay with them. You can go to your meeting.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay, watch her sugar intake, and you, young lady, no booze, and no drugs while I’m gone,” Whale said, tagging his finger at her. “Be good for the babysitters.” </em>
</p><p>He hadn’t been the same since that meeting. Whatever was said to him made him quieter and more subdued. And…Emma was convinced that her mentor now hated her. After all, her reckless decision to try to take her life and Killian’s at the end of the Games caused an unprecedented uproar in the Capitol.</p><p>She hadn’t gotten to consult him on her decision, and now he was one of the people paying the price of her brashness.</p><p>The early morning light seemed to creep in slowly and illuminate parts of the room. Her swansong pin sat on the dresser, and Emma felt like it was mocking her.</p><p>Because her other neighbor was Killian Jones. Her fellow Victor, the supposed love of her life, and a boy she hadn’t talked to in months.</p><p>Sometimes, she wanted more than anything to talk to him, to see if he was feeling the same way she felt. If he had the nightmares too. But then she’d look across her bay window and see him cooking or reading…seemingly living a good and happy life without her in it.</p><p>She’d told him on their day home that she wanted to take a break before the Capitol made them tethered to each other forever.</p><p>Emma didn’t realize how much she’d actually miss him. In the three weeks that they’d gone from Tributes to Victors, with celebrations and all, she hadn’t realized how ingrained Killian had become to her.</p><p>
  <em>“There’s not a day that will go by where I won’t think of you,” he promised, his voice so achingly tender that she wanted to fall into it and keep herself safe and hidden in it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Good,” she whispered back, her eyes misting over.</em>
</p><p>Of course, none of this mattered now when he seemed to be doing just fine without her.   </p><p>She ran her fingers through her hair a few times with one hand, the fingers of her other hand anxiously drumming against her thigh. She waited for a sign, any sign that all was well in the house. A loud snore from next door caused her to let out a soft chuckle.</p><p>At least Henry could still sleep through a hurricane. But then again, her brother had always been able to sleep through most things.</p><p>Though these days, Henry seemed to act as her anchor when she needed it best, coaxing her back from the arena and into their home.</p><p>It was the last thing she’d ever wanted, but he at least seemed to take it in stride, as he’d taken in most things.</p><p>Still, it was still dark out yet. The sun was just peeking up over the horizon. She figured if she wasn’t going to go back to sleep, at least Henry could sleep for a few more hours. </p><p>Throwing on a coat, a scarf, and gloves, Emma headed and away from Victor’s Alcove, her breath visible in the early morning light. Her eyes briefly flickered to Killian’s house. She thought she saw a light in one of the windows but couldn’t be bothered to keep looking.</p><p>She started make her way down the familiar path into the woods, a pack slung over her shoulders so she could collect her haul and bring it to market.</p><p>There was something inherently peaceful about setting and checking the traps every morning.</p><p>She didn’t need to set traps to catch squirrels and such—after all, she’d won more money than she possibly knew what to do with—but it made for good bargaining at the market. After all, other people needed food.</p><p>And there was something about the routine that was inherently soothing and safe. It was something that she had complete control over.</p><p><em>Can’t let all this arena training go to waste,</em> she thought wryly. Though, she was a Victor now, and that meant soon she’d have Tributes of her own to mentor and whatever else came after that.</p><p>At the very least, her status meant that she had more power than the year before to make sure Henry was safe. And she was damn well sure that she was going to do that for him.</p><p>A rustling snapped her out of her musing, and she whipped around to see a fox watching her, looking almost expectant.</p><p>“What? You think I can’t get to my traps before you?” Emma muttered to the fox. It tilted its head before turning around and scampering off in the opposite direction.</p><p>“Yeah, you and everybody else, pal,” she huffed, walking toward the direction of her traps.</p><p>Since no one lived this far out, she was rarely ever disturbed, and no one ever questioned it.</p><p>Even the Mistguard were known to look the other way if Emma slipped them a particularly juicy squirrel or rabbit.</p><p>In its own way, it was like keeping Imani with her. She’d learned it for the arena, and had used it to keep the two of them alive until…well.</p><p>As she undid the first trap, her hand throbbed in protest. Though the hand was faintly scarred from her first night in the Games, the doctors had done a fine job in patching it back up and making sure the tendons still worked properly. Still, there was an ache she felt sometimes that was practically bone deep. The colder days were the worst, though the ache wasn’t particularly pleasant before it rained or snowed either.</p><p><em>Nothing to be done about,</em> she supposed. It wasn’t like there was anything she could do, other than slowly flex her hand, waiting for the pain to pass.</p><p>A rustling sounded behind her, and a flock of birds fluttered from the tree, squawking in fright.</p><p><em>Well, there goes any other catch I’m liable to make today</em>, she thought angrily, her hand immediately flying to her boot.</p><p>Ever since the Games, she hadn’t felt quite right going out without some sort of weapon on hand, usually a dagger in her boot.</p><p>So far, she hadn’t needed it. After all, the Districts were supposed to be safe, especially now that she was a victor. But she couldn’t forget the look in President Gold’s eyes when he saw her last, and she was sure that he was going to do something about her and Killian sooner rather than later.</p><p>After all, he certainly hadn’t been the happiest person with them, and she had no idea if that’d gotten better or worse over the months.</p><p>Besides, if there was anything she’d gotten used to, it was being ready to defend herself in a moment’s notice when out in an open forest like this. Like in the arena.</p><p>A twig snapped, followed by a soft curse. Definitely a human.</p><p>The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and her heart began to pound. <em>No one is gonna catch me unaware!</em> Emma whipped around and threw her dagger at the noise. When the cannon didn’t sound, her heartrate began to pick up.</p><p>“Hey!” Neal hissed, coming out of the trees. Her dagger was sticking proudly out of Neal’s pack. All in all, she couldn’t help but sigh in relief. After all, Neal hadn’t been in the Games, and he certainly wasn’t going to try and kill her. That she knew for sure.</p><p>“What’d you do that for?” he asked. “You could’ve killed me.”</p><p>“What’d you sneak up on me for?” Emma asked, unimpressed. Looking him over, she huffed, “Don’t be a baby. You didn’t die.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I could’ve,” Neal retorted.</p><p>“Well, that’s what you get for sneaking up on me. If someone sneaks up on you in the arena, that’s it. You don’t even get to draw the next breath to complain about it,” Emma replied hotly, folding her arms over her chest. She felt like she could see Hans creeping up behind Neal—the same way he’d crept up behind Imani—but she shook her head irritably.</p><p>
  <em>He’s dead. You killed him, remember? He killed Imani and then you killed him before he could kill you. Couldn’t help her though…</em>
</p><p>Emma bit her lip, eyes flickering to the ground.</p><p>
  <em>Imani was strung up in a net, hanging from a tree. “Emma, help!” she pleaded. “I went to get the third column, and I got stuck!” Her free hand clutched at the ropes but her missing hand was wound tightly in the trap itself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t worry!” Emma called, rushing over to the rope by the tree. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you! Everything is gonna be just fine. I won’t let anything happen to you.” She chopped at the rope until it snapped and the net came tumbling to the ground.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Imani let out a cry of terror and Emma came over as fast as she could, tearing at the netting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you okay? Anything broken?” Emma asked urgently, running her hands everywhere she could to make sure that nothing was broken.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, no,” Imani reassured her, taking a step forward. “I’m fine—”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Imani was broken off by a whizzing noise, and an arrow struck Imani right in the stomach. With a furious cry, Emma threw the dagger at her side, immediately striking Hans in the throat</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A cannon sounded, but Emma could barely hear it.</em>
</p><p>“Are you…okay?” Neal asked hesitantly, handing his knife back to her.</p><p>“You’re asking me that as you give me my knife back?” Emma asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>The two of them looked at each other for a moment before grinning at one another. It felt so nice to be able to smile and be lighthearted with Neal again.</p><p>The remnants of Hans and the arena seemed to disappear, leaving the vast and empty forest—and Neal—behind.</p><p>The smile quickly slid off her face as she was once again reminded of how isolated she was in the Victor’s Alcove. “Yeah, I’m…” she started before shaking her head. “No, I’m not fine. None of this is fine.”</p><p>She jerked her head along the trail. “C’mon, I’ve got a few more traps to check. Come with me?” Emma walked into the forest, not really sure if Neal was going to follow her. She was grateful when he fell into step beside her, not talking, but waiting for her to speak first.</p><p>She began to undo the second trap, taking the rabbit and putting in her pack. It was only when she was fully engrossed in her task that she found herself able to come up with the words at all.</p><p>“It sucks over there,” Emma finally started, not looking at Neal, her eyes firmly glued to the ground. “It’s just me and Henry in that big empty house all day long, I haven’t spoken to Killian or Whale in months, and everyone has treated me differently since I got back!” She looked back up at Neal. “Including you.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Neal said quietly. “I didn’t mean to…I just…”</p><p>“Yeah, I know,” Emma muttered unhappily. “You don’t know how to talk to me about the Games. Well, what if I don’t want to talk about the Games? What if, for just a minute, I want to be Emma again and not some Hunger Games winner?”</p><p>“It sucks that everyone is treating you like that,” Neal offered, helping her up as they continued through the forest.</p><p>“Yeah it really does suck,” Emma replied, kicking a loose stone on the ground. She looked over at Neal, hoping he would say something more. Even with the acknowledgement that what she was going through was hard, it still didn’t feel like enough. Then again, even when he walked beside her, there was something different about everything between them.</p><p>He wouldn’t look at her much, more looking ahead. He hadn’t really tried to tease her at all. She supposed she could chalk that up to her throwing a knife at him, but still, a chasm had formed between them since her return and it seemed to be growing with every passing day.</p><p>She wished she could ask him why he was being so cagey and evasive, but she wasn’t sure that he would give her a clear answer.</p><p>“So, Killian’s not talking to you?” Neal asked after a few minutes of silence. “I thought he was like your <em>boyfriend</em> or whatever.”</p><p>“He is, I guess,” Emma said with a shrug. “Or he will be again when they come back at the start of the Victor’s Tour.”</p><p>Neal snorted. “Some boyfriend.” He looked over at Emma appraisingly. “You know…I bet there are tons of Victors who have their cake and eat it too.”</p><p>“What does that mean?” Emma asked defensively, looking at him.</p><p>“I’m just saying like…if you didn’t really love him, you didn’t have to be with him all the time. You could find someone else. It’s not like they’d catch you—”</p><p>Emma stopped and stared at Neal in disbelief. Instinctually, she looked for cameras that were watching them, feeding back to Gold. She hadn’t forgotten the look in the President’s eyes when they came to the Palace for their ceremony. She hadn’t forgotten the look he’d given them when she returned home to Seven.</p><p>“This isn’t a conversation you and I should even be having!” she hissed. “Do you even know what kind of danger you’re putting yourself in just by saying that?” Neal’s eyes brightened with interest, as if he was privy to something Emma was not. She could see the gears turning in his head, and she added, “You can’t just say things like that, Neal.”</p><p>“Why not?” Neal asked excitedly.</p><p>“Just trust me on this, okay?” Emma spat at him.</p><p>She could see him visibly retreat into himself and she sighed. She wasn’t sure why things had to be so hard since she got home.</p><p>Everything had been so different. At first, she’d thought that during the Games she’d be fighting to come home, for things to get back how they were. And now, standing across from Neal—someone who she considered herself to be close to but hadn’t really spoken to since her return—she wasn’t even sure if normal was an option anymore.</p><p>Still, she couldn’t give it up without a fight. This was supposed to be her friend. And she still cared about him.</p><p>“Hey,” she said softly, stepping back to nudge him with her shoulder. “Wanna come to the market with me?” He seemed slightly hesitant and she tried again. “It’ll be just like old times.”</p><p>“Yeah?” The prospect seemed to cheer Neal up enormously. “You really want to?”</p><p>Emma found herself grinning back. “Of course, or I wouldn’t have asked. Let’s undo the other traps and go down.”</p><p>“Awesome! You should see the weaving that Cassidy’s doing lately, she’s making incredible blankets and stuff,” Neal said eagerly as he fell into step beside her. “And Rosalyn? She’s made tea out of all the stuff she grew in her grandmother’s garden! I mean, I never really liked it, but my mom said that the mint tea is awesome, and she’s been using the valerian root tea to help her sleep—”</p><p>“Tea helps you sleep?” Emma asked dumbly.</p><p>Neal shrugged. “I guess so. I don’t really believe in that kinda stuff, but my mom swears by it.”</p><p><em>I should get some from me and Killian</em>, she thought almost immediately and then she nearly stopped. She had no idea if Killian was struggling the same way as she was.</p><p><em>He’s probably sleeping just fine…he’s the strongest person I know,</em> she thought sadly. There was an undeniable ache that coursed through her, wishing she knew how he was doing. But at the same time, she’d been doing so poorly. If he’d been doing well, she’d surely only drag him down with her.</p><p>“Emma?” Neal asked, not reaching out for her, though it was clear that he wanted to make contact. “Where’d you go, Emma?”</p><p>“Me?” Emma asked. She shrugged. “I was just thinking how I could stand to sleep a little bit better. That’s all.”</p><p>Neal nodded as she moved to the next trap. “Y’know,” he said casually, leaning against a tree. “I’m sure there’s some kind of a harder drug for that.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m not interested,” she replied, making sure to focus specifically on undoing the traps. “I’m fine.”</p><p>She’d seen what happened to people like Whale. As much as it hurt, she had no interest in becoming like that. Though her hands stilled on the trap as she wondered if that was how Killian had chosen to cope and that’s why she hadn’t seen him.</p><p><em>Should I go check on him?</em> she thought. <em>He hasn’t come to check on me…maybe he blames me. </em></p><p>“Is there something wrong with the trap?” Neal asked, not unkindly but maybe a little worriedly. A teasing smirk pulled at his lips, but it seemed strained, “Or did you just suddenly forget how to undo your own trap?”</p><p>“I can do it,” Emma retorted, a little smile pulling at her own lips again. She undid the trap and stuffed the rabbit into her satchel. “C’mon, I survived a Hunger Games, I bet I can survive anything District 7 can throw at me.”</p><p>“Not if I race you to the market,” Neal said, eyes sparkling with mischief. Before she could blink, Neal turned around and began sprinting toward town, yelling, “Last one there has to buy the other one lunch!”<br/>
<br/>
“Hey, come back, you cheater! You only started running so that I’d get you something!” Emma gasped loudly, scrambling up onto her feet to sprint after him.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It’s so nice to be back writing and posting. My goal is to stay at least one chapter ahead of posting it not more. Although with what’s going on in the world and me mostly being in an area where I can’t do much, I do have a lot of time for writing. But, onto the chapter! Long and short of it? Emma is, unfortunately...Not Doing Well. </p>
<p>Trigger Warnings: Flashbacks, Animal Death</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
  <div class="resolved">
    <p> </p>
  </div>
</div><p>It wasn’t so bad, Emma mused as she walked home with their wares. She was carrying far more than Neal, and it hadn’t been the money that influenced her choices.</p>
<p>Honestly, if she could help it, she rarely—if never—went on a shopping spree in the market.</p>
<p>She almost didn’t need to. There were plenty of people who—now that Emma had fame and fortune—wanted Emma to try their things so she would support them and sponsor them. They clamored for her attention at the market, hoping she’d choose to uplift them the way her life had seemingly been so uplifted when she was chosen as a Tribute.</p>
<p>Little ones would run up to her and ask for her autograph, all pressed around her waist, their eyes gleaming like stars. The autographs she didn’t mind so much when they were that little. It was nice to see a little kid’s face light up. It was like Henry’s face when he was a little kid and their parents would produce a piece of his favorite cake.</p>
<p>But it was so hard to walk around feeling like everyone’s eyes were on her at all hours of the day.</p>
<p>Her brother’s friends and classmates hadn’t really approached her, and often grimaced apologetically at her when their younger siblings or parents seemed to fawn over her. Based on the looks she got, and the occasional scrape or bruised cheek, she had the sense that Henry had taken a few swings on her behalf.</p>
<p>And while she didn’t condone violence, especially for a gentle boy like Henry, she also was the last person to say that violence was never the answer. It certainly seemed to have done the trick for now.</p>
<p>It was much better now than it had been when she first got home.</p>
<p>The first time, she’d been with Henry. It’d be so much, the swarms, the fear of being trampled that it was just like the Cornucopia all over again. And she didn’t react well to that at all. Her brother had been more protective of her than she’d ever seen from him and had guided her home quickly and safely.</p>
<p>It—much to her chagrin—became the first day of a larger trend, but still her brother was loyal and steadfast. And in its own way, made the strange and unsettling parts of being home again all the more bearable.</p>
<p>It’s not that it was even District 7’s fault she was having so much trouble…</p>
<p>“Was that okay?” Neal asked softly, coming up beside her. He’d done most of his shopping for his mother, but there was a new hunting knife around Neal’s waist that he’d been saving up for. “For you, I mean? Were you okay being there? Nobody bothered you too much or anything?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it was fine,” Emma said. “I mean I’ll never get used to the way they want things from me…but I guess Killian and Whale don’t really make it over here much. So it’s exciting for them. And I think the novelty is finally wearing off and people are starting to remember that I’m just Emma Swan.”</p>
<p>“I know you didn’t say just Emma Swan,” he said dubiously, eyebrows shot up as he looked at her. “Emma, you pulled off one of the coolest Hunger Games wins in the last two or three decades. They’re treating you like a celebrity because you are one.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but I wouldn’t have made it without Whale and Killian,” Emma objected.</p>
<p>“Who have all but disappeared from the picture since you guys got back a few months ago. What, are they too good for us?” Neal snorted, folding his arms over his chest.</p>
<p>“Well, it’s not like Whale really liked everyone before Killian and me,” Emma said defensively.</p>
<p>He rolled his eyes. “Please, Whale’s just been that weirdo loner for the last twenty-five years, I don’t know why you even bother caring about him. You don’t need to defend him. He’s not here. He’s hasn’t been here for you since you got home. So why bother?”</p>
<p>“Because he kept me alive,” Emma replied, her eyebrows furrowing. “And I don’t just mean as a mentor. I mean literally. He sent medicine when Killian and I were seriously injured.” Her shoulders squared and she clenched her jaw. “He’s not a weirdo. He’s the bravest man I know.”</p>
<p>“Well, you said Whale and Killian weren’t talking to you, so they can’t be that brave,” Neal replied, rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>“Well, it’s not like I’ve talked to them either,” Emma said with a huff.</p>
<p>“Why are you making excuses for them?” Neal asked. “It’s not like you. You’re always the first to call someone out when they’re being a bastard.”</p>
<p>“They’re not being bastards!” Emma proclaimed. Neal let out a disgruntled noise and rolled his eyes.  So she continued, “It’s hard, okay? It’s hard when this huge thing is like the only thing you have in common with someone. It’s hard to go through this huge thing and have to take someone’s life and then go back to being alive…and there’s only a handful of people you get to share that with. And every day feels like you’re walking on eggshells because you don’t know who or what is gonna send you back <em>there</em>!”</p>
<p>“Pretty sure Whale avoids even being here since he orders more booze than food,” Neal snorted. “But how lucky for him. He gets to stay shut up in his home, not see anyone, and yet he can order all the food and booze he wants. No working at the lumber mills for old Whale, he’s living in the lap of luxury. Why should it matter to him that they’ve lowered the age range for work again?”</p>
<p>In the full light of day, there was a jagged scar on Neal’s arm that she had not noticed before. And she’d tried not to notice some of her former classmates’ missing fingers.</p>
<p><em>Then again…</em> Her hand closed in around her own scar, and she tried not to think of the ugly wound on her leg.</p>
<p>“It’s not like he chose to murder a bunch of children,” Emma responded, marching on ahead. “I didn’t make that choice, and neither did Killian. We’re just trying to survive.”</p>
<p>Neal stopped a few feet behind her, and she turned around angrily.</p>
<p>“What?” she demanded.</p>
<p>“We’ve passed the gate,” Neal mumbled, not looking at her. “I…we can’t pass the gate. You know that.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you’re all for rebellion, but you can’t cross an invisible line?” Emma hissed angrily. “You’re all talk—”</p>
<p>“The punishment is being banned from even setting foot near this place, and I don’t think you’d like to lose your only friend, would you, Emma?” Neal spat back.</p>
<p>“It’s not like you’re being much of a friend right now!” Emma shouted.</p>
<p> “I’m trying to be a good friend but I don’t know what to do!” For the first time in all the years that she’d known him, there were real tears in Neal’s eyes. “I want to help you but I don’t know how…and you won’t let me.”</p>
<p>“I don’t really know either. I can’t give you answers because I don’t know what to do for myself,” Emma said quietly, all the fight draining out of her. Her whole body felt heavy as the sadness weighed on her. It was such a burden to carry and she knew she wasn’t meant to carry it alone, but…she felt like she had no one else to turn to, now that Whale and Killian weren’t talking to her.</p>
<p>She looked down with a sigh. “See, this is what I didn’t want. I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone else.” It was hard to swallow down the lump in her throat as she added softly, “And that’s all I am since I’ve gotten back.” Her shoulders curved forward defensively as she tried to retreat into herself.</p>
<p>“Hey…” Neal stepped closer to her and pulled her into a tight hug. Squeezing her eyes shut, she nestled in closer to him. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that about yourself again,” he scolded gently. “You’re not a burden. You’ve…you’ve fought a war more or less. It’s inspiring as hell, honestly. But I guess that must be really lonely too. No one really here knows what that’s like.”</p>
<p>“Except Whale and Killian,” Emma said softly. “And they’re ignoring me. And I know it’s probably because of what I did but--”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t make it right,” Neal protested, starting to get angry on her behalf again. “Look, I can’t say I know what they’re going through either but it’s not fair to leave you in the dark because they can. And honestly? I don’t know what their excuse is. The three of you have gone through the same thing and you’re the only one making an effort.”</p>
<p>Emma wasn’t sure it was so easy as Neal was making it out to be. Whale had been a pariah her entire lifetime, and Killian had mainly been an outcast from the District 7 society up until he’d volunteered for Henry. Still, her grip on everything seemed so tenuous that to strike up another argument with Neal was too risky. “Thank you,” she murmured softly.</p>
<p>He gently squeezed her to him, careful not to make the hug too tight. “Look, I know that I didn’t go through what you went through but…I’m here to try and make things better. If you’ll let me.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Emma whispered again. She closed her eyes and took in a few deep breaths, trying to ignore that it was Killian who’d taught her that trick for when she was too upset. “I think I’m okay now.” She tilted her head toward inside the Alcove. “Wanna walk me home? I think technically you’re allowed to if you believe there’s a threat to my safety.”</p>
<p>“And obviously a winner of the Hunger Games can’t walk the half a mile between the entrance of the Alcove and her front door alone,” Neal said seriously, though there was a glimmer of amusement hiding behind his eyes. “She needs a bodyguard of course. Because even though she spent two weeks in the arena, there may be a wild turkey that has it out for her. Or perhaps a particularly vicious squirrel.” Trying and failing to adopt a mask of seriousness, Neal added, “Well, I just simply can’t take that risk.”</p>
<p>In spite of her sadness, Emma smiled right back at him. “Well then, Mr. Cassidy. It seems that you have no choice but to walk me home,” she said loftily, arching an eyebrow at him.</p>
<p>“Ms. Swan! Emma!” Another voice sounded an Emma turned around.</p>
<p>She’d recognized the old man the minute he called for her. “Oh, hello, Mr. Fitzsimmons!” she greeted him, immediately trying to muster up some of the cheer and enthusiasm she felt she had to put on whenever she saw anyone from her District.</p>
<p>He was a meat vendor who normally sold his wares at the market, but Emma hadn’t seen him when she’d been with Neal before. Mr. Fitzsimmons was out of breath as he approached her and Neal. “I’d heard you came to visit us today, but I missed you. I wanted to make sure that you had the opportunity to choose from our finest pieces of meat!”</p>
<p>“Oh, well that’s very kind of you, but I—” Emma started, but then her voice failed her as she got a closer look at Fitzsimmons’s stock.</p>
<p>It was several dead birds—geese, chickens, ducks—with ropes around their necks.</p>
<p>It should’ve been fairly innocuous. But the last thing Emma had seen with something around its neck--</p>
<p>
  <em>Imani stopped short. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The little girl’s gaze was transfixed on something above them, her eyes wide with horror and shock. Emma turned to follow Imani’s gaze and nearly dropped her pack as she did so. Above them was Abigail, one of District 8’s Tributes, hanging dead from the tree. The girl’s eyes were wide open still, her mouth hanging over.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was more than clear to Emma that she had been there for a few days from the smell alone. The bugs were not a fairly pleasant sight either, and a wave of nausea rolled up in Emma’s stomach. A second jolt to her stomach accompanied the realization that this was one of the Tributes that Felix had talked about killing their first night. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“They never came to get her,” Imani whispered in shock. “They got the other tributes who’d died…why not her…” </em>
</p>
<p>Emma felt herself breaking into a cold sweat, her heart pounding against her chest. Suddenly her mouth felt too dry as she tried to keep herself in the moment. Her leg immediately flared up with pain as it had been in that moment and she felt herself getting nauseous all over again. The meat—which she knew was fresh and well-tended—suddenly smelled putrid, as if it had been out for a few days.</p>
<p>She was trying so hard to not have a complete and utter meltdown in front of Neal and Mr. Fitzsimmons, but it felt like her body was failing her.</p>
<p><em>You’re here! It’s okay!</em> She wanted to tell herself, but couldn’t get past the feeling of being stuck in the arena. The trees and openness certainly weren’t helping, and suddenly it felt like every tree had a noose hanging from it.</p>
<p>“Emma?” Neal asked tentatively. “You’re looking a little pale…you good?”</p>
<p><em>Neal?</em> Emma thought hazily. Neal wasn’t…he was at home, he wasn’t there.</p>
<p>She blinked slowly and looked at Neal, who was staring at her concernedly. Mr. Fitzsimmons stepped in closer and she stepped back, trying not to openly recoil in front of her neighbor. “I, um, we’re okay on meat for tonight,” she rasped. “But why don’t I send Henry over to you tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“Of course, Miss Swan!” Mr. Fitzsimmons said eagerly, putting his sale away. “Is there any meat in particular you’d like to reserve?”</p>
<p>Not being able to see it made it a little bit easier to get through the interaction, though if Emma was honest, she still felt like she was standing on a dangerous precipice. The landscape of the arena still danced at the corner of her vision, even though that didn’t make sense. Neal and Mr. Fitzsimmons hadn’t been in the arena.</p>
<p>“I, um, I’ll send my order in with Henry,” she choked out.</p>
<p>“Emma, dear?” Mr. Fitzsimmons asked worriedly. “Are you all right?”</p>
<p>“Mhmm!” Emma responded, trying to make eye contact with the man. Though if she was honest with herself, she felt like she was looking more through him than at him. “I, uh, just am a little dehydrated. I left my canteen back at the house.”</p>
<p>“Well, I could—”</p>
<p>Neal finally kicked into action, realizing that whatever was going on with Emma directly related to Mr. Fitzsimmons’s appearance. “I’ll walk her home and make sure she’s taken care of, Mr. Fitzsimmons!” he said, maybe a little too brightly. “Don’t you worry, I’m sure our hero of 7 just pushed herself a little too hard. You know how much she works, trying to see and speak to everyone she can!”</p>
<p>“Yes, and I know that everyone appreciates you trying to help them out, Emma,” Mr. Fitzsimmons said warmly. “Well, goodbye you too, and try not to stay out too late, Mr. Cassidy.”<br/><br/>“I won’t!” Neal said brightly, waving the old man off. He gently put his arm around Emma’s shoulder. “C’mon, Ems, let’s get you home…”</p>
<p>She felt like she was stumbling over her own feet as Neal guided her down the path back to the house. Her heart pounded against her chest. Faintly she could hear Neal trying to reassure her, trying to tell her to keep breathing.</p>
<p>But she wasn’t sure how she could keep breathing when it felt like Felix was right on top of her once again.</p>
<p>“Ems, stay right here, I’m gonna get Henry,” Neal soothed, gently sitting her down on the front step.</p>
<p>There was something about being manhandled that had Emma curling in on herself, rocking back and forth on her step.</p>
<p>
  <em>Emma had thrown her door shut and locked it for good measure. With a primal scream of fury and despair she attempted to rip her dress off her. It was too tight and she found herself struggling to breathe, desperately clawing at the thing.</em>
</p>
<p>She squeezed her eyes shut with a small sob, tightening her arms around herself. “Killian…” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Emma!”</p>
<p>A small hand wrapped around hers and her eyes flew open.</p>
<p>Her brother smiled at her gently and squeezed her hand. “It’s okay, Emma,” he said softly. “Deep breaths. And just squeeze my hand. You’re right at home with me, not anywhere else.”</p>
<p>Behind him, she could swear that she saw Killian at his window, poised in readiness but not moving for some reason.</p>
<p>“Hey, hey,” Henry said in a soft but still cheerful tone. “Don’t look at what’s behind me. Just look at me, okay?” He smiled at her brightly. “Copy my breathing, okay? You know that I’m not in the arena…so know that you’re right here with me.”</p>
<p>“What is happening?” Neal demanded worriedly, looking down at them.</p>
<p>“Hey, take it easy,” Henry ordered, his eyes briefly flickering up to Neal. “You freaking out is only gonna make her worse. This is just something that happens, okay?” He made eye contact with Emma again. “C’mon, Emma. Take a deep breath. You can do it.”</p>
<p>Emma took in a deep and jagged breath and squeezed his hands tightly.</p>
<p>“Good job, Emma,” Henry praised softly. “Keep going.”</p>
<p>It took a few moments before her surroundings felt real again and she straightened her back. Opening her arms up to Henry, he all but tackled her and she clutched him tightly to her chest, one hand cupping the back of his head. <br/><br/>When she looked up to see if she had seen Killian at all, he didn’t seem to be there.</p>
<p>But she knew that Neal was, looking down on her anxiously. “Hey, I’m okay,” she said tiredly, resting her head against Henry’s. She tried to smile at him but it felt so forced and strained. “It happens, and you did the right thing.” <br/><br/>Her eyes fluttered shut as Henry nestled in closer to her, trying to protect her and take care of her.</p>
<p>“You sure you’re good, Emma?” Neal asked. He reached out like he wanted to touch her, but Emma just held Henry a little bit closer to him.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m fine,” Emma said, looking down at Henry with a soft smile. “I couldn’t be in better hands.”</p>
<p>She stood up quickly, trying to avoid the shaking in her legs. “C’mon, kid, let’s go inside,” she said a little too brightly, pushing past Neal as she went into the house. <br/><br/>She closed the door behind her and didn’t bother to turn around to see if Neal would stay or go. She wasn’t even sure that she could.</p>
<p>“Hey, I got some stuff at the market,” she told Henry, trying to pretend it hadn’t happened, trying to pretend that none of it had happened. “I’ve got some really great potatoes and I—” <br/><br/>Henry’s arms wrapped around her so tightly that it almost took the air out of her lungs. She sighed and hugged him close again, cupping the back of his head with her hand. “I really am okay, kid,” she whispered softly, running her fingers through his hair. “You don’t have to worry about me.”</p>
<p>“Don’t I?” Henry asked, looking up at her. In the few months since the end of the Games, he’d certainly grown a little bit. His head no longer rested against her stomach and the depth of his gaze was certainly no longer as carefree.<br/><br/>She supposed she had to take some responsibility for that.</p>
<p>“It’s scary,” Emma agreed softly. “I’m not…totally used to it. But you do help.” Ruffling his hair, she added with a smile, “I wasn’t kidding about dinner. I’m starving. Wanna help?”</p>
<p>Henry beamed up at her. “Of course I do!”</p>
<p>Once they were both tearing into their dinners, Emma couldn’t help the sense of peace and security surround her again. It was the calmest she’d felt all day, and she knew it was mostly because of Henry and what he’d done for her.</p>
<p>“Hey, kid?” Emma asked softly.</p>
<p>“Mhmm?” Henry asked through a mouth full of mashed potatoes.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, putting her fork down. “For making you take care of me since I got back.”</p>
<p>Henry stared at her, confusion written all over his face. “Why are you sorry for that?” he asked. “You’re my sister and I love you, why wouldn’t I take care of you?”</p>
<p>“Cuz you’re supposed to be the kid here,” Emma murmured affectionately. “And I’ve put a burden on you—”</p>
<p>“I don’t see it that way,” Henry said with a shrug, digging back into his food. “You’re my sister and I love you. Why wouldn’t I help you?” Emma’s mouth hung open in shock, not quite anticipating that and Henry continued, “You saw some things in the Games that were…really messed up.”</p>
<p>He shrugged and added, “Besides, you took care of me after Mom and Dad died, so why wouldn’t I take care of you? Killian says that it’s hard to manage big and heavy stuff alone, so…” He shrugged. “And you’re not talking to Killian for some reason. So, he can’t help you even though he probably gets it better than anyone.”</p>
<p> Guilt coursed through her and she looked down at her plate. Henry wasn’t wrong, Killian did know better than anyone, but she’d promised to give him space. She needed a little bit of space too, if she was honest. He was so entangled in all her experiences that she was worried how she’d react fi she saw him now, especially with how frequent her flashbacks had been since their return home.</p>
<p>“Did he do something to you?” Henry asked. When Emma didn’t immediately answer, he slammed his fork down on the table and pushed his chair back. “I’ll beat him up for you!”<br/><br/>“Henry, it’s okay,” Emma said softly, making sure to look up at her brother so he could see how serious she was. “Killian didn’t do anything. We agreed that we needed some time apart because the Games were so much.”</p>
<p>“Oh…” Henry said quietly, sitting back down. He was quiet for a moment before he asked, “Don’t you miss him?”</p>
<p>“I do,” Emma said quietly, looking down at her plate again. “But I don’t think he wants to see me right now.”<br/><br/>Henry scoffed. “He misses you like crazy! He asks how you are like every time I go hang out with him! So you both miss each other. Why can’t you just go talk to each other?”</p>
<p>“It’s not that simple, kid,” Emma sighed. “I don’t even know what I’d say to him if I went over there.”</p>
<p>Henry rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath, but a knock at the door drowned out his words. Henry brightened almost immediately, and Emma’s heart began to pound faster with both nerves and excitement. He gave his sister an encouraging nod and Emma stood up, smoothing out her clothes.</p>
<p> Taking a deep breath, she walked toward the door and opened it, just focused on getting there.</p>
<p>But it wasn’t Killian standing before her.</p>
<p>“Hello, Emma,” President Gold said with a soft sneer, looking just as terrifying and intimidating as she remembered. “It’s so good to see you again.”</p>

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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>At the end of last chapter, Gold showed up!! Just what exactly does he want? Well, you're about to find out...</p><p>Trigger Warnings: Flashbacks</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</div><p>“I…um…President Gold,” Emma stammered, her eyes wide as she looked at the President of Misthaven looked serenely at her. Thankfully, some of her Games instincts kicked in, and she stammered, “W-w-won’t you come in, President Gold?”</p><p>A smirk curled over Gold’s lips as he stepped over the threshold of her home.</p><p>Her mind was whirring, trying to figure out why Gold was in their house, how he got there, what he wanted…</p><p>“Emma, is that—” Henry had bounded up behind her to see if it was Killian, and then he stopped short. His eyes flickered to Emma nervously, and he seemed to retreat into himself when he took in her stance.</p><p>“Henry, this is President Gold,” Emma said, trying to keep her voice as light as positive as she possibly could. She had to keep Henry safe. That was the goal, that had always been the goal. If she could just keep it light, keep everything normal, then Henry would be fine…</p><p>“He’s just come by for a visit, isn’t that nice?” she continued with a smile. “Go ahead, Henry. Don’t be rude to our guest. Say hello.”</p><p>“It’s, um, nice to meet you,” Henry mumbled, ducking his eyes to the floor. “Am I supposed to bow or something? I’m sorry, they haven’t taught us this in school yet…”</p><p>“That’s okay, young man. I find that there are some young people that have grown up in the Capitol, in my very own backyard, and aren’t nearly as polite as you are,” Gold said, putting his hand on Henry’s shoulder. The boy looked up at him but then looked back at Emma, silently asking for reassurance.</p><p>Emma nodded, trying not to clench her jaw too firmly or let any of her emotions get the best of her across her face. Gold left his hand on Henry’s shoulder, a clear reminder that there was collateral at stake and there was something in his eyes that told Emma that he, like her, had killed before.</p><p>After all, how could she not recognize that look in someone’s eyes? She saw it in her own eyes every morning since the Games.</p><p>She wished she could reach out to Whale or Killian telepathically, screaming that she needed help. She had no idea if what she was doing was right, or if she was going get them all killed or not.</p><p>Swallowing the scream that was building up in her throat, she choked out, “We just started eating dinner. Would you like to join us? I’m sure that it’s not what you’re used to in the Capitol but we make do all right, don’t we, Henry?” She smiled softly down at him.</p><p>Henry relaxed under Emma’s gestured and added brightly, “Yeah! It’s mashed potatoes and chicken and Emma makes the best mashed potatoes! She let me help with the chicken. I don’t make it as good as she does yet, but you’re welcome to join us.”</p><p>Even Gold seemed to soften a little bit at the offer. <em>Bless Henry</em>, Emma thought. If they’d actually gone the Games together, she was sure he would’ve won sponsors left and right.</p><p>“Thank you for the offer,” Gold said, his voice warm for a moment. But then his eyes flickered up to Emma and the coldness returned to his gaze. “But I was only in the neighborhood. And I stopped by to see if I could borrow your sister for a minute.”</p><p><em>Liar</em>, Emma thought sourly.</p><p>He kept looking at Emma, the slow smirk coming back to his face as he added, “If you don’t mind letting me have her for just a moment, Henry. I promise I’ll give her right back and the two of you can get back to your dinner.”</p><p>Henry’s gaze flickered up to Emma again and she nodded subtly. “Um, yeah, I guess it’s all right,” he said softly, shifting out of Gold’s hold. “You did come all this way. I can…uh…just get fruit or something ready for dessert.”</p><p>“A good lad,” Gold said, smiling thinly. Now he was fully facing Emma, and even though he wasn’t actually that much taller than her, it felt like he was all but towering over her. “Now, Emma, my dear…is there a place we can go? Just to have a quick chat?”</p><p>“Yeah, right this way,” Emma said, leading him to the office.</p><p>It was a room she rarely ever used, but it was far enough removed that they couldn’t be heard or seen, which she was hoping would earn her some brownie points. She figured there was no way Gold was here to murder her, not with the press tour starting soon and Henry literally in the house.</p><p>As she passed, she gently cupped Henry’s face in her hands and kissed his forehead to reassure him that everything was all right. “It’s just a minute,” she said softly. “Okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” Henry said with a nod. “I’ll just keep eating dinner.”</p><p>“Just don’t eat mine, okay, kid?” Emma said with a quiet laugh that didn’t quite reach her eyes.</p><p>Henry beamed up at her and she kissed his forehead before turning away and heading to the office with Gold.</p><p>For a moment, the two of them stood, staring at one another, before Gold began to pick at things at on the desk. He methodically picked things up and turned them over in his hand before putting them down again. There wasn’t much, mostly decorated things that people in the town had given her.</p><p>“You haven’t done much with this room,” Gold noted, looking around the room. “Or not much with the house we gave you at all.”</p><p>“President Gold, it’s good to see you,” Emma said quietly, folding her arms over her chest. “And, I…uh…didn’t have much when I moved in. This is all I’ve gotten since then, and this is where I put it. It’s a good tribute to my district.”</p><p>“How quaint,” Gold sneered softly, still looking at the items on the desk. Then, sitting down in the chair and looking up at her, he added, “Oh, Ms. Swan. We both know there’s no need to lie.” Emma opened her mouth to reply, but he cut her off again. “It’s all right, my dear. I’m not particularly pleased to see you either. But I thought you needed to be apprised of…the situation?”</p><p>“The situation?” Emma echoed, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”</p><p>“Oh, but I think you do,” Gold replied, the high pitch of his voice setting Emma’s nerves on edge. As low as the volume was, and as it pleasant as it seemed, there was still a prominent degree of malice to his words that kept Emma on edge.</p><p>It reminded her of those damn beasties the end of the Games…even the memory of their maniacal shrieks was enough to keep Emma from repressing a shiver.</p><p>“Do you know…there’s a phrase that I often use with the Victors a few months of winning,” Gold said pleasantly. “And it came to my attention that you’re not familiar with it just yet.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Emma replied, trying to figure out where he was going, where the sudden change in tone had come from.</p><p>She didn’t need to wait long, as his glittering, saurian eyes swept back up to her. “Oh yes indeed, dearie,” he said softly, his voice high and needling. “All victory comes with a price, Miss Swan.”</p><p>“Wasn’t the price the murder of twenty-three other people?” Emma muttered.</p><p>“Twenty-two!” Gold corrected sharply, slamming his hand down on the desk as the timbre of his voice immediately dropped. Emma flinched at the sound. “Twenty-two,” he repeated, his voice going back to the soft tone it always seemed to take. “Or have you forgotten your…paramour?”</p><p>He paused over the word deliberately, which did not feel good in any way, shape or form.</p><p>“I haven’t forgotten him,” Emma said evenly, wishing she’d planted a weapon in the room to defend herself with even though Gold hadn’t outwardly threatened her yet. She shifted her shoulders, trying to keep from scowling deeply.</p><p>“Sure, you haven’t, dearie,” Gold replied, arching an eyebrow at her. “But do you know something, Miss Swan?” He stood up again and began walking slowly across the room, and Emma stayed still, just watching him. “You and Mr. Jones haven’t paid much of a price.”</p><p><em>Haven’t I?</em> Emma thought desperately, thinking of the flashback she’d endured earlier in the day.</p><p>“Do you know who has paid your price?” Gold asked softly, looking out the window and not even bothering to acknowledge her. “Your little stunt has caused Pan to take…a leave of absence from his position.”</p><p>“I’m sure it was very willing,” Emma snorted in spite of herself.</p><p>Gold looked over his shoulder with a little half-smile on his lips. “There was an unfortunate accident when Pan was gathering his beasties after the Games,” he said affably.</p><p>“An accident,” Emma repeated slowly.</p><p>“Oh, he’s alive, and he’ll be designing the Quarter Quell,” Gold answered. “But he’s not the only one who has had to pay the price for your Victory, Miss Swan. There are plenty of us in the Capitol who have had to pay the price too.”</p><p>“The Capitol?” She felt so stupid just repeating the last thing Gold was saying but he kept throwing information at her that she felt she was barely keeping up. She wasn’t sure how it all fit together.</p><p>“There is a shortage of textiles coming into the Capitol these days,” Gold answered her, his fingers dancing along the cabinet tops as if he was looking for something. “And the ones are coming in are almost completely unusable. The only thing that is tangible on them…a symbol.”</p><p>Emma resisted the urge to ask about the symbol at the risk of sounding too repetitive. She just stared silently, waiting for the President to continue. Her heart was pounding in her chest, as she started to put the pieces together.</p><p>And then she got it.</p><p>“It’s a swansong, isn’t it?” she whispered. Gold looked at her, his face completely devoid of emotion.  “But I don’t understand…why would people be putting the swansong on things? The Games are over. They haven’t seen or heard from me and Killian in months…”</p><p>“Oh, it is incredible what people will do when they see someone take a stand isn’t it?” Gold asked sardonically. “And it’s all because of one little thorn. You’ve put the whole system in danger…and all it took was one little thorn.”</p><p>“Must be a bigger thorn that it looks,” Emma snarked, her shoulders squaring up for a fight. Her heart was pounding in her chest, feeling like she was stuck in the Games all over again. “Or a pretty weak system.”</p><p>“Ahh, but do you really want to be the one who ruins it for everyone?” Gold asked, a little too serenely for the conversation. “For all the citizens of the Misthaven? Just ripping the rug right out from underneath them. Completely disrupting the lives they live…the services they get from us.” He paused and added, “That includes Henry. Killian. And Neal.”</p><p>“How do you know about Neal?” Emma demanded, immediately unfurling from her position.</p><p>“I’m the ruler of Misthaven, do you think I don’t know about <em>him</em>?” Gold asked harshly, wheeling around to face Emma fully for the first time. “And that’s how I know that you don’t care for Killian the way you say you do.”</p><p>“Leave him out of this! Leave both of them out of this!” Emma snarled, stepping forward to stand toe to toe with Gold.</p><p>“Oh, but Killian is a Victor too, isn’t he?” Gold asked, turning to her with hints of that damnable, unsettling smirk on his face. “And he’s been living here quite peacefully, don’t you think?”</p><p>“Killian didn’t have anything to do with this! There’s no need for him to pay any kind of price!”</p><p>“Oh, I know he didn’t,” Gold said a smile crossing his face, as if Emma had suddenly given him all the leverage he needed. “And that’s why you’re gonna do exactly as I say. Because I’m tired of paying the price for you, Emma. It’s time for you to pay a price of your own.”</p><p>She felt trapped. She wanted to keep fighting, but also any fighting she did would put her loved ones in danger. And she couldn’t be responsible for hurting Killian anymore than she thought she had. She was the one who dragged him to the Games, who asked him to fight with her and alongside her, and who couldn’t spare him when things got too hard.</p><p>And Gold had mentioned Henry.</p><p>She had no power to stop Henry from going to the Games—Killian had to do that for her last year—but she could stop Henry from getting hurt.</p><p>“I have terms,” Emma said quietly. “You leave Killian and Henry out of it. Whatever this is. Leave them out of it. I’ll stay away from Neal and amp things up with Killian.” Gold was quiet, mulling this idea over before Emma repeated desperately, “Killian didn’t have anything to do with this.”  </p><p>“You know I don’t believe you that Jones is as witless as you say he is,” Gold replied stepping in closer to her and leaning over her. “He seems to act in his own way, and while I don’t know his motivations, I don’t know that I particularly care to know them either. All I know is that the little orphan club? There’s very little that you care about on this earth. But there are a few things that do unite you. So, the ultimatum is for both of you: you diffuse the situation, or I’ll kill the thing you both care about.”</p><p>All the color immediately drained from her face and her knees began to shake. “No,” Emma rasped. “But I…how am I supposed to…?” she asked, looking up wildly.</p><p>“It’s not my job to figure that out,” Gold sneered imperiously at her. “Goodnight, Emma.”</p><p>She walked him out, her body shaking from head to toe. She stood, staring blankly at the wall as she began to tremble.</p><p>Her body began to sink to the floor, her breathing picking up once again as the panic took over.</p><p>“Emma?”</p><p>She blinked and Imani stood right in front of her. Trees swirled around her, but the leaves felt off and jarring. Was it a trick of the arena?</p><p>“Imani?” she rasped softly.</p><p>“No, no it’s Henry…” Henry’s voice came out of Imani’s mouth and Emma brought her hand to her head, trying to clear it. This had to be a Games trick, right? Something to get her to keep her guard down so that someone could kill her. “Emma, it’s okay…”</p><p>“No, no,” Emma whispered. “They’re coming. We have to hide, Imani…we can’t let them catch us.”</p><p>There were footsteps and then a door slammed, the sound rattling around in her skull, rustling the treetops in the arena. She could hear one, but it made no sense. Why was there a door in the arena? Why had Henry been there? He wasn’t supposed to be there at all. Had there been some mistake?</p><p>Her breath quickened as she tried to find some sense of bearing, wondering where anyone was and why she couldn’t find them. It felt like it took every ounce of her being to get a breath and her frantic thoughts were clawing at the inside of her skull. She felt her body began to rock, and all at once she felt like water was rising around her.</p><p>“Emma!” Killian’s voice cut across the arena and she turned to look for him but couldn’t find him.</p><p>She opened her mouth to speak, to call him back, but nothing seemed to come out.</p><p>“I left her in the kitchen!” Henry’s voice called from nearby. “I don’t know what happened! She came out of the back room and all of a sudden she was like this!”</p><p><em>The kitchen?</em> She thought, still not quite understanding what was happening. <em>Am I...?</em></p><p>Suddenly, her hand closed around something real and solid. The water receded and even though the forest didn’t quite disappear, there was something new in her line of sight.</p><p>“Killian,” she gasped, and he smiled softly up at her.</p><p>“Aye, there’s my lass,” Killian whispered tenderly. “Squeeze tight, and let's bring you out of there.”</p><p>“Why is Henry in the arena?” she whimpered. “I keep hearing him…he’s not supposed to be here, Killian! He’s not!”</p><p>“He’s not there, he’s home, as are you,” Killian promised. “Breathe with me. Just like the night before the games. Can you do that for me, Emma?” She nodded frantically and squeezed his blunted wrist more firmly.</p><p>“Again,” he ordered. “And harder. You can do it. You’re right here with me. You’ve made it home. Come back to me, love.”</p><p>It took a few minutes of breathing, but the arena started to fade. At first, she thought Killian would fade with it, but he was there. Warm and steadfast as always.</p><p>“You okay?” he asked her softly, running his thumb over her knuckles. He didn’t look at her when he added, “Awful things, aren’t they?”</p><p>She nodded, still shaking.</p><p>“I get them too.”</p><p>With that knowledge, Emma pulled Killian into her arms, burrowing her face against the nape of his neck. Killian tensed for a moment before wrapping his arms around her and burying his face against her hair.</p><p>“Missed you,” she whispered. Her hand found the back of his head as she tried to pull him closer to her.</p><p>“Missed you too,” Killian replied, into her hair, as if it was a secret to be shared between the two of them.</p><p>“We need to talk, don’t we?” Emma asked against his skin. He chuckled and nodded, curling around her more protectively.</p><p>“Does this mean you guys are friends again?” Henry asked hopefully, and both Emma and Killian broke apart from each other, yet did not go very far.</p><p>Emma just smiled and opened her arm open up to Henry who rushed into them. Killian wrapped his arms around both of them. The three of them sat on the kitchen floor together until Emma tilted her head and started to pull away.</p><p>“Can you go make some tea for your sister, lad?” Killian asked gently, squeezing Henry’s shoulder. “It might help her settle down some.” Henry nodded and raced to the cabinets to get the teapot.</p><p>Killian slid over to sit next to Emma. “Are you really all right now?” he asked her softly.</p><p>“All right enough,” Emma responded softly, resting her head against his shoulder. She closed her eyes as she rested her head there. Her shoulders slumped and she exhaled softly, feeling the warmth of Killian beside her. “We really need to talk, don’t we?” she whispered softly.</p><p>“About the flashbacks, or about something else?” Killian asked, his own voice barely higher than a whisper.</p><p>She looked for a sign of his face that he’d seen Gold come out of her house, or that Gold maybe had visited Killian on his own. But Killian only seemed concerned for Emma and her wellbeing.</p><p>It didn’t seem right to burden Killian with the knowledge of what Gold was planning for all of them. After all, she was the one who dragged Killian into this, and he was already paying the price for survival.</p><p>And she wasn’t going to let him pay a steeper price.</p><p>“How are you?” she asked softly, afraid to speak louder. It felt like maybe he would disappear if she raised her voice at all.  As warm and solid as he was, she still felt like maybe he would fade, like he made the arena fade, like Imani faded, like how everything seemed to fade the harder she tried to hold onto it.</p><p>“Oh, well you know me,” Killian said with a shrug, smiling thinly down at her.</p><p>She’d immediately remembered that night before the Games, where he’d said the same thing, given her a look that was nearly identical to the one he was giving her now. Except this look held so much more weight to it now, as if Killian had aged twenty years in the last few months.</p><p>“I do know you,” Emma murmured encouragingly. “It’s okay.”</p><p>Killian sighed and looked down at her affectionately, a hint of an exasperated smile on his lips. “You do know me,” he agreed after a few minutes of looking at her like that. The smile soon faded from his lips. “I…Archie warned me about this. When he and Mulan came to visit. I wish I’d taken him more seriously.”</p><p>“Lucky you, Snow and David didn’t prepare me for this at all,” Emma grumbled, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt the vibration of his chuckle against her skin and she closed her eyes. She couldn’t explain how wonderful it felt to be near him again.</p><p>For the first time in months, she finally felt like she was on solid ground. She could let her guard down, even just for this moment, and just be.</p><p>“They really are awful, aren’t they?” Killian asked, though she knew the question was rhetorical. They both knew just how awful the flashbacks could get. “And they’re so real…it’s like a nightmare but you’re awake…like you’re right back in the middle of it.”</p><p>He let out a bitter noise as he added, “Henry’s truly been a lifesaver in all this. Whale has been drinking up a storm and that’s his only advice to deal with it. And it’s not like there’s anyone else I could turn to.”  He paused and his arm shifted. He was going to scratch behind his ear, she just knew it. “I really did want to give you space,” he told her earnestly.</p><p>“I know you did,” Emma told him. “And I appreciate it. Means a lot to me that you wanted to respect my wishes.”</p><p>“There were some days where I wanted more than anything to just…come over,” Killian admitted quietly. “When it was just so…so much. But I didn’t want to put you through it or trigger you. Henry kept mentioning you were having a hard time, and I was so scared of dragging you down with me.”</p><p>Emma’s heart felt like it was snapping in two. She couldn’t deny the ache that accompanied the realization that he’d been suffering the same way she had and hadn’t spoken to her for the same reason she hadn’t spoken to him. She opened her eyes so she could look up at him, to show him she was paying attention now.</p><p>“I saw you earlier on the steps and I knew,” Killian said quietly. “And I almost left the house. I wanted to come over because I knew that you were hurting, but I thought…I thought maybe I’d trigger you and make everything worse if I came over.”</p><p>So Killian at the window hadn’t been a part of her hallucination.</p><p>“I’m glad Henry came to get you,” she said quietly, her fingers tracing the scars on his wrist. There was something soothing about holding the blunted edge where his hand had been. It was achingly familiar, and she relished in it.  His fingers seemed to dance across the scar on her hand.</p><p>“You know I’d always look over here when things seemed unbearable,” Killian admitted, the tips of his ears turning red. “And I’d watch you and Henry through the big window in the front. And it always…seeing some normalcy happening just…made it all so much easier.”</p><p>He jerked his head toward the boy making tea. “And Henry helped. More than I could ever possibly say.” A bitter smile crossed his face. “Every time he helped me through something, I couldn’t help but…think of what you’d said. In the Games.” He looked down at her, guilt and regret chasing themselves across his face. “You were right.”</p><p>“I wanted to avoid it more than <em>anything</em>,” Emma muttered, ducking her head for a moment to look at the floor. She was so angry that Henry had to take on so much since they’d come back from the Games. She knew Henry was hanging Killian but didn’t know that he’d been helping Killian through flashbacks.</p><p>“I know,” Killian said quietly, not looking at her either. With a heavy sigh, he added, “It’s a terrible thing. Growing up too fast.”</p><p>Emma gave his wrist a squeeze, finally looking up at him again. She gave him a gentle smile and softly kissed his cheek. “Thanks for trying to protect us both,” she whispered softly. “Even though the Games are over.”</p><p>The bitter smile was still on Killian’s face, but he pressed his forehead to hers. “You’re welcome,” he said softly.</p><p>He stood up, as if to go, but Emma tightened her hand on him. “Wait!” she exclaimed. She couldn't let this feeling go, not when she'd just gotten him back. “I…do you want to stay the night?” Killian’s eyebrows nearly shot up to his hairline and Emma’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Not for that!” she squeaked.</p><p>Henry turned his head to look at them confusedly before turning around to the kettle when it started to whistle. He squeaked and turned around, to take it off the stove and get the tea ready for them to drink.</p><p>“It…it seems silly for us to have this heart to heart and then go back to the way things were,” Emma said with a tiny little shrug. “I missed you.”</p><p>“I missed you too, Swan,” Killian said softly. He cupped her face in his hand, the thumb gently dancing along her cheekbone.</p><p>“So stay?” Emma asked, her voice dropping to a whisper, practically strangled by the tenderness of the action.</p><p>“For you, Swan?” Killian murmured softly. “Anything.”</p><p></p><div>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
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</div><p>Though she still hadn’t slept through the whole night, it was nice to sit on the couch watching the sunrise with Killian beside her.</p><p>Well…not right beside her.</p><p>He had joined her only an hour after she’d woken up from her nightmare. His eyes had been wild and desperate as his chest heaved. She’d only smiled sadly at him and asked him if he wanted to sit with her. She sat on the opposite side of the couch, wanting to give him space, knowing that being crowded made her flashbacks worse.</p><p>So, they sat on the couch, watching late-night Capitol television until the sun started to rise. They’d laughed lightly at humorous bits together, or Killian had laughed when Emma made a snide comment under her breath. As the sky started to lighten, Killian had asked if she wanted more tea and she said yes. Since then, they had sat in a comfortable silence, just drinking their tea.</p><p>Even though Emma was thinking long and hard now that the sun was rising, there hadn’t been a need to speak. There was something so freeing about being able to sit in silence with him. But now as the light of day hit the room and illuminated them, there was something that had been highlighted in Emma’s mind that she couldn’t stop obsessing over it.</p><p>She and Killian hadn’t gotten the chance to talk about them yet. Sure, they’d just talked about what they’d gone through last night and seemingly come to a mutual understanding. They both admitted that they missed the other. It was so easy to touch him and let him comfort her again, just like they had been in the arena.</p><p>It was almost like the flashback she had last night triggered an instinct that Emma had wanted to work through before she saw Killian again, so they could talk about them.</p><p>But they hadn’t talked about <em>them</em>.</p><p>And that was the problem, wasn’t it?</p><p>Emma couldn’t deny how much it was nice to have Killian back in her life. Just knowing he was there, that she could talk to him and they were at least speaking to each other again.</p><p>It’s just…the cameras weren’t far away. Which meant they would be Swansong yet again.</p><p>They would thrust back into a different kind of Games, a veritable minefield of all the things they’d spent the last few months trying to get away from. But she knew she would do anything she could to help him get through, especially with Gold’s threat weighing heavily in the back of her mind.</p><p>She just wasn’t sure if she was going to be enough.</p><p>And if she was honest, she wasn’t sure she was in a place where she wanted to be romantic and lovey-dovey with someone. But Killian deserved to know what she was thinking. He had told her that he cared for her, and that he would follow her lead or not pursue it if she told him no.</p><p>She wasn’t even sure how she felt about Killian right now. Did she love him the way that he loved her? Or even the way she thought he deserved to be loved? She wasn’t sure that she was capable of that kind of love, and it wasn’t right to Killian to string him along. For all he gave, he deserved someone who would give it back to him in kind,</p><p>It was easy to be affectionate with him, and it was so easy to just be with him as a person, but she could see sometimes how much he wanted.</p><p>She still wasn’t sure if she wanted though.</p><p>Of course…</p><p>As long as they were alive, they would have to be together during the Games. And a Victor’s Tour if they ever trained a Victor.</p><p>And she liked Killian well enough for that to be okay. But there was something that made her sad at the idea that maybe Killian wouldn’t be happy if they were together for the rest of their lives if she didn't feel as strongly as he did.</p><p>And if anyone she knew deserved to be happy for the rest of their lives, it was Killian.</p><p>“I can smell the smoke coming out of your ears, love,” Killian said through a yawn. “You’re thinking way too hard for this early in the morning.” Emma looked over at him, about to ask how the hell he could’ve known she was thinking. “Open book, love,” he said, lifting his mug toward her.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Emma asked, turning back to the television, sipping at her mug. “And what does the page you’re on say?”</p><p>Killian pursed his lips and turned away from her. “You’re worried about something. It has to do with me since you’re not telling me exactly what’s going on in that gorgeous blond head of yours.” He paused for a moment, as if he was going to say something but then he changed his mind.</p><p>“How do you know I’m not worried about Whale?” Emma asked, looking down at her mug. “I haven’t spoken to him in months, I have no idea how I’m supposed to just like talk to him again.” In a smaller voice, she added, “He probably hates me.”</p><p>“He doesn’t hate you,” Killian told her seriously, moving a little bit closer to her. She leaned back against the arm of the couch to try and maintain her distance. She wasn’t sure why she was panicking now when she let him be so close last night, and he seemed as confused by this as she was. “What makes you think he hates you?” he added.</p><p>She was quiet for a few minutes, not sure if she could face him or even explain to him what she had been thinking. But every time her eyes would flicker toward him, he seemed too earnest and heartbroken and desperate to help, she couldn’t help herself. “I thought you hated me too until you showed up yesterday,” she admitted quietly, still not looking at him.</p><p>“Emma…” The heartache in his voice prompted her to pick her head up and really look at him. He looked wrecked by this discovery, and she could see him starting to chastise himself for not coming over sooner to dissuade her of the idea that he hated her because of what happened to them. “Of course I don’t hate you. Why would I ever hate you?”</p><p> “Lots of reasons,” she mumbled, thinking of Gold’s visit the night before. Even the memory of what the President had threatened caused her skin to break out in goosebumps and her breathing to pick up.</p><p>Killian picked up on it immediately and shifted back to give her a little space. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he soothed. “You’re home, Emma. You’re safe. Nothing is going to happen to you. Not while I’m here.” She nodded and gave him a weak smile, to show that she was with him. “You tell me when you’re ready,” he murmured softly. “I’m not going anywhere, Emma.”</p><p>She smiled down at her mug, knowing that he really cared and that he really meant what he was saying. “Even if I’m not ready to talk about…us?” she asked hesitantly as if somehow this would make him get up and leave.</p><p>“Even then,” he promised softly. He paused and added, “Although, we might have to talk about us soon. The tour starts today.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Emma asked, groaning as she flopped back against the couch.</p><p>“Did you forget?” Killian asked with some amusement.</p><p>“I tried to!” Emma huffed, kicking the leg of the table. Killian chuckled and she looked over at him, crossing her arms over her chest. “Not because of you,” she muttered, feeling like she had to explain herself to him.</p><p>“Because of them.”</p><p>Emma blinked owlishly and she sat up, dropping her arms. It was almost scary how fast they’d gotten back on the same page after having spent months apart.</p><p>Then again, they’d been on the same page when they split apart.</p><p>“Because of them,” she said softly.</p><p>“If I’m honest,” Killian started slowly. “I’m scared of what this might dredge up. What if we’re in the middle of it and I have an attack?”</p><p>“I’ll catch you,” Emma promised, making sure that he really looked at her, so he could see how much thought she’d given this. “Like you caught me.” She reached out to slip his hand into hers and gently interlocked their fingers. “It’ll be just like the Games. We’ll go out and we’ll do what we have to do to protect each other.”</p><p>Killian smiled gently and squeezed her hand. “It’s nice to know you’re worried about the same things I am,” he admitted. He looked at her appraisingly, catching the nerves she thought she’d hid so well and added, “Just having you there will help. Don’t doubt yourself, Emma.”</p><p>She let out a weak chuckle and squeezed his hand. Affectionately, she told him, “I think I’m going to get tired of how well you can read me.”</p><p>There was a hint of sadness to Killian’s smile, and he opened his mouth to respond, but then a knock sounded at her door. Her hand tore itself out of Killian’s as a defensive measure.</p><p>“Noooo,” Emma whined, knowing that if someone was here at the crack of dawn, it was probably Tink and the crew, ready to dress them up for what lay before them.</p><p>“We were going to have to face the music sometime, Swan,” Killian reminded her with a shrug. Tilting his head toward the door, he said, “Go on. Answer your door. If it is really Tink, she’ll break it down if you don’t answer in the next two seconds anyway.”</p><p>“Good point,” Emma groused, pushing herself up off the couch. When she was fully stood, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before forcing herself to smile. Walking over to the door, she opened it with a chipper, “Good morning!”<br/><br/>“Emma!” Tink’s arms were around her before Emma could even blink, and Emma quickly hugged the woman back. “Oh, my dear girl! It’s so good to see you!”</p><p>Tink was dressed to the nines, hair and make-up already done, and she clearly relished in being able to show off another Victor that wasn’t Whale.</p><p>And maybe it was good to see her too, after having been away from other people for so long.</p><p>Though the feeling was immediately soured by a cameraman zooming in on her face.</p><p>“She’s just as beautiful as we remembered!” Tatiana cried, immediately cupping Emma’s face in her hands. “Though we’ll have to do something about those bags under her eyes…you know my friend makes a cream—”</p><p>She was broken off by Mab’s cry of delight, “Why, Killian! You’re already here!”</p><p>Tink, Tatiana and Mab immediately rushed past her to go say hello to Killian, the camera crew immediately following them inside the house as they all chattered excitedly. Emma smiled bitterly at the domestic scene, which she was sure the Capitol was going to eat up.</p><p>On the one hand, it would help her with Gold.</p><p>On the other…this had been something that was just theirs, and she’d wanted to keep it that way.</p><p>“You’re not even gonna say hello, huh, Swansong? Too wrapped up in being a love bird these days?” a voice asked, amusement coloring his words.</p><p>Emma’s eyes lit up and a burst of joy passed through her for the first time. “Merlin!” she cried joyously and all but threw herself into her stylist’s arms. With a laugh, he caught her and spun her around.</p><p>“It’s good to see you Emma,” Merlin said warmly, putting a hand on her shoulder. Though his smile immediately faded when he took her in. “You’re thinner than when I last saw you,” he murmured.</p><p>A startling notion given that one of the last times he’d seen her was when she’d fought for her life for two consecutive weeks.</p><p>“You doing okay?” he asked, dropping his voice so low that she was the only one who could hear him.</p><p>“Not really,” she whispered back. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tinkerbell heading toward them and she added hurriedly, “I’ll tell you more later.”</p><p>Merlin nodded and squeezed her shoulder sympathetically, the worry from his eyes not quite leaving.</p><p>“Oh, isn’t it wonderful, Emma?” Tinkerbell squealed, clasping her hands together. “You know, Merlin designed this for me right after you and Killian won, and I have to say I’m so thankful he did!” She looked over at Merlin and added, “I can’t even imagine how high in demand you are now!”</p><p>“Well, fame isn’t really for me,” Merlin said with a shrug. “I still take on the projects I want to take on.” He looked at Emma and added sincerely, “Well, the projects that I think are going to have meaning.”</p><p>“Oh, come, there must be some benefits of being the Capitol’s ‘it’ designer right now!” Tinkerbell gushed.</p><p>The camera crew were back, getting all the angles of the conversation.</p><p>She looked back over at Killian and he looked at her sadly and gave her a little shrug, as if to say, “We’re really back in it now, aren’t we?”</p><p>“Well, I don’t know if I’d consider myself famous,” Merlin said, in response to a question that Emma guessed a camera crew had asked him, based on the way Tink’s lips were pursed together. “But there is a lot of attention that I find a little bit chafing and restrictive.”</p><p>“Same,” Emma muttered under her breath.</p><p>The corner of Merlin’s mouth twitched upward in amusement, and he added, “But if people like my designs and want to see more of them, then that makes me happy, and I’m sure they’re going to love what I’ve cooked up for our favorite fighter couple.”</p><p><em>God, how is everyone so good at this?</em> Emma thought, feeling herself get frustrated.</p><p>“Emma!” Tinkerbell gasped, and Emma nearly jumped a foot in the air. “Does this mean your brother is here? Henry?” She grabbed Emma’s hands, and added earnestly, “I would love to meet him if he’s awake!”</p><p>Looking Tink in the eye, there was no doubt of her sincerity, and somehow Emma felt warmed knowing that even despite the circus, that there were some things that didn’t change.</p><p>That there were people who clearly cared deeply about her.</p><p>“Umm, yeah, let me go wake him up,” Emma said, all but turning on her heel to Henry’s room. “He’s a really heavy sleeper, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was still sleeping,” she laughed weakly.</p><p>“Oh, I’ll come with you!” Tinkerbell said, looping her arm through Emma’s. It was only when they were clear of the cameras that Tink added softly, “You’re doing great.” Her thumb ran soothing circles across Emma’s arm. “Just pretend that they aren’t there. It’s the best way to get through it.”</p><p>Emma looked at Tinkerbell in a way that must’ve looked close to shock and stammered out her thanks quietly.</p><p>“Dear, I’ve been around a long time. I’ve seen a lot of Victors nervous for their tour, especially ones that are from Districts like ours,” Tink said kindly. “You’re not the first person to feel anxious about the cameras being back in their face again. It’s understandable. After all, the cameras…well, they’re indicative of a lot of scary things, aren’t they?”</p><p>Emma stopped short, blown away by what Tink had said, and moreover that Tink even noticed them. But what struck her the most was that Tink had said ‘ours’.</p><p>It felt like such a change from a few months ago. <em>Is that what winning really did?</em> Emma asked herself.</p><p>She’d spent so long feeling isolated from the world she’d come home to, though she hadn’t meant it was because she found a new world altogether. On the one hand, it was a relief to know that she was going to be thrust back into the arena with people who got it.</p><p>Yet…the thought of being relieved stirred up some guilt in her. She had the swansong pin—her mother’s pin—that once made her feel like she could do anything, but now it was the heaviest burden she could carry.</p><p><em>I wish she was here</em>, Emma thought sadly, looking down at the floor. <em>Mom would know what to do. And Henry wouldn’t have to deal with me alone, and I wouldn’t--</em></p><p>“Emma?” Tink asked gently, squeezing Emma’s hands with the lightest of touches.</p><p>Emma’s lip quivered for a moment and she launched herself to hug Tink tightly, trying to return the gesture.</p><p>Tink’s hand rested on the small of her back, gently rubbing it. “Don’t you worry, Emma,” she murmured, perhaps a little too knowingly for Emma’s liking. “We’re all here now.”</p><p>--</p><p>“Victor, could you put down the booze for fourteen seconds and listen to me!” Tinkerbell shrieked as the man in question slouched in his chair, ineffectively batting away any stylist who tried to help him.</p><p>He’d come in, stumbling and wreaking of a distillery. Whale had given her one long look full of an unreadable emotion, before turning away and immediately knocking over a potted plant.</p><p>“Well, looks like Tinkerbell has the hardest job of all today,” Merlin said, watching the scene unfold as he braided Emma’s hair.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” Emma muttered, wanting to pick at her nails or something and finding she couldn’t.</p><p>Lowering his voice, Merlin added playfully, “Yeah. She’s got to make sure that Whale looks sober for the entirety of the time you’re on camera.” He paused for a moment before asking, “You’d think we were asking her to make pigs fly.”</p><p>Emma burst out laughing in spite of herself and it felt so nice to laugh. Just a swooping sensation upward in her chest that didn’t have any bitterness or anger behind it. It was the first time she had well and truly laughed in so long.</p><p>
  <em>Their mentor sat in the back of the car with them, watching them out of the corner of his eye. “Do I have to give you two the sex talk?” he asked flatly. Both Emma and Killian started but did not move away from each other. “I’m just saying…if you need it, better have it now before it’s too late.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Killian and Emma made eye contact, and they both couldn’t help but burst out laughing. In its own way, it was the perfect way to break the silence. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is that part of our mentoring?” Emma asked, resting her head on Killian’s shoulder. </em>
</p><p><em>“In a way,” Whale said, but he didn’t look as amused about the whole thing as they did. He ran his hand over his face. “All right, remind me to do that after the ceremony,” he muttered</em>.</p><p>It was the last time she’d ever truly felt like laughing. It felt so ridiculous that even something like sex was something they’d need to be coached in.</p><p>Since coming home, there hadn’t too much joy in a lot of things, so what even was the point of laughing about anything?</p><p>Merlin caught her change in mood and squeezed her shoulder sympathetically.</p><p>“Whale, for god’s sake!” Tinkerbell screeched. “Can I just give you the injection to get you through the video conference for goodness sakes!”</p><p>Whale glowered up at Tinkerbell and for the first time, Emma could see that the whites of his eyes were now yellow. Several bruises stood out on his too pale skin, and his ankles seemed to be swollen against his thin frame.</p><p>“Whale,” Emma breathed out worriedly, standing up out of her chair. “Do you want…toast or something? Water?”</p><p>“Not hungry much these days,” Whale muttered.</p><p>“Please, Whale…something.” She hated the begging note her voice took on. How had her mentor seemed so much worse in the few months that they’d been apart?</p><p>A sudden horrified gasp escaped through her lips, when she thought of Gold’s visit the night before, and Victors paying prices for their winnings, and other people paying prices for what she had done.</p><p>
  <em>This is my fault…</em>
</p><p>“Figured it out, did you?” Whale asked bitterly, raising his eyes to hers. “Probably should’ve taken that shot a little earlier, we don’t want you all distraught before you go on camera.” He stuck out his arm to Tinkerbell for a little sardonic roll of his eyes.</p><p>Emma rushed to the kitchen to get her mentor a glass of water, not knowing what else to do. Her hand shook as she filled it up, and the trembling intensified as she held it out to her mentor. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Whale, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Whale’s eyes widened as he took the glass from her and sipped at it. “Don’t be sorry, cherub,” he said with a quiet sigh. Angrily, he added, “I don’t need you to be sorry, okay?”</p><p>“I just—” </p><p>“Emma? What’s going on?”</p><p>Killian walked into the room, his eyes flashing with worry as he took Emma in. His hair was gently ruffled up, yet somehow styled in such a way that it held its shape. Emma could tell that there was a faint little bit of makeup on his face, just to make sure that his eyes really popped out on camera.</p><p>“For god’s sake, can you both cheer up? You look like someone died,” Whale hissed at them both.</p><p>“Two minutes until live!” one of the camera men called.</p><p>Killian clenched his jaw, scowling at Whale, but then extended his hand to Emma.</p><p>Lips pursed, she took his hand and allowed him to lead her to the couch. When he sat, she was more than happy to curl into his side, resting her head on his shoulder again. He pressed the faintest of kisses to her forehead, before the screen directly across the couch crackled to life.</p><p>“I feel like we might be interrupting something here, folks!” Spindle Shutterneedle’s voice crackled through the system. She was sitting in her own studio back in the Capitol, where the end of their Victors tour would be. “Well, let me be the first to congratulate you two on the Victor’s Tour! You must be very excited!”</p><p>“Yes, very excited,” Killian said, drawing his arm around Emma and keeping her close to his side. “Emma and I have never seen other districts before other than the Capitol. Should be quite exciting!”</p><p>The energy didn’t quite reach his eyes and she sat up straight and pressed herself in closer to him, as if she could soothe him and keep him grounded with her.</p><p>“Yeah, it’ll be nice to get outside our home,” Emma agreed with the faintest of little laughs. “We came from 7 to the Capitol and then back to 7, with no vacation time at all. Can you believe that?” She laughed, nudging her head gently against Killian’s. Outside of the frame, she his hand in both of hers and squeezed as tight as she could.</p><p>“Our home?” Spindle’s eyebrows nearly shot up to her forehead. “Emma? Killian? Is there something you’d like to share with us? I mean I had a feeling when we started at your house, Emma, and Killian was already there…” The pitch of her voice swung upward toward the end of the question seemed almost inhuman and it made every last hair on the back of Emma’s neck stand up on edge.</p><p>Killian stiffened imperceptibly beside her, but his hand immediately came to her back protectively. But he laughed weakly and added, “Well, not exactly. We just mean that we spend so much time together that it wouldn’t make much difference if I moved in or not, would it, love?” he lied smoothly, sealing it with another gentle kiss to Emma’s forehead.</p><p>“Only if you promise to put away the dishes when they’re dry,” Emma hummed, resting her hand on his chest.</p><p>As if a neat freak like Killian would ever leave dishes out.</p><p>“But not, we have no plans to move in with each other…yet.” Killian lifted an eyebrow at the camera to accentuate his point.</p><p>It was just so easy to be with him…pretending and playing house with him. Pretending they’d made plans, pretending like they were completely devoted to each other.</p><p>And it broke her heart. Killian needed to be with someone who could give him that, and not her. He would be committed to her until one of them died, she knew that, but he didn’t deserve that. He’d only get hurt if he stayed devoted to her like this.</p><p>Her gaze flickered to Whale just behind the camera for the briefest of moments.</p><p>
  <em>I don’t deserve to be loved by someone like Killian.</em>
</p><p> Killian seemed to sense her shift in thoughts and drew her a little bit closer to him, as if trying to ground her in reality.</p><p>She rested her head on Killian’s shoulder and slipped her hand into his. “Truth be told,” Emma said slowly, like she was admitting some great big secret, as if she was letting the world in to a part of their relationship. “We’re just…taking our time, you know? We’re both so happy to be alive, and we’re happy that each other’s alive that we’re just living in…now. And not the future just yet.”</p><p>Killian briefly rest his cheek on top of her head, squeezing her hand gently. “Aye,” he agreed softly. “As long as I have Emma by my side, I don’t care what the future holds.”</p><p>Emma truly had to blink back the tears that formed in her eyes.</p><p>Killian had never lied about his feelings before; he certainly wasn’t going to start now.</p><p>
  <em>For a moment, they were back home, standing in the forest with the trees as the only witness to this tender moment. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I love you,” he told her quietly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Something lodged in her throat and she couldn’t spit the words out. Something about them felt too final. So, she pressed her forehead tighter to his and prayed that he understood what she meant when she whispered, “I know.” </em>
</p><p>She hadn’t even had the decency to say the words back, and still, he was this loving and devoted toward her.</p><p>“Well, you might want to start looking toward your future with, given that the next time I’ll see you will be in the Capitol for your Victor’s Ball!” Spindle squealed, putting her hands on her face. “Are you excited? Who are you most looking forward to meeting?”</p><p>Emma and Killian’s gaze flickered to one another, wondering if their meetings with their new Victor friends was something that needed to be in the know or not. The looked over at their mentor, who gave them a very small shake of his head.</p><p>“David Nolan,” Emma said immediately, turning to face the camera again. “I’d really like to meet David Nolan. During the training sessions, we ended up using the same sword for training, and I…just think it would be really neat to meet him.”</p><p>Just beyond the camera, she thought she saw Whale wiping his eyes, and did her very best not to furrow her eyebrows.</p><p>“And you, Killian?” Spindle asked conversationally.</p><p>“Oh, I think…erm…” Killian thought about it, letting go of Emma to scratch behind his ear. “I think I’d like to meet Ruby Lucas.”</p><p>“Why would you need to meet Ruby? You’ve got the prettiest Victor sitting right next to you,” Spindle said good-naturedly.</p><p>“She won the year my brother was in the Games,” Killian said honestly, and Emma immediately took his hand into hers. “And I think it would be nice just to meet her as equals. Not a starstruck youth who had the Hunger Games winner come into his district, but as young people who both have survived the Hunger Games.”</p><p>Though somehow, she couldn’t imagine—at least from what Killian told her about how he felt the after his brother’s death—that he’d been any kind of starstruck youth.</p><p>“Well, that’s all the time I have for you both today. But I’m looking forward to seeing you in two weeks for the Victor’s Ball!” Spindle cooed at them. “Stay cozy, lovebirds!”</p><p>“Bye!” <br/><br/>They both waved at Spindle until the screen went dark.</p><p>“…and we’re clear!”</p><p>Emma and Killian both immediately slumped into one another, feeling that the short interview drained the life out of them.</p><p>“You did great,” Emma whispered to Killian, letting her eyes flutter shut.</p><p>“You too, love,” he replied softly. They were quiet for a few minutes, letting the camera crew start to pack up around them, while their stylist conferred with Tinkerbell about tomorrow’s game plan for the three of them. “Is it okay if I go home tonight?”</p><p>“What?” Emma asked quietly.</p><p>‘Would you be okay if I went home?” Killian murmured. “Just for tonight…” He sighed deeply. “Seems I’ve stumbled onto my first landmine, Swan. And this room has got me on edge. I just need a little bit of space before we head back into it.”</p><p>“Of course, it’s okay,” Emma said softly, letting his head rest on her shoulder for a minute. “Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You know I’ll never hold that against you.” Her fingers ran through his hair as they sat there together. “The next part’s gonna be really tough.”</p><p>“So, one more thing before we send you both off!” Tink said excitedly, clapping her hands. “Tomorrow we’ll start in District 7 with your Victor’s sendoff, and then we’ll be stopping in one District every day. So then the day after tomorrow you’ll speak in 12, and then 11, and then…”  </p><p>Emma didn’t even hear Tink once she realized that she’d have to face Imani’s family in three days.</p><p><em>Boy, when Killian said we were heading into it, he wasn’t kidding, </em>she thought sadly.</p><p>She kept scrambling around for what she was going to say to Imani’s family and to Morgarzea’s family, how she could apologize to them for not being enough to save their children.</p><p><em>What can I say that will ever be enough?</em> she thought sadly.</p><p>“Emma?” Killian asked softly, squeezing her hand to get her attention. “I’m going to go now, okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” she murmured softly. “See you tomorrow.” She squeezed his hand back.</p><p>“See you tomorrow,” he murmured softly, letting go to walk away.</p><p>Her heart clenched as she watched him go. It was funny how she hadn’t spoken to him for months and then suddenly, after one day, she hated the idea that he was leaving again. It felt like part of her was walking away, even though he was only going across the street and they would see each other tomorrow.</p><p>“What?” Merlin asked with a laugh. “Miss him already?” <br/><br/>Killian hadn’t even made it to his front door.</p><p>“Well, yeah,” Emma admitted, wrapping an arm around herself. “I…I don’t know what it is. We haven’t spoken for months, and now all of a sudden he’s back and I didn’t want him to go again.” Looking up, she added, “It’s not that I can’t survive without him. I mean, it’s just one night and I went months without speaking to him. I just…I don’t know. All of a sudden, I don’t want to.” She shrugged with a little laugh of her own. “I guess that’s silly, isn’t it? But I honestly have no idea why I feel this way all of a sudden.”</p><p>“Well, I can’t help you there, Swansong,” Merlin told her. <br/><br/>But as he turned away to gather his things, Emma swore she heard her stylist mutter, “Oh my god.”</p><p></p><div>
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome to the Victor's Tour! We'll see some familiar faces, and we'll learn just a little bit more about the beginnings of our two Victors. Oh, and there might be something happening in some of our other districts...</p><p>Trigger Warnings: Parental death, parental abandonment, sibling death</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why is it always raining when we’re on this godforsaken train?” Emma asked, rolling her eyes as they boarded the train to District 12. “It can never be sunny when we’re on the train. Nope. It always has to rain.”</p><p>Killian laughed, “I don’t know, Swan. Perhaps your moods influence the weather. You hate the train so much, so it rains.” He offered her his hand to help her onto the train.</p><p>She didn’t need it, but it was still gentlemanly of him to do it nonetheless. She took it and stepped onto the train, taking just a moment to look back at District 7 one more time.</p><p>It felt like she’d both just come home and an eternity had passed since the end of the Games. Though, if she remembered correctly, the announcement for the Quarter Quell wasn’t going to be long after the Victor’s Ball. Maybe a week at most.</p><p>If she was honest, she wasn’t sure how she was going to be able to stomach looking at those children, their faces lined up in the crowd.</p><p>What if I have to mentor Henry in the Games? she thought worriedly, still thinking about Gold’s threat. She had to be on her best behavior, smile for the cameras, act stupidly and desperately in love with Killian or Henry would pay the ultimate price.</p><p>“Emma?” Killian murmured gently, and she nearly jumped a foot in the air. “Are you with me right now?”</p><p>She blinked for a moment before nodding, “Yeah, don’t worry. I’m right here, Killian,” she said quietly. She shrugged and started to head down the familiar hallway as the train began to rumble to life. Stopping for a second, she turned to ask over her shoulder, “I’m gonna go to our spot. Wanna come?”</p><p>Killian nodded and bowed for her to lead the way.</p><p>As they passed one of the control rooms, Emma saw the train operators watching screens. She was confused for a moment, but then realized that on one of the screens on the middle row, she could see Milah. Quickly, she held a hand up to Killian and jerked her head toward the room.</p><p>Several screens held news of people yelling or setting things on fire.</p><p>One camera flashed to a sign of a Swansong spray painted on the wall behind the rioters and Emma let out a sharp gasp. The control room operator whipped around upon hearing her gasp, and closed the door right in their faces.</p><p>“What the bloody hell do you suppose that was all about?” Killian asked, dumbfounded as he stared at the now closed door. “Did you know anything about this, love?”</p><p>“I had no idea,” Emma lied, her heart pounding against her chest. Based on the way Gold had spoken, she thought it had just been District 8. But it seemed like more than that. There were at least two other Districts that appeared to be rebelling against the Capitol too.</p><p>“C’mon,” she whispered to Killian. “Let’s go.”</p><p>Killian was quiet until they got up to their spot.<br/>
<br/>
Emma tucked herself against the corner of the sofa as tightly as she could, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. Her heart began to pound against her chest and her breathing shallowed as she struggled to take in air.</p><p>
  <em>No wonder Gold was so alarmed. No wonder Gold wants this squashed. People are doing this because of me, and if I can show them I don’t agree, then maybe it’ll stop, maybe we’ll be safe--</em>
</p><p>“Hey, hey, Swan, don’t do that,” Killian coaxed softly. “Open those eyes and look at me.” She squeezed harder and tried to curl more in on herself. “C’mon, love. You can do it. Look at me. Devilishly handsome man. You can’t miss him.”</p><p>Emma let out the smallest of laughs, a quick exhale through her nose. Her eyes fluttered open, but she tucked her knees in tightly to her chest. “Devilishly handsome, huh?” she asked softly. The rain intensified against the roof of their car and she swore lowly.</p><p>“You want to tell me where you went just now?” Killian asked gently. She shook her head and he nodded. “As you wish.”</p><p>She was quiet for a few moments, looking down at her knees before she asked, “Do you regret it?” He tilted his head at her and she clarified, “Listening to me. Back in the arena.”</p><p>Killian’s jaw dropped open for a little bit before closing it, as if he couldn’t conceive of a world where following Emma wasn’t his best option. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes before opening again. “Listening to you would be better than the alternative for both of us, don’t you think?” he asked.</p><p><em>I’m not so sure</em>, Emma thought, thinking of Gold’s visit to her home.</p><p>She licked her lips to wet them and looked down at her kneecaps. “Did you see it?” she asked softly. “What they—”</p><p>“The Swansong,” Killian murmured. “I saw.” He seemed to be mulling her question over, now that he was considering the question that he made. “I…maybe those people are inspired by your actions, but it isn’t necessarily about you?”</p><p>“Do you think Gold will see it that way?” Emma asked bitterly, like she didn’t already know the answer was a resounding no. “Do you see it that way?” she asked.</p><p>Killian paused for a moment, as if to give the question the reflection it deserved. “You inspire me, love. But I’d know you.” She looked over in surprise and he scratched behind his ear. “Well, at least I’d like to think I do.</p><p>She gave him the tiniest of smiles before she ran her hand through her hair. “I should’ve forced them to let me take Henry with us,” she muttered, looking down at the ground.</p><p>“He’s with Milah and Neal, he’ll be all right,” Killian soothed. “After all, I know Neal was his primary male role model after your father died.”</p><p>Emma looked out the window sadly, thinking about her mother and father, and what they’d left her with. “I wish they hadn’t died in the fire,” she said in a strangled voice. “I wish they were here. They would’ve known what to do…”</p><p>“I wouldn’t say that parents always know what to do,” Killian told her, a note of bitterness entering his own voice. “My father was enough of a monster to let me learn that lesson by age 8.”<br/>
<br/>
She unfurled slightly and turned her body toward him, waiting for him to elaborate if he wanted to. She was burning up inside to ask the question, but couldn’t bring herself to be that invasive, especially when it seemed to upset Killian so much.</p><p>He sighed, all but deflating into the cushions as he looked out the window. “My mum was…she got sick. She left us, and my father decided that he’d done all he needed to do and a decade of raising children was enough for him, and so he left Liam and I alone.”</p><p>Killian’s eyes darkened. “I’m not sure how he could’ve chosen himself over two boys that needed him,” he spat venomously. “But I’ll never forgive him for it.”</p><p>“I get it,” Emma sighed sadly. “Please don’t tell Henry what I’m about to tell you, okay?” She picked at her jacket even though there was nothing on it.</p><p>She hadn’t given her parents much thought in her desperation to keep herself and Henry alive. But living in that big house had given her so much time to think, and in missing her parents—and everyone else who seemingly cast her aside—she’d come to a realization that it couldn’t possibly hurt to talk about with someone who understood.</p><p>“Not a word,” he whispered. He made an ‘x’ over his heart before raising his hand.</p><p>“I think I might be mad at my parents too.”</p><p>If Killian was mad at his father, then maybe it was okay for her to be mad at them too.</p><p>
  <em>“Are you sure it’s okay for me to be here, Dad?” Emma asked doubtfully, raising her eyebrow at her father. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nemo let out a booming chuckle. “Well, I won’t tell your mother if you won’t, Emma.” He raised his sword playfully. “You said you wanted to learn, right? Well, the night shift at the lumber mill will cover the sound, and your mother won’t even know we’re gone.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well if Mom does figure out we’re gone, I’m blaming you,” Emma said playfully, raising her own sword at her father. “I was perfectly fine just sleeping the night away.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But sleeping isn’t nearly as fun as this,” Nemo teased, giving a playful lunge. Their swords met, the clang barely noticeable over the hum of the lumber mill. “See, I told you? No one will ever—”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A loud boom reverberated through the forest and knocked Emma flat on her back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you okay, Emma?” her father asked worriedly, running over to help her up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What was that?” Emma asked, rubbing the back of her head, and looking around. “It sounded like an explosion…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shouts began to erupt from the lumber mill, and Emma could see the dark trail of smoke emerging from the far window. “Look!” she cried.</em>
</p><p><em>“Let’s go, Emma!” Nemo ordered, putting his sword away and running toward the mill. Emma was hot on his heels, but she wasn’t nearly as fast as her father. “Get as many men out as you can before the fire spreads!”</em><br/>
<br/>
Emma nodded as her father disappeared into the thick haze. As best she could, she started helping the lumber mill workers out of the bill, trying not to breathe in too much smoke.</p><p>
  <em>“What happened?” she gasped.</em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Machine combusted, must’ve been overheated,” a man told her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She nodded and went back for more men. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A second explosion sounded, and it brought down some of the ceiling with it, cutting several factory workers off from the exit and cutting Emma off from her father.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dad!” she cried out desperately, trying to peer over the flames or through them. “Dad, where are you?” No one answered right away, and she screamed, “Dad! Dad, answer me, please!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Emma, you have to go,” Nemo rasped from the other side. She couldn’t see him, but she could hear him and figured he had to be close.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Stay put!” she begged. “I’ll come get you!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, no,” Nemo said weakly. “Emma, go get help…you’re the only one strong enough to make it back, okay?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But what about you?” Emma whimpered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll be fine. Now go!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Smoke was heavy in the air and the noise of fire crackled through the night. She stumbled out of the forest confusedly, not sure where to turn or who to look for.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Emma!” her mother called and Emma pressed on forward, recognizing her mother’s voice anywhere.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Mom!” Emma coughed. A pair of arms wrapped around her tightly, and Emma nestled into them. “I was with Dad and the fire started and I tried to get him and the other workers out and I—”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m going in—” Emma’s mother whispered, stroking her daughter’s hair back. “It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart. I promise. I’ll be back with your Dad soon. Stay put. Watch Henry, okay?” </em>
</p><p>“She went to go get him and tree blocked off their only exit,” Emma replied. “By the time the Mistguard got there to put out the fire, everyone that hadn’t already gotten out was…well.”</p><p>The only survivors had been the ones she saved. </p><p>“I’m so sorry, Emma,” Killian said quietly.</p><p>“Don’t be,” she told him. “It’s…” She shrugged. “The machine had a defective part, produced in another district. Nothing anyone could’ve done about that, except whoever made it and whoever let it pass inspection, but I sure as shit don’t know who they are.” She sighed, not looking at Killian. “I spent the first few days at home—smoke inhalation, y’know—and I just kept thinking that they’d walk through the door any second now.”</p><p>“I felt the same way when my father abandoned us,” Killian said softly. “I just thought there was no way he would just leave two young boys with no means to defend themselves or survive.” He smiled sardonically, “But he did. That’s just the kind of man he was.”</p><p>“Where is he now?” Emma asked quietly, putting her hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Dead, hopefully,” Killian grumbled. “Not that he was much use when Mum was alive either. It was always Liam who was keeping me out of scrapes and making sure I had enough to eat at dinner.”</p><p>“So when you lost Liam—”</p><p>“I lost everyone.” His eyes flickered over to her for a moment and she saw his tongue poking out from behind his lips as if he was going to say something more.</p><p>She knew what he was going to say. He didn’t need to say it out loud: it was written all over his face.</p><p>Emma moved a little bit closer to him, resting her head on his arm as a silent way to comfort him. She wasn’t sure if he always needed the tactile reassurance or this was something new that was just theirs.  But still, despite her doubts about her feelings, she wasn’t going to leave Killian in the cold when it was clear he needed comfort and security as much as she did sometimes.</p><p>“Is that why you were so upset the other day?” she asked softly. “When I told you that I thought you hated me?”</p><p>Killian nodded. “I can’t lose the one thing that makes me happy anymore,” he whispered, his voice no higher than hers. She looked up at him, eyebrows already furrowing in confusion even though she already knew. She knew from the bottom of her heart what exactly he was feeling and what exactly he meant.</p><p>It still didn’t stop the breath from leaving her lungs when he confirmed it.  </p><p>“Don’t you know, Emma? It’s you.”</p><p>Guilt and shame immediately rose in her, but she couldn’t break away from the intensity of his gaze. <em>I’m not worthy of it! He doesn’t even know what kind of danger I’m putting him in! He doesn’t know we have a target on his back! He doesn’t know any of it! He wouldn’t feel this way about me if he knew just how much better off he’d be without me!</em> she thought sadly, hoping it didn’t show on her face. He tenderly cupped her cheek in his hand and pressed his forehead against hers.</p><p>“That’s a lot of importance to be putting on one person, Killian…” Emma sighed, closing her eyes, her shoulders curving upward as a way to protect herself. “I’m not…”</p><p>“It’s okay, Emma,” Killian murmured quietly, his hand gently travelling down her neck and to her shoulder. She shivered at his touch, but found her shoulders relaxing as he kept his hand there. “I’ve felt that way long before the Games.”</p><p>There was a low swooping sensation in her stomach and her heart clenched in her chest. “I don’t understand why…” she whispered. <em>And I’m too selfish to let you go.</em></p><p>She’d been so lost without him, but now that he was back, she was still confused and scared and unsure. But something about him made her feel safe and secure. She hadn’t had a flashback since he’d shown up again.</p><p>But maybe that was because it was replaced by the all-consuming fear that she was going to mess up the tour and get him and Henry killed.</p><p>“Maybe some day you will,” Killian murmured softly, and Emma wasn’t sure if it made her feel better or worse that he seemed to expect this.</p><p>“Will you…” she started softly, biting her lip. “Will you tell me about your mom? I bet you’re a lot like her. It’d…I’d love to know more about your beginnings, Killian.” It seemed so stupid to change the subject, and while she was desperate to avoid talking or thinking about her feelings, she did want to know more about Killian’s life before District 7.</p><p>A genuine and honest smile blossomed across Killian’s face. “Will you tell me about your parents after?” he asked.</p><p>Another real smile tugged at the corner of her lips and Emma finally dropped her knees away from her chest. “Yeah.”</p><p>--</p><p>It was well into dinner time by the time anyone bothered to check up on them again, and Emma would not share the little bits and pieces of information she’d learned with anyone. Killian trusted her not to do that much, and she wouldn’t break his trust.</p><p>“We’re just about to come up on 12,” Tink announced, handing them each a stack of index cards. “Here are your speeches.”</p><p>“Speeches?” Emma asked, trading a look with Killian. “We’re supposed to give speeches?”</p><p>“Oh, it’s the same speech for every district, although a charming little anecdote about their tributes, if you have any. We recognize that there are some tributes you’ll have a little bit more to say about,” Tink replied cheerfully. “But that won’t be until after our meeting with the mayor.”</p><p>“The what with whom now?” Emma asked, raising her eyebrows at their Capitol Ambassador.</p><p>“Oh, it’s such a charming little thing, I haven’t done it in years!” Tink squealed delightedly. “We have a meal with the mayor first, and then you give your speech to the masses at primetime! Isn’t it wonderful?” She clasped her hands together.</p><p>“What’s primetime?” Killian asked.</p><p>“Oh, my dears, we have so much to teach you, but unfortunately not much time to do it,” Tink sighed. “Off you go to get your hair and makeup touched up on you!” She shooed them off to the on-train stylists, who weren’t their usual stylists as these were meant to be “natural looks”.</p><p>As they pulled up to District 12, Emma tried to peer out the window but couldn’t see much of anything, except a small platoon of Mistguard standing by the train station. She bit her lip, and tried to get Killian to come over to see, but he was talking in low tones to Whale.</p><p>“Are you ready, dear?” Tink asked, squeezing Emma’s shoulders. “Let’s get you to the front!”</p><p>She was ushered to the front of the train and looked back for Killian nervously. He was soon pushed up alongside her, and he offered his arm out to her. She took it gratefully and took a deep breath as the door began to open.</p><p>“Oh, hello, my old—” Tink started and then stopped when she only saw the Mistguard Captain in front of her. “My word, where is Mayor Lir?” she asked, her voice quavering a little bit. “Surely, he would’ve come to meet us, wouldn’t he?”</p><p>“Mayor Lir is…indisposed,” the man sneered, stepping forward. “I am Captain Fagin, the man in charge while Mayor Lir can’t be found.” Something in his tone told Emma that Mayor Lir had been indisposed for quite some time.</p><p>She thought back to last year’s Games, to see if she could think of any sighting of the Mayor in the Broadcast. She had just remembered the close up of the Tributes themselves, rather than the wide shot of both Tributes on stage.</p><p>“I’ll talk to Grumpy about it,” Whale offered, and there was no hint of derision or sarcasm to his words, tentatively patting Tinkerbell’s shoulder. “C’mon, Tink. We’ve got a show to put on, don’t we?”</p><p>“You’re right, you’re right,” Tinkerbell said quietly. “I just…we were friends for so long, Victor. And all of a sudden he stopped answering my letters and I just want to know <em>why</em>.” Her voice broke quietly as they were marched away. “Do you think it was something I did?”</p><p>“No,” Whale said quietly, meeting Emma’s gaze when she turned her head to look at them. “I think Lir would’ve answered if he could. Don’t worry about it, Tink, okay?”</p><p>“I thought we were friends,” Tink said sadly.</p><p>“You are,” Whale told her with the saddest smile Emma thought she’d ever seen her mentor wear before. “I think, no matter what, he’ll always think of you as a friend.”</p><p>Emma didn’t have much time to dwell on that fact before they were ushered in front of a short, red-faced man.</p><p>“Grumpy,” Whale said with a nod of his head. “Good to see you.”</p><p>“Yeah, super great day,” Grumpy growled lowly as he stepped beside them, and the Mistguard presence seemed to grow around them. “Who doesn’t want to be reminded that their youngest brother was murdered while you were supposed to mentor and protect them?” He narrowed his gaze on Emma and Killian. “And somehow, there ends up being two winners that year, which could’ve raised your brother’s chances a little bit more. But nope, he had to die.” His growled deepened, "The only reason I haven't run you both through with my pickaxe yet is cuz you didn't actually do it." </p><p>Grumpy stepped forward, almost threateningly, toward Emma and Killian when Whale moved in between them at such a speed Emma hadn’t even been sure her mentor was capable of before now.</p><p>“Back off,” Whale snarled protectively. “They didn’t do <em>this</em>, remember? They’re Victors now, and we treat them like Victors.” He towered over Grumpy. “And you are not the only person who has lost someone to the Games, right?”</p><p>Grumpy sighed and his shoulders slumped. “Right,” he muttered as they came close to the stage in the town square. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”</p><p>Before Emma and Killian were rushed up to the stage, Emma placed her hand on Grumpy’s shoulder. “For what it’s worth,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Thanks, sister.” Grumpy put his hand over Emma’s and Emma and Killian were brought to the front of the stage.</p><p>Directly opposite them on raised platforms were the rest of Stealthy’s—and subsequently Grumpy’s—family and Tacey’s family. The six brothers somehow looked just as lost and small as the two grieving parents, somehow made worse by the fact that the members of District 12 were filing in.</p><p>All parties were fully on display, and all parties had to keep a steady and expressionless face.</p><p>It was Captain Fagin who gave the opening remarks—a task usually saved for the mayor—and then Nova, their Capitol Ambassador gave some remarks as well. It didn’t escape Emma’s notice that the happiest she’d seen Grumpy look all day was when Nova spoke, and she knew that she and Killian were about to bring down the mood again.</p><p>Though to be fair, the citizens of District 12 did not seem particularly enthused to see them, so it didn't seem like there were many moods to be brought down anyway.</p><p>When Nova nodded to them, it was their turn to speak.</p><p>“Thank you for being with us here today,” Emma started, amazed that her voice sounded so steady despite the desperate pounding in her chest. “We recognize that while Killian and I are celebrating not only our love but our triumph, we recognize how thoughtless it would be to not acknowledge the brave young people that laid down their lives and have truly given the ultimate sacrifice.”</p><p>Emma tried not to visibly wince, hating how the words sounded coming out of her mouth. It felt so insincere, given that she hadn’t known the girl. But, almost if by magic, Nova slipped another card into Emma’s index card pile. This card had an anecdote about Tacey, and it gave Emma to look her parents in the eye, even if they were too far away to know for sure.</p><p>“Tacey was known as the “Silent Princess” by her mentor. She wouldn’t say much, really assessing her situation before cutting in with a comment or quick remark. Her ability to analyze situations made her a worthy competitor, and Killian and I mourn her passing with you…”</p><p>
  <em>One eulogy down, and tomorrow it's... </em>
</p><p>Killian began speaking about Stealthy, but she could hardly hear him as the blood began roaring in her ears.</p><p>It felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice-cold water, as she realized with her first Tribute eulogy done, the next one would be the hardest one of all.</p><p>The next eulogy she would have to give would be Imani’s.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi all! I feel like it's been a while since I've updated and there is a reason.</p>
<p>Almost a month ago, I had a former colleague pass away. And since this chapter deals so heavily with loss, it was incredibly hard for me to muster up the energy to finish writing this chapter because this chapter is a LOT. It comes in at 5600 words or so, which makes it the longest chapter in either works to date. And there's A LOT to process in this chapter, let me tell you. </p>
<p>Trigger warnings: Panic attacks, flashbacks, murder, lynching,  racially motivated violence</p>
<p>A note on some of these listed above: while District 11 in the source material is meant to be representative of the American South prior to the American Civil War. I have mostly kept this true here as well, though I have additionally blended some elements of a Reconstruction Era South as well. I have done my very best to try to not make this trauma porn and really tried to do extensive research to make sure this was handled with care and sensitivity. However, I also recognize the immense bearing my privilege may have had in my perception on the writing this chapter, and as such there may have been moments where I have missed something or did not handle the writing of this chapter as well as I could have. </p>
<p>Please do not hesitate to reach out if I have misstepped as I am open and willing to all criticism, especially because I want to get this right.</p>
<p>Thank you so very much for your time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
  <div class="resolved">
    <p> </p>
  </div>
</div><p>“Well I never!” Tink huffed when they were safely aboard the train. “In all my years—”</p>
<p>“Your eight hundred years,” Whale muttered.</p>
<p>“—I’ve never seen such rudeness! Oh, when Elsa won the year before last, Genie didn’t stop raving about the Victor’s tour. How they bent over backward to accommodate him! Now of course it had been his third one, what with Regina and Maleficent,” Tink continued, clearly insulted and mortified by their treatment at their first stop. “You’d think that Captain Fagin had never been taught any manners. And Mayor Lir…” Her voice quavered again.</p>
<p>Killian came over and gently took Tink’s hand in his own. “Don’t worry, Tink,” he said cheerfully. “I’m sure 11 will be much more hospitable if the people who came from it were anything to go by.”</p>
<p>There was a tightness to his smile though and Emma was unsurprised that the intense pang of grief that seemed to rattle her to her bones. Now there really was nothing standing in between Emma and her friend’s district.</p>
<p>But it wasn’t just for Imani. Seeing the two Tribute images, especially Grumpy and his brothers, had suddenly made her think of Morgarzea and how badly he’d wanted things to change in the wake of his death.</p>
<p>Things in 12 sure didn’t seem any different. Or at least, if they were different it didn’t seem to be a good different.</p>
<p>
  <em>Whale flicked on the television so they could watch the Tribute videos. Though he had initially planned to start with District 1, Emma could tell that he wanted to prove a point. In both District 11 and 12, the camera was uncomfortably zoomed in on their hollowed cheeks and slender figures.</em>
</p>
<p><em>No</em>, Emma decided, thinking back on the Tribute videos Whale had shown them before their Games. Things at least hadn’t changed for what was going on in District 12 in the past year.</p>
<p>
  <em>Imani craned her neck to see if there were any cameras nearby. When she didn’t see any, she continued, “There are a lot of things that cameras don’t pick up on. But they’re there.”</em>
</p>
<p>Did that mean that District 11 hadn’t changed either? Then again, what was there to change in 11? What had been so awful that Imani had alluded in whispers, desperate to hide from the prying cameras? What prompted Morgarzea to give up his life in the name of change?</p>
<p>And were she and Killian about to witness how bad things really were in 11?<br/><br/><em>But I don’t really need to see, do I?</em></p>
<p>While she hadn’t really had the time in the last few days to give it much thought or even really focus on it, there had been times when Imani’s song had been stuck in her head. And once again, it was back in her head, the soft melody ringing in her ears and seemingly drowning everything else out.</p>
<p>
  <em>Are you? Are you coming to the tree? They strung up a man they say who murdered three…</em>
</p>
<p>“That’s a grim song,” Killian noted, drawing her out. She hadn’t even realized she was singing it out loud until Killian had said something. Just beyond him, Whale and Tinkerbell were watching her with curious expressions on their faces. “Is that a song your parents taught you?”</p>
<p>“No, they didn’t,” she muttered, turning on her heel and all but bolting for the one safe space she had on the train. She all but sprinted through the corridors and finally threw herself onto their couch, curling up tightly into one of the corners. She squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could, hating that she could hear Killian’s footsteps following her.</p>
<p>“Emma, love?” Killian asked softly. She felt his hand rest gently on her cheek but she couldn’t open her eyes. “Please, look at me. If you’re in danger, I want to help.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine. You can’t even help me. No one can help me,” she muttered, trying to draw herself away from his touch. His hand didn’t leave her cheek despite her retreat and the lump gathered in her throat. She wasn’t sure if it was better or worse that Killian was still sitting with her, but she almost didn’t want him to leave.</p>
<p>“What is it?” he asked gently, running his thumb across her cheek. “I know it’s not nothing. Nothing wouldn’t have you pulling away from me like I could burn you.” There was a clear note of hurt underlining his words and forced her to open one eye to look at him. “There’s a love,” he murmured tenderly. He was quiet for a few minutes, gently swiping his thumb back and forth across her cheek.</p>
<p>She found that her breathing soon matched the steady swipe of his thumb and her other eye opened, unfurling her body slightly. Shyly, her hand reached out to his wrist and she gently wrapped her hand around it.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to tell me about the song?” Killian prompted, gently lifting his eyebrows at her.</p>
<p>“Imani taught it to me.”</p>
<p>Those five words were enough for Killian to understand. Gingerly, he sat beside her and pulled her into his arms. His hand slowly moved from her cheek, down her neck and shoulders, before resting on her back. “What triggered it?” he asked gently, knowing that she hadn’t just thought of it out of the blue.</p>
<p>She was immeasurably grateful for how perceptive he could be sometimes.</p>
<p>“Part of it was seeing the Tributes for the first time. 12 was…I’ve never seen so many Mistguards in my entire life. And then…I don’t know.” Emma said slowly. Killian gave her a comforting squeeze and she rest her head on his shoulder. “We’re going to 11 tomorrow. And I just can’t shake…them.”</p>
<p>Killian was quiet for a few moments, gently drumming his fingers against her back, his brows furrowed in thought. Then, very quietly, he asked, “Why did Imani teach that song to you?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“I…do they do something…when this happens?” Emma asked, gesturing helplessly toward Abigail. “In 11, I mean.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We bury them and move on,” Imani said quietly. “There’s too much work to do.” She started to head out toward the lake, leaving Emma behind.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Emma looked between Abigail and Imani one last time. “I’m sorry,” she whispered to the girl on the ground before racing after Imani. When she caught up to her, she tried to not grimace at the pain in her leg. “Are you guys okay?” she asked quietly. Imani didn’t look up at her, she just kept on walking. “Is something happening in 11?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t want to talk about it,” Imani said coldly, storming on ahead. </em>
  
</p>
<p>“It was after we found Abigail,” Emma whispered, unable to repress a full body shudder. “We’d been talking about songs we had in our districts and the fact that Walsh was a flying monkey and she said that…like…the Games control what we know about the other districts…”</p>
<p>
  <em>Does that mean…?</em>
</p>
<p>A realization nearly jolted her out of Killian’s embrace.</p>
<p>“Pull up the tribute video from District 12 from last year!” Emma ordered immediately, heart pounding against her chest. She wasn’t sure if her theory was correct, but she had to look. The video sprung to life before her and Emma tapped it with her finger to start it.</p>
<p>“Emma?” Killian asked worriedly. “What is it?”</p>
<p>Emma held up her finger for silence, slowly combing over each frame of the Reaping as she kept looking. Her frown deepened as she tried to zoom in on the people standing on the platform where Nova, Grumpy and the Mayor would’ve been standing. While the figures’ faces were blurry, it was very clear there were only two.</p>
<p>“Do you have a picture of Mayor Lir?” Emma asked the train. A new pop-up appeared beside. Lir was a man with dark hair, dark eyes, and shy smile but a jovial face. His hair was slicked back for the photo, but after searching for a few more images, Emma could tell that the man’s hair was normally shaggy and short.</p>
<p>“Look at this,” Killian breathed, clicking on an image that was a few rows below the one she had been looking at.</p>
<p>Mayor Lir was standing behind Grumpy and Nova, easily towering over both of them.</p>
<p>Emma’s eyes flickered to the screen with last year’s Reaping. Killian leaned over to look too, obviously caught on to Emma’s line of thinking.</p>
<p>Together, they slowly pulled the timer through the Reaping so that they could look at each, individual frame.</p>
<p>But they didn’t need to.</p>
<p>It was evidently clear within the first five minutes of the Reaping that Mayor Lir was nowhere to be found. The District 12 ceremony had almost immediately begun with President Gold’s video about the Hunger Games and then had gone right into the Reaping.</p>
<p>It was clear that the man had now been dead since before the last Games at least.</p>
<p>
  <em>In both District 11 and 12, the camera was uncomfortably zoomed in on the Tribute’s hollowed cheeks and slender figures.</em>
</p>
<p>And not only was he dead, but it seemed the Capitol knew about it.</p>
<p>“Wait a minute,” Killian muttered to himself for a moment, drawing his hand over his chin in thought. “Pull up the Reapings from Districts 10 and 11 from last year.” He sat up a little bit straighter, clearly focusing on the task ahead.</p>
<p>He started off by looking through District 10’s Reaping. Just like with their District, the ceremony had started with a speech from Mayor Caspian, who introduced himself to the cameras. While Caspian didn’t look much older than his Tributes—and certainly younger than David and Snow standing behind him—it was clear that he was the Mayor of District 10.</p>
<p>Killian swept away the video of the District 10 Reaping.</p>
<p>“What are you thinking?” Emma asked quietly, watching him hesitate before starting District 11’s videos.</p>
<p>“I thought it was strange,” Killian said slowly. “But at first maybe I thought it was some kind of Capitol play to give the lower tier districts a fighting chance.”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” Emma asked, looking away from Mayor Lir’s face and over at Killian.</p>
<p>“Didn’t you notice?” Killian asked, fully turning to her. “Most of the footage of the District 11 and 12 Reapings focused on the Tributes and not much else. But 10 had their Mayor speak, and I’m willing to bet 9 did too.”</p>
<p>“Why would they do that to 11 unless…?” Emma started to ask but she was pretty sure she already knew the answer before she finished the question. She took in a deep breath and asked, looking up at the ceiling of their train car, “Who is the Mayor of District 11?”</p>
<p>“I do not understand your request,” the ceiling said in its neutral yet pleasant tone. “Please rephrase your request or try a new query.”</p>
<p>“Who is the Mayor of District 10?” Killian asked, looking over at Emma with an arched eyebrow.</p>
<p>“The Mayor of District 10 is Mayor Caspian. Would you like to hear more?” the ceiling responded pleasantly.</p>
<p>“No thank you,” Emma said quietly. She bit her lip before looking over at Killian. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”</p>
<p>“I’m afraid so,” Killian murmured, pressing play.</p>
<p>And just like with District 12, District 11 immediately begun with President Gold’s video on the Hunger Games.</p>
<p>Killian swept the video away, grimacing as he did so. “We won’t know until we get there…but I don’t think our hunch is wrong, Emma.” He looked over at her, and she could see his mind whirring, “Just what the hell is happening in Misthaven, Emma?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” she whispered quietly. Goosebumps prickled up and down her arms and she rubbed her hands on her arms to make them go away.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Gold’s warning about calming things down seemed to rattle in her brain. She opened her mouth for a moment, desperate to tell Killian about her interaction with Gold…and then she remembered how their fine president had threatened him.</p>
<p>“I do know that Tink is going to kill us if we don’t get enough sleep for tomorrow,” she said weakly. “We should go to bed.”</p>
<p>“Where did you go just now?” Killian asked worriedly, reaching out to her.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing.” She all but leaped up and away from him.</p>
<p>Killian stood more slowly, but no less purposefully. “Emma?” he asked. “Do you know something?” His frown deepened. “Has something happened to you?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” she lied. Closing her eyes, she whispered, “I just…was thinking about how Imani was the one who told me to start looking for things. And I have to give Imani’s eulogy tomorrow. I have to face her parents and her siblings and tell them all the things they already know and they already know me as the person who didn’t protect her--”</p>
<p>She squeezed her eyes shut to stop them from opening as Killian wrapped his arms around her.</p>
<p>While it was true that she didn’t want to give Imani’s eulogy tomorrow, it wasn’t what caused her to leap away.</p>
<p>And she hated lying to Killian about Gold’s visit, but…knowing now that two Mayors were dead, and Gold specifically was interested in keeping the peace of the Districts felt like too much of a burden to give Killian as well. The less he knew, the safer he would be, and Emma was more than willing to take that risk for his sake.</p>
<p>“You did all you could for Imani,” Killian whispered into her hair. “And there is nothing…nothing you could’ve done for Mayor Lir or the Mayor of 11, whoever he or she was.” His hand came to her shoulders to try and get them to relax.</p>
<p>“You’re right,” Emma whispered, burying her face against his shoulder. <em>I couldn’t have helped them. But I can help you and Henry and Neal. I can keep you safe. If I can just play the part then it’ll all be all right.</em></p>
<p>“Course I’m right,” he teased against her temple. “I usually am.” She laughed weakly and pulled away. “Now, to bed with you,” he instructed, offering her his arm. Quietly, they walked through the train corridor until they arrived at her room.</p>
<p>She looked over at him. Her hand curled over the door frame, rooting herself there as she looked at her. Indecision flitted across her face, and for a moment she was so tempted to ask him to stay with her.</p>
<p>But she knew if she did, she would crumble and end up spilling everything out in the open. So, she settled on saying, “Good night, Killian.”</p>
<p>A flicker of hurt once again passed across his face before it was gone again. “Good night, Swan,” he whispered softly.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>The sun had only been up for a few hours when a jolt of the train unceremoniously threw Emma from her bed.</p>
<p>“Attention passengers, we’ve come across a slight signaling malfunction and must stop here,” the ceiling crackled cheerfully. “Do not be alarmed. The train will proceed as normal in a few minutes time.”</p>
<p>“How far are we to the center of District 11?” Emma asked with a yawn.</p>
<p>“Roughly three hours,” the ceiling chirped back at her. “Tinkerbell was planning on letting you sleep for another forty-seven minutes. Do you wish to set an alarm?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m okay,” Emma mumbled, rubbing her eyes. She stretched leisurely, slowly rolling her neck and listening to it crack. “Is there any food ready?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Miss Swan,” the ceiling reported back to her. “Mr. Jones is already compiling a plate for you. Will you be joining him in the dining car?”                                     </p>
<p>Emma smiled affectionately down at her bedspread, shaking her head. “No,” she murmured. “Tell him I’ll be in our spot. He’ll know what that means.” Rolling her shoulders one more time, she walked down the corridors barefoot down to the back of the train where they always sat.</p>
<p>For a moment, she took a moment to survey the land around her. Where 12 had been mountains and the forest—not unlike their arena—this land was all flat. The yellow wheat crops seemed to almost seamlessly roll into the sunflower fields, to the corn crops, to the large fruit and vegetable fields.</p>
<p>It was truly a veritable bounty.</p>
<p>It was hard to believe they had children working among these fields…that Imani, at eleven, had been working for at least two years and only had a lost hand to show for it.</p>
<p>A wave of guilt passed through Emma as she thought of all the food she’d been able to eat since winning the Games. Since winning, she’d forgotten what it was like to starve, but the moment she looked at Imani’s, she couldn’t stop replaying in her mind just how small Imani was.</p>
<p>
  <em>A bunch of chrysanthemums caught her eye. With the dagger, she cut a few out of the ground, and did the best she could to clean them off. She placed the flowers in Imani’s hand, and then folded her hands over her stomach. The girl’s stump lay at the base of the flower stems, proudly on display for all to see. </em>
</p>
<p>Death made people small. At least that was Emma’s conclusion from the Hunger Games.</p>
<p>Graham, Walsh, Felix, they’d all seemed so much smaller in death…</p>
<p>But that wasn’t it for Imani. The white chrysanthemums and baby’s breath surrounding Imani had only served to accentuate her amber skin.And while the nuances of other deaths Emma had seen seemed to fade away, Imani’s was the only one that had any kind of permanency to it.</p>
<p>But for some reason, now was the first time she had realized just how small Imani really was.</p>
<p>For a moment, she tried to Imani running between the stalks of corn, hiding behind the stems of sunflowers, but whenever she tried the girl would just disappear, leaving only a wisp of her ringlets and a giggle behind.</p>
<p>But somehow…even the imagining didn’t feel quite right. It seemed like such a stark contrast between the thought and what she knew the little girl’s life to be, and yet all she had wanted, for a moment, was to think about her brother’s age being happy.</p>
<p>Even as Emma found herself mulling over her lost friend, her eyes continued to slowly traverse 11’s scenery, hoping the landscape would give her some nugget of information that she hadn’t able to get from Imani before it was too late.</p>
<p>And then Emma’s eyes landed on an exceptionally large, and exceptionally dead, oak tree.</p>
<p>Her hand flew up to her mouth, her heart beginning to pound in her chest.</p>
<p>Though she could only see it from far away, there was absolutely no doubt that a man was strung up by his neck within the tree.</p>
<p>
  <em>“But we have songs for things like that too.” Imani tilted her head slightly in the direction of where they’d left Abigail. </em>
</p>
<p>It was one thing to guess that Imani had seen more instances like this, people who lived in her District.</p>
<p>It was another to witness it entirely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Are you, are you coming to the tree?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Where they strung up a man</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>They say who murdered three</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Strange things did happen here</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No stranger would it be</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If we met at midnight in the hanging tree…</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my god.”</p>
<p>She hadn’t even noticed Killian standing beside her. She wasn’t sure when he had come in, but she was thankful that she wasn’t alone to see it.</p>
<p>“Do you think this is the tree from the song?” Killian whispered, not looking at her but still looking out, even when the train started to move.</p>
<p>“No,” Emma answered honestly, her gaze seemingly transfixed on the figure that seemed to get smaller and smaller with every heartbeat. “Somehow, I don’t think there’s one specific tree…”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Somehow, three hours had passed like nothing, though if anyone had actually asked Emma what she had seen or what people had said to her since she and Killian saw the body in the tree, she wouldn’t be able to answer honestly.</p>
<p>Every word sounded muffled and time hardly seemed real. She felt like she was just blinking from one moment to the next.</p>
<p>The only thing that really seemed to grab her attention was when Tink all but thrust the cards into Emma’s face. “Your cards, dear,” she said sympathetically.  Emma blinked up at her and Tink smiled. “I know that Imani is your friend, so I kept it short and factual.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Emma whispered. Even as she glanced over the words on the card, her eyes began to mist over and soon the small paragraph was far too blurry to read.</p>
<p>Killian moved closer to her and she rested her head on his shoulder, letting a few tears trickle down her cheeks. His hooked arm came around her to draw her in close and he held her hand in his own.</p>
<p>“I’m not strong enough to do this,” Emma whispered, sniffling as she tried to keep her tears from falling too quickly.</p>
<p>“You are,” Killian promised her gently, his fingers gently playing with hers. “I know you are. And I’ll be right there with you the whole time.”</p>
<p>“No one else I’d rather want to do this with," Emma whispered, giving his hand a squeeze. She pulled back a little but to look up at him and Killian gently brushed her tears away with his thumb. “I mean it,” she told him sincerely. “I probably would’ve murdered Whale by now if it wasn’t for you.”</p>
<p>She lifted her eyebrows at him to try and get him to understand that all the stuff she’d seen and what they had discovered together…it was a relief not to find any of that stuff out alone. </p>
<p>“I’m right by your side,” Killian promised, once again offering his arm to her. She took it gladly, briefly resting her head against his shoulder. “It’s…we’ll get through it together.” His voice wavered and she squeezed his arm for the briefest of moments.</p>
<p>When the doors opened, a full processional line of Mistguards lay on either side of the car doors, going all the way down to where a group of Mistguard waited for them. Eleven’s former winners—Lancelot and Rapunzel—stood at end of the processional. Both Lancelot and Rapunzel surrounded by their own Mistguard soldiers.</p>
<p>Her mentor drew up beside her for a moment and then went to hug Lancelot, but he was forcefully blocked by the Mistguard. Whale muttered a curse under his breath and Lancelot just sighed sadly, shrugging as if to say ‘this is how it is’.</p>
<p>“I’m Captain Heathcliff.” One of the Mistguard marched straight up to Whale and all but barked at him. “We will be escorting you to the pavilion, you will give your speeches, and then we will escort you back here.”</p>
<p>“What, no meeting with the Mayor?” Whale asked sardonically.</p>
<p>Heathcliff stepped forward, tightening his hand around his gun. Emma stepped forward protectively, but Killian held onto her arm. “I believe I gave you your itinerary,” Heathcliff snarled. “Best stick to it. After all your arrival is…quite late.”</p>
<p>“We apologize for the delay,” Tinkerbelle said kindly, trying to alleviate the tension in the air. “We were delayed. There was a signaling error.”</p>
<p>“Ah yes,” Heathcliff sneered. He turned around and began walking forward. The Mistguard gathered around him, effectively herding the Victor party forward. “One of the old stations is where we bring miscreants and delinquents. A man was accused of stealing a pot and mortar. So we made sure to do something about the thief.”</p>
<p>“He wouldn’t happen to be a tree now, would he?” Emma muttered to herself.</p>
<p>Heathcliff stopped short. He barely turned his head but looked down at Emma with a cold smirk. “We, as the Mistguard of this town, feared for our lives. So, we thought it was best for the safety of all to do what must be done,” he explained. “I’m sure a Victor of the Hunger Games can understand that.”</p>
<p>He kept walking, not looking at Emma. “It’s terrible, the amount of crime in District 11. We’re limiting your time here for your own safety,” he continued icily. “President Gold agreed to send us here after the poor Mayor simply couldn’t handle the situation anymore. Rioters. Looters. Degenerates, all of them.”</p>
<p>“Oh?” Tinkerbelle asked, trying to engage in friendly conversation, but Emma could tell that Tink was just as unsettled as they were. “So, it is more than just one person?”</p>
<p>“Why just yesterday, a woman in the town was caught taking more than her fair share of water. She said she needed it for the pumpkin patch that kept her daughter’s memory alive. We made sure to deal out a just punishment for that as well. It was her first infraction, so we let her off with a warning. Hopefully, the lost hand will remind her not to do it again,” Heathcliff answered conversationally.</p>
<p>Killian stiffened and Emma squeezed his arm, trying to keep her own worry from showing. She tilted her head questioningly and he shook his head, clenching his jaw. She squeezed his arm again and smiled sadly, placing one of her hands on the small of his back. It did not do much good, but they kept walking forward.</p>
<p>As they tried to take in the scenery of 11, they found they could not. Tanks patrolled up and down every street, and the Mistguard stood on every corner.</p>
<p>Heathcliff escorted them on stage, and a Mistguard stood behind them as Emma and Killian stood at their respective microphones. The people coming into the town square seemed to be all but dragged along. It was clear they were only being given enough to keep them alive. Several were missing limbs and others had scars that were just visible to Emma’s eye.</p>
<p>And once again, at the back of the town square were the Tribute’s families. Emma saw a lone woman standing underneath Morgarzea’s picture, and her heart clenched, wishing she could reach out and do something.</p>
<p>He looked exactly like his mother. The warm umber of her skin could not be diminished by pain nor fatigue nor sorrow. And her eyes were just as piercing as his were. For a moment, it looked like Morgarzea’s mother was making direct eye contact with her.</p>
<p>The rise of guilt that threatened o swallow Emma whole was too much and show she looked away.  </p>
<p>When she looked over at Imani’s family, it took everything in her not to break down. Imani’s mother and father were there as well—Imani’s mother wearing a freshly wrapped bandage where her hand should’ve been—and three, not four, of Imani’s younger brothers.</p>
<p>Guilt and a desperation to help overwhelmed Emma for a moment before she had to remind herself that there was nothing she could’ve done before now.</p>
<p>
  <em>“They’re going to have to listen now,” Morgarzea said quietly. “Maybe they’ll finally…stand up and do something. Maybe, they’ll listen at last.” </em>
</p>
<p><em>“Who are you talking about?” Emma asked confusedly. “Who is doing the listening? And who are they listening to?” <br/><br/></em>Now his last words made sense.</p>
<p><em>It had to be like this for a while…just like 12, </em>she realized. But somehow, things seemed more stringent in 11. The citizens of 11 were practically dragged in, all bearing marks of the Mistguard’s cruelty.</p>
<p>Her eyes flickered to Killian’s, and a terse look passed between them.</p>
<p>“On your feet,” Heathcliff growled into the microphone.</p>
<p>The camera lights were suspiciously done.</p>
<p>“Any man, woman or child that so much breaths out of turn will have to be dealt with. Am I clear?” he continued, sneering.</p>
<p>Not even a breath seemed to answer him, and he stepped back, satisfied.</p>
<p>Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath.</p>
<p>But when she opened them again, her eyes immediately filled with tears. She no longer had Imani’s eulogy in her hands, but Morgarzea’s.</p>
<p>
  <em>He must’ve switched them when he held my hand…</em>
</p>
<p>And yet, even the words on the card didn’t seem to be enough.</p>
<p>So, she put them away.</p>
<p>“I’m sure you’ve seen and will continue to see how brave we think the Tributes are from all the other districts,” Emma started. “And while there is truth to that—somewhat—there are no other Tributes from last year’s Games that could ever live up to Imani and Morgarzea, and the type of people that they were.”</p>
<p>Every eye in that town square was fixed upon her.</p>
<p>And yet she was not afraid. She owed Morgarzea this much.</p>
<p>“Morgarzea especially,” she continued. “I was…I can’t call his death fortunate, because the loss of such an incredible young person is never fortunate. But to be the last person he spoke to before he died was truly an honor that I can never repay or quantify.”</p>
<p>She brought her head up to look Morgarzea’s mother in the eye this time, hoping this would give the woman comfort.</p>
<p>“He’d already fallen into the dreamshade bush. I watched it creep up his arm. But still he wasn’t afraid.”</p>
<p>
  <em>But rather than answering her, Morgarzea rushed out of the trees with an alimighty roar, brandishing his branch of dreamshade like a whip. </em>
</p>
<p> “The last choice he ever made was to fight,” she finished, swallowing the lump in her throat. “The last choice he ever made was to do what he could to make sure that his own death was not in vain. And to give others their best chance of survival. There is nothing I could find more admirable than that.”</p>
<p>A ripple seemed to cascade through the crowd, even though their expressions did not change once.</p>
<p>But living in a forest gave Emma enough insight into when a storm was about to break.</p>
<p>The air became charged and the Mistguard began to shift nervously. <br/><br/>But none of the faces in the crowd gave them cause to react, so the Msitguard stood with their hands tightening on their weapons.</p>
<p>Gold’s warning once again sounded in her ears, and she looked over at Killian to try and get him to start, thinking maybe his gentle words would diffuse the situation. But even his spine seemed steel straight, and she supposed a sailor would be well attuned to an incoming storm.</p>
<p>Killian looked at his cards before sighing in frustration, visibly putting them down on the stage. “It is far too easy,” he started. “To read remarks written by those who watched her. But they did not know her, and I will not do Imani the disservice of such a eulogy.” He looked at Emma and then back to the crowd. “And while Emma may have known her better than I did…I…feel as if I can speak to what a remarkable young girl 11 has lost.”</p>
<p>It did not escape Emma’s notice that Killian used ‘girl’ instead of ‘woman’, and she wondered how intentional it was.</p>
<p>“The most incredible thing I find about Imani is that the Games didn’t diminish her kindness,” Killian told the audience. “She could’ve kept herself hidden and made it quite far. But she chose to pull Emma out of the river and tend to her. And for that I’ll never be more grateful.”</p>
<p>“And while I didn’t get to see this personally, I know how incredibly bright she was,” Killian continued, passion rising in his voice. “I saw how she designed the plan to trap the careers, she came up with the Swansong feathers all on her own…”</p>
<p>He took off his hook and raised his blunted arm to the audience. “The only time I ever really got to know her was when we traded secrets, on how to best care for old wounds that hadn’t quite healed.” He laughed weakly before adding, “She wouldn’t stop asking questions, and never faltered in her desire to learn and adapt and grow. She truly was bright and full of life.”</p>
<p>Imani’s brown eyes—so similar to Henry’s hazel ones—seemed to stare back at Emma from the screen above her family. The image the Capitol chose failed to capture her warmth, her playfulness, any of it…</p>
<p>“She didn’t deserve to die,” Emma whispered. Every head in the crowd snapped toward her, and while she couldn’t see her mentor sitting behind her she was pretty sure she could feel Whale’s eyes boring into the back of her skull. “She was so…so young.” She gave the audience a sad smile. “And it wasn’t <em>fair</em>. I’m sorry that I didn’t save her…and I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me for not protecting her.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I hope you saw how I left her. All I wanted was to give her a little peace in such an awful place…”</p>
<p>She looked over at Imani’s family, speaking to them directly, “I hope that was enough.”</p>
<p>And then the storm burst.</p>
<p>A lone figure in the crowd stood with their hand outstretched skyward—just like Emma had done when she left Imani—and their palm pacing upward.</p>
<p>But the palm wasn’t empty.</p>
<p>There was a single swansong feather resting in the man’s palm.</p>
<p>One by one, more palms lifted skyward, all revealing swansong feathers in their hands.</p>
<p>As the wind picked up, sending the swansong feathers into the air, Heathcliff barked orders that Emma couldn’t hear over the pounding of her heart into her ears.</p>
<p>Some of the Mistguards withdrew their nightsticks and marched toward the crowd, while others prepared their guns with an audible click.</p>
<p>“Get them out of here!” Heathcliff roared.</p>
<p>Citizens from 11 began to rush at the Mistguard as Emma, Killian, Whale, and Tink were swept back into the abandoned town hall.</p>
<p>As the doors closed behind them, a lone gunshot rang out through air.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wow, did I really update two MCs in one week and also write a oneshot? Wild.</p><p>Subsequently, this chapter is a bit of a break from the action of the tour but no less important. </p><p>Trigger warnings: Panic attacks</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Just what the hell is going on out there? Killian demanded once they were all safely sequestered away.</p><p>Emma inhaled sharply, realizing that this was exactly what Gold had warned her about. The unrest in the districts, the use of the Swansong as a symbol…and it had been her job to stop all that, to put it to rest.</p><p>She knew the cameras had started once she and Killian started speaking. How long had they been rolling for? What had everyone seen?</p><p>What had Gold seen?</p><p>“Emma?” Killian asked worriedly, gently cupping her face. “Emma, breathe.”</p><p>Everyone was staring at her, concern more than evident in their eyes.</p><p>“No, no, we have to go right now, we have to go back to 7!” she babbled.</p><p>“It’s going to be okay,” Tink tried to soothe. “We’ll have security in other districts that 12 and 11 don’t have access to—”</p><p>“That’s not what I mean!” Emma replied shrilly, wildly shrugging Tink’s hand of her shoulder. The action tore her out of Killian’s grasp and she backed herself up into the corner of the room, begging for them to understand. “We have to go! I need to get back to 7 right now!”</p><p>Any jet that the Capitol had could reach 7 in a few hours. Perhaps if they snuck out right now, they could get to Henry before Gold could. Any means of communication could be compromised, there was no way to warn Henry before she got there. She had no way to check if he was safe even in this moment.</p><p>“Tink,” Whale murmured lowly. “We’ll be safe here, can you get us some water?” He tilted his head. “I saw a fountain on our way up. I think our Victors could use it.” His eyes followed Tink out of the room and waited until she was out of earshot before his gaze flickered back to Emma. “Cherub? I want you to tell me exactly what the hell you’re going on about,” he said firmly, his voice boding no room for argument.</p><p>He took a step closer to her, gaze steely. “I want you to tell me every single detail, and not leave a damn thing out because I’m getting the sense that I’ve missed something big. And I can’t do my job when I don’t have all the information.”</p><p>“Oh now you speak to me!” Emma spat at him, her hands curling into fists. “You think somehow months go by and everything is just fine? That Killian and I are just fine? What the hell gives you the right to know anything?”</p><p>“They do!” Whale gestured to the chaos in the town square. “Emma, I’m a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them. You know something.”</p><p>“Whale, leave her alone,” Killian protested. “A man was just shot! How do you know she doesn’t want to get back for our own sake? You know better than anyone the hell we’ve all quietly endured for the past few months.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m very familiar with this type of hell,” Whale said, his voice too cold to be conversational. “I also know that being a Victor comes with several layers of hell. I’ve been trying to protect you from most of them.”</p><p>Killian opened his mouth to protect Emma again, but Emma beat him to it. She couldn’t stand for Killian to keep defending her when she’d been lying to him, and hiding something herself.</p><p>“Gold came to see me the night before the Victor’s Tour,” she said quietly. Killian’s eyes were suddenly wide with understanding, realizing that in his panic Henry had left out Gold’s presence as a key detail. She could almost see him putting the pieces together without saying a word.</p><p>Guilt snagged in her throat like thorns, and she clenched her hands into fists again. “He…he told me that…” she sighed, looking away out of shame. Even admitting it to them felt like a loss, a weakness. “He told me that people were using the Swansong as a rebellion symbol. That there was unrest in the districts.”</p><p>She fell silent for a moment, taking a deep breath to keep herself rooted in the present with them.</p><p>“The consequence for not keeping order is Henry’s life isn’t it?” Whale asked, his voice even but his eyes troubled. Emma nodded.</p><p>Killian’s mouth turned into a grimace. “You lied to me!” he hissed, stepping away from Emma.</p><p>“Killian—”</p><p>“I’d asked you so many times if you knew something, out of all the things we’d seen, and still you kept me in the dark!”</p><p>“He threatened your life too!” Emma protested, turning to him fully. “And I…I just…”</p><p>“Don’t even try to explain your way out of this!” Killian snarled, stepping in close to her. His eyes were stormy clearly revealing the betrayal and anger he felt.</p><p>“Killian, I’m sorry,” Emma said quietly. She could understand why he was so upset. They were supposed to be a team. They had agreed not to keep things from each other anymore. Yet, she’d done what she thought was best to protect him from Gold’s wrath. In hindsight, Killian could’ve done just as well of a job protecting himself if he knew what the dangers were. “I just thought—”</p><p>“Don’t. Just don’t.”</p><p>He stalked away to the far side of the room, keeping himself out of the window’s sight line.</p><p>Whale watched the scene, face impassive. His eyes contemplatively went back and forth between Emma and Killian for a few moments. “There’s more you’re not telling me, Emma.”</p><p>Emma’s mouth opened out of frustration and closed again. For a moment, she contemplated lying to her mentor. She wasn’t even sure if her hunch was right. But when she looked back at Killian, his back turned toward her, she knew that she had to start being more open and honest with the people she claimed to trust.</p><p>“We know the Capitol killed Mayor Lir.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m surprised Tink didn’t pick up on that. That guy was not being particularly subtle about it,” Whale responded. She gave her mentor a weak smile, knowing he was trying to cheer her up a little bit.</p><p>He knelt to look Emma in the eye. “I know that it seems very counterintuitive for me to ask you this, but I need to ask you a favor.” He looked over at Killian in the corner. “Let me be the one to tell Tink about Lir.”</p><p>“How do we know you’ll do it?” Emma muttered. “You’re not exactly the most forthcoming man in the world.”</p><p>“There’s a difference between hiding something and withholding something until it’s the right time,” Whale said. “And I’ll be the first to admit that I might’ve waited too long to share some things with you, especially knowing what I know now.”</p><p>“We know that 11’s mayor is dead too,” Killian muttered, not turning around to look at Emma still. “We guessed that the Capitol had him killed.”</p><p>Whale let out a long breath. “Anything else?”</p><p>“No,” Emma said honestly. “That’s it.” </p><p>“Well…” he started quietly, thinking this over for a minute or two. “You certainly figured out a lot just from one visit, huh, you two?</p><p>The warmth in Whale’s voice was enough to get Killian to look over his shoulder. He didn’t make any sort of eye contact with Emma at all, but it hardly mattered as they both looked at Whale to try and figure out what to do next.</p><p>“All right, here’s what we’re going to do, cherubs,” he said firmly. “First things first, when we get back on that train, we’re going to call Henry and tell him to lay low for a few days just in case. After that, you two are going to get some sleep. We’ll be in District 10 tomorrow, which shouldn’t give you too much of a hard time.”</p><p>Emma let out a sigh of relief, and smiled at Killian who only looked away from her.</p><p>“Now, Emma,” Whale said seriously. “Did Gold mention any districts in specific? These are the ones we can watch out for.”</p><p>“He didn’t name a District, but he did talk about how a lot of the fabric being sent to the Capitol was destroyed or unusable,” Emma admitted, and Killian threw a withering glare at her, which she admittedly felt bad about.</p><p>“So 8…” Whale hummed thoughtfully. “We can ask Tink, but subtly. Any shortages, anything like that, it’ll all be something to note.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Okay. We’ll get back on the train. I have some phone calls to make. Do not look at anyone, do not speak to anyone, got that?”</p><p>“Oh, that should be more than fine,” Killian snorted, stalking past her as Tink came back in the room.</p><p>“I brought the water,” Tink piped up nervously, looking between the three of them. She bit her lip and asked, “Is everyone okay?” She walked over to Emma and handed the water too her. “Emma, dear?”</p><p>“I’m okay,” Emma mumbled sadly, watching Killian’s retreating form.</p><p>--</p><p>She was curled up on her bed as the train barreled its way toward District 10. The silence that seemed to reign over the train was almost unnatural. Even the beeps from the machine seemed muted.</p><p>“Emma?” Whale murmured. “I have your uncle on the phone.”</p><p>“I don’t have an uncle,” Emma muttered. “Orphan, remember?”</p><p>“Cherub, your <em>Uncle</em> would like to speak to you. You asked me to call him, remember?” Whale asked pointedly.</p><p>Emma bolted upright and opened the door. Whale offered the phone to her with a sardonic grin and she grabbed it out of his hand.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” she asked desperately, pressing the phone to her ear as tightly as she could.</p><p>“Emma!” Henry said joyously. “I didn’t know that you could call!”</p><p>“No, normally they don’t want me to, but Whale was able to pull some strings,” Emma told him fondly, letting her eyes flutter shut. She could hear her whole body unwind, the tension leaving her as she listened to his cheerful voice. He didn’t sound any worse for wear.</p><p>“Is everything okay, Emma?” Henry asked after a few minutes of silence. “Did you have another flashback?”</p><p>“No, no,” Emma assured him. “I’m fine. I just missed you so much…” She paused for another moment, before asking, “Tell me about your day?”</p><p>As Henry prattled about his day, Emma listened intently for anything that would’ve been out of the ordinary. Anyone following him, anything odd he had noticed. But it all had seemed quite normal.</p><p>Until he stopped speaking suddenly.</p><p>“Henry?” Emma asked worriedly.</p><p>“I saw what happened in 11,” he confessed softly. “Well, I saw before they cut everything off. Are you sure you’re okay?”</p><p>Emma let out an affectionate chuckle in spite of herself. “You’re getting too smart for me, kid,” she told him, curling up on her bed. “I’m okay now. I just…wanted to make sure you were.”</p><p>Henry let out a contemplative sigh, and she could hear her brother flop back into his bed. “I think I’m catching a fever, Emma.”</p><p>“You have?” Emma asked, a little smile crossing her lips. It was clear what Henry was trying to do and while it broke her heart that he had to be this aware, it was good to know that he was prepared for any and all scenarios. That he was aware, and mindful. “You better stay home for a few days just to make sure. Have Neal get your stuff from school and check in on you every day, then. That way you can make sure you’re totally safe and your fever goes away. Does that sound good?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think I can do that for you, Emma. And I’ll have Neal get in touch with the train if I need you to send home medicine or anything,” he promised.</p><p>“I miss you so much, kid,” Emma whispered.</p><p>“I miss you too. But I’ll be right here when the tour is over, okay?” Henry promised.</p><p>“Okay,” Emma whispered. “I’m going to let you go now, okay? But I love you so, <em>so</em> much.”</p><p>“I love you too,” he told her. “Good night, Emma.”</p><p>“Good night.”</p><p>Emma handed back the phone to Whale, who had been watching the entire exchange with a fairly passive look on his face. “Thanks for doing that for me,” she whispered. “You have no idea what it means to me.”</p><p>Whale smiled bitterly. “I have an idea of what it means,” he told her. “I had a younger brother too.”</p><p>
  <em>Emma stood up and headed to her room. She paused at the edge of the living room, turning to face Whale. “How come you don’t do anything?” she asked quietly. “About…any of this? It’s all so…I don’t know. Unfair.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Cuz I’m not the only one that can get hurt,” Whale replied, getting up to go fix himself a whiskey. “Ceiling systems back on.” </em>
</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Emma said quietly. “I’m so<em> sorry</em>, Whale.”</p><p>Whale smiled thinly. “Don’t be sorry. It’s been a long time now.”</p><p>“Is that why you…why you weren’t talking to Killian and I?” Emma asked in a small voice, shifting from foot to foot. “After the Games.”</p><p>Whale let out a long drawn and saddened sigh. “I didn’t talk to either of you because I’m not strong like either of you.” Shrugging his shoulders, he added, “Besides. There were some things that I had to take care of.”</p><p>“What kind of things?” Emma immediately pressed, but then caught the look on her mentor’s face. “I…you’ll tell us soon, won’t you?”</p><p>Gently putting his hand on her shoulder, Whale gave it a gentle squeeze. “Try to get some sleep, okay?”</p><p>“No promises,” she answered with a weak smile.</p><p>He gave her shoulder another squeeze before heading down the corridor.</p><p>With a sigh, Emma crawled back into the bed, staring up at her ceiling. Though she was relieved beyond words that Henry was okay, she was now left with another matter entirely: Killian.</p><p>Her first instinct after that discovering Whale had a brother too was to tell Killian immediately and try to figure out with him why no one in 7 talked about Whale’s brother before, or why Whale had taken so much time to even bring him up in the first place.</p><p>She knew keeping him in the dark had really upset him. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, but the fact of the matter was…well, she had. And now they had until morning to make things right with him. It made no sense to go into 10 without at least acting like they were a unified front.</p><p>Part of her selfishly hoped that he would come to her. He almost always had before, and she was praying that this time would be no different. That he would just appear, and they would talk it out as they always had.</p><p>But as the hours ticked on, there seemed to be no life stirring in the hallways of the train.</p><p>Throwing off the covers, Emma strolled down the hallway to the kitchen.</p><p>“Shall I wake one of the staff for you, Miss Swan?” the ceiling chirped pleasantly at her.</p><p>“No, that’s okay,” she murmured softly. “Although…could you do me a favor? Could you pull up a recipe for cinnamon buns? With vanilla icing?”</p><p>
  <em>A genuine and honest smile blossomed across Killian’s face. “Will you tell me about your parents after?” he asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Another real smile tugged at the corner of her lips and Emma finally dropped her knees away from her chest. “Yeah.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They both sat, looking at the world of Misthaven pass by them in a blur. A few minutes passed in relative silence before Killian said out loud, “Cinnamon buns.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What?” Emma letting a little laugh. Of all the things she’d been expecting, it certainly wasn’t that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“When I think of my Mum, I think of cinnamon buns. She used to get up early on Sundays to make us fresh cinnamon rolls with vanilla icing.” He closed his eyes. “They were big and fluffy and the vanilla icing was just right…Liam didn’t want anything to learn with baking. But she told me when I was older, she’d teach me the recipe.” The corner of his mouth ticked up. “She’d used to let me swipe a bit of the icing…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His eyes opened and what little there was of his smile disappeared. “She died when I was five. I always thought…when Liam went at least he wasn’t alone.”</em>
</p><p>It wouldn’t make up for leaving him in the dark, but it was an attempt.</p><p>Her tongue poked out a little bit as she concentrated, trying to form the dough into the roles. She was sure there was flour in her hair and on her cheek, but she wanted to make sure they were as perfect as possible.</p><p>And yet, working the dough was hard, harder than she thought it’d be. “Seriously!” she complained when the dough wouldn’t sit in the pan the way she’d wanted it to. “What am I doing wrong?”</p><p>“You probably didn’t knead the dough enough,” a voice from the front of the room.</p><p>Emma nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of his voice. “Oh,” she said, her shoulders sinking with her exhale. “Does this mean they can’t be saved?” She was more asking herself than him, her mouth twisted up into a grimace.</p><p>“They’re a little ugly looking,” Killian told her honestly.</p><p>“Hey!” Emma exclaimed indignantly. “I make you apology cinnamon rolls and you insult them?”</p><p>“Well they are,” Killian snorted.</p><p>He looked around the splotches of flour on the table, on her cheek, in her hair. “Bloody hell, did you defeat a flour monster in here without telling anyone?” There was a little bit to his words and she winced.</p><p>“I’ve never made them before…I don’t think I’ve ever even had them before except maybe when I was little…” She sighed. “I just…wanted to make you some cinnamon rolls, okay?”</p><p>His face was completely impassive at first, and Emma was terrified he’d leave her again. Then he grabbed another rolling pin. “C’mon, we’ll flatten these out together.”</p><p>The two worked in silence for what felt like an unbearably long time. She would look at him questioningly when she thought she was done, and he would either shake his head or nod. Then, she would go back to work depending on what he said.</p><p>Even when the rolls went into the oven to rise, he would nod or shake his head at her questioning glances when she made the icing. Not that she minded entirely. He was still angry and hurt, and she wanted to do him the decency of crafting him a genuine apology. One that truly acknowledged his hurt and not tried to make his hurt all about her.</p><p>So after about forty-five minutes of thinking it over and working silently beside him, she spoke, “Killian, I am so sorry that I hurt you with my actions.” She took a deep breath and made sure to look at him, so he’d be aware of her sincerity. “I realize that by keeping things, I violated your trust, and I really want to make that up to you in any way I can. I won’t keep things from you anymore, especially if they involve you. It was wrong of me—even in my misguided attempt to keep you safe—to keep these really important things from you.” Sighing, she looked down and added, “And I’m sorry that the cinnamon rolls were ugly.”</p><p>He let out an unwilling chuckle and her head came up a little bit, hoping that the damage wasn’t irreparable. “I…thank you, Swan.”</p><p><em>He’s not using my first name…focus! This isn’t about you!</em> Emma chided herself, her heart sinking when he called her ‘Swan’ instead of ‘Emma’.</p><p>“I am still hurt,” he admitted. “It’s…insulting, when you keep me in the dark like that.” Killian looked over at her. “It makes me feel left out, and even if it’s for the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ reasons I just…” His hand curled around the rolling pin. “It makes me angry. I’ve survived just as much as you have. I’m just as strong as you are.” His voice had a hard edge to it, and for some reason it reminded her that he’d killed Smee without a second thought when they were in the arena.</p><p>They’d both left that arena with a body count. They’d both been through hell and back just to be standing on a train in the middle of the night making cinnamon rolls.</p><p>“I know,” Emma said, wanting to step into his space to comfort him. She hadn’t been given a clear signal that she could touch him though, and so she waited. “I could give you excuses until the cows came home, but if it hurts you then it hurts you.” She smiled sadly. “We both have too many scars for empty words to be an ointment. So…you be as angry as you want to be, and you can be upset with me for as long as you need to be.” She smiled and shrugged, “I can be patient.”</p><p>“Swan, I’ve never known you to be patient for anything,” Killian teased, raising his eyebrows at her. “After all, you hadn’t even flattened out your cinnamon rolls properly.”</p><p>They sat side by side in front of the oven, not speaking but not needing to speak much like the other morning when they’d sat watching the sun rise. They waited for the oven timer to go off before fully baking the cinnamon rolls, and making sure to drizzle the icing on once the rolls were fully baked.</p><p>Taking a bite of his cinnamon roll, Killian closed his eyes and a truly contented look passed over his face. The tension seemed to bleed out of his shoulders, and it was the youngest Emma had ever seen him look, despite their youth.</p><p>When his eyes fluttered open again, they were full of warmth and sparkling with a joy she’d rarely—if never—seen from him in all the years she’d known him.</p><p>“Thank you, Emma,” he whispered.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>After a period of intense reflection, I have ultimately decided to put this fic on an indefinite hiatus for several reasons.</p><p>Given our current world climate and the anti-racism discussions that are being had in our culture right now, I'm wondering if it's appropriate for me to continue with my CS Hunger Games AU for a couple reasons.</p><p>1) Emma's 'Mockingjay' role means two things for the overall course of the narrative: firstly, I feel like it inadvertently gives Emma the 'white savior' role given that she's white and what kickstarts her involvement in the revolution is the death of a black child. Two, because Katniss is meant to be an indigenous person in the context of the novels, I feel like I'm white washing that role by casting Emma in it. </p><p>2) The protests and the revolutions in the fic are starting to match what's happening in our world and I don't know if I have the ability, knowledge or context to write them in a way that doesn't feel trivial. </p><p>3)I'm concerned that with the amount of police brutality that is mentioned particularly in the second installment, that I'm  alienating or disenfranchising other members of the fandom, especially BIPOC members of the fandom. </p><p>4)  I know what I have planned, and things I have written but also I'm only one person operating from a place of white privilege and a detached understanding of what these things are actually like for BIPOC who have experienced them. I don't think I'm the person who should be writing this. </p><p>I thoroughly enjoy writing this fic and know that there are people who enjoy my work, and I am excited with what I can do with it. However, I’m so worried about the harm I could cause by continuing with it that I’m scared to keep going with it. I’m worried about inadvertently hurting someone or contribute non-critically to harmful trends within fandom.</p><p>So I'm taking an indefinite break from writing this particular fic to focus on content and see if there is a way where I can address my concerns about the fic. I may end up coming to the conclusion that I can't in good conscious continue for the reasons I have outlined above. Or maybe my research will lead me to a way where I can mitigate my concerns. I'm not sure if there even is an answer. But I figured I'd let everyone know where my head is and to not expect an update for awhile. </p><p>If you've gotten this far: thanks for reading. If you have some feedback, I'd love to hear it! There might be a perspective that I'm missing, or an angle I hadn't considered!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Emma…Emma,” a gentle voice sounded at her ear. Her eyes fluttered open blearily, and she realized she was still sitting on the floor with Killian, her head resting on his shoulder and his head resting on top of hers. “C’mon, cherub, time to wake up.”</p><p>“Nooooo,” Emma whined, trying to bury her face more deeply into Killian’s shoulder to move away from Whale. Beside her, Killian’s arm tightened around her protectively as Tink tried to wake him up unsuccessfully.</p><p>“I’m guessing you didn’t sleep well last night. But we have to get you ready for District 10,” Whale said, and he did sound genuinely sorry about it.</p><p>Whereas Tink threatened, “Get up or I’m dumping cold water on your head.” She straightened up and walked away when both Killian and Emma began to stir.</p><p>“When did she become such a hardass?” Emma grumbled, trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes. Whale chuckled and slipped a cup of something into her hand and then into Killian’s. “What is this?” she asked, looking up at suspiciously. She gave it an experimental sniff.</p><p>“It’s not booze,” Whale replied, affronted by her silent accusation. “It’s hot cocoa with cinnamon.” He paused for a moment before adding with a sad smile, “It’s your mother’s favorite drink.”</p><p>Before Emma could even begin to process that information, Whale turned around and walked away. She held the warm drink in her hands for a moment, Killian watching her with an appraising eye.</p><p>“You didn’t mention that to me,” he said quietly. Given the fight they’d just had, she’d have been more than understanding if his tone held a little more of an accusatory note to it. But it didn’t and Emma couldn’t help but breathe out a little sigh of relief.</p><p>“I didn’t know,” she said honestly.</p><p> Killian nodded quietly, before gently tapping his mug against hers. “Bottoms up,” he said, lifting his mug to hers before taking a drink. When he let out a delighted hum, Emma followed suit, taking a quick gulp that warmed her insides.</p><p>The sweetness of the chocolate was almost immediately chased by the warm bite of the cinnamon. She sighed happily and let her eyes flutter shut. It was pretty could, and Emma could see why her mother loved this drink so much.</p><p>“You ready to go take on 10, Emma?” Killian asked softly after a few moments, letting her enjoy the warmth and the silence for a moment.</p><p>She looked up at her partner and grinned. “Let’s do this.”</p><p>He stood up and extended his hand to her. She threaded their fingers together and let him pull her up.</p><p>--</p><p>When the train door opened, it was a genuine shock to all parties involved—given their welcomes in the last two districts—where the only two greet them at the station were the former Tributes of District 10: Snow and David. There was no press, there were no Mistguards, just them and their small greeting party…the way it was supposed to have been from the beginning.</p><p>“Cameras?” Whale called from the train. His hand was held up, to keep Emma and Killian back in case there was something new they needed to be aware of.</p><p>“Too much of a liability we were told,” David answered with a grin. “So the cameras will be during their speeches only. And no other officials, too much chaos.” Hearing that, Whale sauntered off the train to his friend.</p><p>She all but bounded out of the train after her mentor. It’d been months since she’d seen Snow and David in the Capitol, and she found that now they were in front of her, she was excited to see them again. There was something about the couple that put her at ease and made her feel bolstered in a way that usually only Killian did. And Whale sometimes.</p><p>But then again, it was easy to see just how supported Whale felt in their presence too.</p><p> The two men hugged, clapping each other’s backs. “Well, it’s good to see you in one piece, though you kind of look like shit,” David said when Whale pulled back.</p><p>“David, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Whale told him, clapping his shoulder.</p><p>“Well, it’s the nicest thing you’ve ever made me say,” David teased.</p><p>Emma laughed from the bottom of the train. Both Snow and David’s heads toward turned her and broke out in a run toward her. David got to her first and immediately wrapped his arms around her, protectively cupping the back of her head.</p><p>At first Emma tensed, thinking about Gold and his warning to hurt the people she cared about. But then she remembered that there were no cameras around, and as long as they were professional about it in front of the cameras, there was no conceivable way for Gold to find out about this.</p><p>“Hey, Emma,” David murmured softly, keeping her close. “We missed you.”</p><p>“I missed you both too,” she admitted.</p><p>And she had missed Snow and David’s company. They’d been her constant companions in the first few days after the Games.</p><p>She let herself relax into David’s hold, closing her eyes. She felt Snow’s arms wrap around them both for a minute before David pulled away to let Snow hug Emma.</p><p>Emma tried not to shift uncomfortably when Snow cupped her cheek and stared directly into her eyes.</p><p>
  <em>“How come Snow likes to touch so much?” Emma grumbled to David, shifting in the hospital bed. She’d asked Snow to go get her something to eat to get five minutes of peace and quiet while she was recovering.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That’s just how she is…” David chuckled, putting his hand over hers. “It’s how she expresses concern and care. Do you think you can grin and bear it? She’s trying not to mother hen you to death and this is the best way she knows how…”</em>
</p><p>It was so nice to be cared for after all those months alone, but the idea of being touched by anyone that she didn’t know very well was still not her ideal. Still, she tried to keep from moving as Snow looked over at her appraisingly.</p><p>“You haven’t been eating or sleeping, have you?” Snow murmured worriedly.</p><p>
  <em>“I think…” Emma started, wondering if she should even say it out loud. “I think Snow and David were going to have a baby but they lost it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And why do you think that? Did they say something to you?” Merlin asked, his tone quite neutral all things considered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I dunno,” Emma admitted, shrugging her shoulders. “They would look at me when they thought I wasn’t looking…and they’d just look so sad. Like I reminded them of someone.” </em>
</p><p>Emma shrugged, not meeting Snow’s eyes right away. No one was okay after the Games, and what did it matter how much she was eating or sleeping? She was still alive and kicking.</p><p><em>And supremely messing up relationships along the way, </em>her mind supplied unhelpfully.</p><p>“Can I just give you some advice, one Victor to another?” Snow asked, and it was the tone that brought Emma’s gaze back up to her. It was warm, but not pitying or patronizing. It was full of the understanding that came from one of the worst sorts of hell. “Little meals. Even if it’s just an apple. I know that a big meal can seem overwhelming, especially when you don’t feel up to eating.”</p><p>Snow’s thumb gently swiped across Emma’s cheek and the action reminded Emma so much of her mother that she nearly burst into tears. “You need to survive, Emma,” Snow said softly—encouragingly—but firmly. “Do you understand? You’re not meant to carry this alone, and you don’t have to carry this alone.” <br/><br/>Emma closed her eyes and nodded.</p><p>“Good.” She didn’t see Snow’s grin, but she could hear it in her voice. “Now, let’s get this over with shall we?” Snow gently draped her arm over Emma’s shoulder and walked with her behind Charming and Killian. “Mayor Caspian has prepared quite a lunch for you both, and you can tell me all about Henry…I know you were excited to see him again the last time I saw you.”</p><p>At the mention of Henry’s name, Killian’s head nearly whipped around. After what he’d learned, she wasn’t surprised by his reaction, but found her heartbeat picking up at his reaction. “You okay?” he mouthed at her, his eyes darting up briefly to Snow.</p><p>She nodded, and leaned a little bit more into Snow as if to prove a point to him.</p><p>Satisfied, Killian nodded and turned his head back forward.</p><p>David turned his head slightly to look at her, and once again her heart twisted when she caught immeasurable sadness on his face.</p><p>--</p><p>The roar of the crowd was still behind them when Emma and Killian boarded the train.</p><p>Rationally, she knew that every district mourned their fallen tributes, but the ferocity of it had nearly overwhelmed them and caused a riot in 11. Jack was well-known and well-liked it seems, for an error he’d made as a boy for selling the family cow for some beans—thinking that five measly beans would’ve fetched more in the long-term than a cow—that he never seemed to live down, even in death. <br/><br/>Diana, on the other hand, was a woman with an incredible imagination. She had dubbed her mother—the florist for District 10—“The Flower Queen” and crafted an incredible story with her young playmates about a knight who saved The Flower Queen’s daughter from a Mother Dragon. The game then evolved to a tag-like game where the Mother Dragon chased all the children back home. The only ‘safe’ place was in the Flower Queen’s kingdom…or Diana’s family shop.</p><p>It seemed that 10 in its way as a lot like her own District, Emma had thought during the ceremony. Closely knit and fiercely protective of their young. Ripples of anger chased themselves through the crowd during Jack and Diana’s eulogies, and Emma nearly stopped speaking in fear of repeating the incident in 11.  </p><p>If it hadn’t been for the respect that 10 had for Snow and David, Mayor Caspian’s presence, and a friend of David’s—Kristoff—who kept the crowd under control Emma was sure there would’ve been more bodies to add to their Victor’s tour.</p><p>However, once they’d finished their speeches, a woman in the crowd had performed the gesture Emma did for Imani, and the crowd immediately flared to life. The shouts for revolution, for the Victors to rise with them still carried from the town square to the train station. The Mistguard seemed to clamor around them, adding to the noise that had both her and Killian completely on edge.</p><p>“We’ll see you soon!” Snow called before the train doors shut behind them.<br/><br/>“Goodbye!” Emma called, but there was no way that her friends from 10 had heard her.</p><p>Emma rushed to the window, and pressing her face to it, she waved goodbye to David and Snow. The couple desperately followed the train for as long as they could, and it wasn’t long at all before the two of them and District 10 were specks in the distance.</p><p>Emma stayed at the window and didn’t turn around, but she felt Killian turn around beside her to face their mentor. “Is every district going to be like this now?”</p><p>Her shoulders slumped at the defeat in his voice and she pressed her forehead to the window. “Henry won’t be okay if Gold keeps seeing this over and over,” she muttered, mainly to herself but her mentor’s sympathetic hum indicated that he’d heard her.</p><p>“Well, if it makes you feel better, I’ve already spoken to my friends in 7, and Henry’s no worse for wear,” Whale responded. <br/><br/>Emma whipped her head around in confusion. “You have friends?” she asked skeptically. She folded her arms over her chest. “Seriously, since when do you have friends? You don’t talk to anyone besides us and Tink.”</p><p>“Says you I don’t,” Whale retorted, and Emma had the distinct feeling that if Tink hadn’t been standing right there he would’ve stuck his tongue out at her.</p><p>“Snow and David are his friends,” Killian rightly pointed out.</p><p>“They don’t live in 7!” Emma exclaimed, fully invested in the discovery that her mentor actually had someone else in his life that tolerated his existence.</p><p>“Oh my god,” Whale groaned, rolling his eyes. “Okay. They’re not actually my friends. They’re acquaintances. Barely. Can you just be happy that your brother is alive and safe so you can stop making fun of my social life?” He turned to Tink as if looking for some back up and when he didn’t get it, he spluttered, “Hey! A little help here?”</p><p>“She’s making perfectly valid points, Victor,” Tinkerbell said, a little amused quirk to her lips as she left the room.</p><p>“Betrayal!” Whale muttered underneath his breath. His gaze lingered on Tink for a moment before he turned back to Emma and Killian. “Listen. I don’t know if every District is going to be like this, but I do know this: the cameras were smart enough to cut out after your speech. Which means Gold didn’t see the crowd get antsy.”</p><p>“Even if he did, the crowd started acting up after we finished talking,” Killian added earnestly. “I’m sure we can’t be blamed for that.”</p><p>“Something tells me that if Gold wants to blame us, he will,” Emma replied sourly, mainly to herself. She hadn’t realized she’d said it loud enough for Whale and Killian to hear unless they were looking at her. “Sorry,” she sighed, running a hand through her hair.</p><p>“It’s okay, love,” Killian promised, taking her hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. “We don’t have to solve all our problems in one night.” His hand didn’t move any farther than her own, like it was still wondering if it was even allowed.</p><p>Or if it wanted to.</p><p>“You know, you both didn’t really sleep well last night. Grab something to eat and then head to your rooms. You need to sleep. For real,” Whale said sternly. <br/><br/>“Why the sudden interest in our sleeping habits?” Emma grumbled.</p><p>“Because Snow White threatened to shoot me with a bow and arrow if you didn’t eat and sleep more,” he answered in a glib tone. “I guess I’m supposed to take care of you or something.”</p><p>“Can she really be your friend if she doesn’t know you’re not capable of that?” Emma mumbled.</p><p>“Hey!” Whale exclaimed indignantly. “You’re both still alive! Everybody’s got the limbs they started with! I know you’re new to this and all, but in the scheme of things? I’m mentor of the fricking <em>year.</em>”</p><p>Emma sighed, feeling the air taken out of her lungs. She couldn’t explain why she wanted to keep being mean to him. Normally in their dynamic, she was playing. But for some reason she was angry enough to really want to dig in where it hurt and leave Whale feeling as exposed as she felt.</p><p><em>Probably because you’re tired and hungry</em>, she thought. When she realized the thought sounded more like Killian’s voice than her own, she ran a hand over her face. <em>Pretty sure that’s the sign of insanity</em>. “You’re right, Whale,” she mumbled. “Sorry.”</p><p>“Good,” Whale huffed, puffing his chest out. “Now go eat. Before I ground you for talking back.” Both Emma and Killian looked up at him dubiously. “Or something.”</p><p>Emma and Killian got up and went to get their food. Emma piled as much on her plate as she possibly could, not realizing just how hungry she was until things had settled down for a moment. Killian was about the same, not even really looking at which food he was putting on his plate.</p><p>We can just pick off each other’s plates, she thought tiredly, noticing that Whale and Tink had left them alone. She’d stared after them for a moment, wondering when and how they’d gotten so close to one another despite seemingly being at each other’s throats for the last twenty-five years…</p><p>“Swan, if it’s all right with you, I’m a little tired…” Killian started, scratching behind his ear, breaking her out of her thoughts.</p><p>Exhaustion, Emma supposed, probably had more to do with the searing panic that started to take over her more than anything. She had no interest in being apart from Killian, not after the past few days that they had. She didn’t understand what was driving her so much to be near him, but it didn’t stop her from blurting out so their mentor wouldn’t hear them, “Can I stay with you tonight?”     </p><p>He raised an eyebrow, dipping his head toward her. “You make it easier,” she explained lamely, shrugging. She closed her eyes as she added quietly, “I’m tired of being by myself. I…it’s too much for me to carry alone.”</p><p>Killian’s face softened as he responded, “As you wish.”</p><p>When they walked into Killian’s room, he opened the door for her wordlessly. She waited in his space and let him take the lead. He placed his plate on the bedside table before removing his brace. She stood and watched as he put a cream on his old injury and then climbed into bed.</p><p>He balanced the plate against his stomach and opened his free arm to her. As gingerly as she could—as tired as he was, he’d kill her if she got crumbs in his bed—she climbed and curled up beside him.</p><p>The contented exhale that escaped him when she settled against him didn’t go unnoticed, but she chose not to comment on it.</p><p>They were both too exhausted physically and mentally for them to think about anything beyond having dinner and falling asleep.  Though she’d been right in thinking they’d errantly pick off the other’s plate, particularly when Killian had taken more slices of sweetbread than she had, or she’d taken the last piece of meat that he’d wanted.                                                                                                                 </p><p>As Killian’s breathing evened out, her mind began to wander, thinking ruefully of the beginning of their games. That first night she was so sure he wanted her dead, when all he’d ever wanted was to keep her safe.</p><p>
  <em>A soft beeping sounded, distracting her from the conversation. Her head picked up to see a little silver container floating her way. It was her first sponsored gift of the game. With her good hand she gently reached out toward it before it could get too far out of hand.</em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It took a few minutes to fiddle with it, trying to open the thing one handed. “How does Killian do this all the time?” she grunted, trying not to draw too much attention to herself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We’re sorry it’s not more. -S&amp;D”</em>
</p><p>Who the hell are S and D?<em> she wondered. The only people she knew by that name were Snow and David. But it couldn’t have been. While not expressly forbidden, it seemed highly out of place for a mentor of another district to send a tribute a gift in the arena. Most mentors didn’t even send gifts to their own tributes. </em></p><p>It can’t be Snow and David…can it?</p><p>
  <em>Emma bit her lip as she took the small vial out of the container. She took a quick sniff of it and recognized goldenrod from her time in the training center. She dropped a few drops onto her injured hand and saw the skin slowly taper itself shut. </em>
</p><p>“The goldenrod!” Emma gasped, her eyes flying open.</p><p>Killian bolted awake, his eyes searching her as if to check for some unseen injury. “What the bloody hell are you talking about, Swan?” he grumbled, his accent thicker with sleep though his breathing was still settling from after she startled him awake.</p><p>She quickly launched into the story of the sponsor container she’d received their first night in the games, and the cryptic message that had come with it.</p><p>“And you think Snow and David sent it?” Killian asked, his brow furrowed in thought. His lips were pursed, and he seemed to be mulling the story over. “And you’re sure it’s not someone in 7 or a sponsor you met with those initials. What makes you think it’s Snow and David?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Emma admitted. “I don’t have anything concrete to go off. Just instinct.”</p><p>There was maybe less than half a second where she worried that Killian was going to brush her off and tell her that her instincts were wrong. But he never did.</p><p>He just sat contemplatively, his mouth or his eyebrow occasionally twitching as he privately ruminated on the possibilities. A few moments of silence passed before he asked, “But why? What could Snow and David possibly have gained by sending you a healing mixture?”</p><p>Catching her gaze, he added, “Not that I’m upset that they did. On the contrary, I’m quite pleased that if it was them that it’s the reason, you’re still here with me. But still…what rationale would they have for giving you—a tribute that they’d only met once and not even from their district—a healing potion?”</p><p>“I have no idea,” Emma said quietly, laying back down. Killian looked down at her for a moment before lying back down with her, wrapping his arms around her. “But it’s something I think I deserve to find out.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aaaaannndddd we're back! After a few months of deliberating, revising my outline, considering your comments and consulting with some trusted friends, I've decided to continue with this fic. Very cautiously. </p>
<p>That being said, if you are venturing into this fic for the first time and you're concerned about any issue that appears in this fic, please don't hesitate to reach out! Even if I don't respond, I take all comments very seriously and give them a great deal of weight! </p>
<p>Right. So where did we leave off then? Killian and Emma are on the Victor's Tour, we've been to Districts 12, 11, and 10, Misthaven is a great deal of unrest and Emma and Killian's relationship is still a little strained from some truth hiding. If you're looking for the specifics, a reread might always be helpful. </p>
<p>All caught up? Great! Then let's get started! </p>
<p>tw: death</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>9 passed without much incident. Ripples and murmurs through the crowd while they gave the tributes for the twins who had been killed in the avalanche, but nothing quite major. As Misthaven’s grain exporters, Emma supposed that they didn’t have as much to gain by overthrowing the system. After all, grain made several vital foods and there was plenty to eat in the Capitol.</p>
<p>Things still ran hot and cold with Killian sometimes. He would hold hands with her when they gave speeches or sit near her at dinner, but she could tell that her boyfriend was hurt by her keeping secrets from him. Though all things being equal, Emma was still fairly certain that Killian hated her and was just too polite to say anything about it.</p>
<p>So, she gave him space when she could stand it.</p>
<p>There were times when they couldn’t handle being apart anymore. Holding each other was the easiest remedy for the horror of what they’d seen in the Games, the easiest way to draw them away from their nightmares and back to reality.</p>
<p>If they started in separate rooms, they’d usually end up in the same room, curled up with one another. Her head was usually tucked underneath his chin and his arm would come around her. Sometimes they fell back asleep, sometimes they didn’t. </p>
<p>It was on the morning they arrived in District 8, Emma finally had the courage to ask him, “What do you see?” He made a confused noise in the back of his throat. “When you have your nightmares. I know it terrifies you…whatever it is you see.” He was quiet and she added, “You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready. I know that I’m probably not your favorite person in the world right now.”</p>
<p>His hand had been combing through her hair when it stilled suddenly. She frowned, an apology bubbling on her tongue but Killian spoke before she could begin to apologize. “Sometimes it’s Liam and the dreamshade. Sometimes it’s you and the dreamshade. But usually it’s you…” he murmured. “Disappearing in the flash flood.” His voice was strained and his eyes didn’t meet hers.</p>
<p>It made sense. Every time he’d had a nightmare, he’d desperately reached for her as if he thought she’d slip away. She thought about the night he’d slept over and just how frantic he’d looked when he’d come into the living room after his nightmare. She thought he’d just been disoriented from the dream, but if his dream had been about losing her…</p>
<p>“You know that wasn’t your fault,” Emma insisted softly, tilting her head up to look at him. “I had a concussion and there’s no way you could’ve known that.” She cupped his cheek in her hand gently, her thumb dancing across the skin there until his eyes met hers. “I don’t blame you for that, you know.”</p>
<p>“I still could’ve checked,” Killian insisted, clutching her a little bit closer. “If it weren’t for Imani, I would’ve lost you.” Emma tucked herself back in against Killian’s arms, letting her head rest on his chest. His hand resumed its motions through her hair. “What about you?” he murmured. “Imani?”</p>
<p>“Most of the time. Sometimes it’s more abstract than that. A feeling.” Emma sighed, her lip quivering a little bit. “I just feel…it was my idea to separate us. My idea to draw the Careers out. My idea to set the traps. She might still be alive if she hadn’t met me.”</p>
<p>“Love,” Killian murmured softly, brushing her hair away from her face. “I think you know better than I that’s not true. She was good at hiding, yes. And a decent fighter. She was smart and kind and resourceful. Quick thinker and quick on her feet. So many good and valuable things—”</p>
<p>“And I still got her killed!” Emma protested.</p>
<p>“Let me finish,” Killian said patiently, gently tilting her chin up so their gazes could meet. “Cruella? Hans? Felix? They were <em>ruthless </em>and they would’ve stopped at nothing to see her destroyed because it would stand in the way of their winning. At the very least you made sure she didn’t die in vain.”</p>
<p>Emma let out a wet and watery sigh, her hand sliding up his chest. “Do you think it’ll ever stop feeling like this?” she asked.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t look promising if Whale is anything to go by,” Killian murmured sadly. “But Snow and David seem relatively well adjusted. Archie too. But I know he had to work very hard to be that way.” Fondly, he added, “When we go back as mentors, I’ll be sure to properly introduce you to Archie. I think you two would get on quite well.”</p>
<p>“Why? Because we both put up with you?” Emma teased softly, cuddling into him.</p>
<p>“Very funny, love,” Killian chuckled softly. The early tendrils of sunrise began peeking into their room and Killian sighed, “Another sleepless night.”</p>
<p>“Whale is going to kill us if we don’t try for at least a few hours,” Emma muttered. “If Tink doesn’t beat him to it.”</p>
<p>Killian chuckled lowly into her ear, drawing the blankets around them. “Goodnight, love.”</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Killian.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>There was a sense of grimness hanging in the air over District 8, Emma observed as Killian helped her off the train. The sky was completely overcast and the clouds seemed to be getting darker by the minute.</p>
<p>Like in 9 and 10 the chosen tributes from District 8, Megara and Lumiere, stood at the bottom of the ramp. They smiled but there seemed to be no warmth to it, looking more trepidatious than anything. Not that Emma could say she blamed them.</p>
<p>Even when Whale approached, there was little joy to the interaction between Victors, unlike in the previous District.  Whale seemed to be dreading the visit more than usual although Emma wasn’t sure if it was because of District 8 or the bout of malaise that seemed to overcome her mentor.</p>
<p>She thought his eyes had yellowed yet again over breakfast but looking at them now they seemed quite clear. He was still limping, his ankles swollen.</p>
<p>“You’ll have lunch at the Mayor’s mansion before honoring the tributes in the afternoon,” Tink told them as they were ushering to a golden car. “Won’t that be fun, you two?”</p>
<p>“Is that wise?” Whale asked Lumiere and Megara, who both looked at each other helplessly. “Is it that bad?” he asked gently.</p>
<p>“It’s about as bad as it’s been since that first night. There’s never really been a day where it’s been <em>good</em>,” Megara sighed tiredly. Emma’s eyes flickered up to her mentor and Whale shook his head discretely.</p>
<p>
  <em>Not right now.</em>
</p>
<p>No words were exchanged after that, all parties seemed to simply fall into step.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Emma recalled how one of the things Gold had specifically brought to her attention during his visit as well as Tink’s observation of the fabric shortage coming out of 8. The image of the Swansong, all but burned into the fabric, flashed in her mind, and she wondered how much chaos their arrival was going to bring.</p>
<p>Their being in 8, a volatile district, could seemingly set off an explosion. And everyone knew it.</p>
<p>Whale looked at her and she tried to communicate silently that she was going to be on her best behavior. Things were starting to progress to a point where Henry was now being passed between a few neighbors houses to keep the Mistguard guessing. She knew she’d feel better once they were done with 8.</p>
<p>Both Emma and Killian stepped into the golden car and the doors shut automatically around them. They looked at each other, raising their eyebrows, but it seemed inappropriate to speak when the silence around them both seemed so heavy.</p>
<p>So, Emma watched the scenery go by. As they moved more into the district the air around them seemed to grow thicker. Smokestacks from the factories swirled into the sky and even from inside the car, Emma found it hard to breathe.  </p>
<p>There were missing paint chips on several of the houses or cracks in the brick or stone. A piece of graffiti caught her eye: <em>If the odds weren’t in the Golden Princess’s favor, what hope do we have? </em></p>
<p>As her eyes travelled over the cobblestone streets, she wondered which of the houses Merlin grew up in. She wondered if she would be able to see where her stylist grew up. Not that she supposed anyone would really post a sign that said, “Merlin lived here”.</p>
<p>As the car began its ascent up a hill, Killian stiffened beside her. They were approaching a looming, ostentatious mansion that sat at the top of the hill overlooking its citizens. Even in the dreariness of the day, the gold shimmer of the mansion seemed to sparkle and shine so much so that Emma had to squint.</p>
<p>“Well, I guess that’ll be the Mayor’s estate, then,” Killian said wryly.</p>
<p>The car pulled up in front, and somehow the building seemed so much larger when they stood underneath the illustrious overhang.</p>
<p>“We’ll go in first,” Megara said abruptly, stopping the party before they even got a chance to knock on the front door. “You’ll wait in the foyer for him, and then we’ll all move to the dining hall. Do not speak to Mayor Midas unless spoken to. Do not make eye contact. Do not shake his hand.”</p>
<p>Emma and Killian exchanged a suspicious look before shuffling a little closer together to protect each other. The doors opened and Megara and Lumiere were immediately ushered upstairs. Servants decorated in gold immediately escorted Whale, Emma, Killian and Tink to a grand entrance way before standing in front of a gaudy staircase.</p>
<p>Emma hadn’t even opened her mouth to ask the question before Whale told her flatly, “Honestly? I have no idea what’s going on.”</p>
<p>A simple wooden frame caught Emma’s eye. It was down a meandering hallway to Emma’s left. She took a few steps and waited for the servants or Whale or anyone to stop her, but they didn’t.</p>
<p>But moving away from Killian’s side had naturally gotten his attention. “Where are you going?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Just to check out the artwork in the hall over there,” Emma responded, pointing the hall. “You wanna come?”</p>
<p>“No thanks, love. If it’s anything like the rest of the house, I’m sure it’s not really my style,” Killian teased. “Have fun. I’ll miss you every moment you’re gone.”<br/><br/>“I’d despair if you didn’t,” Emma replied flatly, though smile blossoming at the corner of her lips gave her away. Her hand slipped out of Killian’s—not even realizing she’d taken it in the first place—and headed toward there. The hallway was long and there were many frames on the wall.</p>
<p>The one Emma contained a portrait of a beautiful woman with a kind smile. She held a baby in her arms and she was beaming for the artist.</p>
<p>In the next picture, the child was alone. The baby had grown into a toddler with fine, golden hair but her mouth seemed taut and her expression grim. As Emma moved down the hallway, the child grew before her very eyes and seemingly into someone she was familiar with, almost a friend.</p>
<p>At first, Emma thought the child looked familiar because she’d watched her grow through a series of portraits. But as she came to the seventeenth and final portrait, a cold wave of dread washed over.</p>
<p>She had seen the child before.</p>
<p>
  <em>The little girl’s gaze was transfixed on something above them, her eyes wide with horror and shock. Emma turned to follow Imani’s gaze and nearly dropped her pack as she did so. Above them was Abigail, one of District 8’s Tributes, hanging dead from the tree. The girl’s eyes were wide open still, her mouth hanging open.</em>
</p>
<p>“Oh,” Emma said heartbrokenly, her hand extended toward the picture as if that could somehow make amends.</p>
<p>“She was beautiful, wasn’t she?” a voice rasped behind her.</p>
<p>Emma whipped around, defensive, and ready to break one of the frames and strike if she needed to. But the sad look in the old man’s eyes made Emma stop. His daughter had his eyes once.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Mayor Midas,” she whispered. “I didn’t…I’m sorry.” She shifted nervously in front of him. “I…we can go. You don’t have to host us in your home. Killian will understand and I don’t really give a damn what the press thinks and—"</p>
<p>“I don’t blame you for what happened, child,” Midas said sadly, his eyes flickering up to the portrait. His gaze turned icy cold as he came to stand beside her. “I blame Gold. Her reaping was a punishment and a warning. Her death was a message. He thought he could take the only thing that mattered to me as a way for me to kowtow to his demands.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure you want to be telling me this?” Emma asked hesitantly, though honestly she wouldn’t put it past Gold to do something like that on purpose, regardless of his reason. She followed Midas’s gaze to the portrait of Abigail and waited for a response. He didn’t seem to hear her as he stared at the picture of his daughter, lost in thought.</p>
<p>“Yes, Midas, are you sure that’s a thought you want to articulate out loud?” Whale asked quietly, but warningly. Emma tilted her head at her mentor. He was alone. He added, “Killian told me where you were and when the servants started panicking, I figured you’d find the solution faster than they could.”</p>
<p>Emma smiled a little bit as Whale came over to stand beside Midas, putting his hand on Midas’s shoulder. “We can go if it’s too much,” Whale offered gently to the old man. “I can’t imagine having us in your home is easy.”</p>
<p>“Having the Swansong in my home will never be too much. Our district owes her so much,” the old man croaked out as his eyes took in the painting of his daughter. “They just left her there. They were going to leave her there…and she let Abigail come home. She let Abigail rest.” Midas’s voice cracked and tears filled his eyes.</p>
<p>“I know,” Whale murmured comfortingly, rubbing Midas’s back.</p>
<p>“I hope he pays for this,” Midas growled, his hands curling into fists. “I hope he suffers a thousand deaths and everything burns down around him. I want that man to pay, and if it means burning every scrap of fabric that’s left in this district then that’s what I’ll do! I will not let them make more weapons in 8!” His eyes flashed at Whale before his shoulders slumped. “But I suppose it’s not long before they replace me with someone who will, is it?”</p>
<p>“Weapons?” Emma mouthed at her mentor; her eyebrows furrowed with confusion.</p>
<p>Whale looked trapped for a moment, but was saved by the rush of servants, accompanied by Megara and Lumiere. Both representatives of District 8 looked absolutely terrified as their eyes darted across the scene, trying to gain something from Emma or Whale’s expressions.</p>
<p>She took the cue from her mentor to keep her expression neutral and her head held high. Truthfully, she had nothing to hide, because she didn’t know what was happening. She was sure that Whale wouldn’t tell her now or even soon, though it was beyond clear that the reason 8 was so tumultuous was that there wasn’t a soul in the District who felt any love toward the Capitol and no fear either.</p>
<p>“Emma?” Whale asked pleasantly, though there was a sharpness to his tone. “I think Mayor Midas is very tired and distressed. Do you mind waiting with Killian and Tink in the foyer while we get this all settled?” He smiled at her, but it was far too polite, far too strained and nothing like she was used to.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Emma replied, feeling every eye in the room. “Killian and I need to go practice our speeches for the Tribute memorial anyway.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>“Does it still sting, love?” Killian asked softly, putting the butterfly bandage over her cheek.</p>
<p>As she had started her memorial for Abigail, the citizens of District 8 had quite loudly demanded for Emma to speak her mind. They’d screamed about how Emma had seen the brutal way Abigail had been murdered, and how dare she peddle the Capitol crap when they all knew better.</p>
<p>They weren’t wrong, but it still hurt when they threw things at her and Killian. A rock had scuffed her cheek and Killian was nursing a small bruise against his temple.</p>
<p>“My pride took more of a hit,” Emma groused, examining herself in the mirror. “Tink’s gonna pitch a fit if we go to 6 looking like this.”</p>
<p>“Miss Swan, your cheek will heal in 1.68 days, with minimal scarring,” the ceiling chirped cheerfully at her. “Mister Jones, the scratch on your head will heal in .98 days. Would you like to hear more about head wounds bleed more than regular wounds?”</p>
<p>“No thanks,” Killian sighed, laying back in his bed. He looked up at her appraisingly, his brow furrowing with concern. “What’s on your mind, Swan? You’re making a face.”</p>
<p>“Am I?” Emma asked distractedly. Killian sat up again and moved closer to her. “I guess I was just thinking about what they said.” She sighed, looking down at her hands. “They’re not wrong. I was the one who took her out of the tree and closed her eyes. I was the one who sat with Imani. I saw it all firsthand. But that’s just the Games, isn’t it? That’s just how it is?”</p>
<p>“How do you mean, love?” Killian asked softly, his hand coming to skim across her shoulder. She’d felt her heartbeat begin to race and her breaths were becoming shallower, but Killian was there to reground her and center back in the moment with him.</p>
<p>“Midas said Abigail’s reaping was a punishment. And her death was a message,” she said slowly, as if by stretching out the words she could come to a revelation and uncover why he seemed to think that. “I always thought that mayor’s kids were entered once just to make it fair.”</p>
<p>“Love, I’m pretty sure that nothing about the reaping is entirely fair,” Killian said wryly, looking at her. He watched her silently for a moment before adding, “But you think it’s something more.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know how to explain it, and I wouldn’t even know how to begin to quantify it,” Emma said, frustrated. “But this seems like more than the discontented ramblings of a man who lost his daughter. He seems to believe it so strongly.”</p>
<p>“Just because you believe something doesn’t make it true,” Killian said, though the look in his eyes was encouraging. He wasn’t arguing with her, simply trying to offer Emma another perspective to explore her thoughts freely. Knowing he didn’t doubt her made her heart sing and she would’ve kissed him if it weren’t entirely inappropriate for her to do so.</p>
<p>She thought it over for a moment, her lips pursed together as she considered everything she knew so far. Midas’s words, the peoples’ anger, the look on Lumiere and Megara’s faces, and what little Gold had told her about 8.</p>
<p>Emma gasped when she thought she had something. “What about the fabric?” Killian nodded, encouraging her silently. “This can’t be just about Abigail. Gold said that the Capitol was getting mostly unusable fabric sent to them and anything that was useable had our insignia on it. If Gold sent Midas a message with Abigail’s reaping then Midas is clearly sending one back.”</p>
<p>“I’m very flattered that you think the Swansong is ours, love,” Killian replied wryly. “Considering most of the country would probably just consider you to be the Swansong. But I need your help. Put the pieces together for me. Help me understand where you’re going with this.”</p>
<p>“There’s no way it’s just Midas ordering all of this because if it was, they would’ve booed him as well and torn him to shreds. But they didn’t. They stood with him,” she told him. In fact, the citizens of District 8 had stood deathly silent during their Mayor’s address, their eyes transfixed upon him.</p>
<p>She stood up abruptly and began pacing back and forth in Killian’s room from the window to the door. She could tell he was watching her, but she had no idea what he was thinking.   </p>
<p>“And Midas said something about not wanting to make a weapon for Gold anymore. What weapon can be made from fabric?” Emma asked, mostly to herself.</p>
<p>“Perhaps its an armor?” Killian wondered out loud.</p>
<p>“But the Mistguard already have armor, and anyone who comes within a five-foot radius of Gold is checked for weapons so surely Gold wouldn’t need it for himself,” Emma pointed out, her brow furrowing as she continued her pacing. She sat with this thought for a moment, turning it over and over before she let out a frustrated grunt when she realized that she couldn’t seem to come up with any solution.  </p>
<p>“You don’t have to have all the answers,” Killian reminded her softly.</p>
<p>“Having even one answer would be nice,” Emma replied sadly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh hello. It's been awhile, but has it really? Once again, I've taken on the arduous task of making this series my NaNoWriMo and unlike last year I don't think I'll be finished writing this at the end of November. And I only say that because I'm about 30k words in NaNoWriMo now (around 65k words total) and I'm only on part 7 of my 19 part outline. Yeah. So this fic will EASILY surpass the length of predecessor and may even surpass the length of its source material (Catching Fire is 101,564 words). What it does mean is that I'm currently 5 chapters ahead of what's posted which means for more regular updates.</p><p>the story can resume and by the moon's rise maybe I'll also get to for another update this month. Maybe. And maybe I'll keep up this energy for December, who knows.</p><p>Anyway, you're not here for my rambling, you're here for Emma and Killian! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Emma wasn’t sure if things were getting easier after 8 or they were just simply in Districts with lower stakes. Although, if she was honest with herself, 6 didn’t necessarily quantify as easy given that she had to spend the entire ceremony staring at Graham’s empty platform.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Giving Graham’s eulogy had been strangely easy and difficult at the same time. When she looked back on that night, her first ally in the Games was a boy she didn’t know all that well. But his story had been all too similar to hers and it made her wonder if she would’ve ended up like Graham if it hadn’t been for Killian.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It really all felt like dumb luck that she survived most of the time. As they stood out on the platform, it really felt like it had been circumstance that kept her alive and not skill. And it felt awful.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Midas could’ve had his daughter back. Imani could’ve lived. It could’ve been someone else. Someone that deserved it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Emma thought ruefully as they boarded the train that night. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Graham could’ve made a name for himself, done everything right. But instead they have me and I’m the one who screwed everything up for everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A warm hand on her shoulder drew her out of her thoughts. “C’mon, cherub,” Whale said gently. “It’s dinner time.” Killian was waiting for her expectantly, his eyebrows furrowed with concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not hungry,” Emma muttered, her eyes going to the floor. “I just want to go to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I have to force bread and soup down my throat three times a day then so do you,” Whale argued, gently nudging her toward the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need it more than I do,” Emma shot back weakly, not picking her head up. “You’re as thin as a rail these days, Whale. I know you think you can survive on whiskey, but it turns out that you actually do need like other things to survive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you better make sure that I’m actually eating,” Whale replied. She still didn’t move. Whale nodded to Killian. “Give us a minute. We’ll be right behind you, Killian.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Emma?” Killian asked worriedly. He stepped in closer to her, just out of arm’s reach, before he asked, “I’ll see you at dinner, yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Emma responded. “I just need a minute.” Satisfied with that answer, Killian went off into the dining car, leaving Whale and Emma alone. She waited until Killian was completely out of earshot before she mumbled, “That was a dirty trick, Whale.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you mean,” Whale said serenely before walking over to the couch and sitting down. He closed his eyes for a moment, a wince of pain flashing across his face, before he settled again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said we’ll. Like we’d both be there,” Emma replied, sitting on the floor, allowing her mentor to stretch out. The bags under his eyes seemed more pronounced at this angle and he seemed almost relieved to be laying down even though he’d spent most of the day sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Killian wouldn’t have eaten without you,” he replied. “And I’m just going to tell you right now: at some point, the Capitol is going to use the health and safety of the other to try and get you to do something. It may not be this year, it may not be next year, but I can guarantee that it will happen. At least I’m using this as an opportunity to make sure you’re taking care of each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See!” Emma cried out frustratedly. “That’s just it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s just what?” Whale asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wouldn’t have to be like this! If I hadn’t made the decision to take Killian to the dreamshade patch, it wouldn’t be like this!” she cried. “If it weren’t for the dumb luck that kept me alive, it wouldn’t be like this right now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’d be dead,” Whale pointed out, sitting up a little bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Emma was bitterly tempted to ask, “So?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she didn’t. She gently laid her arm over her eyes, as if the lights on the train were suddenly far too blinding. “I don’t deserve this. I just got lucky. I’m not a hero.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Walk me through your logic,” Whale urged. “Where do you think it was luck that you lived?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Walsh could’ve killed me—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you were the one who severed the branch that killed him. Next.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Smee could’ve killed me and Killian saved me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then Felix would’ve killed Killian right there if you hadn’t helped him. C’mon, Emma. Is that the best you got?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The flash flood. I would’ve died if not for Imani.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whale hesitated, and Emma was sure she’d won there. That her mentor would finally see she wasn’t worth investing it because it had all been luck that she survived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except if there was one thing that Whale was always good at, it was surprising her. “Okay, you know what? That’s probably true that you would’ve died if Imani hadn’t intervened,” he started. “But </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> did she save you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Emma started, and then frowned, realizing that she didn’t really know why Imani saved her. “Because she was good and kind and deserved better than the whole mess anyway?” she asked bitterly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most people who die in the Games are people who deserve better than the whole mess. Most people who come out of the Games are people who deserve better than the whole mess,” Whale agreed. “But the ones who come out? It’s not luck that gets a Hunger Games winner out of the Games. It’s the ability to keep fighting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought we were done fighting,” Emma sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately, once you’re a Victor, you’re a Victor for life,” Whale replied. She heard the shifting of the couch and she moved her arm away from her eyes so that she could look up at her mentor. “But think back. What did you do that first day? In the training center?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fought for her,” Emma recalled. She gave a halfhearted smile to her mentor. “After you specifically told me not to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As annoying as it was in the moment,” Whale responded. “You were right to do it. It saved your life in the end. It saved you with Imani. It saved you with Morgarzea. Hell, your ability to keep fighting not only saved your life but Killian’s life. Henry’s life too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma let out a wet sigh as she sat up, drawing her knees to her chest. “Then why does it feel like this, Whale?” she asked tiredly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you made it out alive,” Whale told her gently, putting a hand on her shoulder. He paused and added, “There are plenty of people who have left these Games with no remorse. For whatever their reason. Either they have no qualms in doing what they needed to do to survive or because they simply enjoy the Games. Does that help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma shook her head. “It just feels like there’s a lot that’s my fault,” she said sadly. “Both during and after the Games. And I feel awful about </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whale nodded, not moving to sit beside her but he did give her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Do you know what the odds were? Of you winning?” he asked her quietly. Emma shook her head. “On the day that the Games started, the odds on you winning were about 46 to 1. Felix was the 2 to 1 favorite. Killian was at 58 to 1.” He leaned over to look her in the eye. “When the odds are that high, cherub? When they are not in your favor like that? It takes a hell of a lot more than luck to get by.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and rolled onto his back. “I know that it may not be much consolation. Trust me. I’m no stranger to feeling unworthy. But try to remember that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma nodded, rubbing at her eyes. “Okay,” she murmured. “C’mon, we better get some bread and soup into both of us or they’ll start hovering.” She offered herself up to Whale as a crutch and helped him walk down the hallway. He felt so frail against her and she finally she asked, “You’re not okay, are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jury’s still out,” Whale coughed. “But I’m not gonna drop dead on the tour if that’s what you’re worried about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was clearly all he was going to say on the matter, so Emma left it alone once they got to the dining car. But she was pleased to see her mentor take a little more bread and soup than he normally had. And in turn, she took a little more meat on her plate than she had the day before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Emma was honest, she wished they had spent more time in 5. Not because it was particularly pleasant—honestly, Walsh’s eulogy was the phoniest speech she’d ever given in her lifetime—but because a change seem to come over Killian the moment they left 5.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a hard set to his jawline, his eyes were cold, and he was short and curt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to see Liam,” Killian told their mentor fiercely, a low growl behind his words. “That’s non-negotiable. I don’t bloody care what the schedule is. I don’t care who we’re supposed to be shaking hands with. I’m going to see my brother.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you have to see Mayor Ophelia and Triton—” Tink started, but was cut off by Killian’s intense glare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t bloody well have to do anything!” he snarled at her. “Especially where that bloody limp piece of seaweed is concerned.” He pushed away from the table and stalked away, a fire behind his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both Whale and Tink turned their gazes to Emma. “Don’t look at me, I didn’t do anything,” she replied, taking a piece of bread and saving it so she could bring to Killian later. She was equally as stunned as they were. In all of the years she’d known Killian, she had never seen him this furious, bar when Smee tried to kill her while she was sleeping. It was the only time she’d ever see the unbridled fury she knew he kept well hidden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you didn’t do anything, but maybe go calm him down?” Whale suggested, taking another helping of mashed potatoes. “I don’t know if you know this, but we still have a President to impress.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would they need to impress Gold?” Tink asked confusedly. “They’ve already won.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma used that as a perfect out to escape the dining car and head to Killian’s room. The door was firmly shut, so she just sat with her back to it. “I brought you the last of the sweet rolls,” she murmured softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While she mulled over Killian’s sudden change in behavior, it occurred to her that going “home” for Killian was going to be very hard for him. He’d last left 4 as an outcast, under the cloak of night. Liam was died, his mother was dead, his father nowhere to be found…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her heart lurched when she put herself in Killian’s shoes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know going to 4 is really gonna suck,” she started. She heard his derisive snort at the door. “So I’ll cover for you at the meeting with Triton if you want to go see Liam,” she told him. “I don’t care what Tink says. Honestly, I think the press will eat it up.” She gently placed her head against the door. “If I don’t have to do this alone, then neither do you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened and Killian beckoned Emma inside. He sat in the corner of the room and she sat beside him, putting the sweet roll in his hand. “I don’t think they understand just how angry going to 4 makes me,” Killian said with a soft and sad sigh. His voice wavered a little and her hand gently anchored around his wrist with a gentle squeeze. “I never thought I’d get to go back…and now…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you worried they’ll try and claim you?” Emma asked, her thumb sweeping across his wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Somewhat.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. Her heart practically tore itself out of her chest trying to reach him and bring him back to her. “I’m also just…angry. I’m so angry at all of them, Emma.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So be angry,” she shrugged, looking up at him. His eyebrow arched—apparently he was shocked that she was all for him being angry even though she was pretty sure she was openly angry at least once a day since the Victor’s Tour started—and he opened his mouth to speak. She cut him off, “Whatever you’re mad about, it’s okay. It’s valid, Killian. You have every right to be upset. And you tell me when you’re ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She leaned up and kissed his cheek, tucking herself into Killian’s arms. He chuckled softly and burrowed his face in her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is it you always know what to say?” he whispered, running his hand skimming her back with the most reverent of touches. “I just…going there and having been through it all. What Whale did to protect us. What did they do to protect Liam? Why wasn’t he worth it? They’ll have to answer for that, Swan. I need them to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you get the answers that you’re looking for, Killian,” Emma said honestly, putting her head on his shoulders. “You deserve that much.” She took her hand and brought it to her chest as she closed her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for coming after me, Emma,” Killian whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s what we do,” she hummed contently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For as well as Emma thought their conversation had gone the previous night, it did not prepare her for the Killian that stood before the District 4 delegation the next morning. It consisted of Mayor Ophelia, the District 4 stylist Ariel and her two asssitants Basil and Tarte, and three Victors: Ursula, Blackbeard and Triton. Killian stood taller than she’d ever seen him, and his shoulders were held almost uncomfortably back. He stared unblinkingly at Triton, his anger just simmering below the surface.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she placed her hand on the small of his back, he did not settle, but rather stood in front of her protectively, as if he needed to shield her from Triton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Killian, my boy, it’s so good to see you. You must be so pleased to be back at home in 4,” Mayor Ophelia said, smiling pleasantly, but Emma could see true fear in the woman’s eyes. Ursula, beside him, raised her eyebrows and looked down at the ground, almost as if she’d expected this all along and tried to stop it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I wish I could say the feeling was mutual, Mayor Ophelia,” Killian sneered, his voice still holding a low and dangerous note to it. “But I’m here for to see my brother. And I wish more than anything it was under happier circumstances.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Triton looked incredibly guilty and Emma looked over to her mentor, trying to see if he knew what the hell was going on. Whale was looking back at her, tilting his head to Killian as if he was silently asking her to get him to behave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which, honestly, was quite the strange role reversal for the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma shrugged smally before stepping out from behind Killian. “Thank you so much for inviting us into your home today, Mayor Ophelia.” Her voice sounded higher than normal and she hated how fake it sounded. She hoped no one was catching on, but it was taking all of her strength to try and diffuse the situation before Killian openly threatened someone with his hook. “I’ll be staying here with you today while Killian goes to visit Liam’s grave. I trust arrangements have been made for this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hoped the undercurrent to her tone was clear: if arrangements haven’t been made, they better get made in the next two minutes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Circe and Ariel—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not Ariel.” The icy tone of Killian’s voice cut across the room as his glare fixed upon the mayor of his former District. Triton opened his mouth to object and Killian turned his icy glare on the older man. “You know </span>
  <em>
    <span>damn well</span>
  </em>
  <span> why not her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Killian,” Emma murmured, placing her hand in between his shoulder blades now. They seemed to unwind only slightly at her touch, and Emma took that as an invitation to gently, and discreetly, rub his back. “I very much liked Ariel’s design for Felicia’s ballgown. She looked like an entangled mermaid. Could she stay so she can show me some more designs?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The innocuous request seemed to put everyone at ease, so Emma continued, “Yes, perhaps Circe, Tink and Basil—” She smiled kindly at the shorter of the District 4 style assistants. “Could go with Killian to see Liam’s grave?” Turning her gaze to her own district ambassador, she gave Tink her most winning smile, “I think it’d be a lovely opportunity for the press to get to speak to Killian by Liam’s grave. They’ve heard me talk so much about Henry, let Killian have the spotlight for a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tink let her agreement known with an excited gasp before immediately taking over the arrangements.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two parties began to split ways, with Ariel, Triton and Mayor Ophelia at the front of her party. Killian didn’t say a word to her before she left, but she knew that she’d meet up with him later to try and help him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whale fell into step beside her for the briefest of moments. “Nice work, cherub,” he said underneath his breath. “And you said I never taught you anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I’m pretty sure I learned that one from Tink,” Emma replied softly, the corner of her mouth curling upward into a halfhearted smirk. “Looks like I’m finally learning how to play the Game too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whale looked over his shoulder at Killian’s retreating figure, letting out a snort. “Seems he’s been holding out on us. If he’d shown us that last year, there’s no way he would’ve been 58 to 1.” And with that, Whale stalked away a little bit farther, muttering to himself about hidden depths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Liam was like that. The odds of him winning on the first day of the Games was 12 to 1. He’d impressed Pan with an impressive display of rage and violence, but that’s only because another Career had taunted him about hurting Killian right before he went in,” a voice from behind her said very quietly. Emma whipped around, her hand immediately going to her shoe for a weapon and cursed silently when she found herself defenseless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, with an irritable shake of her head she straightened up, facing Ursula. “Sorry about that,” Emma muttered, running a hand through her hair. “Bad habits die hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” Ursula replied evenly, not even phased at Emma’s almost threat. She looked at Emma appraisingly for a moment. “But you look like you could use an explanation or two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s putting it mildly,” Emma muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. “Were you Liam’s mentor?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ursula nodded, “Got my name picked out of a big glass bowl, just like him. He was a good kid, but…” She sighed. “Well, you know the story. You’ve lived it enough, haven’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma swallowed the lump in her throat, remembering not only how they’d played the footage of Liam’s death for Killian the year before, but the way that the black streaks had slowly crept up Morgarzea’s arm. “Yeah. I do.” She was quiet for a moment, reflecting on everything that had been said. She thought about Killian’s behavior, the absolute disgust and hatred that filled him when he looked at Triton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she remembered that day in the corridor on their way to training, and how Killian acted then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Triton’s response to it didn’t seem quite right either. Every wince the old tribute made…well it only made Killian’s anger more justified, didn’t it?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>At least some puzzle pieces are finally starting to add up,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Emma thought. She spent another moment looking at Ursula before asking, “What was so different about Liam’s reaping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyebrows shot up for a minute and she let out a short, harsh laugh. “Victor told me I couldn’t count you out for anything,” Ursula replied, shaking her head. “I always knew Killian was a smart boy, and he showed it in the Games. I just thought you were a good with a sword.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it turns out I learn quick,” Emma responded, not unfurling from her tense posture. “So, what can you tell me about Liam’s reaping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ursula smiled bitterly. “It’s actually not Liam’s reaping that was faulty. Liam was picked fair and square, just like anyone else. Although, I don’t quite know if having your name pulled out because your father ran out on you is exactly fair, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma’s brow furrowed again, mentally replaying the scene with the delegation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aside from Triton, the only person who had drawn such an intense reaction out of Killian was…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ariel,” Emma realized softly. “Something must’ve happened. Either Ariel was pulled out and she got out of going somehow or her name wasn’t put in at all…how was she able to get out of going to the Games when Midas couldn’t get Abigail from going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The fairness of the Games, I suppose,” Ursula replied with a wry tone. “Everyone’s name is entered. Children of the people, children of mayors, children of Tributes…everyone gets an equal shot at glory in the Hunger Games.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Emma knew that wasn’t true, not when Midas was so convinced that Abigail’s death was punishment for something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Triton,” Emma realized with a soft gasp, her head jerking up. “Triton must’ve done something to keep Ariel out of it. And then that year Liam died…”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And left Killian all alone</span>
  </em>
  <span>, her mind supplied unhelpfully. She made a halfhearted movement to turn around and go find him, before she realized she had no idea what she would even say to him. She found herself staring in the direction he’d left in, even though he was long gone at this point. “Does he know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you think we got him out of here?” Ursula asked, following her gaze. “And how do you think Killian was able to afford a boat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hands curled into fists, and suddenly she understood Killian’s anger perfectly. “He was a boy alone in the world. He’d lost the only family he had left. And you all bought him off and sent him away from everything he’d ever known,” she snarled lowly. “And I hope he never forgives any of you for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s any consolation, I promised to keep my eye on him. And when I realized he’d found his home at last, I let him go live the life that he never could’ve had if he stayed,” Ursula replied. Looking Emma up and down she added, “He found his home. It may not have been the one the thought he was going to have but he still found it.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emma didn’t say anything, even as Ursula walked away. Her meaning was clear enough and Emmma didn’t need or want her to elaborate on it. Killian had been through so much. More than she thought she could ever bear in her life, and aside from today he handled it with his head held high and demeanor calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had no idea how she could be his home if she wasn’t worthy of the title. She had no idea how she could be his home when she was the most destructive force she knew. Surely the tour had proven just how bad she made things. She’d kept secrets, lashed out at him at every turn…hell, he’d seen the destructive wake she’d left behind because she’d survived the Games.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just how badly had she tricked him that he could still look at her with such love and affection in his eyes?</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I love NaNoWriMo. Since I've posted my last chapter, I've made it to Part 10 of the outline, have about 9 other chapters that I haven't posted, I'm just about to pass the word count of The Hanging Tree...and we're still only about halfway through this fic. Well, maybe 3/4s. I'm still not in the Games just yet. I additionally love being this far ahead because then I get to ask, "Wait, where I am I again?" and then re-reading it and getting excited all over again.</p><p>Anyway, y'all are in for a DOOZY of a chapter. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The remaining three districts had been blessedly uneventful and more of what Tink had been expecting from the whole venture. Though she learned that Hans had twelve older brothers who all seemed very indifferent to his death, Cruella’s father was long dead and she had been suspected in his death, and Felix was just as feared at home as he was in the Games.</p><p>Killian had settled somewhat after their departure from 4, but Emma could still see the flashes of pain in his eyes.</p><p>Although it may be caused by the fact that once again…they were back in the Capitol.</p><p>Somehow, it was more manageable and more overwhelming since their first visit. They knew to expect the crowds, the cameras, the autographs. All of it. But the lens with which they were being examined was seemingly tenfold. As soon as the train passed in to the outer wall of the capitol, a great cheer could be heard even from the train.</p><p>People had made signs from their windows welcoming Emma and Killian back to the Capitol. Children in school chased the train frantically as if they could somehow keep up. One woman burst into tears as soon as she saw the train whizzing gently across the rail.</p><p>Emma hoped that was a good sign. That the adoration meant that the Capitol was swayed by their love story, as was Gold. And if Gold was swayed by their love story, maybe things would finally settle down and they could focus on getting through their first Hunger Games as mentors.</p><p>No matter who was called to mentor—Emma, Killian or Whale—Emma knew that three of them would support each other and help each other get through it.</p><p>But before they got through that, they needed to get through the next moment. Killian’s gaze was apprehensive as he looked out across the Capitol scenery, knowing that with each moment they were getting closer and closer to their destination and all that lay before them.</p><p>Emma sat beside him, very gently resting her head on his shoulder. When he looked down at her, she looked up at him with a half-hearted smile. He drew his arm around her and gently tucked her against his side.</p><p>“We’re back,” she sighed, taking his hand in her own.</p><p>“Aye, that we are,” Killian sighed. At first he didn’t say anything, just holding her as they watched it all pass them. Finally, he said, “Looks so different in the day time. Do you remember?”</p><p>“The lights were so bright we thought there was a fire,” she recalled with the softest of whispers. “Whale told us that we needed to keep our head.” Killian’s thumb gently ran across her shoulder. “We were so different when we go there. We’d both been struggling to survive and now we have more than what we know to do with…”</p><p>“We do,” Killian murmured. He seemed lost in thought for another moment before he asked, “Emma? There’s something I want to ask you, though given my poor behavior in District 4, I’d understand if you were apprehensive about doing any kind of favor for me.”</p><p>Emma shifted to look up at him more clearly and so that she could see him. “Ursula told me. About Triton and Ariel,” she admitted. “So frankly I think you have all the right to act the way you did.” Her free hand gently rested on his chest above his heart. “I just wish I’d known sooner. I would’ve come with you to see Liam or done more to help you get through it.”</p><p>Killian’s brow furrowed in surprise and his mouth hung open a little bit. “But Emma, you did help!” he protested, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “You helped me more than anyone there.”</p><p>“I did?” Emma asked, her mouth dropping open a little bit in surprise. “You were so angry and upset, I thought I wasn’t any kind of help to you at all.”</p><p>“<em>Emma</em>,” Killian murmured, and Emma had to stop the skip in the beat of her heart at the absolute tenderness with which he said her name. “You always help.”</p><p>“How?” she asked breathlessly, leaning up a little bit more toward him.</p><p>He smiled to himself as if he couldn’t believe that she was asking him that question at all. “Because the odds are always in my favor when you’re near,” he murmured tenderly. His head dipped in a little bit toward hers and he raised his eyebrow at her questioningly. She nodded and closed the distance between them, capturing his lips in a gentle kiss to start.</p><p>His mouth moved insistently against hers and she pressed herself in closer to him until the need for air broke them apart. “It’s been far too long since I’ve gotten to do that,” he rasped softly, gently bumping his nose against hers. “Not since…”</p><p>“The arena,” Emma whispered, not daring to open her eyes.</p><p>“We kissed during Spindle’s show,” he pointed out, his breath catching against her ear as he nuzzled her cheek.</p><p>“Not the same,” she told him softly. “We kissed for them.” Her nose came to gently brush against the spot behind his ear that he loved to scratch when he was nervous. It felt so safe to just melt into him that she never wanted to come back out. “In the arena we kissed for us.”</p><p>“Aye. You’re right.”</p><p>They stood there for awhile, pressed as tightly to each other as they could allow it when Emma suddenly remembered that the whole thing that had started all this was Killian asking a favor of her. “You wanted something from me?” she asked softly, pulling back to look him in the eye. Her hand came to brush his hair out of his face and he darted up to kiss the scar on her palm.</p><p>“Aye,” Killian replied softly, pulling back only slightly to look at her. “I wanted to know if it was okay for us to share a room once we got to our lodgings in the Capitol.”</p><p>“We’ve pretty much spent every night together,” she laughed. “Why wouldn’t it be all right?”</p><p>“We normally start apart and I…I’m not…” He sighed, pulling a little bit farther from her now. “It started in 4 and has only gotten worse as we’ve gotten closer to the Capitol. This feeling of…needing to be alert. Almost like…it’s almost like…”</p><p>“Like we’re going to be thrust back into the arena at any moment?” Emma finished weakly, giving him a sad and sardonic smile. He nodded, giving her a disheartened smile of his own. “I know exactly how you feel.” Her hand went back to rest over his heart to make sure it was still beating strongly. “You…you make it easier to bare. When you’re around…then I know everything’s okay. But…”</p><p>“But?” Killian asked apprehensively, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.</p><p>“But I just feel like…you…you deserve better than me,” Emma said quietly, looking down now. “I know you just said that I make you feel like the odds are in your favor but I don’t…I don’t understand how you feel that way about me.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, still unable to look at Killian. “Look at how much chaos and destruction I’ve caused! The chaos! The hurt! Look at how many families I’ve torn apart just to keep my own together.”</p><p>“I could write essays on all the good I see in you, my love, but I suspect it won’t do much good at the moment,” Killian told her gently. “So I’ll just say this: you are conflating choices as you made as an individual with the responsibility of a system that was put in place so that you would have to make those choices. And I understand what that feels like. Remember? What was the first choice I made in the arena?”</p><p>“You killed Smee to save me,” Emma replied immediately. She smiled a little bit rolling her eyes. “Whale already gave me a version of this pep talk after 6.”</p><p>Killian chuckled and kissed her forehead. “It sounds like it did some good.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare tell him that,” Emma warned.</p><p>“So…what do you say, Swan? Will you stay with me?” Killian murmured.</p><p>“Always.”</p><p>--</p><p>From the train station, it took them over a day and a half to get to their lodgings. Gold had insisted that they take a carriage through the streets of the Capitol, so that they could be paraded around for the masses. Not that Emma entirely minded, for it just meant that everyone would just look at them and not talk to him.</p><p>She and Killian occasionally exchanged an errant kiss in order to drive the Capitol citizens wild, but it certainly wasn’t anywhere close to the kiss they’d exchanged on the train.</p><p>Again, not that Emma minded. There were some things that she didn’t mind keeping to herself. That were just hers and Killian’s.</p><p>And he was a very good kisser.</p><p>The carriage ride had a surprising benefit as well: it allowed Tink and Whale to go, in depth, over the plan for their time in the Capitol while they travelled to their lodging and would afford Emma and Killian a rare moment of downtime when they arrived.</p><p>First they would go on Spindle’s show, then there would be a Victor’s Ball where not only would they celebrate their win for one last time, but it was an event that all the Victors would be invited to. And after the Victor’s ball, they would be free to go home and live their lives unbothered until the start of the Quarter Quell.</p><p>And while Emma was nervous about the Quarter Quell, she knew there was nothing she could do about it now and so it would just be a matter of enjoying herself until that moment when Gold announced just what the twist for the Quarter Quell could be.</p><p>She found herself wondering what other perks she would get as a mentor if any, when their carriage finally pulled up in front of the Victor’s Mansion.</p><p>If Emma thought their floor in the Tribute quarters was spectacular, it had nothing on the Victor’s Mansion that they were staying in for the week.  The exterior of the mansion was made of nearly all white marble, with gold climbing up the marble like vines. There were expansive grounds with an orchard, several water features, and an extensive wine cellar.</p><p>Or so Whale told her.</p><p>It seemed like far too much house for only four people, but Whale explained that the vastness of it all were for Districts like 1 and 2, who had plenty of Victors to spare.</p><p>“The oldest winner living winner of the Games won seventy years ago,” Whale told them, reclining back in his chair. “But there aren’t necessarily many Victors left.”</p><p>“How come?” Emma asked.</p><p>‘Oh, you know,” Whale replied, taking a long swig of his drink. “A life of too much excess is bad for you. Especially if you’ve never had it before.” He started down at the mouth of the bottle for a moment. “The Games don’t end just because you win.”</p><p>But then the melancholy left his eyes as the chair began to warm itself up and he leaned back contentedly. “Just as comfortable as I remember,” he said happily. “Maybe even more so. I’ll have to thank Belle for that one.”</p><p>With their mentor happily curled up in his creature comforts and Tink fluttering around the mansion elsewhere, Emma and Killian were left to their own devices. “Shall we go exploring, love?” he asked, tilting his head at her.</p><p>“Don’t get lost!” Whale called after them. “This place is so damn big that I don’t know how I’m gonna find you again!”</p><p>Killian chuckled, offering his arm to Emma. She gladly took it and placed her head on his shoulders. He started down one of the paths, and it wasn’t long before they were both treated to the most vibrant and colorful wildlife they’d ever see. The flowers that lined their path were every color of the rainbow she could possibly imagine, and they all smelled delicious and sweet.</p><p>A pink flower grabbed Killian’s attention and he stopped in front of it. The plaquard in front of it read “Middlemist”. With a devilish smirk and a life of his eyebrows, he plucked one of the Middlemist flowers and gave it to her. “For you,” he murmured.</p><p>Emma smiled and took it from him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She looked up at him adoringly, only to find a very thoughtful expressing clouding his eyes. “What?” she asked with something of a nervous laugh. “Is there something on my face?”</p><p>“Yeah, your face,” Killian quipped, harkening them both back to one of the earliest days of the Games. She laughed and gently tapped his shoulder with her hand, but there wasn’t much power or bite behind it. “I was just thinking about the other day on the train.”</p><p>Emma gently cupped his cheek in her hand, her brow furrowing worriedly as she took him in. “Do you need a break?” she asked. “Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“I’m fine, I promise,” Killian rumbled. “It’s just…now that we’re alone…” Her eyebrow quirked up in spite of herself, and Killian laughed, kissing the tip of her nose. The stubble tickled and she giggled, scrunching up her nose. “I was thinking that I needed to apologize.”</p><p>“What for?” Emma demanded, pulling back only a little bit so she look at him more clearly. “For being vulnerable?” When Killian ducked his head instead of immediately answering her, she couldn’t help her eyeroll. “Killian. You know that being vulnerable in front of me isn’t a hardship for you or me.”</p><p>“Aye, I know, Swan,” he murmured softly. He gently leaned forward to press his forehead to hers, and her hand came up to gently play with the hair on the back of his neck. Killian tucked her in closer against his chest and she couldn’t help but smile as he did so. “I just…I can’t do this without you. I know that’s selfish—”</p><p>“How is that selfish?” Emma asked seriously. “<em>We </em>survived the Games together. <em>We </em>have to get through this tour together. You can lean on me. I won’t break.” She felt something akin to indignation bubbling in her chest, although it wasn’t at Killian. She couldn’t help but feel annoyed at whoever made Killian feel like he couldn’t be vulnerable when he wanted to be.</p><p>Though Killian was more in tune with his feelings then most other boys their age that Emma knew—which, really, was just Neal—there were still depths to him that she knew he wouldn’t let himself feel. And it pissed her off that he gave her all this space to be angry and sullen when she needed to be, but he wouldn’t afford any of the space for himself.</p><p>But she knew she couldn’t just…yell that at him, even if she wanted to. She was the queen of knowing that being yelled at was not the way to get somebody to understand greater emotional truths about themselves.</p><p>So all she said was, “Hey. We’re talking again, right? So talk to me when you need to. It’s going to be a long Quarter Quell if we don’t. Maybe I’ll get everything you’re going through and maybe I won’t. But…try something new. It’s called trust.”</p><p>““If there is anyone I trust in this life, it’s you, Emma Swan,” Killian murmured fondly, effectively taking her breath away once again.</p><p>The last time he’d said that to her, they’d been standing atop the Cornucopia and she’d had some half-baked idea to end things because they couldn’t bring themselves to kill the other.</p><p><em>And now look at us</em>, she thought, giving him the shakiest of smiles. Out loud, she said, “I’m glad we’re talking again. I really missed you when we were apart.”</p><p>Killian just beamed at her. “Aye,” he replied, swaying with her as the breeze gently picked up some flower petals around them. “I missed you too, love.” They danced there like that for a moment, green eyes gazing into blue before he asked, “Did you find what you were looking for, love?”</p><p>“Sort of,” Emma admitted with a shrug, just letting him lead her in the waltz that they seemed to be doing in the garden. “But as I was trying to find my peace, I also realized just how important you are to me. And how much having you nearby meant to me, Killian.”</p><p>“But you had Neal and Henry,” Killian pointed out with a shrug. “You would’ve been just fine without me.”</p><p>“Not a chance,” she huffed, tapping him with the Middlemist. “I had them, yeah, but they didn’t get it. And I don’t think I ever want them to be in a position where they got it either.” She looked up at him as their dance seemed to slow to a halt, petals still skittering about them in the breeze. “And them not knowing made me feel more alone than ever.” She swallowed to make sure her voice was clear and that Killian understood exactly what she was trying to say, “But with you? I know I’m not alone. I don’t always understand why you choose to support me and believe in me. But I do know I’m not alone.”</p><p>“And you never will be,” Killian promised, taking her hand and kissing it gently. “If it has to be us against the Capitol, so it shall be.” They stopped dancing when he added seriously, “I’m not going anywhere, Emma.”</p><p>Emma sucked in a deep breath at those words. Not that she was surprised. She wasn’t surprised at his declaration in any way, shape or form.</p><p>But as they’d spent the last day a half in the carriage, she’d come to a realization of her own regarding their futures and she didn’t know how Killian was going to feel about it. She wasn’t even sure how she was going to broach the subject with him, not really. She still was convinced that he deserved so much better than her, that he deserved to be loved by someone who would be good for him.</p><p>“What’s on your mind, Swan?” he murmured. “I can smell the smoke from here.”</p><p>
  <em>Damn him.</em>
</p><p>“I…” she started before sighing. “I was just thinking how…every year for the rest of our lives, we’re going to have to keep the balance. Appease the Capitol. Smile for the cameras. And we’re going to have to do it together.”</p><p>“Are you okay with that?” Killian asked cautiously, his hand gliding down to rest on her hip.</p><p>“Of course, there’s no one else I’d rather be standing with than you,” she huffed, rolling her eyes with the tiniest of smiles. But as soon as it came, the smile faded. “It’s just…this really is the rest of our lives. Us. Together. We’re never going to have a chance at being with anyone else. We’ll be like Snow and David and while I don’t mind that, I just…”</p><p>“You wish that we both had the opportunity to explore before we chose each other,” Killian finished, stroking her hip gently with his thumb. “Well, if it makes you feel better there is truly no one else on this Earth I’d even consider marrying.”</p><p>“Smooth talker,” Emma teased, her shoulders slumping with the relief that he understood her. “I bet you have a ring and everything.” She gasped when he dropped down on one knee. A lump gathered in her throat, but no tears spung to her eyes. “Oh my god, I was kidding,” she rasped.</p><p>“I’m not,” Killian replied, taking a chain off from around his neck. “And I want to propose to you here. Where no one else can see. Where it’s just us and it’s one damn thing we have control over before we surrender the rest of our lives over to them.”</p><p>Tears filled his eyes when he looked up at her, extending the ring to her. “I wanted to do right by you, Emma. I wanted to do a proposal where it was just us and a candlelit dinner. I wanted to tell you so many of the wonderful things I see in you, and I wanted to tell you how the best thing that ever happened to me was the day that you crashed into me and you let me into your world.” His voice broke. “I wanted to just have <em>this </em>and have it mean something instead of something we have to do for them.”</p><p>Emma dropped to her knees and cupped his face in her cheeks. “So then let’s,” she said fiercely, her shaking hands stroking his face. “Let’s do this for us. Maybe it won’t be a storybook marriage, Killian. But I know I care about you so much. And that’ll be enough to make me happy. And I just hope that I’ll be enough to make you happy.” Her voice caught for a moment. “I’ll try my hardest. I really will.”</p><p>“As if you could ever make me unhappy,” he replied tenderly. He leaned in and she gladly reciprocated his kiss, their mouths moving together ever so gently as if too deep of a breath would break them apart.</p><p>Emma gave him a watery smile, gently stroking his cheek. She was suddenly reminded of the night before their Games, and what she’d thought to herself then.</p><p>
  <em>She had been so overwhelmed by everything, and yet Killian grounded her and calmed her. He wanted to hide behind his carefree façade, the bravado he’d mastered but she was more than happy to let him show her where he was hurting. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They were so similar in so many ways, and she was glad that he was here at the Games with her. </em>
</p><p><em>Even if it meant they were a couple for what was conceivably the rest of their lives. </em><br/><br/>And if there was anyone that she had to spend the last days of her life loving, by all means Killian Jones was not a bad person to be stuck with.</p><p>With a watery laugh, she affectionately kissed his forehead. “What?” he murmured tenderly, his blunted wrist gently cradling the underside of her chin. His blue eyes searched hers, somehow full of joy despite how horrid the situation was. “What’s going on in that head of yours, love?”</p><p>“I was just thinking about how…that night I was having the panic attack,” Emma told him, a soft blush tinting her cheeks. “When you were sitting with me…I…I remember thinking to myself that if there was anyone I had to be stuck with the for the rest of my life…I’m glad it was you.”</p><p>“I’m glad it’s you too,” Killian rumbled, nudging his nose softly against hers.</p><p>It always took her breath away how much faith he had in her. How much adoration was in his eyes whenever he looked at her. There was a time when she’d been more terrified than bolstered by it, but now the two seemed to ebb and flow in a tide. Killian loved so passionately, and while she hadn’t quite figured out what she had done to deserve it, she cared about him too much to let him down.</p><p>So, rather than trying to use meaningless words, she leaned in to kiss him again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for all of your kind notes in the last chapter! I'm so glad you guys liked Killian and Emma's engagement. Unfortunately, we can only keep good things for so long in this fic as our lovers head back onto Spindle's show to show their engagement off to the world... </p><p>You'll (hopefully) be pleased to know that I'm long past The Hanging Tree's Word Count for this fic (currently sitting pretty at around 89k in my word document). Am I at the Games yet? Nope! So you've all got quite a bit to go of this fic! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So how’d you get a ring without me even noticing, huh?” Emma whispered, not opening her eyes. They were sitting on a chaise further in the garden, hidden from any prying eyes. The servants had gladly brought them lunch, and Emma had been quick to hide her ring from them. <br/><br/>She and Killian had agreed it would be best to also do a televised proposal on Spindle’s show the next day would be to their benefit. If they were going to be engaged, they were going to control how it got out and who they would release it to.</p><p>Of course they still had to tell Tink and Whale, but they just wanted their engagement to belong to them just for a little while longer.</p><p>Killian’s fingers gently played with the ring on her hand, and Emma had to admit she was already dreading when she would have to take it off. “It was Liam’s ring,” he said quietly. “It was the one thing of our family’s that I took with me when I left 4.”</p><p>Emma’s heart nearly stopped in her chest at the revelation. This was—without any argument—Killian’s most treasured family heirloom and he had just given it to her. “I can give it back,” she blurted out anxiously. “And we can get another ring. I’m sure Tink knows people and I—”</p><p>“Emma, I want you to have it,” Killian laughed, as if her nervousness was endearing to him.</p><p>“I just don’t want anything bad to happen to it if it’s all you have left of Liam,” Emma replied in a small voice, folding her hand around his. “This is…this is like…the biggest thing you could possibly be trusting me with.”</p><p>“Isn’t that what marriage is?” Killian asked simply.  </p><p>Emma tucked herself against him to try and soothe the anxious racing of her heart. “It wasn’t that long ago that you didn’t trust me because I kept secrets from you,” she started, her anxiety still revved up. “And what if you decide that you hate me because the Games made us do this and I—”</p><p>Killian’s smile twisted sympathetically, and he stroked her back to try and help ease her breathing like she knew she liked. “For the first charge you’ve laid against yourself, you’ve more than made up for it,” he started patiently, rubbing her back to the even cadence of his words. “You apologized and not only did you apologize but you’ve tried to prove to me again and again that you trust me and have been open with me. I don’t hold it against you any longer. I know why you did it and I also have faith that you know that we’re a team, love.”</p><p>“How are you even real?” Emma asked, completely dumbfounded at his line of reasoning.</p><p>“I’m just as real as you, Emma,” Killian replied, still calm and patient as ever. “Full of my own weaknesses and faults as you’ve well seen by this point.”</p><p>She had seen the vitriol that he’d held onto in his heart, and the way that fury and anger seemed to swallow him whole sometimes. His anger led to him lashing out and on occasion she’d seen the protective streak that bordered on recklessness at times.</p><p>Still, his faults did not seem as nearly insurmountable as hers.</p><p>“And what if you stop loving me?” she asked in a small voice, her eyes darting to the ground. “This really is for life, Killian. We don’t get the option of a divorce. And I don’t want to hold on to Liam’s ring if it means that I’ll have to give it back to you some day.”</p><p>Killian pulled her close and gently kissed the top of her head. “I can’t promise our future is going to be perfect,” He murmured, his hand still gently rubbing her back. “But I can promise you <em>a </em>future. I’ll never stop fighting for us, Emma. Never.” She felt his smile against her scalp and she looked up at him. “Liam used to say that ring was his good luck charm, and he had me hold onto it for safe keeping when he went to the Games. And I truly believe that this ring has brought me good luck and kept me safe.”</p><p>He tilted her chin up to him so he could look at her earnestly when he said, “And now it’s going to keep my heart safe.”</p><p>Emma was not entirely sure of how strong his devotion could be in the wake of something that was all but forced. She nearly vocalized that to him, but suddenly could not bare the thought of any of it being fake. She wasn’t sure why that fear had suddenly popped into her mind, but she pressed her forehead to Killian’s with a small nod, to try and banish it from her mind.</p><p>“Will you tell me a story about him? Liam?” she whispered, pulling back to look at him. His eyebrows quirked in surprise and she added, “I won’t get to meet him. You have so many wonderful stories about Henry and you’ll get to know Henry. But I won’t ever get to know Liam. So…please. For me? Will you tell me about him?”</p><p>Killian gave her a warm smile as he gently brushed his thumb across her cheek. His thumb gently stopped in the dimple in her chin when he murmured, “Just when I think you can’t stop surprising me, Emma.”</p><p>He shifted so she was leaning back against him. Her head came to rest on his chest so that she could listen to his heartbeat as he told the story.</p><p>“When we were boys, my father had once sent us out of the house for the day,” Killian started softly, his hand gently stroking Emma’s hair. “At the time, I didn’t think anything of it, but looking back now…my mother clearly was struggling. As much as she loved us, I’m sure the frenetic play of two bombastic young lads probably wasn’t conducive to any sort of repose.”                                                           </p><p>Emma smiled and pressed a kiss to his chest to try and take away some of the sting of the memory.</p><p>“My father had laid out a series of challenges for us, and we were to report back to him on who had done better in which challenge,” Killian recalled, his hand stopping for a moment. With a derisive snort, he added, “Probably one of the few paternal duties he actually performed and quite well. He always knew how to keep us entertained. Liam and I were horrifically competitive, and my father always used that to his advantage.”</p><p>He let out a bark of a laugh, “Whenever he wanted to egg me on, Liam would always call me little brother. I used to hate it when he did that…” He closed his eyes and let himself be lost in a deeper memory for a moment. Emma was going to leave it at that, perfectly content to let Killian tell the story at his own time and turn, when he admitted to her, “The last thing he ever said to me was ‘wipe that look off your face, little brother’. I scowled deeper and he laughed…and that is the last memory I have of Liam.”</p><p>Emma gently took his free hand and brought it to her chest, squeezing tightly at the pain in his voice.  She let him have a moment longer where he mourned Liam before she prodded gently, “So what about these contests your father set up for you and your brother?”</p><p>“Right, right,” he chuckled, kissing her forehead. “So…these were both intellectual and physical challenges. Liam was four years my senior, and so it was an unbelievable pain in my arse that he kept winning. I must’ve been four at the time, and the more he kept winning the more frustrated I got.” His eyes lit up at the memory and Emma couldn’t help but let out a sign of relief. “So, I promised myself that I would do whatever it took that I would beat Liam in one challenge.”</p><p>Emma gently stroked his wrist encouragingly, giving him the space he needed to tell his story. She wanted to get a sense of this person that she would never meet but was so important to Killian. She watched the emotions chase themselves across his face as he lived in the memory for just a moment.</p><p>“So one of the last things our father instructed we do in our race was that whoever could climb higher in the willow tree by the river would get double the points,” Killian murmured, his voice catching. “I think about that tree often…it seemed so much taller when I was a boy. But I wanted more than anything to beat Liam. And I thought…I thought I could because Liam was scared of heights.”</p><p>“And were you? Are you?” Emma asked curiously, realizing that she didn’t know if Killian was afraid of anything.</p><p>“Spiders and small spaces, love. Spiders and small spaces…” Killian added, smiling weakly at her. “And when I was a lad, I was terrified of falling out of that tree, but I wanted to beat Liam. So I climbed maybe twenty, twenty-five feet ahead of Liam in the tree.” His voice wavered and he squeezed her a little bit closer to him. He closed his eyes as he took a few shaky breaths as he tried to control himself. “Sorry. I’m sorry, love.”</p><p>“No, no,” Emma soothed, stroking his cheek gently, brushing his tears away. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell this story if it’s too much. I get if it’s too raw to talk about after we went to 4. It’s okay, Killian. I’ll be right here.”</p><p>Killian buried his face against her, his breath hitching as he sobbed. Emma wrapped her arms around her tightly, cupping the back of his head. She kissed his head repeatedly, tears pricking her own eyes. “It’s okay…” she whispered. “It’s okay, just let it out.”</p><p>She could never imagine how much pain Killian was in. Losing Henry was unfathomable to her. She knew better than anyone how important a bond with a sibling was. When all they had was each other, Emma and Henry clung to each other and their bond was stronger for it. To know that Killian only had his memories left made Emma’s heart shatter into millions of pieces.</p><p>Every jagged sob of his cut into her and she buried her face against his scalp, trying to remind him that she was here and that he wasn’t alone anymore.</p><p>“I miss him so much,” Killian whispered, his voice quavering.</p><p>“I can’t even imagine,” Emma replied softly into his hair, stroking the back of his neck gently. “I can’t even imagine how much it hurts. But that’s why you don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. It’s okay.”</p><p>“But I want to,” Killian rasped, shaking as he curled into her. “But that’s the thing, Emma. I want to share this with you. There’s been no one I could tell for so long and now I have you and I just…want you to know about <em>me</em>.”</p><p>Emma smiled and cupped his face in her hands, brushing away his tears with both thumbs. Tears gently trailed down her own cheeks. “I want to know you,” she encouraged him gently, leaning up to kiss his forehead. “If you’ll let me know you.”</p><p>Killian smiled and pulled her back in close as he told his story again.</p><p>--</p><p>Being on Spindle’s show was just as…irritating as she’d remembered.</p><p>The noise of backstage was buzzing and chittering, and it just sat uncomfortably on the back of her neck and caused her to cringe. At least this time, she and Killian were allowed to sit with each other in the green room.</p><p>And best of all, Merlin was with them.</p><p>“Do I get my suit now?” Emma asked in lieu of a greeting, even though her smile was giving her away. She hugged her stylist before pulling back to look at the outfits he’d brought for her and Killian.</p><p>“Hey, Swansong,” Merlin laughed, taking out a soft pink dress out of a garment bag. “Not today,” he chuckled. “But I didn’t forget. I promise. You’ll get your suit someday soon.” He turned to Killian, his eyes gleaming. “And I’ve got quite an outfit for you.”</p><p>Killian opened his garment bag. “A leather jacket?” he asked, looking up at Merlin with a confused tilt of his head. “Why a leather jacket?”</p><p>“I’ve been reliably informed that we need to toughen up your image a little bit,” Merlin replied, handing Emma her dress. “A little fish from District 4 told me that you’ve got a fire in you that we definitely need to play up more.” He nodded encouragingly at Killian. “Deep digging.”</p><p>“A new hook?” Killian asked. At first Emma was concerned about Killian’s well-being, but he seemed to handle the new brace with reverence. The gold, similar to that of the manor, wove its way around the brace of it. But instead of having no purpose or shame, the golden lines came together to create a feather at the top of the brace, right where the hook locked in and out of the brace.</p><p>“Do you like it?” Merlin asked eagerly. “I made the design myself.”</p><p>“It’s perfect,” Killian whispered, sliding the brace over his wrist. Looking at Emma, he asked, “Can you help me lock this in? I think you should probably know how to do this if we’re going to be spending the rest of our lives together.”</p><p>“Ahhh, so that’s why the pants needed to be flexible,” Merlin replied, brushing down Killian’s pants with a lint roller. “I thought that was a very odd last-minute request for Tink to make. But if you’re planning on getting down on one knee, you definitely don’t want them to rip. Go try them on and let me know how they fit. We probably have time for a quick hemming if need be.”</p><p>Killian gladly took the pants and was ushered off by Mab and Titania. Merlin waited for a moment, his eyes following them and making sure they were out of sight and earshot when he asked, “Are you okay with what’s happening? Marriage is a big step for someone said they weren’t sure how they felt about Killian.”</p><p>“It was my idea,” Emma told him, her fingers gently tracing the flowers on the bodice. “We agreed to get married yesterday, and it was my idea to do this on Spindle’s show.” When Merlin’s frown didn’t entirely dissipate, she tried to assuage him, “Merlin. It’s okay.” She smiled down at the dress, “He’s so good, you know? It’s kind of annoying.”</p><p>“You like him,” Merlin teased affectionately, holding the dress open so Emma could get changed. “And I’m glad you came to that realization, Emma. I think you’re good for each other.”</p><p>“He’s good for me,” Emma sighed, closing her eyes as Merlin’s hands swept her hair up into a ponytail. “I still don’t know how good I am for him.”</p><p>“Well, luckily for you he loves you dearly,” Merlin hummed gently, spraying some hair spray to help her hair be set. “How’s the dress? Can you breathe okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,”  Emma said. She beamed at herself in the mirror, watching the dress swirl as she twisted her hips from side to side. “Besides, even if I wasn’t fine it’d only be a few minutes at the most.” She looked at her stylist. “What’s the worst that could happen?”</p><p>“Well, Gold could be here,” Killian replied, coming back into the room. They’d given his hair a little bit of a bedraggled look and put dark eyeliner around his eyes. Apparently, this was more of an edge that they were looking for with this look. <br/><br/>Emma felt her jaw drop, not at Killian’s news, but at his look. “You look…”</p><p>“I know,” Killian replied with a little eyebrow wiggle in her direction. She spotted her ring sitting on the chain around Killian’s neck before her eyes went back up to his. “You look absolutely stunning, Emma.”</p><p>“Oh look, she even matches her dress,” Whale snorted as a blush tinted Emma’s cheeks. “Did you tell them the news?”</p><p>“Aye, I just told them,” Killian responded, taking Emma’s arm and folding it around his bicep.</p><p>“Wait, Gold’s here?” Emma’s brain had finally caught up with her mouth. “What’s he doing here?”</p><p>“Well, after you two have your moment with Spindle, he’ll probably announce the theme for your Victor’s Ball—” Merlin started, affixing some leaves to Emma’s hair.</p><p>“--Another ball?” Emma complained.</p><p>“But if you’re announcing your engagement, I’m not sure what he’s gonna do or how to respond to that,” Merlin replied through a mouth full of fake leaves. “Mab, where’s Killian’s leaves for his collar.”</p><p>“Sorry!” Mab squeaked, weaving their way through the group. “I’m sure President Gold will be so thrilled for you both! Everyone likes a good love story!”</p><p>Emma and Killian exchanged a look, but stayed perfectly still as Merlin, Mab and Tatiana put the last few fixings on their outfits. When Tink came into the room, it was more than clear that she had tears in her eyes.</p><p>“Are you crying?” Whale asked in surprise.</p><p>“No,” Tink lied with a sniffle. “They just look…so grown up. When we got them at the Reaping I never thought this would happen or them. And now you’ll get your happily ever after.”</p><p>Whale grimaced before awkwardly patting Tink’s shoulder. “Well, if Tink’s reaction is anything to go by, you’ve done your job and then some, Merlin,” he said, which was probably the closest thing to praise Whale was actually able to give Merlin.</p><p>“Five minutes to places, Emma and Killian,” a stagehand called, throwing open the door to the green room.</p><p>“Thanks, five,” Emma answered. She stepped a little closer to Killian to get a firmer grip on his arm so that they could walk out on stage together. She rested her head gently on his shoulder and he smiled, kissing her forehead.</p><p>
  <em>“Emma, please stop pacing,” Merlin said patiently. “If you break your heels before you go on stage, I don’t have enough time or resources to fix it!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I need to move!” Emma shot back hastily, resuming her back and forth pacing in the green room in the studios. “I’ve been bed bound forever, I just need to move.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Emma,” Merlin said a little to knowingly. “I promise you that Killian will be out there when you go out on stage. I’ve seen him. I’ve spoke to him before I came to sit with you.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“But I haven’t,” Emma huffed impatiently. “Not since the Games. They separated us at the hospital and I haven’t seen him since! No one would let me see him and I don’t know why!” She folded her arms over her chest, thankful there were no applique feathers on the bodice of the dress. </em>
</p><p><br/>She let out a little snort of laughter against his side and buried her face against his shoulder for a moment. She couldn’t help but smile against him and she wanted to keep that hidden from the others just for a moment.</p><p>“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he murmured against her skin.</p><p>“I was thinking how much I hated it last time when we were here,” Emma told him, her voice lost to all but him in the hustle and bustle of backstage. “When they’d separated us. I nearly drove Merlin up the wall because I hadn’t seen you since the Games and I hated it so much…”</p><p>“I’m just glad I have you here now,” Killian murmured, his hand skimming her back. She picked her head up and smiled at him and he leaned into kiss her. She quickly pecked him back gently on the lips.</p><p>Together, they walked arm and arm through the backstage, their heads held high. Emma couldn’t help that her heart began racing with nerves all over again. Having Gold in the room was an unexpected twist, but she was hoping that their engagement could take Gold off of their backs at least for a little while. Slipping away into relative anonymity except for the Games sounded nice, but she wasn’t entirely sure if Gold or the people would let them.</p><p>For a moment, she shrunk back against Killian’s side, hearing the excited rumblings of the crowd and feeling the electricity in the air. He stopped just before where they were supposed to wait for places and he shifted to stand in front of her. He put his hand on her shoulders and gently pressed his forehead to hers.</p><p>“You okay?” he whispered softly, squeezing her shoulder. Her chest began to hitch a little bit and Killian guided her chin upward. “Hey. Hey. Look at me, Emma. Just stay with me for a moment and breathe.”</p><p>She breathed in through her nose and exhaled slowly through her mouth. She kept her forehead pressed against his and focused on the warmth of his hand and the warm timbre of his voice. When her panic subsided enough to calm her down, she gave him the shakiest of smiles. “I’m okay,” she rasped. “I’m ready.’</p><p>“You sure?” Killian murmured, leaning over to kiss her cheek gently. Emma nodded, giving him the very weakest of smiles. “Remember I’m right here.” He kissed her forehead before he pulled back and faced the wings.</p><p>Spindle gave them both a very excited wave and Emma let out an exasperated laugh through her nose. “I see them now just waiting to come on!” she cooed to her audience. “So let’s welcome back our battle-born now: Killian Jones and Emma Swan!”</p><p>Somehow the bass of Spindle’s theme song seemed even louder and if it hadn’t shook the stage, Emma would’ve been shocked. She felt it reverberating in her skull and she was almost sure that it was right in her chest as well. She smiled and waved at the crowd who seemed to roar with appreciation at her arrival.</p><p>“Emma! Killian!” Spindle gushed after kissing their cheeks. She gestured to the couch and the two sat next to each other, with Emma cushioned comfortably beside Killian. “It’s so good to see you both! How are things?”</p><p>“Well, I have to admit, having two weeks spending time with Emma unencumbered is a delight,” Killian hummed, kissing her head gently. Emma leaned into his kiss, letting her eyes close contently. “What have we been doing in between stops, love?”</p><p>“A lot of sleeping,” Emma laughed, turning back to Spindle. “We do a lot of resting in between each District. But we’ve been doing some baking, right, Killian?”</p><p>“Aye, love. And we’ve learned that you are to stay far away from the oven at all times,” Killian replied smartly, tapping her nose. The audience laughed with him.</p><p>“That’s not true!” Emma gasped, turning to him again. This was easy. This she could do. The easy back and forth banter with Killian was something that was easy and manageable. She could almost forget the audience if she could just focus on him.</p><p>“Oh? Remember the bread incident?” Killian asked, arching his eyebrow. He clearly was referring to the lumpy apology cinnamon rolls that she’d made him, but somehow it warmed her heart to know that he valued keeping some things that were theirs as much of anything. And the best part was that it really was theirs: no one would know the difference if he changed the details of the story.</p><p>“You’re lucky you’re cute, selling me out on national TV like this,” Emma huffed, pretending to be angry with him as she crosssed her arms and turn away from him. He darted around to kiss her cheek and she smiled, melting a little bit into his embrace. The audience and Spindle were absolutely loving this, and Emma was once again bolstered by it. She and Killian made an extraordinary team when they had the chance to really work in tandem. And they hadn’t rehearsed any of their answers.</p><p>But fighting together and living together had given them the chance to see how the other moved, where the next play was going to be, and how they could support each other.</p><p>“Have we wandered into a lover’s quarrel?” Spindle goaded playfully, leaning into them. “We’d hate to break up Misthaven’s favorite couple, right?” she asked the audience and they cheered for Emma and Killian.</p><p>“This isn’t a lover’s quarrel by far,” Emma said with a grin as she leaned toward Spindle. Looking over her shoulder, she added, “I mean, the tour has been nice. I know Killian lived in 4, but I’ve certainly never been anywhere else. It’s been nice to learn about the people of Misthaven and other districts.” Her smile softened when she added, “And it’s been nice that we can still learn things about each other. That we can surprise each other in the best ways possible.”</p><p>Had it really only been a few weeks ago when she thought Killian hated her? She could go back and laugh now, thinking how ridiculous she had been when she tried to isolate herself from him. And still, only Henry and Neal knew about that and they weren’t going to tell.</p><p>“Actually…I have a surprise for Emma today, if you don’t mind, Spindle,” Killian said shyly, scratching behind his ear.</p><p>“Oh?” Spindle asked, her eyebrows climbing higher and higher on her face. It took all of Emma’s will to not start smirking, especially when the crowd began to murmur excitedly.</p><p>“Killian?” she asked, her brows furrowing in concern. “What’s going on?”</p><p>Killian took his hand in hers and laced their fingers together. “Being together these past few weeks on the Tour has made me realize something important about us.” He swallowed the lump in his throat as he murmured, “You are without a doubt…my best friend, my left hand, and the absolute love of my life. Even if you’re a mess in the kitchen.” He paused, taking the ring off from around his neck and getting down on one knee.</p><p>The audience shrieked and screamed at the top of their lungs and she could faintly hear Spindle saying something but it hardly mattered to her as she looked at Killian. She brought her hands up to her mouth, surprised that tears were already forming in her eyes before he’d even asked the question.</p><p>When things quieted down again, he continued, “Being on this tour has made me realize that I don’t ever want to spend another day without you. You are the sun that rises in the morning and the tide that brings me home. And I hope you’ll do me the honor of becoming my wife.”</p><p>Emma’s “yes” was nearly lost to both Spindle and the studio audience absolutely losing their minds as Killian slipped the ring onto her finger. <br/><br/>Thank god for microphones, Emma thought wryly as Killian captured her lips in a soft and sweet kiss. His thumb gently came up to wipe her tears away as they sat down on the couch again.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I don’t even know why I’m crying!” Emma sniffled, and even though the tears were real her sniffle may have been a little bit more over the top than the situation called for. She held out the ring in front of her, glad that Liam’s ring had made it back onto her finger. She really didn’t know why she was crying. She knew that Killian was going to propose to her—technically they were already engaged—but still, his earnestness always moved her.</p><p>She let Killian tell the story of Liam’s ring and how he’d taken it with him from District 4. He reiterated nearly everything he’d told her the day before, and she just sat there, listening and smiling at him.</p><p>Going to 4 had been a turning point for them, intentionally or otherwise. Killian was freer with his hurts but also his affection. And Emma didn’t mind the exchanges of casual intimacy they’d shared with one another. It was like going to 4 had awakened in something for both of them and solidified the friendship they had with one another.</p><p>It’s why pretending was all so easy.</p><p>Though if Emma was truly honest with herself? She hadn’t been pretending in a long, long time. </p><p>“Emma?” Spindle asked her. “Are you happy?”</p><p>“Yes.” She looked over her shoulder at Killian so he could see it in her eyes. “I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time.”</p><p>The audience clapped excitedly, cheering for the couple they claimed to love so much.</p><p>“Well, isn’t this such a wonderful day for our studio audience?” Spindle asked excitedly. “Because not only do we have our Swansong couple here with us, but President Gold is giving an exclusive on our show!”</p><p>If the studio audience was excited at Emma and Killian’s presence, they were absolutely exuberant with the notion that their President would soon be joining them in the studio audience.</p><p>“Should we bring him out now, folks?” Spindle asked brightly and the audience all but shrieked with glee. “Okay, everyone! Here he is!”</p><p>The bubble of warmth and safety that Emma had felt so cushioned by immediately popped as soon as Gold stepped out. His skin glittered harshly in the studio lights, and his eyes had taken on a slit-like quality to avoid being blinded by the harsh glare.</p><p>Emma shifted against Killian, her hand tightening protectively around her, as Gold came to stand in front of them. “Well, I must say: we are very fortunate that we were already going to host a Victor’s Ball,” he started and the hairs on the back of Emma’s neck shot up, especially when the audience laughed along with his joke. “But it would very much be my honor if you would allow me to turn your Victor’s Ball into an engagement party.” He turned to them, smirking down at them.</p><p>“Thank you, President Gold,” Killian chimed in immediately. “It would be a great honor. You are far too kind to Emma and I, and I know we’re both appreciative.” She tried to smile and hope it was convincing enough for the studio audience.</p><p>Looking into Gold’s eyes, however? It was clear enough that he’d seen what happened in District 11.</p><p>And he hadn’t forgotten it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all so much for your comments, likes, kudos, and reblogs! You're all so incredible and I hope you enjoy this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“This is still not my suit,” Emma complained as Merlin zipped her up into another dress. “Tink promised that when I won the Games I could be as fashion forward as I liked.”</p>
<p>“Well, you didn’t win alone, and it’s my understanding we need to be appeasing a certain President because he’s not happy with you two,” Merlin replied, smoothing out the hem of her dress. “Isn’t that what you told me?”</p>
<p>“It’s not my fault he saw what happened in 11 and didn’t believe that I was trying to pacify the districts,” Emma muttered, keeping perfectly still as Merlin expertly braided her hair. “Which…I don’t know. Maybe I could’ve done a better job. Except I don’t really feel like I did anything one way or the other.”</p>
<p>She sighed as Merlin attached a white swan feather crown to her hair. “I don’t think I’m a very good swansong.”</p>
<p>“Well tonight you don’t have to be a swansong,” Merlin replied, smiling down at her gently. “You just have to be Emma.”</p>
<p>“The swan feathers suggest otherwise,” Emma said unhappily, looking herself over in the mirror.</p>
<p>The dress was beautiful and Merlin had truly outdone himself with the design. In any other circumstance, it would’ve been a perfect wedding dress. It was a white dress with a laced bodice that fell into a sweeping white skirt. The sleeves were longer than she was used to, but somehow it worked. It all cascaded, just like her hair.</p>
<p>But Merlin was still frowning as he looked at her. “The swan feathers are a bit overkill tonight, aren’t they?” he asked sympathetically. She looked at him and gave him a little grimace. He held up a finger to her to keep her still. He turned around and rummaged through a trunk before pulling out an all white flower crown. He swapped the swan feathers for the flowers and Emma couldn’t help the smile that came to her face. “Better?” Merlin asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she said, grinning now. “Although, I think it’s a little gauche to be showing off my wedding dress before Killian and I actually get married.”</p>
<p>“You think this is your wedding dress?” Merlin snorted. “What kind of amateur do you take me for?” He gently fixed the flower crown a top of her head, taking extra care with the flowers there. “Swansong, trust me. This is not your wedding dress. Your wedding dress is going to be leagues better than this.”</p>
<p>“Is it going to be a suit?” Emma asked hopefully and Merlin chuckled, shaking his head. “You won’t forget, right?” she asked, letting him fuss with the last bits of her hair.</p>
<p>“Something tells me you won’t let me forget, Emma,” Merlin teased her, stepping back. He smiled fondly as he took her in from head to toe. “I won’t forget. I promise. But you have to do something for me first.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Emma asked, raising her eyebrows at her stylist.</p>
<p>“Have fun tonight,” Merlin said gently, brushing some invisible dust off of her shoulder. “The world isn’t going to fall to pieces just because you and Killian just take it easy for one night. I know there are some people who are very excited to celebrate with you.”</p>
<p>The news had reported all day of former Victors filing into the Capitol, and Emma, for one, was thrilled at the prospect of seeing David and Snow again. She knew Killian was also excited to see Archie again and to properly introduce him to Emma.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Emma responded, sticking her hand out to Merlin. “I think I can manage that. But only for tonight and only if Spindle doesn’t spend all night chattering my ear off.”</p>
<p>“Well, I have been reliably informed that she won’t be there,” Merlin laughed, but the light left his eyes as quickly as it entered.</p>
<p>“Is it Nimue?” Emma asked hesitantly, remembering the last time her stylist had come face to face with Gold’s right hand woman.</p>
<p>
  <em>One of Gold’s private Mistguards opened up the door to the car and Gold’s personal assistant, Nimue, came to escort them down the shimmering carpet. Her face was flecked with gold sparkles, just like the President’s were, making her face look like it was made of granite. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Merlin. How…surprising to see you here.” She cast an appraising eye over the man. The low timbre of her voice sent a chill up Emma’s spine. <br/><br/></em>
  <em>But Merlin seemed unfazed. If anything, he just looked sad. “Nimue,” he said quietly, dipping his head respectfully toward her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“When they gave you 7, I never thought you’d actually have any sort of winning design,” Nimue sneered cruelly. “But I suppose now you’re the talk of the town. I guess you’re still full of some surprises.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Emma looked back and forth between Merlin and Nimue, ready to punch this woman in the face for talking to Merlin that way. When the woman’s back was turned to escort them inside, Emma spun around furiously to speak to her stylist. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But he just shook his head and gave her a sad smile. “Don’t let me ruin your big day, Swansong,” he encouraged gently. With a glower up at Nimue’s back, he added, “Ignore her. She’s all bark and no bite.”</em>
</p>
<p>Merlin’s mouth opened with shock before he closed it again. “When did you figure it out?” he asked sadly.</p>
<p>“Well, there was when you told me I had to tell Killian about my feelings or he’d become an advisor to Gold,” Emma said wryly. “And then we met Nimue and she knew you so…it wasn’t, like, so hard to put two and two together after that.” Emma gently folded her hand over Merlin’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I can make sure you’ll never see her,” she offered.</p>
<p>“Thanks, but I’m not going,” Merlin replied, running his free hand over his face. “I have a wedding dress I need to start designing, remember?” Her mouth opened in protest and she chuckled, “Don’t worry, Swansong. This is normal. Stylists dress for the event, they don’t get to go the event.”</p>
<p>“What happened between the two of you?” Emma asked softly.</p>
<p>“One day,” Merlin promised. “One day, I’ll tell you about the girl she used to be. How two kids from 8 were so lucky to be accepted into the Capitol’s embrace. And how one of us was spared from the Hunger Games and the other wasn’t.”</p>
<p>It chilled Emma to the bone that Nimue was a Hunger Games winner.</p>
<p>Just like her.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>“Emma, I swear to god, stop fidgeting, it’s a party,” Whale scolded as Emma shifted from side to side. “It’s a party with a bunch of people that I happen to like and you don’t have to ruin it by being weird.” He took three drinks from a passing waiter and passed one to Emma. “Can you just chill out, sweetheart?”</p>
<p>“No,” Emma muttered darkly. “I can’t chill out.” </p>
<p>“Nerves are very overwhelming,” Tink told her sympathetically. “But you look incredible as does Killian!”</p>
<p>He did look very handsome. His black leather jacket had been traded out for a black and red leather great coat with ostentatious gold buttons. His hair, once again, was ruffled up by the stylists, but there was no denying he looked incredibly handsome.</p>
<p>“What do you suppose the odds are all the Victors just hang off to the side while the Capitol citizens talk?” Killian muttered, clearly hating every moment of this too.</p>
<p>Emma let out a huff of laughter through her nose. But before she could speak, she heard someone calling her name from across the lawn, “Emma! Emma!”</p>
<p>“Snow! David!” Emma said happily, disengaging herself with Killian so she could rush up to greet them. As she expected, the two gladly enveloped her in an embrace, and David cupped the back of her head for a moment. Though she’d balked at this type of exchange when she first met the couple, she had to admit it was nice now.</p>
<p>“It’s so good to see you both again,” David said fondly, pulling back so he could look at Emma and Killian.  “And congratulations on your engagement!”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Emma replied, beaming from ear to ear. She noticed Snow quickly wipe away a tear from her eye, but felt that the party probably wasn’t the most appropriate place to call on it.</p>
<p>“You two must be so happy,” David added, clapping Killian’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“The happiest,” Killian murmured, sharing a look with Emma.</p>
<p>“Come, we want you to meet some of the other Victors!” Snow said, taking both of their hands in hers. “Mostly this party is for Capitol funders to congratulate themselves on their betting odds. You may have to put in some face time after the first dance, but I wouldn’t worry about it too much!”</p>
<p>If she had wiped away a tear before, her voice didn’t show it.</p>
<p>Emma looked back at Whale and he said, “There’s enough booze here to fill a small lake. I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“Victor,” David said warningly. “Take it easy tonight, will you?”</p>
<p>“This night is about them and as far as I’m concerned it’s about me too. I got them this far so they’d get engaged and so that means I can drink as much as I want if only for tonight.” He stood toe to toe with David for a moment. “Got that?”</p>
<p>“C’mon, let’s leave the boys to talk,” Snow said encouragingly to Emma and Killian. Emma looked over her shoulder one more time at Whale and David before Snow gently dragged them away and through the massive throng of people.</p>
<p>A small group of Victors stood at the edge of the party clearly comfortable with one another and chatting amongst themselves. They seemed to forget that a raging party was happening all around them, and Emma was excited to get to know these people better.</p>
<p>Killian stiffened beside her and she looked at him questioningly. <br/><br/>The dark-haired girl with red streaks in her hair turned to look at them. “Well, you said you wanted to meet me,” Ruby Lucas said with a strained smile. “Here, I am.”</p>
<p>“So you are,” Killian said stiffly. “I’m Killian.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Ruby said quietly. “You’ve got your brother’s nose.” The two stood there staring at each other for a long moment. Then, Ruby added, “I will not hold it against you if you feel like you can’t talk to me. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to even look at me. I can go talk to Whale. He owes me forty bucks anyway.”</p>
<p>“No, no…stay. Please,” Killian said quietly, slipping his hand into Emma’s as an anchor. “I know you weren’t the one who did it and I can hardly hold it against you for surviving.” He smiled weakly. “Besides. We’re all Victors now. And I’ve been reliably informed that Victors have to stay together.” He spotted Archie and gave the man a little wave.</p>
<p>“Well, Whale did say you were cute and smart,” Ruby chuckled, gesturing at two chairs at the table.</p>
<p>“If Whale thinks they’re smart, I don’t know that’s the best value judgement,” a woman with black hair snorted into her martini. She looked at them appraisingly for a moment. “So, this is the two troublemakers in the flesh, hmm? I’d expect them to be taller.”</p>
<p>“Well I’m not done growing yet. I’m sure the same can’t be said for you,” Emma retorted, and the other woman’s mouth curled into a delighted smirk.</p>
<p>“Emma, be nice!” Snow scolded immediately and Emma rolled her eyes. The woman snorted again into her drink, taking a hearty sip.</p>
<p>“While you probably should be a little more appreciative given that I saved Whale’s hide after your little stunt,” the woman huffed. “I knew you weren’t all sparkles and glitter like they made you out to be.”</p>
<p>“Oh, so you’re Regina Mills,” Emma realized, putting two and two together. She suddenly recalled Regina having to act as Whale’s “second” when he went to go meet with Gold and Pan after the Games.  She’d completely forgotten about that in her attempt to try and keep her own head above water. “You were Whale’s second…” She licked her lips nervously to rid them of the dryness before she sat next to Regina. “What exactly is a second?”</p>
<p>“God, your mentor is the worst. How are you two even still alive?” Regina asked in exasperation.</p>
<p>“Hey! We have the limbs we started with and we’re here!” Emma fired back, feeling protective of Whale. “That’s more than I can say for Hans and Cruella!”</p>
<p>“Relax,” Regina said wryly, taking another sip of her drink. “Whale has been my friend longer than you’ve been alive.” She couldn’t help but smile. “Though now that you mention it, your takedown of Hans was particularly impressive. Good reflexes.”</p>
<p>“You’re not mad?” Emma asked hesitantly.</p>
<p>“God, no. That little prick deserved it.”</p>
<p>“Regina!” Snow scolded. “Someone could hear you!”</p>
<p>“So let them,” Regina replied, waving her glass at Snow. “I’m taking a page out of Victor’s book this evening.”</p>
<p>“Regina, that excuse barely works for him. I don’t think it’s going to work as well as you think.” Emma sort of recognized Archie from their brief visit to District 9. The man gave her a kind smile. “It’s nice to see you both again. How was the rest of your journey?” he asked kindly. Emma could see why Killian would take to Archie’s demeanor in the wake of the Games.</p>
<p>She smiled back and opened her mouth to answer him, but Ruby cut the off, “We know how it went in the other Districts. Everybody’s eyes were on them like 24/7. I wanna see the ring!”</p>
<p>Emma held her hand close to her chest not wanting anyone but especially strangers to even look at Liam’s ring let alone touch it.</p>
<p>Killian’s hand immediately came to her back to remind her that she was safe and nothing would happen. So she very tentatively reached her hand out to show Ruby the ring.</p>
<p>“What? No diamond?” Ruby asked, picking up a skewered piece of meat off of the stick. “Can’t you both afford a nice rock now?”</p>
<p>“This was Liam’s ring,” Killian replied, trying to keep the iciness out of his tone. His hand came to wrap protectively around Emma’s waist. Her eyes flickered over to his and it was clear they both felt the same way.</p>
<p>These might’ve been Victors, but it did not mean they were safe.</p>
<p>An older woman sitting beside Ruby promptly gave her a smack upside the head. “Ow!” Ruby exclaimed. “What’d I do, Granny?”</p>
<p>“Besides not use the common sense you were born with?” Granny asked dryly. “Nothing, nothing at all.”</p>
<p>“Child abuse is against the law,” Ruby replied, still rubbing the spot where Granny had hit her.</p>
<p>“Pretty sure that only counts if you’re a child and last I checked you’re not a child anymore. Or so you like to keep telling me,” Granny replied, tearing into the first dinner course that they placed in front of her.</p>
<p>“Well, technically it would have an impact on Ruby’s development. Her brain isn’t fully formed for another few years,” Archie pointed out.</p>
<p>“So that explains why she’s a dumbass,” Regina replied, finishing off her drink. “Where’s Robin? He was supposed to bring back another round for all of us.”</p>
<p>“Oh, look! There’s David and Robin now,” Snow let out a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>“Where was David anyway?” Ruby asked.</p>
<p>“Wrangling Whale,” Snow sighed. “Victor seems to be in a mood this evening.”</p>
<p>“Yes, we had to pry these away from Victor but I think he’s willing to sacrifice these to the cause,” Robin replied, leaning over to offer them all a drink.</p>
<p>“With Pan and Gold here?” Regina asked, snatching another drink out of Robin’s hand without even a word of thanks. He smiled affectionately as if he expected it. “I don’t blame him.”</p>
<p>“Pan and Gold are here?” Emma asked nervously, her eyes starting to scan the crowd.</p>
<p>Snow softened and gently reached out to squeeze Emma’s hand. “Don’t worry,” she soothed. “The President and his advisors mainly stay inside the The Ebony Castle for the evening’s festivities.” She pointed to the looming dark castle that was about a mile up the road from them. “They usually make an appearance for dancing, no longer than fifteen minutes and then they’re out. I’m sure you won’t even see them.”</p>
<p>It was just as menacing and eerie as Emma remembered and she sighed, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear with her free hand.</p>
<p>“So how is being engaged?” David asked cheerfully, trying to pull Emma away from her nerves and anxiety. “You two must be raring to go to get married.”</p>
<p>“It’s actually not that different,” Emma admitted, resting her head on Killian’s shoulder. “We just like being together so we figured why not do this…forever.” He smiled and kissed her hair.</p>
<p>“I don’t really see being married as being different than our lives right now,” Killian replied with a soft grin. “Just means we don’t have to hide under any kind of pretense when we stay with one another.”</p>
<p>“How are you feeling about being mentors in the Quarter Quell?” Snow questioned, reaching out to squeeze Emma’s hand. “Are you nervous at all?” She shifted even closer to Emma, gazing at her intently.</p>
<p>There was a time where Emma was disturbed or distracted by it. But the more she got to know Snow and David the more she knew that it was just how they were. And it was kind of nice to be looked after and cared for after spending the last few years doing all of the caring.</p>
<p>Emma was about to answer them when the blaring of trumpets sounded. President Gold was standing on a balcony that overlooked the dancefloor. Even from where she was standing,t he gold shimmer of Nimue’s skin gave her away. On Gold’s otherside where two people Emma did not recognize. One had blue hair like flames, and a brick like tattoo on his arm. The other was a beautiful woman in a green dress. Flowers seemed to be blossoming from the dress itself.</p>
<p>And on Nimue’s other side was Pan.</p>
<p>His once youthful and handsome face was marred by three giant scars that ran diagonally across his face. The wounds still looked like they were healing.</p>
<p>“What happened to him?” Regina whispered, her eyes wide with horror.</p>
<p>Emma tapped Killian’s shoulder so he’d lean in closer. “When Gold came to visit me before we went on tour, he said that Pan had gotten into an accident,” she explained in the softest voice she could. Gold’s voice was mostly drowning her out, and Killian kept his ear very close to her mouth. “When they were putting those beasts away…he said one of them had scratched them.”</p>
<p>“Well that’s close enough to the truth,” Killian muttered, barely moving his mouth. “But I say they did more than scratch him…”  Killian looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “You think it was intentional? For letting us win.” She gave him the smallest nod she could and he exhaled through his nose.</p>
<p>“And now, it would give me no greater pleasure than to have our happy couple take the dance floor for the first dance,” Gold announced. A cold smirk passed over his lips as he added, “And may the odds be ever in their favor. To Emma and Killian!”<br/><br/>“To Emma and Killian!” the party echoed and before she could blink, there was a spotlight on them.</p>
<p>Luckily, Emma had learned at this point to just let her instincts take over and let Killian guide her to the dance floor. She let him lead the waltz, trusting him completely to guide her around the dance floor. For a moment, it was just the two of them, twirling around each other. There was a moment where her fingers gently closed around his hook and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. And when her hand touched his hook again, her gaze could only follow his hook outward.</p>
<p>It was the applause that brought them back to themselves. Emma leaned up to kiss him softly, her hands cupping his cheeks and the crowd around them went wild. Soon other couples began to join them on a dance floor and the young woman she’d seen on Gold’s balcony tapped Killian’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Hello,” she said pleasantly, and her voice reminded Emma very much of wind chimes. “I was wondering if I could steal your partner for a dance.”</p>
<p>“Who are you?” Emma asked suspiciously, her tightening around Killian’s brace.</p>
<p>“My name is Persephone,” the woman replied, her voice still light and lyrical. “And I promise I will only steal him away for just one dance.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be all right, Swan,” Killian murmured, slipping away from her grasp. “Once dance and I’ll be right back beside you, okay?” He smiled pleasantly enough as he took Persephone’s hand and led her away.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Emma whispered, feeling lost and alone on the dance floor. It seemed so much larger without him, but she couldn’t focus on that feeling for too long. She broke out into a cold sweat as she felt someone’s eyes on her.</p>
<p>Looking over her shoulder, she could see Pan standing a few feet away, his malicious smirk only amplified by the new scars he had obtained. Before she even knew what was happening, he took her hand and whisked her onto the dance floor.</p>
<p>“Admiring my new scars, Emma?” he asked. The lilt of his tone while still light and easygoing had a clear undercurrent of hatred in his tone. His eyes only highlighted it. “I suppose I should thank you for that.”</p>
<p>“Well, if only I get to thank you for the ones on my hand and legs,” Emma responded, keeping her face impassive as he spun her around.</p>
<p>“Well, the Hunger Games wouldn’t be as fun without a little carnage.”</p>
<p>“All Victors have to pay a price. Isn’t that what Gold says?” Emma said lightly. “Maybe it’s your turn to pay the price.”</p>
<p>Pan smiled coldly and pulled her in a little bit closer. Leaning over, he snarled into her ear, “You bested me last time, Emma. And I promise you: Peter Pan always wins. You won’t be so lucky in the Quarter Quell.” <br/><br/>The music ended and he pulled away from her, turning around to applaud the performers with a jovial smile.</p>
<p>Killian was quick to sweep her back up into his arms before the next dance started. “Are you okay?” he asked worriedly. “You’re as pale as a ghost.”</p>
<p>“I am?” Emma asked faintly. She still kept ruminating over Pan’s threat and trying to figure out what it meant. He guided her over to a pair of chairs, far away from the noise and lights of the crowd. “I think I was just threatened,” she explained dazedly.</p>
<p>“What?” Killian asked urgently, his hand skimming over her skin as if to find some physical injury.</p>
<p>“Pan told me I wouldn’t be so lucky in the Quarter Quell,” she repeated, her eyebrows furrowing as she looked over at Killian. “Does this mean Pan’s going to take our win out on our Tribute?”</p>
<p>“Or perhaps he means to harm whatever future child we have,” Killian said worriedly, his thumb now swiping over her wrist. “After all, we did just get married…perhaps he’s already anticipating the next Quarter Quell.”</p>
<p>“Or both could be true,” Emma muttered, hanging her head for a moment. Killian shifted closer to her so he could catch her forehead with his shoulder. “Do you regret asking me to marry you yet?” she teased weakly. “With targets on our backs for awhile like this?”</p>
<p>“There are a lot of things I regret in this life,” Killian said tenderly, rubbing her back gently. “But you’ll never be one of them.”</p>
<p>Once again, Killian’s utmost faith in her had Emma shaken to her core. Unable to process the feelings that overwhelmed her, she grabbed the coat of Killian’s collar and pulled him into a kiss.</p>
<p>She truly did not know how to process what she felt for Killian, but she knew she was the luckiest person alive just to have him with her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I forgot that this chapter was over 6000 words. There's so so SO much that goes on in this chapter. What? Did you think that Emma and Killian got to rest after their engagement? Not likely...Enjoy! </p><p>Trigger Warning: Violence, Blood, Panic Attacks</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emma had never been so happy to be home, bar when she’d first gotten home from the Games. As soon as the train doors open, she all but bounded down the ramp and collided with Henry. Hugging her brother close to her, she kissed his head. “Hey, kid,” she murmured happily, squeezing her eyes shut. “It’s good to see you!”</p><p>“Emma!” Henry laughed happily, hugging her close. “I missed you!” When he grinned up at her, Emma swore that he’d grown in the two weeks she had been away. She ruffled his hair and he just hugged her closer. “I can’t wait to hear all about your trip!”</p><p>“And I can’t wait to tell you!” Emma said with a grin, kissing his forehead. “Were you good for Neal?”</p><p>“I’m always good!” Henry protested, turning around to look at Neal. “Wasn’t I good?”</p><p>“Yeah, he was fine,” Neal muttered, not making eye contact with Emma. He stood with his hands in his pockets, not quite looking at her.</p><p><em>What the hell is his problem?</em> Emma wondered, keeping Henry tucked protectively against her. Her eyebrows furrowed and Neal just kicked the dirt unhappily. "Well, thanks for looking after him," she said, trying to keep her uneasiness out of her voice. "Hope he wasn't too much trouble or anything."</p><p>"Nah, he was fine," Neal muttered. "I, uh, gotta go. Welcome home, Emma." He turned away--still not looking at any of them--and walked back toward his house.</p><p>And Emma wanted to say that it didn't bother her, but in all honesty it did.</p><p>Neal had been one of the few people to talk to her after she had come from home from the Games. He had made things normal and bearable when she hadn't been talking to Killian or Whale.</p><p>And now he was ignoring her and she had no idea what she had done wrong or why.</p><p>"Did something happen while I was gone?" Emma asked Henry softly, gently rubbing his shoulder.</p><p>"No," Henry said honestly, looking after Neal. "But, that day you guys announced your engagement he like didn't watch the tv much. He said he had too much work to do."</p><p>Was Neal jealous? Of Killian?</p><p><em>What is there to be jealous of? Other than being forced to marry someone against your will because you think it's going to pacify the warring Districts and a President who literally wants to hurt you and the people you care about? </em>she thought, trying not to get annoyed and failing. Neal had no idea what she was going through, and it was incredibly irritating to feel like he was abandoning her without knowing all the facts.</p><p><em>If he liked me, he could've just said something,</em> she huffed to herself, though secretly she knew that wasn't entirely true. She'd barely spoken to Neal about what happened in the Games or what her feelings about any of this were.</p><p>Part of it was that she knew how badly Neal wanted to be a part of the change in the country. He had talked about it before she'd gone to the Hunger Games. Hell, he'd talked about it the morning she'd been reaped. He'd always wanted to fight the Capitol because he didn't think it was fair.</p><p><em>And now I'm a part of that system,</em> Emma realized sadly, biting her lip. <em>Maybe my friendship with Neal can never be the same.</em></p><p>There was a part of her that was hoping that she could talk to Neal and try to get his perspectives. As a Victor she may not have had much pull in the Capitol, but if there were issues that she could try to help with, Neal would know better than anyone what the biggest issue in 7 was.</p><p><em>But you do know what issue to tackle, and you do know what is a prevalent issue that deserves to be brought to the people's attention</em>, her mind supplied unhelpfully. The man in the tree flashed before her eyes and she shuddered at the memory.</p><p>And she felt like bringing it to everyone's attention would be an incredibly dangerous venture. Not only for herself, but for the citizens of Districts 12 and 11. The way they seemed to have every citizen under their thumb, the way that minor infractions seemed almost life threatening...but also, that was just how the system was. There was no need to fight...right?</p><p>Emma decided that maybe it would be best to just ask Neal's perspective the next time they crossed paths.</p><p>--</p><p>Except he refused to go anywhere near her.</p><p>Every time she would see him in town, he would avoid her. She would go out of her way to socialize more and he seemed to turn in the other direction whenever she arrived and he was there.</p><p>It was getting more and more frustrating that he was going out of his way to avoid her. It felt just like when she had first gotten home from the Games and everyone was ignoring her. Neal criticized Killian and Whale for not speaking to her for months and now he was doing the same thing.</p><p>With an irritated huff, she woke up early one morning to go to the market. She was going to try and catch Neal out if it killed her.</p><p>She was a Hunger Games winner, damn it. She knew how to stalk her prey.</p><p>So she got to the market and waited in the back corner by where Neal would bring some of the extra wood from the trees behind his house. She waited until he finished his transaction, her eyes watching his every step. She kept her breathing light so that she wouldn't make too much of a sound and that she wouldn't draw his attention.</p><p>It was when he'd gotten far away enough that she pulled him aside behind the mangled trunk of an old oak tree that still clung to life. He screamed and thrashed about, but she expertly dodged him before pinning him to the tree.</p><p>"Emma!" he gasped. "What the hell are you doing?" He only stopped thrashing a little bit once she realized it was her, but his eyes were still wide with fear.</p><p>"You stopped talking to me!" Emma shouted angrily, her hands curling into fists as she let him go. "So this is the only way I can get your attention apparently! Considering every day for the past week you just straight up walk in the other direction whenever you see me!" She swallowed the lump in her throat as she added, "Look. I don't have a lot of friends. And it really bugs me that you just stopped talking to me and you didn't even tell me why you stopped..."</p><p>As she was standing there, she realized she was missing the most obvious reason for why he could've just stopped talking to her all together. "Wait," she asked breathlessly. "Did someone threaten you? Is that why you're not talking to me? Because I'd totally get it if you'd--"</p><p>"No, no," Neal muttered, running a hand over his face. "No one threatened me. Although I'm surprised that option even showed up on your radar as a possibility. I'm sure the Capitol has better things to do than threaten a guy who just happens to know you."</p><p>"You'd be surprised what the Capitol has time for," Emma muttered and Neal's eyebrows practically shot up into his hair. "I...forget it." She sighed and looked up at Neal. "Seriously, is this about my engagement? If you just talked to me, you would've known that it was my idea. And even if it wasn't, I still would've agreed to do it."</p><p>"That's why I didn't say anything," Neal sighed, sliding down against the trunk of the tree. Emma sat beside him, letting him have his space to say whatever he needed to say. She didn't mind waiting. "It's just...not fair, Emma."</p><p>"What's not fair?" Emma asked confusedly. "My engagement?" She snorted. "What did you think was gonna happen Neal? Killian and I won because of the love story that we promoted. It's all the Capitol knows about us. Did you really think that this wasn't going to end some way or other?"</p><p>"Did you just ask him because you thought you had to?" Neal asked hopefully. "So does this mean you don't really love him?"</p><p>Emma's jaw hung open and frustration crackled under her skin. "There are Districts that are basically under Mistguard control and all you care about is what? What guy I'm with? Who I have feelings for? Who has room for that when you're balancing the weight of keeping the Districts in line on your shoulders?" she snapped. "I'd have feelings for Whale if it meant calming things down!"</p><p>"What did you mean that Mistguards are controlling two Districts?" Neal asked, sitting up straighter as he looked at her. "Emma? What's going on out there in the real world?"</p><p>"Shit, I shouldn't have said anything," Emma muttered, putting her face into her hands. "I'm sure he won't like that."</p><p>"Who won't like that?" Neal asked. "Killian?"</p><p>"No...Gold," she said in a small voice. Shaking her head, she said, "I don't know everything. But I do know that Districts 11 and 12 are completely run by the Mistguard. Their mayors were most likely murdered." She looked down at the ground, wondering if Midas was next based on the way he was carrying on.</p><p>"You know," Neal said, a gleam entering his eyes that Emma did not like. "While you were gone, the Mistguards were saying that there was a mine collapse in 12 and so we should expect a coal shortage this winter." He stood up and began to pace back and forth in front of Emma. "But that's not true, is it?" he asked excitedly. "And the lack of new fabric from 8...Emma, are people fighting back?"</p><p>Emma did not like the wild gleam that had entered Neal's eyes. She'd seen what the Mistguard had done to the old man in 11. What they had done to Abigail for whatever Midas's transgression was against the Capitol. "I don't know," she half-lied. "Besides, it's not just that. The Capitol keeps all sorts of secrets." She licked her lips nervously and drew her knees to her chest. "You know that kid Walsh? That I killed?"</p><p>"Yeah, he like got into the tree freakishly fast. Like a monkey or something," Neal snorted, clearly not knowing where this was going.</p><p>"Because he was a monkey," Emma told Neal quietly, leaning her head back against the tree. "There are apparently some people in the country who can shapeshift into animals, including two tributes from District 5."</p><p>"And then they edit on air when they transform," Neal guessed correctly. Emma thought he'd be more horrified by this revelation, but he looked absolutely enthralled.</p><p>"You look really chipper about this," she pointed out unhappily. It had all been so terrifying and overwhelmed when she first learned but Neal seemed positively giddy.</p><p>"Emma, don't you see?" he asked excitedly, stopping in front of her. He was grinning from ear to ear. "This is just what people are going to need to wake up! This is what's going to get them energized! This is how we stop the Capitol!"</p><p>"Neal, you've only been in one fight in your whole life," Emma said disparagingly. "It was with me. We were 8 and if I recall correctly: I whooped your butt to next Tuesday."</p><p>"Now's a good time to learn how to fight then, don't you think?" Neal asked her with a devil-may-care grin before racing off back toward his home.</p><p>"That's not what I meant!" Emma stood up and called after him. She almost went to go get him when she looked up on the horizon. Several tanks were rolling into Misthaven. Not an army's worth, but enough for her to raise her eyebrows.</p><p>She'd have to find another day to deal with Neal. For now, all she wanted to do was go home and make sure that Henry was safe and sound, and not wrapped up in whatever was going on in Neal's head.</p><p>Shoving her hands in her pockets, Emma sighed as she began the long walk home. Being closer to town meant she was further away from the Victor's Alcove. Deciding that the walk would be a good space for her to clear her head, she walked to her old house.</p><p>The old house just stood there, as quiet and uninviting as the day of her parents' funerals. Her eyes roamed over the chipped paint, the mold in the siding, and the panels missing from the shutters. Once she and Henry had moved out, no one had seemed to want it or want to take care of it.</p><p>Walking up to the front door, she put her hand on a post where she and Neal had carved their initials when she was young. Her thumb gently traced over the NC of Neal's initials.</p><p>She was worried about Neal, if she was completely honest. He had never been in a fight for his life before. Not like she had. If he was really planning on being part of a revolution, he needed to start training.</p><p>She thought back about her own experience in the Games. Sure she was smart and quick on her feet, but at lot of what honed those natural skills was the advice that Whale had given her. He was the one who had coached her on her reactions. She had needed the training in order to survive. Even now, he was still training her to be successful. It may not have been subversive, but Emma wasn't entirely sure Neal was the best choice to lead a revolution in 7.</p><p><em>And who would be a good choice? You? </em>A voice that sounded suspiciously like Gold's snarled in her head, all but stopping her in her tracks.</p><p>What made her a good leader of a revolution? She wasn't even sure she wanted to be, even though she knew that many people had seen her as a figurehead for whatever they were feeling.</p><p>Turning away from her old house, she began the long trek back to her mansion in Victor's Alcove. It still didn't feel like home and for all its grandeur was equally uninviting as the house falling apart behind her.</p><p><em>What battles have I fought besides the ones to stay alive?</em> Emma wondered as she walked. In the last two years she had learned about the hardships of keeping herself and Henry alive on a lower income. She'd gone to the Hunger Games with mid-range odds and still won. The house fading in the distance behind her surely proved that.</p><p><em>But it still pales in comparison to what I know others are going through</em>, she decided. She didn't know what it was like to be in 12 or 11 or 8, and she was worried that everyone was starting to think too highly of her.</p><p>
  <em>Gold has seen right through me. Why can't everyone else?</em>
</p><p>Her quiet ruminations brought her all the way to the front step of her mansion. Looking over her shoulder, she tried to see if Killian was home too, and yet she found no trace of him.</p><p><em>Just like old times,</em> she thought bitterly.</p><p>Opening the door to her house, she took off her jacket and hung it up. Everything seemed too quiet for a moment before Henry came bounding down the lane. "Emma! Emma! Emma!" he called.</p><p>Forgetting her shoes and her jacket, she rushed right to him, "Hey, hey, what's going on?" she asked her brother worriedly, cupping his face in her hand to make sure he wasn't injured. "Why are you yelling? What's going on."</p><p>Henry jerked his head out of her hand and grabbed it, starting to tug on her hand ineffectively. "Emma, c'mon!" he told her, trying to get her to run with him. "You gotta help! You gotta go see what's happening!"</p><p>"What's happening?" Emma asked, jogging alongside Henry. "Kid, where's the fire? What's happening?"</p><p>"You gotta go to Neal's house right now!" Henry exclaimed worriedly. "A bunch of guys just showed up at his house! They started bothering Milah, saying that she hadn't paid her taxes and that they owed her money. And she didn't cuz taxes were due before you left so she told me to get you!"</p><p>"A bunch of guys?" Emma asked confusedly, starting to head over that way. "Did you recognize them?"</p><p>"They were Mistguards, but they weren't ours!"</p><p>"Son of a bitch!" Emma hissed. She had no doubt in her mind that this was connected to the tanks that she'd seen roll in earlier. A shooting pain went up her leg and she nearly doubled over. "Oh come on, not now," she hissed at her old injury from the Games. "C'mon, please not now?"</p><p>"Emma?" Henry asked worriedly, his hand coming to her back. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"</p><p>"Nothing, it's just my leg," Emma hissed, weakly trying to push herself up. "We have to go."</p><p>"Swan?" Killian asked worriedly, his hand at the small of her back. "Swan, is it your leg?"</p><p>"Not now!" Emma exclaimed. "We gotta go! There's trouble!" she insisted.</p><p>"You’ve no shoes or coat, love!” He declared.<br/><br/>“Then go grab them, we don’t have time!” Emma ordered. <br/><br/>Killian returned in record time and she quickly threw her shoes on. “Lead the way, love," he replied, helping her up. "Catch me up to speed as we go!"</p><p>So breathlessly, she repeated Henry's story to Killian and how she'd seen the new Mistguard tanks rolling in earlier in the day. "And I know that Milah paid her town taxes, she always pays them like two weeks before everyone else!"</p><p>"I believe you, Emma," Killian rasped. "We'll sort this out."</p><p>The four of them bounded into Neal and Milah's home. Milah was curled up in the corner of her kitchen, her hands weakly defending her face as the three four Mistguards stood around her in a circle.</p><p>"Oi!" Killian exclaimed indignantly, coming to pry one of the Mistguards away from Milah. "Step off the lady, mate, and we can talk about this like reasonable adults!"</p><p>The Mistguard socked Killian in the jaw as hard as he could. Killian sank to the floor cradling his jaw with a wince and Emma was immediately by his side. "Killian? As you okay?" she asked anxiously, her hands skimming across his cheek.</p><p>"Nothing's broken," Killian said, grimacing as he did so. "But it'll hurt to talk for awhile, I suppose." He tilted his head and nodded discretely at Emma. She moved out of the way and that allowed Killian to kick the Mistguard who had punched him in the back of the knee, sending the man sprawling to the ground.</p><p>"Get off of my mother!" Neal snarled and sprinted past Emma to all but tackle the Mistguards surrounding his mother. Neal writhed and thrashed as he landed a few good punches but it still didn't change the fact that it was a three to one fight. Two men held Neal up while another guard punched Neal relentlessly.</p><p>Emma stood, transfixed in her horror for just a moment, before a pained wheeze left Neal that inspired her into action.</p><p>"Stop!" she pleaded, going to grab the man's wrist, using all of her strength to keep him from punching Neal again. She was too worried that the other two would retaliate if she fought back. "You're going to kill him!" The Mistguard reeled back and slapped Emma so hard across the face that she crumpled to the ground.</p><p>"I'll kill you!" Neal spat, thrashing ferociously to try and escape once more.</p><p>"Emma!" Killian cried, draping her body with his own as a protective measure.</p><p>"Just what the hell is going on here?"</p><p>Emma wasn't sure if it was the ringing in her ears from the slap or if all had just suddenly gotten quiet as everyone turned their heads toward the figure at the door. Whale stood there, drink in hand as always, as he took in the scene. "Just who the hell are you?"</p><p>"We're transfers," the leader of the quartet snarled. "But that's none of your business."</p><p>"It's my business when you strike the last year's winners of the Hunger Games," Whale replied, stepping closer to the man, his head jerked up at a clear sign of challenge. "It's my business when these two have to speak to the press and you've bruised up their pretty little faces." Whale rolled up his sleeves. "And it's my business because now you've hurt my Tributes."</p><p>With a prompt swing backwards, Whale knocked out the leader of the Mistguard with a swift punch. The other two dropped Neal--though one kicked him for good measure when he was on the floor--as they approached Whale, batons raised at the ready.</p><p>"I don't think so," Whale told them lowly. His face hardened and for the first time, Emma saw the formidable winner of the last Quarter Quell. "What you're going to do is you're going to go to City Hall and double check this woman's records. Then when you found out that she promptly paid her taxes to the District and the Capitol two weeks before they were due, you and the other two idiots on the floor will immediately request for a transfer."</p><p>"Oh yeah?" the Mistguard asked, stepping toe to toe with Whale. "And what if we don't?"</p><p>"If you don't, I'm going to send an anonymous tip to Spindle Shutter-Needle, who has become my very good friend, about the recording of this incident that's inside your helmet," Whale snarled, tapping the side of the Mistguard's helmet. "That will show one of your superiors striking Emma Swan, the Capitol darling. I'm sure Spindle would love to hear Emma's recollection of this incident. Although, maybe Emma won't need to say a word. The footage should do the trick."</p><p>The Mistguards exchanged a nervous look before they grabbed their compatriots and ducked out of Milah's house. Whale looked them over, staggering a little bit. "Well you all look like crap. C'mon, let's get you back to the Victor's Alcove. All of you."</p><p>Neal curled up on the floor, wincing as he held his side. Milah came over to him, stroking his cheek. “I don’t think he can stand,” she said worriedly, her eyes filling with tears.</p><p>“Henry, go next door. Mr. Fitzsimmons should have a wheelbarrow big enough,” Emma ordered Henry immediately. The boy nodded and rushed off. “Milah, get all the blankets and pillows you can. If we cushion the ride, we can get it over there.”</p><p>“And who is pulling this wheelbarrow cuz I sure as hell ain’t doing it,” Whale replied into his drink.</p><p>“Then make yourself useful and go get some people who will help,” Emma replied tersely, pointing out the door. Whale raised his flask in her direction before stumbling off. She crawled over to Neal, using the sleeve of her shirt to clear the blood from his face. “Hey?” she whispered desperately. “Hey, you still with me over there?”</p><p>"Did I get him?" Neal rasped, letting out a low moan of pain. "T'other guy? Did I get him good?"</p><p>"He ran in fear," Emma promised tenderly. On shaky legs she stood up and dampened a towel to gingerly blot at Neal's face. "We're gonna take you back to the Victor's Alcove. If you're not here, they can't come after you."</p><p>"Emma, you don't have to do that," Milah started.</p><p>"Of course, I do," Emma said. And she didn't even think it was a question in her mind that she owed Milah and Neal quite a bit for taking Henry in while she was in the Games. "You looked after my family, and now I'm going to help look after yours."</p><p>Neal's hand weakly slid into hers. "You'll look after yourself too, won't you, Emma?" he rasped, his eyes flickering up to hers.</p><p>"Yeah, of course I will," Emma promised. With a weak nod, Neal let his eyes close. Emma just sat with him and dabbed at his wounds, waiting for Whale or Henry to return.</p><p>"Killian, are you all right?" she heard Milah asked. She looked over her shoulder to watch Neal's mom gently examine the bruise on Killian's cheek and she tried not to scowl because what did she have to scowl over?</p><p>"Aye, I'm all right," Killian replied, staying stock still. Emma could tell just by Killian's posture that he didn't know what to make of this. "I've got a well-packed medical supply at home. I'll be all right."</p><p>"Like hell you're staying there," Emma blurted out in spite of herself. If she could keep all of her people under one roof, she'd be far happier that way. She blushed when Killian arched an eyebrow at her. "I mean...could you stay with me and Henry tonight? Please?"</p><p>"For you, love?" he asked. "Anything."</p><p>"Good," Emma whispered, sighing with a further exhale of relief when Henry returned with Neal's neighbor, James Kirk. Kirk had a gang he liked to hang out with, and Emma was further relieved that Henry convinced them to come along too. Emma sat with Neal while Killian and Milah prepared the wagon. Whale had come back alone, but he was far too drunk to be of any use.</p><p>So, Emma's instructions to Whale were for him to sit in the back of the wagon to make sure that Neal didn't die. Once everything was prepared, all those who came to help gingerly lifted Neal as to not aggravate his ribs and laid him gently in the back of the wagon.</p><p>"Do you think you can make it the rest of the way home, Emma?" Killian murmured gently. She staggered a little bit and he caught her. "Easy, Swan. You got tagged pretty good there."</p><p>"So did you," she murmured worriedly, pressing in closer to him. He rested his head on top of hers and nuzzled it as if to reassure her.</p><p>"What? This?" he murmured, gently stroking her back. "Love, wasn't I worse off after I got through with Felix?"</p><p>She let out a weak giggle and hid her face in his chest for a moment. "Yeah. I just...I don't know."</p><p>He looked down at her appraisingly. Even if she couldn't see it, she could practically feel his reflective gaze on her and she could practically hear his mind whirring. "You think this was intentional," he started slowly.</p><p>Grimacing, she nodded. "Can't prove it but...feels a little too coincidental."</p><p>"It may not have been you they're after love," Killian pointed out, very discretely tilting his head toward Neal. "Anyone who has spent time in 7 knows Neal's temperament. Perhaps those who used to be stationed here decided to do something about it."</p><p>"That somehow makes me feel worse," Emma sighed, slipping her hand into Killian's. "C'mon. Let's just go home."</p><p>"As you wish, love," Killian promised, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Then he grimaced. "Bloody hell, I can't wait to put some snow on my face."</p><p>"You're gonna be regretting those words pretty soon," Emma laughed weakly, not sure if her heart was really in the action.</p><p>"Ah, you'll see," Killian murmured, very curiously watching the look on her face. "Your friend...he'll be all right, you know."</p><p>"Do I?" Emma asked tiredly, resting her head against Killian's arm. "Sure doesn't feel like it." As they kept walking back to the Victor's Alcove, something strange was happening. The group ahead of her would look back at her and then whisper excitedly to one another.</p><p>They were too far apart for Emma to hear, but she still didn't like how they were looking at her. They seemed excited. Not in a predatory way, but in an anticipatory way and Emma had no idea why in the world they'd even look at her like that.</p><p>Once they arrived at the alcove, however, there was no time to think like that. Emma immediately had to bind Neal's ribs the way she'd learned to when training for the Games. Killian immediately fell into step beside her and the two didn't even have to look at each other in order to understand what the other wanted or needed. Henry did his best to be of assistance, but he stood awkwardly away. It broke Emma's heart to tell him to go outside and try to find some goldenrod if he could for the open wound.</p><p>With a hiss, she was once again reminded that she'd forgotten to ask Snow and David about the goldenrod concoction. That hardly mattered now and she resolved to ask them the next time they were in the Capitol for sure. She filed it in the back of her mind, not realizing she was most likely to forget it yet again.</p><p>The only person who was less helpful than Henry was Whale, who just opened and closed her cabinets looking for something else to drink. Apparently, water was not on his list of acceptable remedies. "Either drink the damn water or go home!" Emma hissed. "Or help Milah get set up in the guest room!"</p><p>Whale wandered off and Emma hoped that'd be enough for him to find the guest room.</p><p>"Emma! Look!" Henry said excitedly, lugging in a basket of medical supplies.</p><p>"Kid, did you raid the pharmacy?" Emma asked in disbelief as he set the basket on the table.</p><p>"This was just outside the alcove!" Henry exclaimed excitedly. "There wasn't a note but I think it's for us."</p><p>"Look, Emma," Neal rasped from the table. He was starting to come back to himself though if that was going to make things better or worse Emma couldn't entirely say. "We may have never been in a real fight in 7. But people are tired...and they're ready for change. And you started that change."</p><p>"Emma?" Whale asked lowly as he returned into the room. A dreamshade flower sat in glass cup that Emma recognized from the backroom office. "I found this when I was looking for the guest room..."</p><p>
  <em>No!</em>
</p><p>Without another word, she rushed out the door as fast as she could. She didn't get far before her panic overwhelmed her and she stopped short, taking in big, heaving gasps.</p><p><em>I can't do this!</em> she thought in utter dismay. <em>Why are they looking to me? I have no idea what I'm doing!</em></p><p>She hunched over herself trying to draw that steady breath and failing every single time. She didn't know what to do or how to think. Everything was all consuming and unknowable. And the pressure of feeling like she had to save everyone was slowly starting to crush each breath she took.</p><p>
  <em>I'm just someone who couldn't even save a little girl. </em>
</p><p>Behind her, she could hear the footprints in the snow, but the weight of the crunch and separations of the steps easily told her it was Killian. "Swan?" he encouraged gently. "Swan, I need you to breathe."</p><p>"No thanks," Emma rasped, clinging to the marble statue that was in the courtyard.</p><p>"Love?" Killian took another step closer. "Whatever you're seeing, whatever thought is running through your head...it's all right. We'll tackle it together."</p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut, wrapping her arms around herself as she stayed hunched over, desperately trying to get air. Killian's hand gently went to her back and his braced wrist want to her chest, trying to prop her up.</p><p>With a scream of frustration, she tore herself from his arms. "I can't do it!"</p><p>"Can't do what, Emma?" Killian asked. Her eyes still weren't open, but she could hear the hurt in his voice.</p><p><em>God, does he think I mean him?</em> she thought, her heart aching for the boy standing across from her.</p><p>"I can't be their leader," she said in a small voice. "You heard what Neal said. I saw how those boys were looking and talking at me. I saw how they looked at me in 11. Everyone wants me to do...something. Fight against Gold? Start a revolution! Hell, even Gold expects it!" She took in another jagged breath, keeping her sobs at bay but only just barely. "And I can't do it...I'm the worst choice. No one should want me to lead them! I can't save any of them! I couldn't even save Imani!"</p><p>"Emma--"</p><p>"I'm a bad person!" she nearly shrieked at him. "I'm an awful person and no one can seem to see that! If they could see how awful I am, then they wouldn't choose me!"</p><p>She was less successful at containing her sob that time, and Killian's arms immediately wrapped around her. His body acted as a shock absorber as she cried into his shoulder.</p><p>"I know it's selfish of me," she wept. "But I didn't mean for this to happen! I just wanted to stay alive! I know I'm supposed to care about all of them, and I do, but I don't know how I'm supposed to save them and make it to tomorrow! I want to be safe! I want you to be safe! I want Neal to be safe! I want Henry to be safe!"</p><p>"And that's perfectly understandable, Emma," Killian said gently, still rubbing her back gently.</p><p>"So then why do I feel like it's me or them? Why does it feel like I can't save both? That I'm not supposed to save both?" she asked wildly, coughing as she tried to quiet her cries.</p><p>Blessedly, Killian didn't offer any meaningless platitudes. He just stood there, gently rubbing her back and encouraging her to breathe while she cried it all out of her system. When her breathing was fully evened out, he gently drew back to look her in the eye.</p><p>And if she was honest? She never would've expected what came out of his mouth next.</p><p>"What do you want to do?"</p><p>All the fight seemed to drain out of her body at once and she slumped against him. "I don't know," she said in a small voice. "I don't know what I want to do. It's so...it's so much bigger than you or me that I feel like I'm choking on it, Killian. It's on my mind constantly and I just...I can't..." She squeezed her eyes shut again. "I feel so alone."</p><p>"You're not alone," Killian reminded her softly, his hand running through her hair gently. "I'm here. And I know how it feels to lose faith. To feel like everything around you is so insurmountable that you're going to drown." He smiled sardonically, and Emma knew he was thinking about the corruption in 4. "And I'm not going anywhere until you send me away."</p><p>"Cherubs?" Whale asked tiredly. Both Emma and Killian whipped around but didn't move to separate from each other. "I know you're tired, but I gotta ask: have either of you really stopped to take stock of what's going on here?"</p><p>"No, cuz you won't tell us anything," Emma growled lowly. "We've found out a lot on our own and you just keep telling us later. I think we passed later, Whale!"</p><p>Whale let out a long, drawn out sigh as he ran his hand over his face. "You're probably right," he sighed softly, tilting his head toward the sky with his eyes closed for the briefest of moments. When he looked back at them again, his eyes were clear.</p><p>"Listen to me," he started very seriously. "You have two choices right now. One of those choices is an irreversible decision. The other is not." Emma and Killian looked nervously at one another but didn't dare interrupt Whale.</p><p>He started, "You can keep your head down. Do what the Capitol tells you. Smile, wave, the whole nine yards. Or..."</p><p>"Or?" Emma asked.</p><p>"You can fight," Whale said simply. "And there's no third option here. We passed Option 3 before you two were even born. And it sucks. Ultimately, it's your decision."</p><p>Emma thought of the way her mentor quietly intervened, and the way he seemed to know a lot more than he was telling. "So when did you decide to fight?" she asked, and it was hard to ignore the proud but sad look in his eyes when he made eye contact with her.</p><p>"When they gave me my first set of Tributes."</p><p>For a moment, the safety provided by keeping her head down was tempting. Gold would let her be, she wouldn't have to spend every waking moment worrying about her family and friends. She could just live as a Victor of the Hunger Games and be done with all the politics and strife.</p><p>And then she remembered Imani. And Abigail. She remembered what Pan told her at the Games, how she wouldn't be so lucky in the next Games. She remembered all the distraught faces in the crowd on the tour. She remembered the heartbreak in Midas's voice.</p><p>She remembered the man in the tree.</p><p>"Sign me up for the next war, then," Emma joked weakly, rubbing at her eyes. "As long as I don't have to lead it."</p><p>"Oh, cherub," Whale said sadly. "The war is already here."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the wait, everyone. I've had these chapters written but the end of 2020 has just absolutely zapped any kind of energy from me. I hope this chapter is worth it! Hope you have a good New Year's Eve and a wonderful 2021.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few days had passed and Emma sent Neal and Milah home under the cover of night. Neal had recovered for the most part, though the doctor that came to see him the next day confirmed that Neal's ribs were indeed broken. Neal had tried to grimace off her hovering, playing it tough, but  he'd also been most at ease when she was near. And while he wasn't openly hostile to Killian, he was certainly tense at times when Killian was helping his mother.</p><p>But Emma had noticed that the Mistguard's presence had rapidly multiplied since the day of the altercation with the quarter of Mistguards. The new Mistguards weren't doing anything, and according to Mayor Rulah, they were just monitoring the presence of the district in case of any threat towards the Victors. And they really did just stand there, posted like statues. They didn't engage with citizens, they didn't look at citizens, they just...stood there.</p><p>So for most, the arrival of the Mistguards had no impact on their daily lives and really had no influence over what they did in their day to day. The average citizens of District 7 lived on, laughing, playing and paid the new Mistguard no mind.</p><p>Except the older citizens of the town didn't believe anything good about the Mistguards because it hadn't been that way when Whale had won. In fact after the Victor's Tour, the District had been left alone.</p><p>So Emma didn't believe the Mistguards were there for a benevolent reason either.</p><p>Except...she noticed that they did not actively run the day to day dealings of their lives like they had been in Districts 12 and 11. So, she asked Whale, wondering if he would know anymore on the matter.</p><p>"Oh what? The Mistguard? Yeah, they won't take us over like 11 and 12 just yet."</p><p>"But how come?" Emma asked curiously. "Gold clearly suspects us of being up to something." Her frown deepened when she thought back to District 8 which was oddly bereft of Mistguards despite the fact that it was clear that they were in the throes of a revolt. "8 didn't have any either and it seems like they really needed it, more than they do."</p><p>"Well, it is possible that 8 has them now," Whale said, knocking back a long swig of whiskey. "But they won't bother us for now. We make too much money here for us to be actively restrained by the Mistguard. Most people will just go along with it anyway.'</p><p>"Jesus, Whale," Emma muttered, taking his flask out of his hand and taking a long swig herself.</p><p>Not wanting to stir the pot and worried that someone else would get hurt like Neal had if she showed up and inflamed things, Emma had things delivered to her front step, did not go out if she could help it, and mostly kept to herself within the Victor's Alcove. Well, she saw her mentor, her brother, and Killian.</p><p>The curfew had mostly ensured that she didn't see anyone anyhow. The Mistguard said the curfew was temporary, just while they adapted to the terrain and the lighting of the terrain. Most people seemed to take this at face value but Emma still was suspicious.</p><p>However, Emma still was nervous that the people of 7 even seeing her would inspire them to do things that would get themselves hurt by the Mistguard. She was familiar with the kind of acts people would do when they thought they had no options left. Morgarzea had taught her that. And she didn’t want any of her neighbors to feel that violent desperation that drove people like to their death.</p><p>
  <em>If I’m not seen, people can speculate about what I’m doing and that should at least give them hope. I’ll stay in the Alcove and I’ll play it safe. And when the Mistguard go, we can go from there…</em>
</p><p>--</p><p>Keeping herself restrained to a very specific part of the district was driving her up the wall though. It only took about a month before she became entirely listless, all but bouncing off the walls. Her hands were shaking, her heart was racing almost all the time and so she had enlisted Killian to come keep her company.</p><p>Whale had declined when they invited him. He said he'd exhausted his limit when he was on the tour and that they could come get him when they announced the Quarter Quell.</p><p>So Killian would come over sometimes to try and soothe her when he could. It was on such a day, when the tremors in her hand had been far too much, when Killian asked her, "Love? Do you want to do something together?"</p><p>"Do something?" Emma asked, a strange lilt to her voice. She couldn't figure out what exactly he meant by that when he gave her such a sweet and tender smile like that. "What do you mean...something?"</p><p>"Come over to my house where we can't be disturbed," Killian murmured, offering his hand to hers. She took his hand without any reservations, and he led her across the way to his house. He opened the door to his home, and Emma was surprised to find that his house was the same as hers. The only different was that there were a few nautical knickknacks that decorated the walls.</p><p>She wasn't sure why she expected the houses to be so vastly different, but she had been. Still, it was nice to be let into Killian's world like this. "So…what exactly are we doing here that we couldn't do at my house?" she teased weakly. "You know I've got all the same amenities in my house that you've got, babe."</p><p>"Ah, but so you think, love," Killian chuckled, leading her back in the direction toward where her back office would have been. "I've taken up painting since we've returned home from the Games," he explained to her. "Archie suggested that I take up something constructive that I can do...an action I can take when it gets to be too much. So, I took out all the furniture, ordered some canvases and stands and paints...and here we are." He paused in front of the closed door to his studio.</p><p>He scratched nervously behind his ear as he blushed. "I don't want you to expect anything fantastic," he warned her that shy smile still on his face. "I've only just started painting so...I don't think that they're any good, love."</p><p>"I'm sure that they're fine," Emma shrugged. "And if it makes you feel better, I'm sure that I'm not anything good at this either. So, I'm sure whatever you got to show me will be great." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently before they opened the door.</p><p>Emma's breath nearly left her body when she stepped into the studios. Several paintings decorated the wall of the ship, of Liam, and of the arena. But the one illuminated by sunlight was a picture of her, laughing.</p><p>"Oh blast! I should've taken that one down!" Killian cursed and went to go take her picture down, but her hand reached out to grab him. Her throat too closed to speak, she just closed her head when he looked at her. He ducked his head for a moment before picking it back up. "You really like it, love?" he asked softly, holding her hands gently as they stood there.</p><p>"It's perfect," Emma murmured thickly, stepping closer to him to press her forehead to his. They stood there for a moment in his studio, basking in the sunlight as they held each other's hands. "Thanks for showing me."</p><p>Killian's eyes brightened and he pulled back slightly. "But I'm not here to just show you, love!" he exclaimed excitedly. "We're here to paint!"</p><p>"But I don't know how to paint?" Emma asked, completely befuddled. Killian guided her to a chair in front of a blank canvas and handed her a palette with any color she could've possibly wanted or needed. "Seriously, Killian! I don't know what I'm doing!"</p><p>"You don't have to know what you're doing," Killian responded, sitting down at a canvas next to her. "You just paint whatever you feel is right to paint."</p><p>"Well what are you working on?" Emma asked quietly, her eyes roaming over the picture of half shaped forms.</p><p>"There was a moment at the party," Killian replied, looking at his palette contemplatively. "Where David and Snow were dancing and they just seemed so content with one another. Like it was their engagement party and not hours." He laughed and picked a gold color to serve as the color of the light fixtures.</p><p>"Do you think we'll be as happy as them?" Emma asked, not looking at him but at her own palette.</p><p>"We don't need to be as happy as them," Killian said confidently. "We'll be however happy we need to be." He looked over at her appraisingly for a moment. "But I don't want you to worry about that now. For now, just focus on your painting. And we don't have to talk just yet. We can talk when we're finished."</p><p>"Okay..." Emma said softly. For a moment, she just sat there with her thoughts, which almost invariably led to the Mistguard. From Mistguard it went to 12, and then to 11, and then...</p><p>
  <em>Imani.</em>
</p><p>Ever since her return home, the girl had hardly left her mind. Not a day had gone by where she didn’t think about Imani, or have a flashback to that awful, awful moment when Hans…</p><p>And if it wasn’t a flashback about Imani, it was an overwhelming sense of hypervigilance like she was back in the Games, like any enemy could spring out of anywhere at any given time and there was nothing she could do about it. She felt trapped in her own home, in her own life and while Killian had blessedly thrown her a lifeline to try and get her out of her head, it still didn’t change the fact that the only thing on her mind was the Games.</p><p>And there was a moment where she considered painting the girl as she was last left, and her fingers hovered over the brown for a moment. But as soon as she did, her eyes filled with tears and she yanked her hand away from the color as if it had burnt her.</p><p>But there was an equally familiar color on her palette as well. Her fingers danced over the yellow that she knew she had seen before. And so, she began to stroke her paintbrush over the canvas, not saying anything. The tears welled in her eyes but she let them fall.</p><p>Killian said nothing, but shifted closer to her as if to offer himself as a protector if she felt that she needed it. She considered it for a moment, but then with a renewed vigor, she threw herself in her painting, trying so desperately to capture the petals of the flower that had surrounded Imani's body. The darkened centers of the flowers, to the extension of the petals, it all was so clear in her mind as if she had seen a chrysanthemum the day before.</p><p>But she didn't need to see it in person again. She'd seen that flower in her mind every month since the day that Imani was killed. She was so thankful no one had given her any since she'd won, because even the painting was enough to fill her with both grief and affection for her fallen friend.</p><p>"You don't have to paint the arena, you know," Killian murmured softly, leaning over to gently kiss her head. She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes with a little sniffle. He twined their hands together and gently tugged him closer to her. She placed her head on his shoulder and settled in with a shaky sob. "It's okay. You don't have to think about the Games here."</p><p>"But I do," she croaked out wearily. "It's all I can think about all the time and I just..." She sniffled, swiping at her eyes with her free hand.</p><p>"Just let it go here," he encouraged gently into her ear.</p><p>"That's just the thing, I can't!" she insisted, her breath hitching. "It's always there, it's always on my mind. And this stuff with the Mistguards and Gold...it just makes it worse."</p><p>"Have you had a flashback since we've been home?" Killian asked worriedly. He started to break contact to give her space but she determinedly curled in closer. It was easier to ground herself when he was near. He smiled a little bit and kissed the top of her head. "It's okay if you have," he murmured gently. "I get them too. Mostly at night when I'm alone."</p><p>"They were easier to bare when we were together on the train," Emma muttered sadly, keeping herself close to him. "When it was just us and I didn't have to worry about anything that wasn't us and Henry...and now...and now we're back and this thing with the Mistguard happened--"</p><p>"And suddenly you feel the weight of the world back on your shoulders," Killian murmured and she nodded. His hand methodically rubbed her back and he was quiet for a moment. "I'm not sure if this is any consolation, love, but I feel it too. Especially after that altercation with the Mistguard. And I...the Games are everywhere no matter what I do to block them out. Everything reminds me of them." He gently placed his wrist in her hands and she held on gently. "If it's not nightmares, it's insomnia, if I'm not angry, I'm terrified..."</p><p>"I thought it was supposed to be better after the Tour," Emma complained. "I thought...I don't know, I just thought once the tour was over then it would be fine and we would be fine."</p><p>"I know," Killian said softly. "I thought the same thing. I thought we'd be able to just go back to our lives and they'd only trot us out once a year like they did with Whale..." He smiled thinly. "Seems we're outliers in more than just one way."</p><p>She let out a weak laugh and settled in closer to him, letting her eyes flutter shut. "Glad I'm sharing this with you...after what happened, I feel like I can't go anywhere near Neal and Henry...he doesn't get it and I don't think I'd ever want him to get it."</p><p>Killian nodded in understanding, his hand still rhythmically skimming her back. She nearly fell asleep in his arms like that before he asked quietly, "Do you love him?" She pulled back to give him an incredulous look, and he clarified, even though she knew who he was talking about perfectly well, "Neal, I mean."</p><p>"I'm marrying you," Emma told him. "And I have absolutely no regrets about it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up with you every morning and I want to build a life with you that the world is going to be like stupidly overinvested in."</p><p>"You didn't answer the question," he replied, but there was a teasing lilt to his voice rather than a sad or scared one.</p><p>"Well, just so you know where things stand...the person that I love the most is Henry," she said flatly.</p><p>"I would expect no less," Killian said honestly.</p><p>"Good," she retorted. With a sigh, she added, "I...I don't know. Neal is my oldest friend. Maybe there's some kind of love for him in there. But...I also know that I love you. I don't know how or what it means or how to explain it but I do. And I think it's nice we have the rest of our lives to figure out what that means."</p><p>"Unless another monster swoops in like Walsh and kills me," Killian joked, but the joke had her jackknifing up straight in his arms.</p><p>"Don't joke like that," she begged. "Not after all we've been through."</p><p>He took her hand and gently placed it over his chest. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly as she felt the beat of his heart under her palm. "You're right, love," he murmured softly, moving a little bit closer to her. "It was poor form to joke like that, and I am sorry that I did it." He brushed her hair away from her face gently. "I'm here, Swan. And I'm not going anywhere until you send me away."</p><p>"Good," Emma mumbled softly, giving him a small grin. His thumb came to brush across her cheek and she kissed the tip of his thumb gently. The two sat there for a little while longer until a knock at Killian's door came. She looked at Killian whose brow was furrowed in confusion. "I guess you weren't expecting any visitors?" Emma asked, her voice taking an edge.</p><p>"No," Killian replied. He got up to a nearby supply closet and pulled out one of the old prototypes for his hook and a dagger, which he handed to her. "I know it's not your sword," he said apologetically. "But unfortunately it's all I have at the moment."</p><p>"It'll do," Emma replied, taking the dagger and stashing it in the inside pocket of her jacket.</p><p>"Mr. Jones? Ms. Swan?" a voice they did not recognize, called. "Are you home?"</p><p>"All media requests go through our Ambassador," Killian answered.</p><p>"We're not the media," was the answer. "We're representatives of President Gold."</p><p>Emma and Killian both looked at each other again and very cautiously, Killian opened the door.</p><p>Emma recognized Hades from the engagement party, but there were two people she did not recognize. "Who are you?" she asked, wrapping her arm protectively around Killian's waist. She tried to keep the challenge out of her tone, but she felt like their visit couldn't signify anything good.</p><p>"Well," the man said pleasantly. "My name is Hades, and these are Stylists from Districts 1 and 2: Ribbon and Wanda."</p><p>"We're so very excited to work with you!" one of them chirped. Emma had no way of knowing which one was whom if she was perfectly honest. "We can't wait to see the final product!"</p><p>"The final product of what?" Emma asked, looking back at Killian apprehensively, of course, given these strangers in their presence and the mention of Gold.</p><p>"Why, your wedding dress, of course! President Gold--as soon as he heard you were getting engaged--insisted that we be a part of the project."</p><p>"But Merlin is designing my wedding dress," Emma said hesitantly.</p><p>"We just think we can offer you a hire caliber of style that Merlin can produce," the other stylist said, and Emma did not care for the tone with which she said that.</p><p>"Well, I think it can't hurt to shop around, love," Killian said though his pleasantry was just about as fake as Emma would've wanted it to be. Their stylist was Merlin, and she wasn't sure what Gold was playing at by bringing in a new stylist right now, Emma did not enjoy that. "What do you say? Shall we look at some wedding dresses?"</p><p>"And we have to do this right now because?" Emma asked, fidgeting nervously. They'd just gotten engaged, that didn't mean they had set a wedding date just yet.</p><p>"President Gold just thinks you'll want to be married posthaste," the first stylist chirped though Emma had no idea why Gold would think they wanted to get married right away. The whole thing set Emma's teeth on edge.</p><p>"We're young and in love, why wouldn't we be?" Killian asked wryly, but the envoys from the Capitol seemed to take him at his earnest word. Emma snorted, shaking her head and gave a quick little eyeroll.</p><p>"Well if President Gold has paid the expense for you to be here then I might as well see what you brought," Emma sighed, tossing her head back. "You did come all this way, after all."</p><p>"Aye, they did," Killian said warmly, kissing her temple. "Now, would you like me to be a part of this gown selection process or not."</p><p>"I..." Emma started, a delighted smile coming to her face. Of course he was going to ask. Of course even in this bizarre world that was her life he still found a way to give her a choice. "I know that we didn't have the most conventional start, and we've never been the most conventional couple," she admitted shyly, hating that she had to do this in front of three strangers. "But...I want to surprise you on our wedding day with my choice. Is that okay?"</p><p>"Your heart's desire," Killian murmured. "That's all I want you to have."</p><p>"Oh, she'll be the most beautiful bride!" In her whole life, Emma thought she'd never be so grateful to hear Tink's voice. "I'm so sorry we're late, my girl, we were just distracted by some of your charming compatriots from town!" Beside her were Tatiana and Mab, and Emma let out a delighted sigh of relief.</p><p>They may not have been Merlin, but the three of them would at least know what Emma was all about.</p><p>--</p><p>"Am I missing something here?" Emma protested to Tink as Wanda zipped her up in the third dress of the day. "Or do I just not understand fashion?" The dress was very Avant Garde, with its swooping arches that looked like talons. And Emma was sure it was a beautiful wedding dress for someone, but this was not her.</p><p>Even Tink was annoyed by what the Capitol had brought with them. "Really, Hades?" Tink huffed as she leafed through the sample catalog. "You brought an entire trunk show for our Emma but didn't consider consulting with the client. Why, Gold's just waisted his money at this point! He would've been better off leaving Merlin alone!"</p><p>"You try telling Gold that," Hades replied, taking a sip of rum. "I don't see why the first dress didn’t work; it was a very pretty dress."</p><p>"She looked like she was being slowly choked by my mother's tablecloth," Tink told him, exasperated. "It's a classic neckline, and the lace was beautiful, of course, but Emma looked like it was suffocating her. That's not Emma at all."</p><p><em>Well thank god for Tink</em>, Emma thought, wincing as Wanda pricked her again. "I don't know why we're bothering with this one either, I hate this one too! I look like a wind tunnel!"</p><p>"Out of twenty-seven dresses, you've only agreed to try on three!" Ribbon proclaimed.</p><p>"Yes, and I hate them slightly less than I hated the other twenty-four," Emma muttered to herself, regretting that she'd sent Killian away. Taking a deep breath and reminding herself to calm down, she smiled at the two designers, "They are beautiful dresses to look at. And I'm sure a bride in the Capitol or Districts 1 or 2 would be...the luckiest to wear them. But these are not my style or for me. I feel and look out of place in them, don't you agree? I'm just an average girl from a mid-tier district. Shouldn't my dress reflect that?"</p><p>She saw Tink's nod of approval out of the corner of her eye, and her change in tone must've done something because even Wanda and Ribbon were clucking in agreement. Of course, they'd asked her which of the three she liked the best so they could modify it and the truth was none of them.</p><p>"Don't worry, ladies, I have sketches," Merlin announced, waltzing into her kitchen. She sighed in relief, partly because he was there and partly because he’d saved her from having to give an answer. Henry gave him a high-five and Emma couldn't help the true smile that blossomed on her face.</p><p><em>Oh thank god, it's someone I trust to clothe me</em>, she thought wryly, but tried her very hardest not to say it out loud since Wanda and Ribbon were trying to do their best to dress her up for her wedding.</p><p>Merlin pursed his lips. "Why is she in a mermaid style? No, no, no, not at all." he asked himself, and Emma huffed a laugh through her nose.</p><p>"She didn't like the ballgown--" Hades started.</p><p>"That ballgown?” He pointed at the one draped over her couch. The neckline is too high," Merlin said immediately. "Anyone who has ever worked with Emma Swan knows that she hates to be stifled. No sleeves, no neckline, and a veil only if it's covering just her face to her chin."</p><p>Emma shrugged. "What can I say? The man knows me."</p><p>"Come off the pedestal and get changed so I can show you what I've come up with," Merlin laughed, and Emma had never been more eager to rush out of the room to change.</p><p>When she returned, Merlin was drinking tea with Henry and showing him the design. "I really like this one, Emma!" Henry told her, his eyes gleaming with excitement. "It's very pretty!"</p><p>"Is that the only thing you like about it, kid?" she teased, sitting beside him.</p><p>"I'm eleven. What would I know about wedding dresses?" Henry asked, wrinkling his nose a little bit and she laughed, tugging him close.</p><p>"Once again, Merlin has wowed us all with his talent!" Wanda said brightly, though Ribbon scowled behind her a little bit. "It really is something, Emma."</p><p>Truthfully, there was really only one other person's reaction she needed to see besides Merlin and Henry's to know that the dress was going to be worth trying on. She looked over to Tink, and sure enough, her Capitol Ambassador was full on bawling.</p><p>"Oh, Emma!" Tink wept. "You're going to be the most beautiful bride!"</p><p>"All right, Merlin," she said with a smile. "Let's see this dress."</p><p>And as she started going over the design the television slowly crackled to life of its own volition and Misthaven's theme began to play. Emma's breath caught in her chest as President Gold stepped in front of his press podium.</p><p>"Good evening," President Gold began his address. "It is at this illustrious time that we find ourselves at the precipice of a new Hunger Games. Now, more than ever, it is time for our country to remind itself of its history, of its traditions. And so, our 75th Hunger Games and our 3rd Quarter Quell will do just that. There are those, who seem to think they are above the rules and traditions of our fair land."</p><p>"As you know, every twenty-five years, we have our Quarter Quell. Our Quarter Quell is a special edition of the Hunger Games, with a new and surprising twist, to remind us of how uncertain the Dark Times were. For those who remember, the 2nd Quarter Quell was required to be finished in 50 hours. The 1st had double the participants."</p><p>"These Quarter Quells are meant to replicate the harshness of the Dark Times, and the terror of the war that brought us to the governmental system that we eventually found ourselves in. And so to remind you all that at any moment our lives of comfort and safety can be stripped from us, if the wrong people were to be making the decisions...the twist for this year's Quarter Quell will be that <em>only</em> previous Hunger Games winners will be eligible for the Tribute pool."</p><p>"Fuck me," Emma hissed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I'm back! I'm sorry I haven't really updated this fic lately (Despite being ahead in my chapters from NaNoWriMo). I just haven't really had the confidence to work on it and also if I finish this fic it means I have to start planning the final part (which I admittedly haven't done yet). Not that it matters because I'M still not at the Games in my doc...I am almost there though. And you guys aren't even remotely ready for what's coming (although neither am I). One day...one day I'll finish. It took five years to finish Part I, it's a miracle we're mostly done after a year for Part II.</p><p>Anyway, enjoy this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over her shoulder, she felt Hades’s malicious smirk and it caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up. Of course Gold sent them today! He knew he was going to be making the announcement that she’d be back in the Games! Every movement had been on purpose!<br/>
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And the Mistguard, they weren’t there watching the other citizens of the town! They were watching to make sure she and Killian didn’t try to bolt or that the other members of 7 didn’t try to hide them.</p><p>“I need some air,” Emma gasped, rushing past Merlin, Tink and Henry who all tried to call her back. “I’m just going to the gate, I’ll be right back!” The words felt like cotton in her mouth as she choked them out but she just needed a minute to breathe.</p><p>As fast as she could, she sprinted to the metal gates of the entrance to the Alcove and she clung to them for dear life, gasping and panting.</p><p><em>Son of a bitch,</em> she thought, clinging so hard to the bars that her knuckles turned white.</p><p>Not only did she have to go to the arena, the place that had haunted her waking and spelling moments, but now she was expected to kill beloved and trusted allies of Whale. Capitol darlings. Parents. Friends.</p><p>And the worst part of it all? She was going to have to watch Killian or Whale die.</p><p>There was no way that the Capitol was going to let two victors win again. They’d made that mistake once, and it had caused them all this trouble…</p><p>And there was no way out of it. Whale was District’s 7’s only living winner besides her and Killian. There had been a young woman before Emma was born but she’d been killed in an unfortunate accident involving a truck carrying some logs. And Whale’s mentors had been winners before his Quarter Quell and were no longer alive.</p><p>And Killian…she knew Killian would sacrifice his life for hers in a second. He’d almost done it before in their first Games and Emma was sure he’d do it again under his belief that her life somehow held more value than his.</p><p>And she just couldn’t let him destroy himself.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, she rushed off to Whale’s house. She couldn’t help but repress the shiver that went down her spine. She had no idea how her mentor was going to take this and knowing what she was going to ask him seemed almost selfish.</p><p>But still, she had to ask him, just to give Killian his best chance.</p><p>“Whale?” she called, swinging his door open. “Whale, I gotta ask you something?”</p><p>He sat at his dining room table, staring blankly at the wall. His television flickered but he wasn’t paying attention to it. Her heart clenched as she took him in and she almost changed her mind, figuring she’d come back later.</p><p>“Cherub?” His voice was raspy, as if he’d been screaming or shouting because what else was there to do. He gave her a sardonic smirk. “Didja do the math, cherub? Figure out how this is all gonna shake down?” He shook his head and took an absentminded smirk. “’bout time. Killian was here twenty minutes ago.”</p><p>“Well I’m not good like, Killian now am I?” Emma asked, sitting across from him.</p><p>“Why do I get the feeling that I’m really gonna hate what you’re about to ask me?” Whale grumbled.</p><p>“Because I’m gonna ask you to volunteer for Killian,” Emma said simply, trying to keep her voice even as she tried to negotiate with Whale. She had no idea whether or not he’d listen. He had no reason to. And if that was the case, they’d be at odds with each other, and odds would surely no longer be out of their favor…</p><p>“I’ll do it,” Whale said quietly. Her eyes widened and he added with a bitter laugh, “You think he wasn’t over here, begging to do anything to save your life?”</p><p>“I know he did,” Emma sighed, slumping in her seat a little bit. “That’s why he has to stay out of it. He’s so…he’s so good and I don’t want this to ruin him.”</p><p>“You don’t think losing you would ruin him?” Whale asked, looking at her skeptically. “You don’t think that watching you die won’t destroy him?” When Emma didn’t answer, Whale sighed, “You think about the other people you’re gonna have to go up against yet?”</p><p>The quaver in her mentor’s voice squeezed her heart and she sighed, shaking her head. “No…not yet.”</p><p>“Well…I have. Pretty much since Gold announced ours fates,” Whale slurred, lifting his glass and some liquor sloshed onto the table. “The best damn people I’ve ever known in my whole life…no wonder Gold wants to kill us all.” His eyes filled with tears and he put the glass on the table. “They were the only friends I’d ever had.”</p><p>“Are they?” Emma asked softly, looking over at her mentor, her voice wavering now. “You told me…you told me when I won that Victors protect each other. Is that still true?” She rubbed her arms nervously, wondering how the people they’d met on the Victor’s tour would treat them now.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Whale replied, his voice completely shattered.</p><p>Emma got up and immediately wrapped her arms around her mentor, squeezing her eyes shut as she rested her head against him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, squeezing him as tight as she could. “I’m so sorry, Whale.”<br/>
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She gave him his privacy as he let out a sob. She only squeezed him tighter and squeezed her eyes shut to keep her own tears at bay. She’d done so much crying when she’d painted the chrysanthemum that she didn’t want to cry now, but her mentor’s grief was palpable.</p><p>“You know,” Whale told her hoarsely. “For as bad as you think you are? There are a hell of a lot of people out there who are worse than you.” She took that as the sign that he was ready to be let go and she sat down beside him. He let out a little sardonic laugh, mostly to himself. “I’m not surprised though,” he murmured. “You get that from your parents. Both of them. They’re the nicest damn people I’ve ever met.”</p><p>“I didn’t realize you knew them,” Emma said softly, suddenly wishing more than anything that they were alive and with her.</p><p>Whale didn’t look at her when he talked, but his eyes glazed over as seemingly with fond memories, “Your mother…the kindest person in the world. The kind of person that birds would flock to, and children just trusted instinctively.” Emma knew this about her mother, but to hear it from someone else’s perspective was like meeting them all over again. Whale laughed again when he added, “And your father? Couldn’t wait to be a dad. It excited him more than anything on this goddamn Earth.”</p><p>Emma’s eyes got very misty, particularly when her mentor turned to her and looked her directly in the eye. “And they loved you more than you could ever possibly know. So, don’t you dare give up, okay, cherub? You gotta fight for them, fight for Henry…fight for whoever you gotta to make it back here in one peace.”</p><p>“I don’t know that lightning will strike twice, Whale,” Emma said shakily, looking down at the table. “The odds are really not in my favor this time…”</p><p>“Listen to me, cherub,” Whale said seriously, and it automatically brought her head back up. “You told me that you were ready for the next fight, that you were there for the next battle. It’s not the battle you thought it was gonna be, hell, it’s not the battle I wanted for you either. But it’s goddamn here, and you can either choose to fight or you can choose to lay down and die. We’ve got two weeks before the Reaping. So you decide right now whether or not you’re gonna fight or you’re gonna lay down and die. Now I sure as hell hope you decide to fight but I’m not making that choice for you, Emma. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay…” Emma whispered with a nod. Brushing her eyes, she stood up. “I, um, I need to go back to Henry. Don’t…don’t drink yourself to death, okay?” she asked. “I saw you knock out that Mistguard. We’re really gonna need you, Whale.”</p><p>A fond smile crossed Whale’s face and he poured the rest of his glass down the sink. “Night, cherub.”</p><p>“Night,” she whispered softly, getting up and heading back to her own house.</p><p>Emma sincerely hoped that the swaths of people were out of her home because she was simply not in the mood to deal with any of them. Thankfully, they’d had the sense to clear out (or perhaps Merlin or Tink cleared them out) and it was just Henry and Killian sitting at the kitchen table. Killian was murmuring gently to Henry, nudging a cup toward him.<br/>
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Henry looked over his shoulder miserably out the window and then sighed, slumping against the table.</p><p>And Emma’s heart broke for Henry too. He’d lost so much despite being almost twelve years old, and he had just as much to lose in these games as she did. With a sigh, she opened the door and called to them, “Hey, I’m back.”</p><p>“I told you she’d be back, lad. She just needed a minute to clear her head,” Killian murmured. “Now will you drink some water?” Their eyes met over Henry’s and she did her best to ask him with a small smile and a shrug of her shoulder if he was okay. With an equally sad smile and a shake of his head, it gave her all the answer she needed.</p><p>She sat beside him and gently took his hand in her own, giving it a squeeze. “Is anybody hungry?” she asked them both. “Does anyone want dinner? I can make soup.”</p><p>“I think it would be nice if we all made it together, don’t you think?” Killian agreed.</p><p>Henry sat up so abruptly that it knocked his cup to the floor. It shattered on impact but none of them seemed to notice “Why are you two acting so normally?” he asked, his voice rising with disbelief. “None of this is normal! This…this sucks! You already went there and now you have to go back!” His hands clenched into fists. “I hate this! You came back and it messed you guys up a little but you were starting to feel okay again and now you have to go back! This sucks!”<br/>
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“Henry…” Emma got up and went to the other side of the table, hugging him tightly. He burrowed himself against her and she cupped the back of his head. “I know it sucks,” she said softly, and she placed a kiss into his hair. “I know that this isn’t what we thought was gonna happen…” She pulled him a little closer to her to try and combat the lump in her throat. “But just know that Killian and I are gonna fight as hard we can. We are gonna fight as hard as we can so that we can come back.”</p><p>She met Killian’s eyes again and the love and pride in his eyes was too much for her to handle without blushing a little. She gently extended her arm to Killian so she could pull him into their little family cuddle. “I love you so much,” she told both of them.</p><p>“Love you too,” Henry mumbled softly against her shirt.</p><p>Killian merely dipped his forehead to hers, and Emma closed her eyes, just taking them both in while she still could.</p><p>--</p><p>“Well, the beauty of knowing that you’re going back into the Games just means you get to train a little bit more,” Whale said, looking around the hollow they’d cleared for themselves. That had been the first few days of training, where they’d cleared trees and debris to make themselves a viable training space. “And honestly, it’s a privilege no one else gets to have. Consider yourselves honored.”</p><p>“I’m honored the way I imagine a piece of meat feels before being served on a platter to Gold,” Emma muttered, and Killian laughed through his nose. Whale didn’t laugh, but merely grabbed a large branch and swiped it at Emma. It hit her in the back of the leg and she went tumbling to the ground. “Hey!” she exclaimed angrily, brushing dead leaves off her pants. “What was that for?”<br/>
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“Lesson 1,” Whale declared. “Use anything and everything to your advantage.” He raised his eyebrows at Killian and made a little beckoning sign with his hand. With a bemused look at Emma, Killian charged toward Whale with his hook raised.<br/>
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Whale took the same branch, raised it against the inner curve of Killian’s hook. With a pull toward him, Killian’s hook went flying off into the dirt. When Killian staggered back, Whale surged forward with the stick and forcefully poked it into Killian’s chest, sending him sprawling into the dirt.</p><p>“Lesson 2,” Whale announced. “Always assume your enemy has a better weapon than you even if it doesn’t seem like it. These people have spent years training others for different Games and have learned to adapt on a dime. This will be like fighting an entire arena full of Careers, except the sponsors gifts will be even more bananas than you possibly can imagine. And you two are at the biggest disadvantage because you’re the newest.”</p><p>Emma rolled over and grabbed Killian’s hook, tossing it back to him. While Killian attached his brace, Emma braced herself against Whale’s attacks. Then spinning out, she let Killian take her place. This time, Killian looped the inner curve of his hook against the top of the branch and used all of his strength to dislodge the weapon out of Whale’s hand.<br/>
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When the branch was gone, Emma ducked back in and drove her shoulder against Whale’s solar plexus, driving Whale to the ground. He hit the ground with a loud thud and didn’t move for a moment, causing Emma’s heart to clench. “Whale?” she asked nervously, standing over her mentor.<br/>
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Whale sprung up and headbutted her in the stomach, sending her back to the ground. When she was aware of herself, not only was the branch against her chest but Killian was sprawled out on the ground next to her. “Lesson 3,” he panted. “Fight’s not over until your enemy is dead.”</p><p>“We’re dead,” Killian groaned, tossing his head back into the dirt. “Does that mean the fight can stop now?”<br/>
<br/>
He put the stick down and helped them both back up. Emma’s hand went to Killian’s shoulder to steady him, and he quickly looked her over to make sure that she wasn’t hurt too badly.  </p><p>“That was a good moment where you swapped in and out,” Whale said, watching them quietly for a moment. “Use that to your advantage if you end up in the arena together.”</p><p>“Won’t the others be expecting us to team up?” Killian asked. “And won’t they try to separate us?”</p><p>“They might,” Whale said with a shrug. “But your strategy is that you will not let hell or high water separate you two. And honestly? You didn’t get to fight together that often during the first Games. I’m not even sure when the hell you two had time to learn to move in sync like that.” Emma and Killian exchanged a pleased grin, even though they were both still catching their breaths. “I don’t think anyone is gonna be prepared for you two.”</p><p>“Forget us! Whale, how the hell can you fight like that?” Emma gasped, wiping sweat away from her forehead. “You barely look like you can stand most days, how the hell can you knock us flat on our asses?” There was a vivacious and mischievous gleam in his eyes that Emma hadn’t seen in a long while and she couldn’t help but smile.</p><p>“You’re not the only one who thrives off being underestimated,” Whale chuckled. “C’mon, cherub. You and I need to practice fighting side by side in case it’s us going into the arena.”</p><p>“We’d team up?” Emma asked, a surprised and delighted grin on her face. She bounced excitedly on her heels as she came over to her mentor’s side. “You and me?”</p><p>“Of course, Emma,” Whale replied, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he picked up his branch again. “Who else is gonna be my bodyguard through this thing?”</p><p>--</p><p>Battered and bruised, Whale, Emma and Killian sat down in Whale’s living room with a well-cooked meal all around them. Henry didn’t mind at all when they asked him to serve dinner if he could. If anything, he was absolutely thrilled that he was going to be part of the training process.</p><p>“Can I stay for the videos of the Hunger Games?” Henry pleaded. “Please?”</p><p>“Sure, kid, if it’s not gonna give you nightmares,” Whale responded, taking the first sip of water Emma had seen him take in weeks. “We’ll mainly be watching videos of Districts where the winners are few and far between. It’s pretty obvious who the Tributes from 12 and 11 are gonna be…”</p><p>“They are?” Emma asked, uneasiness creeping into her voice.</p><p>“In the last 60 years of the Hunger Games, there are 3 districts who only have two living Victors: 11, 12…” Whale trailed off, his eyes suddenly downcast and he refused to pick up his head again.</p><p>“And 10,” Emma realized with a sad and horrified little catch in her voice. Her eyes filled with tears as she tried to reconcile that Snow and David would probably die in the Games and she’d never see them again.  “I don’t…I don’t understand, where are their mentors?” she sniffled.</p><p>“Lower tier districts don’t have a shot in hell of winning, you know that,” Whale said brusquely, thought it was obvious to Emma that he was trying not to feel the imminent loss of Snow and David as well. “Only reason 9 got out of that figure was when that kid August won two years ago.”</p><p>“But Snow and David had to have mentors when they won. Where are their mentors? Why can’t they go?” Emma sniffled childishly. </p><p>“The Victor’s game is a young one, cherub,” Whale replied darkly, not looking up from the floor. “You already know what a bitch it is to cope with the Games. A lot of people turn to a lot of vices that takes away the ability to live. And others…just can’t cope with it.” Whale closed his eyes and tilted his head back. “That being said, the oldest living Victor is Granny Lucas from District 6. She’s 85. She was in the 5<sup>th</sup> Hunger Games.”</p><p>“Did you just say the <em>5<sup>th</sup></em> Hunger Games?” Killian asked, his breath leaving him when he looked at Whale. “Bloody hell, now that’s not even fair…” Then he paused, digesting this information. “Lucas…Lucas like Ruby? Is she Ruby’s grandmother?”</p><p>“Yep,” Whale replied, popping the ‘p’ sound. “And not only did Ruby get chosen for the Games, but so did Ruby’s mother, and she also won. That was…jeez, that was like thirty years ago at this point. She won a few years before I did. Nice lady…”</p><p>“What happened to Ruby’s mom?” Killian asked hesitantly.</p><p>Whale deliberately ignored this question for now and popped on the tv. “C’mon, let’s watch.”</p><p>It was hard to watch the footage of the old games with Whale’s sobs underscoring every moment of it. Without a word, Killian and Emma sat on either side of their mentor, doing their best to keep his spirits up and desperate to show him that he wasn’t alone in this fight.</p><p>--</p><p>Emma wished she could’ve said she was nervous the day of the reaping. She wished she could’ve said that she was angry or upset. But truth be told, she was completely numb to the notion that once again, she’d have to go back to the Hunger Games.</p><p>She hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to Killian about it—not with Whale trying to kick their asses every waking moment and being too exhausted for any kind of conversation at night—but she hoped she’d get a chance to say good-bye.</p><p>She wished it because the alternative was so much worse.</p><p>“Emma?” Henry asked softly, looking up at her. His eyes were red-rimmed and his voice was scratchy but steady. “Are you going to wear Mom’s pin? The swansong pin?”</p><p>She’d nearly forgotten about the pin that felt like it started it all—though looking back she couldn’t remember if anyone had actually pointed out the pin during her first Games—and decided to fix it to the front of her dress with a defiant scowl.</p><p>She still didn’t think she wanted to be a symbol for anyone. But damn it if she wasn’t going to stick it to Gold one last time before she went. “You ready?” Emma asked, looking down at Henry with a fond smile on her face.</p><p>“Almost,” Henry replied, and he all but launched himself into her arms. Emma squeezed him as tightly as she could, hating to admit o herself that this really could be one of the last times she held him close like this. “I love you, Emma.”</p><p>“Love you too, kid,” she whispered into his hair. “I love you more than anything or anyone on this Earth.”</p><p>“Even Killian?” he asked, his voice muffled by her shirt.</p><p>“Even Killian,” she promised, letting a few tears fall into his hair.</p><p>“Good.” Henry let out a wet laugh and nuzzled in closer. Emma knew they had to go, but she wanted to stay in this moment with her little brother just one moment longer. He wasn’t so small as he was the first time they did this, and parts of him that still seemed to hold weight were thinning out into sharps and angles.<br/>
<br/>
But no matter what, he was still her Henry.</p><p>Emma took a deep breath and held her shoulders back, her head high. She cupped Henry’s cheek in her hand one last time before she pulled back, her smile a little watery. “Let’s go,” she murmured, her voice clear.</p><p>When she stepped into the town square, Whale on her left and Killian on her right, it was suspiciously like the year before in that all eyes were on her. She did not look at any of them as she walked through the crowds. Her hair was plaited neatly, her gaze forward and her walk betrayed no fear.</p><p>As the trio of Hunger Games winners walked toward the podium, the citizens of District 7 seemed to honor their passing with the utmost reverence. Everyone’s fists were already raised in the traditional mourning sign…the one she’d given to Imani when she left the girl’s side last.</p><p>
  <em>She closed her fist and pressed it gently against Imani’s forehead before taking it to her chest, and then extending it, palm open, toward the sky. It was a gesture done between District 7 and their fallen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No one dies alone.</em>
</p><p>But she could see in their eyes that this was not a gesture of mourning. Their arms did not waver, and no one brought their hand back down when she raised her hand back to them.</p><p>This was a gesture of solidarity. They were with her, and whoever went to the Games again whether it was Killian or Whale.</p><p>The Mistguard surrounding the town square shifted nervously, but they stood still. On the platform overlooking the town square was their mayor, several more Mistguard and Tink. Tink’s outfit was a somber affair compared to her normal verve and vigor. It was not black but an intricately woven gray piece, with muted feathers attached to her at random points.</p><p>Killian extended his arm toward Emma and helped her up the stairs. His hand did not leave her arm as they walked together before taking their place beside Whale. This year, there would be no speeches. There would just be the reaping to ensure that no districts had time for a revolt.</p><p>“Welcome to the reaping of the 75<sup>th</sup> annual Hunger Games,” Tinkerbell said, looking out amongst the crowd. She could hear the waver in Tinkerbell’s voice and see the tears in Tink’s eyes but Emma did not shed a tear. “It is my honor to once again select the Tributes for this years Hunger Games. And the Quarter Quell is quite a special Games, isn’t it? The Quarter Quell is…” Tink faltered, lowering the cards in her hands and Emma felt a burst of affection for the Capitol woman beside her.</p><p>“I am sorry,” Tink said quietly. “To all of you…” She let out a shaky sigh, “They’ve done so well haven’t they?” The crowd did not react but stared unblinkingly at Tink. But the woman was not deterred. “No matter who it is…we…we should only be so lucky that they represent District 7. And they have been very brave and the very best of us.”</p><p>She smiled weakly at the crowd before looking over at where Emma, Killian and Whale stood. “And may the odds be ever in your favor.”</p><p>She walked over to the glass bowl that only contained one slip of paper. Tink retrieved the piece of paper from the bowl and opened it, “The female District 7 Tribute for this year’s Hunger Games is…Emma Swan,” she said, but there was clearly no joy in the announcement.</p><p>And at first, Emma felt no emotion at the sound of her own name. But then, someone whistled the same call that Imani had used to get the attention of the swansong in the arena. Locating the source of the whistle, she made eye contact with Neal, who only smiled sadly at her as he raised his hand toward the sky. And then, just like in District 11, the wind seemed to suddenly pick up dozens—if not hundreds—of white feathers.</p><p>Emma’s lip quivered and her eyes watered, but she kept her head held high as the white feathers danced around her. She closed her fist and put it over her heart, trying to show her thanks but trying to keep her emotions from spilling over so Gold wouldn’t see. Perhaps they’d now condemned themselves to months, if not years of suspicion, and they may never know peace again.</p><p>But they did it to show her that she was not alone and how much she meant to them.</p><p>“Right, that’s done then,” Tinkerbell said, no longer hiding the tears that slid down her face, taking her carefully painted face with it.  “Onto our gentlemen…”</p><p>Emma closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She prayed to anyone or anything that would listen that Killian’s name would be called so that Whale could volunteer for him. She prayed that Killian wouldn’t have to go back, and that he could stay behind and look after Henry. At the very least, the two would have each other.</p><p>“The male tribute for this year’s Hunger Games is…” Tink made no show of mixing the bowl, just merely picked out one of the two names sitting there. She opened it and Emma already knew who it was by the look on her face.</p><p>“Victor Whale.”</p><p>“I volunteer as Tribute,” Killian said immediately, stepping forward.</p><p>“Think about what you’re doing,” Whale warned, trying to push Killian back to where he stood. “I’m a dead man, anyway, so just let me go.”</p><p>“You can’t stop me, Whale,” Killian said calmly. He faced Tinkerbell and repeated, loud enough and clear enough for everyone to hear him, “I volunteer as Tribute.”</p><p>Emma looked desperately at her fiancé, trying to figure out how she could plead with him to stay, plead with him to change his mind. But he gave her the tiniest little shake of his head, and Emma knew that his decision was final.</p><p>“Here are your Hunger Games Tributes…for the second time,” Tink murmured, the heartbreak in her voice reverberating around the town square. “Emma Swan and Killian Jones.”</p><p>The group of Mistguards on stage immediately took their batons out and drove Emma and Killian back. “Wait, what’s going on?” she cried, looking wildly from Killian to Whale to Tink all of whom were being pushed back by the Mistguard. “We get to say goodbye, don’t we?” she begged, struggling to get past them, to see Henry one last time.</p><p>“Henry!” she screamed, trying to wrench past. “Henry!”</p><p>“Emma!” Henry screamed, trying to get past the Mistguard that had now surrounded the townspeople.</p><p>“Get on the train!” the Mistguard snarled, all but shoving her up the platform.</p><p>“Goodbye!” she called, and she wasn’t even sure that Henry could hear her as the door to the train closed right in front of her face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“And we’re back on this goddamn train,” Whale huffed as the train sped away from the station. He closed his eyes, swaying a little bit. “I need a goddamn drink.” He looked over at Emma, who was still looking at the train. “Looks like you could use one too.”</p><p>Emma ignored him and immediately turned away to sprint back to her favorite place on the train. She knew Killian would follow her and so she tried to compose in her head what she wanted to say.</p><p>But just like last time, she was so angry with him.</p><p>But unlike last time, it was for a completely different reason.</p><p>“Swan, it’ll be all right,” he soothed, reaching out to touch her. She spun away from him, eyes blazing for a fight. His jaw clenched as he stared at her, his eyes becoming icy at her rejection.</p><p>“You could’ve lived!” she snarled lowly. “You didn’t have to volunteer for Whale. You could’ve just left it well enough alone and we would’ve died there but you would’ve had the rest of your life. One of us didn’t have a goddamn choice, Killian. But you did!”</p><p>“Do you really think I would’ve lived to stay here and watch you perish in those Games? Knowing that I could’ve done something to protect you?” Killian asked sharply, clenching his jaw as he looked down at her. “Do you really think that me watching you die would’ve been a life worth living?”</p><p>“But you would’ve lived!” Emma repeated. “You would’ve been there for Henry and knowing you had a life would’ve been enough for me!”<br/><br/>“That’s not enough for me!” Killian declared heartbrokenly. He deflated slightly, giving his head an agitated toss. “Swan, I…I hate running so hot and cold with you. One minute, we’re a united front no matter what and the next, you’re tearing my head off. And I don’t know what I keep doing to deserve this…”</p><p>Emma stood up in front of him. She gently guided his chin with her hand so he could see the quivering of her lip and so that he understood every word she said. “Oh, Killian? Don’t you understand? Now that you’re the Tribute…I have to mourn you. If you die before me, I won’t have time to do it in the Games and if you die after me…well…” She tilted her head back to try and stop the tears from running down her face. “I just wanted one of us to be happy and since I figured there was no way I was getting out of these Games...I hoped it would be you.”</p><p>“Emma.” The call of her name made her knees all but buckle, but he was right there to catch her as he always was. Killian wrapped his arms tightly around her and she buried her face in his chest, nuzzling against him. “Emma, don’t you know?” he whispered into her hair. “I volunteered this time so that I could make sure…I could make <em>sure </em>you’d be the one to get your happy ending.”</p><p>“The night of our engagement party. Pan warned me about this. He <em>knew </em>what was going to happen,” she choked out, squeezing her eyes shut. He didn’t deserve this fate and she didn’t deserve him. “He warned me that I wasn’t going to be so lucky and I should’ve put the pieces faster together. I should’ve been quick enough, smart enough—"</p><p>“Emma, there’s no way you could’ve accurately predicted this outcome,” Killian promised softly, gently rocking her back and forth in his arms. “Please, love, don’t you beat yourself up…”</p><p>“Once again, there’s a huge target on our back and it’s all my fault!” she declared, picking her head up to look at him desperately. “And you wouldn’t have a target on your back if you’d just let Whale go!”</p><p>A look of understanding suddenly crossed Killian’s face. “You’re still trying to protect me, aren’t you?” he whispered, drawing his thumb across her cheek. Leaning into his touch, she nodded, and he let out an exasperated huff. “Emma…you’re not the only one who survived last year. I’m a survivor, love. I survived Liam’s death, I survived last year’s Games…and while I love your protectiveness, need I remind you that I watch your back as much as you watch mine?”</p><p>Emma rest her cheek back on his chest. “I know,” she said quietly. She’d seen his fierceness firsthand only a few times, but she knew that he was not to be trifled with when the chips were down. He was just as tough as she was. “I may not always act like it, but I do know.” She nestled in closer as he stroked her hair. “I…last year my only focus was getting home to Henry. I didn’t think about anything else…and now…”</p><p>“And now?” Killian prompted.</p><p>“And now…it just feels like all of it is so much bigger than us,” Emma replied. “Especially after all we’ve seen.” She let Killian stroke her back one minute before she pulled back slightly. “Can I ask you something?” she asked. “And I’m not asking because I’m trying to pick a fight. I’m asking because I really want to know: did you have to volunteer for Whale?”</p><p>Killian grinned sardonically and rolled his head back so that he was looking up at the ceiling while he gathered his thoughts. She kept her distance for now, just so they could have the serious conversation, though her skin was practically crawling with the effort. “Aye. Liam used to say a man unwilling to fight for what he wants gets what he deserves.”</p><p>“Some would say you’ve already paid the price,” Emma pointed out, but she knew Killian didn’t think so. A dark mood settled over the car, but she didn’t want to succumb to the grimness just yet. There was still a fight to be had and she wasn’t going to go lying down. But that meant her partner had to be with her, and she needed Killian to be upbeat for that to happen.</p><p>She licked her lips and tilted her head upwards before she asked her second question, starting to blush, “How come you like touching me so much?”</p><p>“What?” Killian laughed, clearly not expecting that line of questioning.</p><p>“You’re always rubbing my back or stroking my hair…just two minutes ago you were annoyed with me and then all of a sudden you become like this mega cuddler…so like…what gives?” Emma asked with a shy little laugh of her own, her smile widening when she saw Killian blush.</p><p>“Well, if I’m honest,” he said shyly. “I was always affectionate as a boy. My mam loved it and then when Liam died…not very many people held me or let me hold them until you and I...I find when I’m upset just holding you calms me. Don’t forget that it’s you, love, who makes me feel like the odds are in my favor.”</p><p>“Oh,” she said with a blush.</p><p>He scratched behind his ear. “I can always stop if you don’t like it.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare!” Emma exclaimed indignantly.</p><p>Killian’s laugh echoed throughout the entire car.</p><p>--</p><p>Later that night, after dinner, Emma and Killian found themselves alone in Killian’s room. They hadn’t been talking about much of anything, just relaxing, but she could tell Killian was getting more and more on edge. “You might as well come out with it, you look like you’re going to jump out of your skin,” she teased.</p><p>“It’s about our conversation from before,” Killian admitted. “Should we…should we adjourn to our spot?”</p><p>Emma nodded encouragingly at him, to try and show him that she was in a good place and that she would do her very best to not be combative with him. As they walked to the last car of the train, she didn’t speak, she just let him take a few breaths to try and compose his thoughts. She knew he did best when he could think through what he wanted to say, and she was going to be patient with because he deserved that much.</p><p>He sat down, looking at his hand and not really looked at her, not at first. She sat beside him, but did not reach out to touch him just yet. “I…you know that you and Henry are really all that I have left in this world? And that I chose to come to the Games because I knew Henry would be taken care of?” he asked softly.</p><p>“I…” Emma sighed, looking down. Her shoulders came up, trying to protect herself again. Her feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness came kicking and screaming to the surface. She didn’t understand how he knew that she was worth throwing his life away. “I know you feel that way,” she finally decided on.</p><p>She closed her eyes and added bitterly, “I just wish…I just don’t want you to build me up to something I’m not.” When she opened her eyes again, Killian was staring at her in complete and utter shock. “I mean…like…Killian you’re so good and charming and kind and loving and I still don’t understand why you’d tie yourself to someone like me.”</p><p>“And what exactly is wrong with you?” Killian replied.</p><p>“Too many things,” Emma grumbled. When Killian levelled her with a serious look, she said, “I’m not…I just don’t want to disappoint you. I don’t want you to build me up like they all have and you know me so well that I will disappoint you the more and more you see the real me!”</p><p>“Do you really believe that, Emma?” Killian asked, leaning back in his chair. “Do you really believe that I love you because of how you’ve presented yourself to the public?” His piercing blue eyes stared directly into her green eyes when he asked, “Do you think it possible at all that I love you not for your persona but for the girl I’ve come to know?”</p><p>His voice became tender when he asked, “Is it at all possible that I’ve come to love you for you?”</p><p>“It’s possible,” she admitted, rubbing the back of her neck. “I just…don’t want to disappoint you. Make you realize that I’m something that I’m not.”</p><p>“Emma, if I’ve if ever made you feel like you’re something you’re not, then I need you to tell me when and how so I can work on it and make sure that you never feel that way again,” Killian said seriously.</p><p>"No, no, you've never made me feel like..." Emma started, her cheeks turning pink a little bit. She took a in a deep breath as she tried to refocus her thoughts. "You've never made me feel the pressure that they do. You always do whatever you can to build me up, to make me strong again and I..." She ducked her head away from him. "I always wondered how I can possibly make you feel the same way when I don't even know what I'm doing half the time!"</p><p>She sighed, her shoulders deflating slightly. "You always make me feel like I can take on anything. I don't know how to do the same for you and I feel bad about it. And everyone should have that before they die and it's gonna be lousy for you if you die and I haven't given you everything you've given me."</p><p>"But Emma, you already do all those wonderful things for me," Killian told her, his eyes widening with disbelief. Her head jerked up in surprise, and her heart was warmed by the affectionate look in Killian's eyes. He cupped her cheek in his hand and she leaned it to it, nuzzling against his palm. "Emma, I know that I'm my best self when I'm with you, and I have been my best self with you since the day that we met."</p><p>"I guess I just took for granted that I got your best self," Emma joked weakly. "I knew...I knew it was there but I didn't really get to know it until the Games." She closed her eyes. "I hate that the Games did this. That it was the Games that brought us together and not something normal."</p><p>"I know," Killian murmured, his thumb sweeping down her cheek to rest on the dent in her chin. "It's not right nor is it fair, but I am honored to have truly gotten to know you. And I'm grateful for the opportunity to show you parts of me that I thought had long been buried. And I am...the luckiest man alive to have gotten to know you, Emma."</p><p>Emma closed the distance between them with a soft kiss before she curled up against his chest contently. Killian's entire body relaxed and his hand travelled down her arm to twine their fingers together. He nuzzled the top of her scalp with a smile and placed a kiss there gently.</p><p>The unspoken desperation, knowing that this could be the one of the last times they'd probably get to hold each other like this, hung heavy in the air over both of them. Still, Emma did her best not to focus on that but rather the steady beat of Killian's heart against her skin and the even rise and fall of his chest against hers.</p><p>She was still frustrated and upset that he'd decided to sacrifice himself for her, but it was so hard to be angry at him when she was so scared. It was easier to seek the comfort, hide away in it. If she lived, she had the rest of her life to be angry with him. If she didn't live, then in a few weeks' time it wouldn't matter. Either way, Emma didn't feel that tainting what time they had was going to be worth it, especially since they had already shared their feelings on the matter and there was nothing more either party could do about it.</p><p>Emma let her eyes close and her breath slowed. She was awake and fully aware what was going on around her, but it was nice to be grounded in the moment with Killian and to just focus on that.</p><p>But a sniffle startled them both out of the cocoon they'd crafted for themselves to find Whale and Tink watching them. Well, Whale was watching them, Tink was sobbing profusely.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I tried to get her to calm down before we came in here," Whale said with a shrug. His grimace wasn't that of annoyance but of concern, and Emma couldn't help but share his feelings. Normally, Tink was the most cheerful and upbeat one out of them. But she stood before them sobbing like the world was ending.</p><p>"Tink, are you okay?" Killian asked worriedly, sitting up straighter with Emma still enveloped in his embrace.</p><p>"No!" Tink sobbed. "I'm not okay! None of this is okay!"</p><p>Emma and Killian exchanged a look before looking back at Tink worriedly.</p><p>"None of this is okay. It just isn’t fair. You’re so young, you’d been through it once and you fought so hard and it it's not fair that you had to go right back into it! You were supposed to get to rest and it's just not fair!"</p><p>Emma extracted herself from Killian's embrace so she could go hug Tink tightly. It had never occurred to her what the normal was supposed to be, given that she and Killian had a target on their backs from the moment they won. There had been a moment, when they'd first gotten back, that maybe things would be okay.</p><p>But then Gold had come into her house and threatened her, threatened Killian, threatened Henry...Emma supposed she hadn't had much time to reflect on the actual fairness of any of it.</p><p>Though, Emma supposed, things hadn't been fair for her for and Killian for a long time. It wasn't fair that Emma had lost both of her parents the same night and left to fend for herself and Henry in a capricious world. It wasn't fair that Killian's father abandoned them, and Liam died in the Hunger Games. It wasn't fair that her being in the Hunger Games had been all but an inevitability just to keep her and Henry alive. It wasn't fair that Killian had needed to volunteer himself for death--twice--because he felt he had nothing left to lose.</p><p>"We're tough, Tink," Emma said sympathetically, hugging Tink again. Tink hugged her back fiercely and Emma was startled by the strength of the hug too.</p><p>
  <em>“Hey, Tinkerbell?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, dear?” Tinkerbell replied.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You said when you were in school there were thirteen districts…but wasn’t 13 wiped out 74 years ago?” Emma asked, looking up again at Tinkerbelle. For the first time, Tinkerbelle’s carefree and lighthearted demeanor slipped when she smiled at Emma.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes.”<br/></em>
</p><p>And then she remembered just how long Tink had been around for. Tink was far older than she seemed, and she wasn't sure what Capitol tricks were done so that she and the other ambassadors were as old as they were.</p><p>And while Whale had mentors at one point, Emma realized that it had been Tink and Whale who had been together for the last 25 years on this journey. Their ambassador had never gotten the opportunity to get close to anyone else because no one else had lived. She thought of Tink's crushed reactions to the disappearance of Mayor Lir, and suddenly Emma realized that Tink was probably just as lonely as hurt as the rest of them.</p><p>"You know," she started, smiling weakly at Tink. "All the Reaping videos should be in by now. Why don't we watch them together? I bet Tink has some great dirt she could give on each of them!" She tried to keep her voice light and cheery for Tink's sake, and the woman gave her a watery smile in return.</p><p>"That's not a half bad idea, cherub," Whale said. His hand made a motion toward his flask but then he stopped before he sat down on the couch with a long drawn sigh. Emma went back to sit in between her mentor and Killian. Tink sat down on Whale's free side and he very gently pat her thigh.</p><p>"What's gonna be easiest for you, Whale?" Emma asked, worried about her mentor’s health and wellbeing. "If we start with 12 or if we start with 11?"</p><p>"It's all going to be goddamn horrible no matter how you slice it," Whale grumbled, running a hand over his face. "I...I don't know. I don't care. Just start with 12," he snarled lowly, looking away for a moment.</p><p>So, Emma did, and her heart lurched the first three districts when there were only two victors standing up on the stage. Her eyes began to water when David and Snow never let go of the other's hand, even when they were supposed to. Tink's sniffles were a sign she wasn't the only one feeling this way, and she felt Whale silently shaking beside her.</p><p>Rubbing her eyes furiously, there realized that in every District they had seen so far, there were people weeping in the town square for their Victors, their citizens, their friends.</p><p>People were losing family members and neighbors. Friends and loved ones. While the Hunger Games was normally the tragedy of eleven Districts and the glory of one, everything was amplified that year because of what a staple most of these people had clearly been in their community.</p><p>District after District, from District 12 to District 1, the grief was both unifying and palpable. And suddenly, Emma could understand why 8 responded to Midas’s grief. He had finally lived the experiences that so many families had the burden of sharing all of those years alone.</p><p>But unlike last year, Emma was committed to making sure that she knew every single one of their names before she went into the arena.</p><p>
  <em>Regina and Arthur. James and Mulan. Belle and Isaac. Ursula and Blackbeard. Granny and Gus. Robin Hood and Dorothy. Me and Killian. Megara and Lumiere. Archie and Gothel. Snow and David. Lancelot and Rapunzel. Grumpy and Tamara.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>What's wild is that I've had all these chapters written but I just haven't been posting them cuz I haven't had the energy to.</p><p>But anyway, this chapter has a little bit of lull in terms of action but I still hope you'll enjoy nonetheless!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Watching former Hunger Games was arguably the most painful thing Emma had ever done. Not only because it was watching 23 children die ad infinitum, but she had gotten attached to some of the people she'd only met a handful of times. Watching their Games made them more...real to her. Before she'd known about their Victor status in the abstract, but now she knew every detail of their win, who they killed, how long their Games took...</p><p>The singular saving grace of the entire exercise was that they did not have to watch Liam Jones die again, since Ruby was not participating in the Quarter Quell.</p><p>Though she had to admit, the technological advances between 70 years ago and now were certainly impressive. The screen had all but frozen before Granny's final kill and Emma was disappointed in the way the two last tributes were standing, face to face, and in a blink of an eye the other was dead at Granny's feet.</p><p><em>I think I'm becoming them</em>, she thought grimly. </p><p>But what was heartbreaking in its own way was that so many of the current Tributes were so young. Dorothy, Gus, Megara, Belle, Mulan and Rapunzel had all won in the last ten years in addition to her and Killian.</p><p>That made 8 out of the 24 for Tributes.</p><p>Upon that realization, Killian had decided it was time they ought to go to bed to rest and retain their youthful glow while they still could. Emma promised she'd follow him soon after, but she was still sitting in the dark, ruminating over those 6 other Tributes alone.</p><p>
  <em>I wonder what their lives would've been like...would they have gotten married? Had a family? Had kids? Though given what happened to Abigail, I don't know that having kids is necessarily the best way for keeping...</em>
</p><p>At the sudden thought of kids, a horrified chill ran down her spine. Some of these Tributes were parents or grandparents. If Emma killed these people, she'd be orphaning young children like she'd been orphaned.</p><p>She sprung up, needing to share this realization with Killian, needing someone to understand how she absolutely couldn't do that, but the door swung open before she could take a step.</p><p>"Cherub," Whale slurred, looking up at her with glossed over eyes. "Jus-just the girl I wanted to see." He draped his arm around her, the flask still in his hand. "I gotta...I gotta talk to you about the Games."</p><p>"Can't it wait?" Emma asked tersely, her shoulders tensed. "I was just about to go to bed."</p><p>"What're you doing in here?" Whale asked, stumbling toward the couch. He crashed into the side table and sent the vase crashing to the floor before he sprawled out across the couch. "Looks like you were having a grand old time in here. Just you and Killy."</p><p>"We were watching old Hunger Games videos," Emma sighed, sitting on the floor beside her mentor. Even if Whale didn't remember her reservations and fears come morning, it would be better for her in the long run if she got them out to someone. She sat with her knees against her chest and she didn't look at him.</p><p>"What's going on in that head of yours, cherub?" Whale asked, leaning over to tap her nose. And then he seemed to realize what she had said, and he rolled back over onto his back.</p><p>"Please make it painless, Emma," he whispered.</p><p>"Make what painless?" She didn't look at him. She wasn't even sure if she could.</p><p>"When you kill them. Whoever you kill. Even if you hate their goddamn guts in the moment...and Lord knows there's a bunch in that crew that I really don't like...just...just make it painless." His voice cracked in so many spots that it broke Emma's heart each time and she buried her face against her knees to try and keep the sorrow at bay.</p><p>"I'll try," she promised. "Will...do you think they'd do the same for me?"</p><p>"I'll make sure of it," Whale promised softly, and Emma wasn't sure if he'd even remember to keep that promise but the thought was comforting. It was what gave her the courage to admit to her mentor, "I don't want to make any kids orphans, Whale. I...I saw their faces in the Reaping videos and I just...I don't know if I could live with myself if I knew that I made some kid an orphan."</p><p>"If you die, it makes Henry an orphan," Whale pointed out.</p><p>"Henry and I have already been orphans," she replied testily.</p><p>"Okay, well if you die then it means Henry will be alone, and I'm sure you don't want that," Whale pointed out, still looking up at the ceiling. "You're not the only one with a motivation here, Emma. Don't let their motivations be your undoing."</p><p>"I can't help but think about it," Emma sucked. "Because it's been the last two years of my life where I've just had to live without my parents...I don't want to do anything to make that happen for another kid. Because being on your own? With no parents? It sucks."</p><p>"A lot about being a Hunger Games winner sucks," Whale sighed, and somehow Emma knew he was thinking about his brother. Now seemed like a good moment to ask, but she wasn't sure if she could handle it, and it wouldn't be fair to Whale to unearth this painful story only for her to react in the wrong way.</p><p>So she sighed, and said quietly, "It really does suck to win the Hunger Games. It's better than the alternative...but it still is just..."</p><p>She leaned her head backward and Whale gave it a very awkward pat. "Okay, I will give you all of my winnings if you promise to never do that again," Emma said severely, turning around to look her mentor in the eye. He laughed weakly and batted at her ineffectively.</p><p>"So other than time passes, what else did you learn in here about your competitors this evening?" Whale asked.</p><p>"You, Regina, Lancelot, Robin Hood, David and Snow all won really close together," she admitted. "That kind of surprised me."</p><p>"Wow, that's the exact order we won in, you big freak," Whale told her, rolling onto his side and giving her a suspicious look. "Starting with me 25 years ago."</p><p>"No wonder David greeted you like that...the day were at the train station. No wonder Snow felt like she could threaten you in order to make sure Killian and I were alive," Emma said sadly. Teasing him weakly, she added, "Whale, you really did have friends this whole time."</p><p>"I really did," Whale replied weakly, smiling sadly at her. "They are...the best friends in the entire world. But don't you dare tell them I said that because I'd never live it down if David knew he was one of my best friends."</p><p>"Your secret is safe with me," Emma said softly, drawing her knees back up to her chest. "I'll take it to my grave."</p><p>"Don't joke like that, cherub, that's my shtick," Whale groused, closing his eyes. "Victors of the games are bound in ways that we can’t even describe to other people...I wish you would've had the time to learn this. Most of those people would've gone to the end of the Earth for you if you needed anything because you're one of us."</p><p><em>They already did</em>, Emma thought, thinking of how seriously Snow and David took to tending to her. How Archie and Mulan had done everything in their power to make sure Killian was prepared for a life after the Hunger Games. How Regina had gone into a meeting with Gold and Pan themselves just to support Whale.</p><p>"Most Victors are a decent sort, though again...there's a few I won't mind too much if the odds aren't in their favor," Whale admitted roughly, grimacing. He sighed again when he looked at Emma, as if searching her face for something he couldn't find. "Y'know, if I ever needed help with anything...and I mean anything... Regina? Robin? Lance? Snow? David? Those are the five I would have gone to. And shit's really gonna suck without them."</p><p>Suddenly and without warning, Whale grabbed his side and let out a grunt of pain. "Son of a bitch."</p><p>Emma sprung to her feet, her hands hovering uselessly over him. "Whale!" she exclaimed. "Are you okay? What's going on?"</p><p>"This?" he grunted. "Aw, this is nothing, this is just something that happens--"</p><p>"This is not a thing that happens," the ceiling interrupted them, its pleasant tone seeming out of sorts with the seriousness of the situation. "Victor Whale, your liver readings are abnormal and suggest that your transplant is failing."</p><p>"Transplant?!?" Emma gasped. "Failing?!? What? Whale? Why didn't you tell  us?"</p><p>"I got a liver transplant before the Games last year," Whale explained through gritted teeth. "There is medication that I was supposed to take to keep my new liver functioning happily and healthily. But, uh...y'know, they were making it in the Capitol and just after you guys won, there was a problem with my shipment..."</p><p>"Victor Whale required a liver transplant due to cirrhosis of the liver. Cirrhosis of the liver is a late stage of scarring caused by many things, though Mister Whale's condition is currently a direct result of his alcohol consumption."</p><p>"Thanks for ratting me out," Whale grumbled, shaking his first at the ceiling. "I was told I could in moderation..." He closed his eyes again, waiting for the pain to pass. "Doesn't matter. As soon as we get back to the Capitol, the sponsors will hook me up to the experimental stuff. Gotta look good for the cameras, y'know?"</p><p>"Whale, even if I did believe that, you have not been drinking moderately in any way, shape or form!" Emma cried worriedly. "And just because you're getting the good medications in a few days doesn't mean that you can just...drink yourself to death!"</p><p>"God, you sound like Tink," Whale huffed.</p><p>"Tink knew?" Emma cried.</p><p>"Course she did," Whale shrugged. "She's my keeper, haven't you noticed? Besides, if I destroy myself what's it gonna matter?"</p><p>"Well, you can't do it before the Quarter Quell because Killian and I need you!" Emma shot back in frustration. Whale sat up, his eyebrows practically climbing into his hairline as he looked over at Emma.</p><p>"Really, cherub?" he asked, his voice tinted with surprise. "And how do you know that you need me? I trained with you and Killian before the Reaping. I watched you get through the Games and then the tour. You're both pretty damn capable."</p><p>"Yeah, well," Emma huffed, crossing her arms. "It turns out that you're tougher than I ever thought you could be. So you're not allowed to die just yet. After Killian and I die you're more than allowed to fuck off the mortal coil, but until then, we need you."</p><p>"And how do you know that?" Whale asked, raising an eyebrow at her. "I see my tape is unwatched."</p><p>"We were getting to it eventually," Emma grumbled, sitting up by her mentor. "You got me and Killian through our first Games. And the tour. And you had a time limit on your Games, and you still won. And like...you kicked our asses that first day when were training and you did that with a failing liver. So you're obviously capable."</p><p>Only the corner of Whale's mouth twitched upward, but he looked so incredibly proud. "You're so much smarter than other people give you credit for. But you're like your mother that way."</p><p>Emma blushed as she popped the tape in. "So...tell me what you know, Hunger Games winner."</p><p>"It's not pretty," Whale replied, taking a long swig of his flask, which Emma snatched out of his hand. "Are you sure you're up for this? I don't want you to get nightmares, cherub."</p><p>"I'm fine," Emma huffed, looking up at him, taking a sip of his flask. She hit play.</p><p>"So the twist--as you know--is that we had to complete it in 50 hours. The implication was that we'd be killed at the end of 50 hours if we weren't done, but I don't know if they actually would've gone through with it or if they would've manipulated the arena elements to make sure that we finished within the 50 hours..."</p><p>He closed his eyes, but Emma's eyes were fixed on the violent frenzy that was the opening bloodbath.</p><p>"But we all felt it when that cannon went off. The urgency was so thick in the air, you breathed it in with every breath you took." She watched as a younger version of Whale took a lightning rod and an ask and headed away from the bloodbath.</p><p><em>He probably gave us the advice that he got when he went into the Games</em>, she realized.</p><p>Emma watched as the bodies seemed to fall down. But she was surprised when Whale stopped the tape and zoomed in on and young woman who had swam out into the middle of the lake to avoid dying. "You see her?" he asked, pointing at her. "She was the female Tribute from my District. Her name was Helga, and she was Ingrid's sister."</p><p>"My mother had a sister?" Emma asked. "How come she'd never said anything about her sister."</p><p>Whale looked confused for a moment before he seemed to remember something and he shook his head. "Well," he started slowly. "Her youngest sister, Greta, had died like right before you were born, killed in a shipwreck or something--"</p><p>"What?" Emma asked, looking up at her mentor, completely shocked by everything she was learning. "A shipwreck? How?!?"</p><p>Whale waved her off. "I don't remember, I wasn't really paying attention at the time," he said. "And so, I have to imagine when you have two small children at home, finding a way to bring up two dead aunts was probably really hard."</p><p>"Yeah, I guess," Emma sighed, leaning back. A lump formed in her throat as she watched Helga be killed by someone. Whale had immediately sprung from where he had been hiding and stabbed Helga's killer in the head, triggering a second boom from the canon.</p><p>"You scared, cherub?" Whale asked, looking down at her.</p><p>Emma nodded, tucking her knees back against her chest even though her eyes never left the screen. She couldn't look at her mentor, feeling like she'd break if she didn't look ahead at that last Quarter Quell. </p><p>"I don't want you to be," Whale murmured soothingly. "You're tough. That's what you told Tink, right?" Emma nodded and Whale added, "It's just like last time. If you're afraid, you'll freeze up and that'll get you killed."</p><p>"So what should I do to not be afraid?" Emma asked tiredly, rubbing her eyes to try and stay awake.</p><p>"Go to bed on time for starters," Whale teased.</p><p>"You're the one who kept me awake!" Emma exclaimed indignantly, letting out a huff. She stood up and looked down at her mentor, sprawled out on the couch. "You better get up and head to your own bed."</p><p>"'m comfy here," Whale muttered, slinging his arm over his eyes.</p><p>"Sure you are," Emma replied, poking him in the side. He groaned and curled up. "C'mon. Your bed is probably all equipped to help with your liver."</p><p>"It is, actually," the ceiling AI informed them pleasantly.</p><p>"I'll help you get there if you need it," Emma offered.</p><p>"Nah, 'm good," Whale muttered as a pair of train workers came into the room. "See? Ceiling already informed them that I needed assistance."</p><p>Emma frowned, not sure if she loved the idea of Whale being taken care of by total strangers. "It's not like they're gonna murder me if you go to bed, cherub," he said exasperatedly. "Pretty sure you'd know it was them if I suddenly turn up dead in the morning."</p><p>"I don't know, I could put the same amount of money on Tink," Emma said wryly, folding her arms across her chest. Whale waved her off again and she added, "Okay. If you're sure."</p><p>She got to the door before she paused for a moment, her hand curled around the frame. "Hey, Whale?" she asked, not looking back at him.</p><p>"Yeah?" he asked softly.</p><p>"Whatever happened to your brother?"</p><p>Whale didn't seem to be that put off by the question, though admittedly she wasn't looking at his facial expression, so she had no idea what he was actually feeling. Still, the energy in the air didn't seem to change all that much.</p><p>"If you live, cherub, I promise to tell you."</p><p>"Deal." With that, Emma went off to Killian's room instead of her own. She was prepared to tiptoe in quietly as to not wake him up, but Killian was already awake.</p><p>"Hey," she murmured, and he smiled softly up at her. "You okay?"</p><p>"Aye." She kicked off her shoes and very quickly changed into a set of pajamas, though her pajamas consisted of a t-shirt and shorts. He seemed to relax once she was safely curled up against his side again. "I just...have a hard time sleeping when you're not in bed."</p><p>"Sorry," she mumbled, her eyes almost immediately fluttering shut. "Was thinking. And then Whale wanted to chat."</p><p>"Chat about what?" Killian asked softly, resting his cheek on top of her head. "Anything important?"</p><p>"Well his liver's failing," Emma started hotly, but she didn't open her eyes again. "And apparently the other District 7 Tribute in his Quarter Quell was my mother's sister that I didn't know about. And he wants to make sure that if we have to kill the other tributes that we make it painless."</p><p>"Oh, so nothing really at all," Killian answered in a deadpan voice and she chuckled against his chest. "That's certainly a lot of information to take in for one night."</p><p>"It is," Emma agreed with the tiniest of yawns, shifting to make herself more comfortable against Killian. "But it's also something you and I can deal with in the morning."</p><p>"Sounds like a plan," Killian murmured. "Probably will be more of a help after a few hours sleep anyway..."</p><p>"Mmm, me too..." she whispered, feeling her head loll forward. "Night, Killian."</p><p>"Good night, love."</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I told some people that I'd post on Tuesday and here we are...it's Friday...well, I'm going to post this relatively short chapter and hope you all enjoy it nonetheless!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emma sighed as the stagehands flitted around her head, touching her hair and just setting her teeth on edge. She had hoped she would've been done with this part of the Hunger Games, but apparently getting reaped again meant she had to do the Green Mile.</p><p>Again.</p><p>"I didn't sign up for this!" Emma hissed to Killian, folding her arms over her chest before they were pried away by Mab.</p><p>"Technically, you didn't sign up for either time we've been in the Games," Killian said wryly and Emma breathed out a quick laugh through her nose. "Just grin and bear it, Swan. It'll be over sooner rather than later."</p><p>"Well maybe I'll fall on the Green Mile and that'll kill me and then we won't have to worry about it," she muttered, and it was Killian's turn to let out a quick and discreet laugh.</p><p>"If you die on that runway it will be the end of my career," Merlin replied gravely from where he was fixing up a few last-minute details on her dress. "So do your best not to die, you got that?"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, but only for you," Emma replied, rolling her eyes. Normally Merlin was lighthearted and easy going, even in the midst of a stressful place like the Green Mile. But everything about this year's Green Mile was different.</p><p>Rather than being an electrified place of excitement and anticipation, the dread in the air was practically palpable. Many of the stagehands were working hard to hide their tears, though some could barely get through a sentence without a few drops falling.</p><p>"I probably shouldn't have joked like that, huh?" Emma muttered, trying to put on a brave face for Tatiana and Mab.</p><p>"No, probably not," Merlin replied, stepping back. "Turn and face me, both of you." Emma and Killian did as he said and Merlin looked at them appraisingly for a moment. "Perfect. Okay. Do you both know where your cords are."</p><p>"Right pocket of the coat," Killian replied instantly.</p><p>"Uhhh, somewhere by hip or thigh, probably," Emma replied, fumbling around until she felt the handle. "Left thigh. Got it."</p><p>"Good," Merlin said. "When you pass each other on the way back, you're going to pull the lever on each of your wardrobes. The leaves will spread out behind you, you'll paint the Green Mile with your feathers. Hopefully Killian won't slip on his way back, but that's why you both are going without shoes again."</p><p>"Well thank God for small favors," Emma replied, rolling her eyes a little bit. "This still isn't my suit." It was close. Rather than a dress, Emma was allowed to wear pants for what felt like the first time in forever, but her top was a little too form-fitting and sleeveless to be a suit. The dark green of the pants looked like leaves climbing up to the sky and her vest was blue and white. Killian matched her perfectly.</p><p>But it still wasn't the suit she had been promised she was going to wear once she was a Victor.</p><p>Merlin smiled his first true smile of the day. "I haven't forgotten," he said affectionately. "All right. I'm done with you both. Be good and don't embarrass me." And with that, he turned around in left.</p><p>"I think he's been hanging around Whale too much," Killian muttered to Emma as they watched them go.</p><p>Emma nodded her agreement and opened her mouth to say something, when she felt an unsettling presence behind him. Turned around, she started to relax when she saw it was David, but then tensed again.</p><p>"Hello, Emma," the man said pleasantly, but the cadence was all wrong. "Been a long time, hasn't it, sweetie?"</p><p>David never called her sweetie.</p><p>"Okay, just who the hell are you?" Emma asked, ignoring the way her heart began to beat faster against her chest. She sincerely hoped that this man wasn't another shape shifter like Walsh, hwo could take on any form at any time.</p><p>"Emma, what are you talking about. It's me--"</p><p>"Cut the crap," Emma snapped, already not in the mood for whatever was happening here. "I know you're not David. You speak in a higher tone of voice than he does. Not by a lot, but some. And David has never, ever, called me sweetie."</p><p>A cruel and menacing smirk crawled over the stranger's face, and it was absolutely unsettling to see it as if it were coming from David. "Well, well, well...she's pretty and smart. That's good to know for the arena."</p><p>"Stay the hell away from her, James," David snarled, stepping in front of Emma, and leaving both Emma and Killian to wonder where in the hell David had even come from.</p><p>"I wasn't going to do anything...yet," James taunted, leering at David with that awful grin on his face.</p><p>"If you go anywhere near her," David threatened furiously. "I'll tear your throat out and I won't wait until the arena to do it."</p><p>"Temper, temper," James laughed. "I was only saying hello." Smirking around David, he made eye contact with Emma. She shivered at the dark and foreboding look in his eyes. "I'll see you around, Emma. It was lovely to meet you."</p><p>Emma watched the man walk away. It was only when James was out of sight and earshot that David relaxed. "Are you okay?" she asked David, a little nervous to take any step closer to him when he'd been so vicious toward James. She'd only known David to be gentle and kind, and once again she was reminded of the reality that he was a Hunger Games winner and had that viciousness within him.</p><p>"Yeah..." David said in a strange voice, staring out where James was before he shook his head and turned around to look back at Emma. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that," he muttered, shaking his head. "These Games just...have me on edge. That's all."</p><p>"Yeah, I get that," Emma replied, keeping her tone light. She didn't think that the Games warranted that kind of reaction from him. And Killian seemed to agree with her, as he stepped protectively in front of her, puffing his chest out.</p><p>David stepped back for a moment at Killian's protective display before he seemed to come back too himself and he smiled gently. "I'm sorry for scaring you," he said, and there was the David that Emma had come to know.</p><p>"It's okay," Emma told him. "I promise that James didn't do anything to hurt me. We were just talking..." She wanted to ask David the obvious question, but then again it seemed like there was more than one obvious question at this point.</p><p>
  <em>Why did James look exactly like David? And why did David hate James so much?</em>
</p><p>But then the stagehands called placed and she was all but shepherded into line away from David and with Killian. The lump in her throat gathered as she realized that the last time, she'd been in line behind Graham, who had died the first night of the Games.</p><p>"I suppose trees are a bit uninspired, aren't they?" Robin asked, clearly trying to get her attention or try to get her to smile.</p><p>"What?" Emma asked.</p><p>"Trees. I always hated that our outfits were based on our District export and not our personalities for the Green Mile," Robin said conspiratorially.</p><p>"I think I'd rather have trees over transportation," Emma huffed and Robin just laughed, turning back in line.</p><p>Emma looked over her shoulder at Killian, wondering how Robin Hood could be so at ease and relaxed. It seemed almost like another day in the life rather than a Hunger Games for him. Moreover, he kept talking to her like he knew her. And he did, sort of as they'd met at Emma and Killian's engagement party, but it made Emma nervous just how friendly Robin was.</p><p><em>Maybe it's a trap</em>, she thought, shifting her shoulders anxiously. <em>It's a trap to get our guards down before we go into the arena. I can't fall for it. There's too much riding on this to me to fall for it.</em></p><p>Luckily, the familiar, frenetic rhythm of the Green Mile procession brought Emma back to herself and she found she could refocus again. She found her breathing was easier, her head was clear and she could easily focus on what came ahead.</p><p>When it was her turn to walk, she did not look at anyone, she didn't smile. She didn't even pause to look at Gold. At the end of the runway, she paused for her picture but she didn't even bother giving Gold the satisfaction of her attention.</p><p>As she walked back down, her hand drifted to her thigh, her fingers tightening around the cord. She saw Killian approaching, and she gave him the tiniest of nods.</p><p>
  <em>3...2...1.</em>
</p><p>As they passed each other, they both pulled on their cords in unison. The audience gasped as the top of their vests unfurled to reveal what Emma thought were supposed to be leaves. But rather than the traditional hue of green or perhaps even autumn, these leaves had been painted white.</p><p>And though Emma could see that they still were leaves that were scattered about her feet, the way they had been sculpted and scored made them look like...</p><p>Like feathers, Emma realized, her heart pounding with dread. She didn't want to look for Merlin in the crowd before she got off the runway, but she wanted to look up and try to figure out if this was on purpose or an accident.</p><p>Maybe he was just going for those wispy clouds... she tried to convince herself, but she knew that wasn't it. She knew he'd done this on purpose, and she only hoped that Gold hadn't put the pieces together.</p><p>She couldn't see him, and she almost didn't want to see him.</p><p>Once she was safely offstage, she waited anxiously for Killian and all but flew to him once he'd joined her. He was equally as troubled as she was and it was written all over his face. "Did you look at Gold?" she asked anxiously, and Killian shook his head.</p><p>"I didn't dare, as soon as I saw the feathers," he told her, biting his lip. He squeezed her hand gently, looking around furtively to make sure that none of the other Tributes were listening to them. "Emma, I don't think this was an accident..."</p><p>"I know," Emma whispered, pressing her forehead to Killian's. She took in a few deep breaths to try and steady herself.</p><p>"You're okay, love," Killian promised softly, and she tried to focus on his voice rather than the raging tempest of panic that was swirling in her mind now. "Focus on me. Dashing rapscallion right in front of you. Can't miss him."</p><p>She laughed quietly and closed her eyes, breathing with him for a moment. The sound of footsteps drew her back out again, but she did not move far away from Killian.</p><p>Merlin was grinning from ear to ear at both of them, all but bouncing with excitement. "Nicely done the two of you. You timed it just perfectly."</p><p>"Did you really have to do that in front of Gold?" Emma asked nervously. "Those leaves, I mean..."</p><p>Merlin shrugged. "It's just fashion," he said with a sly smile. "After all, they couldn't be green, it'd blend in with the runway."</p><p>"I don't know if Gold will see it that way," Emma replied nervously.</p><p>"Don't worry about me," Merlin said, still grinning from ear to ear.</p><p>"Emma! Killian!" Being in the Capitol had already done wonders for Whale's health. His skin was a normal color instead of the yellowish hue it'd taken, his eyes were bright, he was standing tall, and he was walking with an older woman who Emma assumed was Granny Lucas. "This is Granny Lucas!"</p><p>"You know Granny isn't actually my name, right, Victor?" Granny asked wryly. "Though, I'm not surprised. You'd always had an affinity for giving everyone and anyone a nickname when you couldn't remember their names."</p><p>"Everyone calls you Granny."</p><p>"Never said any of 'em had permission to call me Granny. Somehow that never stopped any of you before."</p><p>Emma grinned in spite of herself. This woman was clearly spirited in spite of her old age, and Emma could appreciate the woman's wit. "Hi," she said. "I'm Emma."</p><p>An amused quirk of Granny's lips preceded, "I know who you are. I'm old, not living under a rock." But there was no harshness to it, just a bluntness and candor that Emma deeply appreciated. "I like your spunk, the two of you."</p><p>"I told you that you would," Whale said smugly. He beckoned and Killian. "Come on, you two. I'm sure you want to get out of those clothes. Let's go back to the apartments. Bye, Granny." He waved the old woman off and sauntered toward the elevators.</p><p>Emma and Killian bemusedly followed him into the elevator. Before the doors closed, Regina slipped in behind them. Her outfit was incredible, but ostentatious, form fitting and volumunous.</p><p>"How do you even walk in that?" Emma asked, her eyebrow arching.</p><p>"With the poise and dignity of queen," Regina retorted. She looked at Emma and Killian out of the corner of her eye. "Something I'm sure neither of you know anything about given the way you both absolutely plod down the runway."</p><p>"I don't plod!" Emma protested.</p><p>But Regina ignored her and continued, "Though I suppose it can't be helped. The entire world wants to sleep with you now so it's probably gone to your head. It's a shame you're taken, there are some lovely people in the Capitol that would've loved to tote you around as their arm candy."</p><p>"The whole world doesn't want to sleep with me," Emma protested and Regina's eyebrow arched.</p><p>"I wasn't talking about you, but I would've thought that was obvious," Regina said snidely. "I was talking about the eye candy over there."</p><p>Killian immediately turned bright pink and he scratched behind his ear nervously. Emma was reminded of the women who looked like they'd sized Killian up for a meal and swallowed him whole at any moment.</p><p>"I...thank you?" Killian asked, and Emma slipped her hand into Killian's. She knew that the attention made him uncomfortable and she glowered daggers at Regina, hoping that would get her to stop and leave them both alone.</p><p>"Any time," Regina replied with a smirk, walking off of the elevator without looking back at them.</p><p>Emma didn't like Regina's attitude, nor the way that she spoke to and about them. She also looked like she'd been sizing them up for a meal, though in a completely different way. So she mentally checked Regina off of her list of potential allies as well.</p><p>When they got off the elevator, Killian still looked troubled. Emma stopped, spinning around to face him and she gently placed her hand on his chest. "Hey," she murmured gently. "It's okay. You're okay. I'm right here."</p><p>Emma wrapped her arms around him and he buried her face in his shoulder. "Can you tell me why it bothers you so much?" she asked softly, stroking the back of his head.</p><p>"I know that their...intentions," Killian started quietly, hanging his head. "They're not something I want for myself. I'm not...interested in what they're after. And to be openly ogled amongst people with such power...it's frightening."</p><p>"Don't worry," Emma murmured, wrapping her arms tightly around him, hoping she was comforting him rather than patronizing him. "Once we're married...then they'll know you're all mine. And I won't ever want anything that you don't want."</p><p>"Protecting my virtue, Swan?" he teased, and Emma was relieved to feel his smile against her skin.</p><p>"Always," she murmured, kissing the top of his head.</p><p>Killian looked back at her for a moment, gingerly reaching to stroke her cheek. "I can tell you’re vexed, love. Don't let Regina ruffle your feathers, either, love. This must be just like last time...where there's parts of this meant to rile us up and distract us from our purpose before we even get started."</p><p>"You're probably right," Emma sighed, rushing his bangs out of his face. "I just...don't really feel like the odds are in our favor right now. When we were here last year, I knew there was more of an even playing field. I just...I dunno." She smiled thinly and Killian nodded understandingly.</p><p>"It's been a long day, cherubs," Whale said. "And I don't love this defeatist talk I'm hearing from you. So grab something to eat and rest. You're back in the training center tomorrow. And you're really gonna need to be in top shape because everyone's eyes will be on you."</p><p>"Fuck me," Emma muttered.</p><p>"Language," Whale scolded. "I'm not sure where you picked up this foul language--"</p><p>"You," she retorted.</p><p>"I am paragon of virtue," Whale replied wryly. "Nevertheless, you two need to rest so that you'll be able to start fresh tomorrow. Okay?"</p><p>"All right," Killian murmured softly. He tilted his head at Emma. "You coming?" he asked gently.</p><p>Without another word, she took his hand and allowed him to lead her to a room that they shared. They changed into their nightclothes and climbed in next to each other without a word.</p><p>"Erm? Emma?" Killian asked shyly, once he was curled around her. "You know that I expect nothing from these nights...I just...I like holding you. I'm not expecting anything. So I don't want you to feel like you're in danger with me."</p><p>She couldn't see him in the dark but she could feel the heat from his cheeks against her shoulder. She knew it was cruel to laugh but she couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her lips. She snuggled against him a little more firmly. "Listen," she whispered softly. "I know that there is no place where I'm safer than right here."</p><p>He sighed with relief and allowed himself to relax. Knowing their fears were assuaged for now, Emma allowed herself to fall asleep, and knew that Killian was not far behind.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As we're ramping up toward the Games, enjoy this training chapter featuring some new players to the field including Belle and Mulan!</p><p>Have I gotten to the Games part in my word document? ...no, but surprisingly, we're almost at the start of the Games. I'm maybe two, three chapters away? Which means you all are like five chapters away. Will I get to 100k before I even get to the Games? The odds are looking more and more in my favor on this one...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Well, back at it again,” Emma sighed as the Mistguards went over the rules of the training center. “What do you suppose is the best way to do it?"</p><p>"Whale told us we were supposed to 'play nice' and 'make friends' today," Killian murmured in her ear.</p><p>"Like hell I'm doing that," Emma huffed, crossing her arms over her chests. "I know that these are Whale's friends, but these are not <em>my</em> friends. I don't know these people from the potential hole they could put in my head."</p><p>Emma was still suspicious of the other adults that would be in the arena. She didn't trust them and she surely didn't trust their intentions. She had no idea who was a friend or foe other than Killian and moreover, she wasn't even sure she wanted to find out. She was trying to make it out alive and she wasn't sure she needed the others for that.</p><p>Well, except for Killian. She was still trying to figure out if she could make it work where they would both live again. While she figured Pan wouldn't let them both live again, she was currently trying to figure out what she could do to keep them both alive if they didn't have to attack each other.</p><p>"Shall we go play, love?" Killian teased. "I was thinking of sparring with my new hook. I still feel off-balance with the new weight." He waggled his eyebrows at her. "And I know what a tough lass you are."</p><p>"Well, we can certainly spar with you both!" Snow said cheerfully. "It's helpful to spar against other people who aren't your District partner. Besides, it's been a while since I practiced my short-range combat." She looped her arm through Killian's and began leading him away to the sparring ring.</p><p>David looked at her questioningly, and she shook her head, taking a step back. She was not in the mood for David and Snow's hovering. Where before the Games it had been comforting, it was now chafing. "I'm, uhh, gonna start with the survival station. Have fun sparring."</p><p>"Okay, Emma," David said kindly. "Have fun."</p><p>Emma waved him off as she walked toward the survival station. She watched curiously as Belle French, the Tribute from District 3, wrapped a plastic bag around some plants. "Can you simulate the heat of District 7's summer...roughly 85 degrees Fahrenheit for 3 hours?" she asked the computer who immediately complied.</p><p>In a flash, some water collected at the bottom of the bag and Emma widened. "Whoa," Emma replied. "How did you know to do that?"</p><p>"Any greenery requires water to grow and so I figured it'd be easiest to try and condense that cycle in a way where I can extract the water. Of course, since the arena is built for us, we have the added benefit of knowing that there are no pesticides. But, there is a matter of knowing what kind of plants produce arsenic..." Belle blushed, realizing something. "I'm sorry. I hadn't introduced myself and instead just lectured you about plants."</p><p>"That's okay," Emma said shyly. "I know you're Belle French. I, uh, watched your Hunger Games. It's what got me thinking about water and survival."</p><p>Belle bounced excitedly on her heels at the praise, clasping her hands together. "The traps you set for Felix were very impressive," she told Emma. "If you like, I can teach you more about plants and you can teach me about traps." Emma nodded and Belle pat the seat beside her. "It must feel very...overwhelming. To feel like you should know this but don't."</p><p>"Huh?" Emma asked. Belle gestured to the plants and wildlife around them. "Oh, because I live in the forest. Yeah, we had clean and water, but it was Killian who taught me about how to filter water from a stream and stuff. Luckily, we had the filtration bits in the tab, they just needed to be activated."</p><p>"But you were smart enough to look for it," Belle said warmly. She stopped looking at the plants for a moment before she shifted, frowning at the game makers behind them.</p><p>"Pan's not here, is he?" Emma groaned, turning around. Pan wasn't there, just Hades and his wife admiring the proceeding.  Belle took a nearby acorn and threw it in their general direction. A rippling passed in front of Hades and Persephone. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to shake her head. "Was the force field humming always that loud?" she muttered lowly.  </p><p>
  <em>She glowered up at Pan, her heart slamming against her chest. If they weren’t going to watch her, she’d make them watch her. Putting both hands on the sword’s hilt, she raised her arms back. “Hey!” she yelled, throwing the sword as hard as she could.</em>
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  <em>The sword whizzed back Pan and stuck into the wall in the back, the sound ringing around the now silent room. All the men turned back to stare at her, mouths agape. Except for Pan. He looked absolutely delight with that show of force.</em>
</p><p>"What a minute," she murmured breathlessly. "There wasn't a force field last year." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "I didn't even hit any of them with the sword, there's no need for a force field!"</p><p>Belle looked like she had only been half-listening. "The indignity!" the brunette exclaimed, her brow furrowing as her eyes darted across the force field.</p><p>"The indignity of a force field? I mean, I don't know if I'd call it an indignity, I guess Game Makers need to be safe too..."</p><p>"No," Belle explained, looking over at Emma. She ran a hand through her hair. "I'm an inventor, and I'd presented them with a similar concept a few months ago. They just...took my design specs and made them poorly."</p><p>"How can you tell?" Emma asked.</p><p>"I'm going to ask you to close your eyes and listen," Belle instructed. "And when I put an acorn in your hand, I want you to throw it at wherever you think the force field is."</p><p>"Okay..." Emma figured that if Belle was trying to kill her that acorn would be the least effective way to go, and hopefully the Mistguard would stop her if it looked like she was getting too close to being successful. So she closed her eyes and listened.</p><p>Directly above her, there was a low-toned buzz. And then she heard it: it was a higher, intermittent buzz as if the energy seemed to start and stop. So she took her acorn at through. There was a frying sound, followed by a noise that sounded very much like a window screen being rippled by the wind.</p><p>"Nicely done," Belle replied when Emma opened her eyes. "My specs wouldn't have made a noise on impact." She snorted when the lights in the training center briefly flickered. "Or required this much power but Gold was never one to listen to me."</p><p>"So then there must be a weak spot to this," Emma realized slowly. She was not remotely in the mood to even begin processing the second half of Belle's statement, but if Belle had an in with Gold that could be something she could use to her advantage.</p><p>"Go on, see if you can figure it out," Belle encouraged, standing up and pulling Emma up with her. Emma walked underneath the force field, listening to the humming.</p><p>And then...silence.</p><p>Emma's eyes flew open again. She gently prodded the forcefield and found there was no resistance. "So the weak spot is where the humming stops..." She thought about how much damage the arena for the Hunger Games would take, and where the arena could afford to be weak for a moment before it came to her. "The top of the arena!" she hissed excitedly. "That's the weak spot in the Hunger Games arena! Because that's where the helicarriers come in and out so that has to be flexible!"</p><p>Belle just smiled proudly. "Now, come on!" she encouraged. "You promised to teach me something!"</p><p>--</p><p>The second day of training, Emma felt more confident in her survival skills and so she headed over to the training section first. She gleefully eyed the sword that she'd wielded the last time and took some practice, experimental swings with it, trying to get her bearings once again. She knew she was not as experienced with a sword as some of the others were, but she was pretty handy with a dagger when the situation called for it.</p><p>"Hello, Emma."</p><p>She didn't need to know who it was that was speaking. The chill had raced up her spine and nearly stopped her in her tracks. She forced herself to keep her tone cool as she took in a deep breath. "Hello, James," she said pleasantly.</p><p>"What do you mean? I'm David," James said, pretending to be shocked and hurt. "You can trust me."</p><p>"Cut the crap, James," Emma replied, annoyed as she took another lunge with the sword, just testing out its weight. "Your voice has got a higher cadence than David's. Not by much, but it's enough for me to know that you're not David."</p><p>James chuckled, leaning against the railing. "You know, when you two won I thought maybe it was a fluke, that Whale just got incredibly lucky with a crop of idiot Tributes. But you're smart. This should be fun for all of us."</p><p>"Yeah, I'm having oodles of fun so far," Emma said dryly. "It's a fun-a-polooza."</p><p>"Is everything okay here?" There was David's voice.</p><p>"Yep!" Emma grunted as she gave the sword an experimental thrust. "James and I were just talking about how much fun we're having here in the Hunger Games. Might as well call in the Fun-ger Games because I think I'm just having way too much fun!"</p><p>The sarcasm in her voice caused James and David to let out identical snorts before they turned away from each other.</p><p>"Well, if you're looking for a sparring partner, I'm pretty handy with a sword," David offered. James just smirked at David before stalking away to do...well who only knew what.</p><p>"Umm...actually," Emma started, prepared to send David away. But looking at him, she kind of relished the opportunity to challenge someone in a low stakes area. And she knew David. He wasn't hovering, he was still giving her the chance to decide what she wanted for herself.</p><p>Besides, the night before at dinner, Killian had all but gushed about how helpful it was to have sparred with both Snow and David, and how they'd both given him some incredibly helpful corrections on his form and where to hold his weight.</p><p>"Okay," she agreed, tilting her head toward the arena. "Show me what you got!"</p><p>David beamed at her before grabbing a longer and heavier sword for himself.</p><p>They stepped into the ring and Emma bounced eagerly from foot to foot as she waited for the countdown to begin. David just smiled and extended his sword to her.</p><p>Every time their swords, Emma could feel the strength that David seemed to hold just below the surface. She felt like she was putting her whole weight into her strikes and he seemingly had no problem holding her off.</p><p>But he wasn’t finishing the fight. It almost seemed like he was finding ways to get her to try and strike again, and that only made her more frustrated. She kept trying to change her tactics the way Whale had taught her to do, but David seemed ready for a perfectly well-timed block by the time she got there. <br/><br/>And still, he never lunged. <br/><br/>Finally, she saw an opening where she could duck in like she did during her spars with Whale and Killian. As soon as she led in with her right foot, David was right there, sweeping his leg underneath her. Emma crashed to the floor of the training ring and David gently tapped her with the sword.</p><p>He chuckled as the ring announced him as the winner of the spar.</p><p>“Good fight,” David told her, extending his arm. Rolling her eyes she took his arm and let him pull her up. “Look, I can give you some pointers if you want to improve,” he said gently. “That wasn’t a bad match at all.”</p><p>“Yeah, except for the part where you were holding back,” Mulan said dryly, leaning forward against the railing of the training ring. “The only thing she’s gonna learn from you is how to get herself killed.”</p><p>“I’ve got this, Mulan,” David replied, holding his hand out to Mulan to try and stop her from saying anything further. “It’s not the first time I’ve had to teach someone something, you know.”</p><p>“Yeah, and you’re not the only Hunger Games Victor here,” Mulan replied, still holding that dry tone of voice, but there was a lightness in it. “There’s more than one way to finish a fight.”</p><p>“Be my guest,” David said, holding his hands up in surrender. He started to hand the sword over to Mulan, but she shook her head, grabbing a pole.</p><p>Emma groaned, suddenly remembered Whale’s training in the back of the woods and how he’d chosen the stick specifically because he knew he didn’t need a weapon to knock her and Killian around. “Ugh, I’m going to get my butt kicked right now, aren’t I?” she asked.</p><p>“That’s mainly up to you,” Mulan pointed out with a little smirk. “Go on, come at me.”</p><p>Emma had only taken one step before she landed flat on her back with the pole on the center of her chest. Her cheeks turned a little pink as she looked up at Mulan, stunned and impressed at how quickly the other woman had knocked her out. There was a small smirk on Mulan’s face that reminded her of Whale’s when they were training back in the forest. “Not again,” she complained, thunking her head against the floor of the training center.</p><p>“Your eyes gave you away before you could ever attack,” Mulan told her, helping her up.</p><p>“I could’ve told her that!” David protested.</p><p>“You could’ve, but you didn’t, and not telling her wouldn’t have done her any good,” Mulan pointed out flatly, looking over her shoulder at David. Then she turned back to look at Emma, repositioning herself. “Now try again. Don’t aim for any one spot.”</p><p> Emma nodded, and was only able to get half a turn in before she landed flat on her stomach this time. She let out a grunt of frustration before getting back up. “Eyes again?” she asked, and Mulan nodded.</p><p>Before taking her next step, she stepped in a circle, her eyes never leaving Mulan’s. Then she stepped closer, raised her sword and then tried to strike. Mulan quickly blocked and almost immediately struck Emma again, sending Emma tumbling to her butt.</p><p>A crowd was beginning to form around them, but Emma wasn’t deterred. If anything, it motivated her to get it right so that she wouldn’t embarrass herself in front of all of them. “What happened that time?” she asked.</p><p>“Your swing is too wide,” Mulan said. “And it exposes your weak point and makes it easy for me to throw your entire balance off.” She looked Emma dead in the eye and added, “That sword is an extension of you. It is not your enemy and it is not a means to an end. Move with it like it’s part of you. It’s finishing your thoughts.”</p><p>“If only the sword could read my thoughts,” Emma muttered.</p><p>Mulan narrowed her eyes at Emma. “You are going to have to use your sword this year. You may have not really needed it last year, but I can guarantee you that you’re going to this year. And you better be prepared for it.”</p><p>Emma nodded grimly. “I’ll get it right this time,” she promised, moving her weight from knee to knee. She spun inward to use her shoulder as leverage to try and wedge the pole out of Mulan’s hand.  When Mulan’s grip on it slipped a little, Emma used the hilt of her sword to dislodge in the rest of the way, which sent the pole flying out of Mulan’s hand.<br/><br/>Mulan was no less vicious without a sword, lunging forward to try and take Emma’s out of her hand. But Emma spun the other way so that Mulan was grabbing at nothing. She sunk underneath Mulan and drove her elbow as hard as she could into Mulan’s solar plexus, sending Mulan sprawling to the floor.</p><p>Emma stood triumphantly over Mulan, and gently tapped her chest with the end of the sword. “How was that?” she asked, her eyes glimmering happily. She offered her hand to Mulan.</p><p>“Much better,” Mulan said, taking it and pulling herself up. “You learn quick. I can tell Whale didn’t teach you to use your body as a weapon as well. You clearly must’ve learned that from sparring with a different partner.” Her gaze flickered past them to Killian, who was watching Emma with pride and admiration in his eyes.</p><p>“Well, if the sword is an extension of my body then my body is an equally effective weapon,” Emma shrugged and she could’ve sworn she heard Mulan laugh a little bit.</p><p>“Please,” a voice scoffed. Arthur Pendragon, the other Tribute from District 3, had also been watching the sparring session. “She’s not learned anything that can be any sort of useful, especially not from another girl.”</p><p>Mulan rolled her eyes, clearly used to this kind of talk from Arthur, but Emma didn’t mind taking the bait this once. “Then why don’t you come in here and show me how it’s done?” Emma taunted, flourishing her sword. “Unless you’re scared?”</p><p>“It would be my pleasure,” Arthur growled, grabbing one of the other swords and stepping to the ring.</p><p>“Emma, I—” Mulan started, looking a little nervously between Arthur and Emma.</p><p>“Don’t worry,” David said from where he’d been watching. “She’s got this.”</p><p>Mulan stared at Emma apprehensively before barking out a, “Don’t you dare lose.” She left the ring and stood beside Killian.</p><p>Emma and Arthur began circling each other for a while. His eyes never left her face, but Emma saw his chest begin to turn, as indication that he was going to strike. Quick as anything, she slammed her sword into his side—what would’ve been a lethal blow had it actually been a real sword—before spinning around and striking his leg when he slipped. <br/><br/>Arthur crashed to his knees almost immediately and Emma stuck her sword under his chin so that Arthur was looking up at her.</p><p>“So,” Emma said with a smirk of her own. “What was that about not learning anything useful?”</p><p>“Beginner’s luck!” Arthur snarled, shoving her away as he stepped out of the ring, but he didn’t return for a rematch.</p><p>Mulan stared at her, absolutely slack jawed.</p><p>--</p><p>“Well, you two have made yourselves very popular,” Whale reported as he came in carrying a very large gift basket. “The gift baskets have been pouring in for both of you nonstop since your training session yesterday. I have it on good authority that Emma put on quite the show with her swordsmanship.”</p><p>“Who’s that from?” Emma asked, tilting her head toward the basket, as she munched on a piece of chocolate that came from one of the other gift baskets.</p><p>“Arthur Pendragon,” Whale read the name off the card.</p><p>“Hell no,” Emma and Killian said in unison.</p><p>Whale’s eyebrows shot up. “I take it you have it in mind who you want.”</p><p>“I want Mulan,” Emma said.</p><p>“That’s surprisingly practical of you, Emma,” Whale started.</p><p>“And I want Belle. And Killian. And Granny. And that’s it.”</p><p>“I see we got a little less practical at the end there,” Whale remarked. “Killian, what about you?”</p><p>“I also want Mulan,” Killian replied. “She’s a fierce lass and clearly knows what she’s doing. But I choose Snow, David, Robin, and Regina.”</p><p>“Regina?” Emma protested, putting her chocolate bar down. “No. No way. Why Regina?”</p><p>“Because Regina’s from District 1 and is the daughter of the Mayor in her District,” Killian said patiently. “Those will be the sponsors we can target for a greater advantage.”</p><p>“Yeah, or Regina will sell us out to the Career Pack the first chance she gets!” Emma grumbled, folding her arms over her chest.</p><p>“You’re not willing to trust Regina, but you’d trust Mulan, who—might I remind you—is just as eligible for the Career Pack?” Killian asked, raising his eyebrow at her.</p><p>“Yes!” Emma shot back. Killian’s nostrils flared as he forced himself to take a deep breath, and Emma took a deep breath too. “Sorry. I don’t mean to belittle your choice. I just…Regina gets under my skin. Plus, if we have Mulan and Regina, you and me? We might just be attracting too much attention to ourselves.”</p><p>“Did she just come up with a rational argument instead of screaming at you?” Whale asked, looking at Killian, his eyes practically bugging out of his head. “Teach me how to do that.” Emma threw him a withering scowl and he only laughed at her.</p><p>“Well, I can see you two still have a lot of discussing to do. I’ll just tell everyone you’re still deciding,” Whale chuckled. “I, for one, can’t wait to see the rest of these discussions.”</p><p>A muscle in Killian’s jaw ticked but he didn’t say anything else.</p>
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